How To: Orgasm?

[SweetSnaffle]

Right, just a quick check here....

It appears i cannot.

I *think* it has to do with my current medication.

But the thing is, i have been on this medication for so long, i havent ever experienced anything much before i was on it, so i cannot say for certain that the meds are the problem.

Is anyone else here on meds that put a stop to their efforts?


Its not for lack of trying mind you, but if i keep going, I just becomes numb. I seriously cannot feel a thing. If i attempt to go past that, i just end up feeling rather sore and miserable... which certainly isnt the point.


I'm pretty sure that ordinarily people dont just 'go numb' in the midst of lovemaking.


I am not trying to rely on vaginal orgasms, i figured that was probably a lost cause from the start (although you never know, still trying!) but to have your clit go numb is a real downer.

The BF is incredibly understanding and doesnt make my arrival the ultimate goal. He loves me to bits and is intent on pleasing me in every way he knows how, and he will try too, but yeah, he doesnt mention it, and he doesnt make me feel inferior or defective in any way....

however, i do feel slightly defective.
Only occasionally, but sometimes that feeling just pops up.

Am i alone on this?

Does this occur to anyone else? how did you finally get past it or how are you dealing with it?

 

[SweetErika]

Three suggestions...
1) I don't know what you're on, but check into the side effects of the meds for sure. Talk to your doctor because there may be something else s/he can prescribe without sexual side effects.

2) Sometimes taking a break from stimulation helps me a lot. It seems like I get into a state of hyperarousal and then I can't cum at all and as you described, it's a numb feeling. By taking a few minutes to pleasure your partner and calm down a little, everything will feel a lot better once you start up again.

3) This is the most important...RELAX! If you're concerned about not having an orgasm, I can almost guarantee you won't have one. So relax, clear all of those thoughts from your mind, and just focus on the feelings you're having. Forget about the orgasm and focus on pleasure. Talk to your bf and tell him that's going to be your focus from now on (sometimes our partners feel bad or like a failure when we don't cum, so talking is crucial).

You are not even slightly defective! This happens to all of us at one time or another. You're not alone, and you're perfectly normal. Check on the meds and relax, and you'll probably cum when you least expect it!

 

[grrrlieone]

I have been on medications that had that effect on me. One thing to try is first taking a relaxing shower. As hot as you can stand it. Make sure you get your clit nice and hot. It helps circulation which helps stimulation. When it's nice and hot, you should masturbate. Oral sex is really helpful if it's convenient at the moment.
If this doesn't work for you, let me know. I have a few more suggestions. Feel free to pm me if you have any questions about the meds or anything.


-Grrr

 

[SweetSnaffle]

Under "rare side effects" it does say 'in females, failure to achieve an orgasm'

Thanks for the support. In my head, i know that its ok, and that its not good to worry, and for the most part i dont, but sometimes i wish i could get there.

 

[Etoile]

I'm curious, will you share with us what meds you're on? Antidepressants are notorious for doing this, but I'm curious if there are other classes of drugs that are culprits too.

 

[SweetSnaffle]

They are antidepressants, Cipramil to be precise. Only on 20mg as its for brain function not depression. (i'm ditzy)


I have no other side effects from them although when i forget them for any length of time i get horny as all hell, its odd. Perhaps that could mean that they are affecting my libido in a negative way when i am on them..

So yes, its just those right now.

It says on the leaflet *reads from leaflet* that most symptoms only last a few weeks, but i have been on there for years, and well, its still not happening

does 'normal' function return when you come off them?


erg, i dont know how depressed people cope. What a way to make it worse!

 

[SweetErika]

In my experience, some of the side effects from anti-depressants go away after a few weeks when your body adjusts, but the sexual side effects do not go away, they may even get worse. But yes, when I stopped taking an anti-depressant, my libido and feelings returned to normal. I believe it takes about 6 weeks to get everything out of your system.
Would it be possible to talk to your doctor, maybe try going off of them for a few months, and see what happens? Just make sure you ask about tapering off vs. cold turkey (which can have some other nasty side effects). Maybe you could check into alternatives such as making lists and mental excercises to replace the drug? If your doc says it's ok, it might be worth a try...you can always go back on it in the future.

