How to orgasm with him?

[Matienee]

I am finally with a man who cares if I orgasm or not.

I've been sexually active for 13 years and can get myself off just fine, but when you add someone else into the mix it is very hard for me to orgasm. I get so close but cannot get over that final leap.

Most of the men I've been with have not noticed(10+ partners), or I've faked it to appease them. I've often used sex to put distance between myself and who ever I was with.

With this man though I cannot, he knows and watches. He spent two hours tonight trying to make me orgasm listening to everything I said and watching how I reacted to every touch. He asked how to touch me, asked what he could do differently.

On my own I rarely orgasm with just my hands I need to use a vibrator. He said bring it along tonight when I see him, he wants nothing more then to see me orgasm whether or not he's directly involved or not.

So my how to question I guess is tips on how to just let go and enjoy it?

 

[thrity]

shower

did you ever take shower with your parters? sure you did, i believe.
i love huging my girl during showers, the water, the steam really works.
just do anything you want during showers.

 

[Bandit58]

Enjoy the journey - the orgasm is not the be all and end all of sex. I had to learn to relax and let go with a partner too. I first had a patient teacher who did not put pressure on me to orgasm, but encouraged me to enjoy my body and just relax and enjoy being pleasured.

If you put that pressure on yourself to orgasm, think too much about it, you will find it won't work. But if you just relax and enjoy what he does to you, you'll find that things will happen when you least expect it! Gil and I use toys to enhance sensations and he's found my gspot which has seemed to "connect my circuits" so I associate his touch with extreme pleasure. Within seconds of him touching me I'm dripping wet and I can have my first gspot orgasm in less than 5 minutes, and they just keep rolling over me in waves if he keeps up the stimulation. Never in my wildest dreams when I was younger did I ever think i'd be able to have multiple orgasms

 

[Quoll]

Matienee,
Hi and welcome to Lit.
What Bandit says is very true(Hi Bandit ), this can be very similar to erectile dysfunction in men, the more you try the less likely it is to happen.
You said your man is willing to just watch if need be, then let him watch, or help with part of it.
You need to be relaxed and comfortable with each other, don`t let his desire to see you orgasm, override everything else. If this is your special person then it will come when it is ready just have fun, let him tease and please, don`t worry about trying to orgasm for him, when you are ready it will come.

 

[cymbline]

You have crossed over two of the most difficult hurdles:

1. a good partner that cares for you (sounds like you have found)

2. communication (sounds like you have)



As stated by Quoll:

Matienee,
If this is your special person then it will come when it is ready just have fun, let him tease and please, don`t worry about trying to orgasm for him, when you are ready it will come.

 

[SweetErika]

I've had this issue too. For me, the problem is distraction, be it not being able to turn off my thoughts and fears that I'm taking too long and it won't happen, or that he'll change or do something that will "throw me off track." Some of the things that have helped:
-Masturbating with him in the bed with me (we gradually added him talking, touching areas that don't distract me, me touching him).

-Fantasizing. I've learned I don't NEED the fantasy to get off, but it replaces the self-defeating thoughts with something positive. I've also learned I can incorporate his actions into the fantasy, and they're not distracting anymore. Reading a story while he touches you or you masturbate can also be a good exercise. For fun, try reading a story on your own and just using your fingers so you get used to how it feels and what motions get you close or get you there.

-Relaxing and making pleasure, NOT orgasm, my goal. We try to make sure we have a few hours so time's not an issue, try new things, and explore. I also recognize that there are a ton of factors such as energy, stress, and hormones that play a role, and sometimes it just isn't going to happen right then...that's fine.

-Realizing my body is what it is, and there's nothing wrong with me. I'm never going to be one of those women who comes at the lick of a nipple, but that's okay. Also, the need for toys to orgasm doesn't make sex any less pleasureable or real. In short, we're all unique, and there's no right way to be or do.

-Taking breaks...if we've been at it for a few minutes and things aren't feeling as good as they did at first, we take a break from the stimulation. This is hard for me because I seem to think it'll prolong things, but I always come right after taking a break.

As others have said, communication and a great relationship is huge, but it sounds like you have that. Have fun!