 

[SweetSnaffle]

unfortunately i have just been put back on them after about 5 weeks off them as my body was not handling it well on its own

More waiting time for me, but hey, you can be my light at the end of the tunnel!

Ta for the hope

 

[ReadyOne]

Short answer: yes.

Long answer: It really helps to have an evaluation done by an experienced practitioner, probably a MD psychiatrist.

Depression falls into many different patterns/categories and different drugs and drug combinations are preferred in dealing with one profile vs. another. Further, there are often different drug combinations that can be mix and matched for the same profile, so someone with experience might have a couple of different things to try that are expected to be effective for your particular situation.

Don't be afraid to get a second opinion; there are some people more gifted in recognizing what will work than others, plus they have seen more depressed patients and have a greater experience base than others.

 

[Etoile]

erg, i dont know how depressed people cope. What a way to make it worse!

Yeah, that does make it rough! For some people it kills their libido completely, so they don't want to have sex, which makes it slightly less of an issue. That's what happened to my gf for a few years. For me, though, it just kills my ability to have an orgasm, which means that I can get really frustrated but still not get relief! Which of course makes me want to cry even more. Round and round we go.

 

[SweetSnaffle]

Thanks guys

ReadyOne, I am actually on them to assist with my ME/CFS as some studies have shown that they do help with message transmission and something or other to do with my physical ability (they dont appear to help my memory! *lol*)
They also dramatically reduce my headaches and 'brainfog'

Although they do tend to have the added benefit of levelling out my moods, that wasnt the intended purpose.

So yes, I'm not depressed and sooky, i'm exhausted a fluffy-headed, but these drugs seem to help me anyway

(i have tried a few other drugs from different generations of SSRIs, but this had the least side effects.. actually, its just this one particular one.)

Geez, CFS and Sex, theres a whole other subject.


I am glad to know that i am not the only one stuck in this situation. Although i now feel rather sad that there are thousands of frustrated pill poppers out there, i'm happy to know that i am not defective

 

[ReadyOne]

For the record, the SSRIs aren't the only "new" drugs out there. There are several novel ones, some of which don't have much if any effect on serotonin (sp?).

I've seen at least 5, but Efexor and Webutrin are the 2 at the top of my head. Lilly has another, the name of which I forget, and has yet another coming available in Europe very shortly.

There are forms of depression where serotonin isn't the nuerotransmitter that needs to be tweaked.

I'm talking drugs here that are primarily considered anti-depressents. There are a lot more psycho active drugs (for example, anti-seizure medications) which are also used in treating depression.

And as SweetSnaffle observes, anti-depresents are used for other things too!

 

[shelleb4]

SSRI's are notorious for causing sexual dysfuntion. I think that if youve tried without and couldnt get passed the 5 week barrier, i would suggest, you did most of the hard work, but it takes weeks for your body to reajust. Cipramil is a course, 3,6,9,12 months, but for brain function, your really better off on Effexor. Anti convulsants can be used as mood stabilisers. But all of these drugs give you a lovely flat lining effect, only half alive.
Drugs are a definate option in depression, but they are just that, and option. Return to your GP and see if they will refer you for other types of treatment. In studies, cognitive behavioural therapy is at present coming out tops for treating depression.

Coming off a SSRI should be done under supervision of a medic, and should be one week every other day, second week - every third day, then stop. Wait 6 weeks to see how you are off them.
Use relaxation, distraction to get you through the withdrawing of them, as all the nasty side effects you suffered at the commence of the course will return, insomnia, anxiety etc. But you can get through these.

Good luck

 

[Etoile]

Wellbutrin was my ideal antidepressant. Not only did it handle my depression (I felt truly happy for the first time in a long time) but I could still have an orgasm! I wish I were still on it now.

Unfortunately, each drug is different for each person, so what was great for me might now work for others.