 

[Matienee]

SweetErika you hit it all dead on! Everything you wrote I could have wrote!

I've never really worried about not being able to orgasm with my partners because I've always enjoyed what we've done. With him it's different, I would like to, I want too.

I enjoy each moment with him and each touch, everything is extremely pleasurable and he is amazing.

We are going to try toys tonight, he wants to watch me. I will be bringing old faithful along with me (Murray my lovely pink vibrator) and we will go from there.

The wonderful thing about this man is I've known him for 12 years, we have been attracted to each other for as long and we are wonderful friends but I still can't help but feel nervous around him at times. Like my body isn't good enough or that I'll disappoint him because we have waited so long to be together.

Thank you all for the positive feed back! I've been lurking here for awhile and it seems like a wonderful community! I'll probably be posting some more!

I'll let you all know how tonight goes!

 

[debjean2]

Have him read a few stories

This worked for a girlfriend and ME, so it should work for you. - - Have him/her read a few stories on Lit, done ask which ones he enjoys and dont read over his/Her shoulder.
Then take him to your favorite threads. Pictures are cool, but words hit the brain even more. For us we spent almost 30 minutes at the Slow Dancing with a Southeren Gentleman thread.

Then just have him/her laie back and get yourself in that zone when you pleasure yourself AND NO ONE IS AROUND

In 10 minutes she was licking me lick she had been doing this all her life.
It was GGGGGGGGGrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaTTTTTTTTTTT

good luck'
Deb

 

[sawman]

matienee sounds like you have a great guy there,that is half of the problem with not cumming i think,theres sex and sex with the right person and the longer your with them the better it gets.didnt think id ever say that, like most guys id sleep with anything on a night out now i know thats just a cheap thrill

 

[jacks_9204]

Re: Have him read a few stories

This worked for a girlfriend and ME, so it should work for you. - - Have him/her read a few stories on Lit, done ask which ones he enjoys and dont read over his/Her shoulder.
Then take him to your favorite threads. Pictures are cool, but words hit the brain even more. For us we spent almost 30 minutes at the Slow Dancing with a Southeren Gentleman thread.

Then just have him/her laie back and get yourself in that zone when you pleasure yourself AND NO ONE IS AROUND

In 10 minutes she was licking me lick she had been doing this all her life.
It was GGGGGGGGGrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaTTTTTTTTTTT

good luck'
Deb

I like the way Deb thinks

 

[TexasJay]

Take your time

Sounds like he's willing to give it time, so I would follow Erika's advice. Get comfortable with him; with him being around, and being there at the big mOment. Take the pressure off yourself. And good hunting!

 

[DarkWizard?]

Something that worked for my girlfriend is finding where your gspot is and then being on top so you can move until your guy is hitting the right place. This might take trying several different positions but once you hit it right you should know.

 

[Shagly]

You have to be in a comfortable position and be able to time yourselves, it takes some practice, I moan some and that can be a tool to use for both.

 

[lisasmurf]

where she go?

Matienee where you go too

we want hear how it go!
it been over a week

how to just let go and enjoy it..
found your G spot Mattienee

 

[morgothsmate]

Talking and communication has always helped me.
In a good relationship it should not be a problem.

 

[Matienee]

We ended up just getting together for coffee and to chat rather than do anything.

Last night though I introduced him to my vibrator. I came for him that way. It was amazing with him helping. We then proceeded to have alot of other fun.

Still working towards it, thinking of showing him the G-spot thread!

Thanks for asking!

I'm trying not to worry about it too much and reassure him that he doesn't need to either, that I enjoy everything we do and that it will happen without us both stressing over it.

 

[nycphoto]

Enjoy it, have him use a vibrator on you and enjoy it. If you want to pay him back suck him off till he comes in your mouth, if he likes that or offer him sex everyday.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Check out,

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=312116

and

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=312254

I've read of instances where a man or a woman can actually to use to one type of stimulation thus making it difficult to achieve orgasm in another way.

The key to getting out of that rutt involves imagination, patience and build up with your lover taking over to give your orgasm at the just the right moment. Once it's been done a few times, give or take, it becomes much easier.

Good luck.