wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
I'm going to miss George just like I do Rodney...
How to make people laugh
- Thread starter MagicFingers
- Start date
I'm going to miss George just like I do Rodney...
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
A father said, "Son, the object of dating is to SCORE! And to do that, you have to give the woman something. So when you pick up your date later, make sure you have some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get!"So, the son showed up for his date with flowers AND chocolates.She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against him and rubbed her fingers through his hair,.... hoping to give him the best kiss thathe had ever received. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door."Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away.""You didn't!" he replied. "I'm going out to get you some jewelry!"
Last edited:
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
John and Jill were about to go into his apartment and
before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a
minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he
unlocks his door."
John says, "Well, give me some examples."
Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if
a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door
hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that
isn't for me.
"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't
seem to find the hole, then that means he is
inexperienced and that isn't for me either."
Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"
John proceeds to say, "Well, first before I do
anything else, I lick the lock."
before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a
minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he
unlocks his door."
John says, "Well, give me some examples."
Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if
a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door
hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that
isn't for me.
"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't
seem to find the hole, then that means he is
inexperienced and that isn't for me either."
Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"
John proceeds to say, "Well, first before I do
anything else, I lick the lock."
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
The Lone Ranger is captured by Indians...
The Indian Chief proclaims, 'So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests.
What is your first request?'
The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse.'
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. 'You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?'
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. 'You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. 'What is your last request?'
The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse....alone.'
The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, ; 'Listen very carefully you dumb ass horse! For the last time . . . BRING POSSEE'!
The Indian Chief proclaims, 'So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests.
What is your first request?'
The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse.'
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. 'You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?'
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. 'You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. 'What is your last request?'
The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse....alone.'
The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, ; 'Listen very carefully you dumb ass horse! For the last time . . . BRING POSSEE'!
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
Facts about SEX
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."
- P. J. O Rourke
"Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing."
- Dick Brandon
"All pop music is about sex. Rock is about wanting to do it, jazz is about doing it, and country and western is about feeling guilty after you've done it."
- Robert Waldo Brunelle, Jr.
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."
- P. J. O Rourke
"Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing."
- Dick Brandon
"All pop music is about sex. Rock is about wanting to do it, jazz is about doing it, and country and western is about feeling guilty after you've done it."
- Robert Waldo Brunelle, Jr.
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic....
"Try to do it when the engine is running."
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic....
"Try to do it when the engine is running."
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
About this time of year I start thinking about the drive-in theaters
of my younger years. This is from the archives:
One of the fondest memories of childhood summer is Wed. nights at
the drive-in theatre. It was carload night or family night and a
carload cost a dollar instead of the usual 1.00 a person. In the
upholstered seats of a big old Buick or Mercury it was almost like
sitting at home on your couch and if you got restless there was a
playground under the screen with swings and a merry-go-round.
You could eat at the concessions stand but we always brought a large
bag of popcorn and sodas from home to save money. Lynnlynn told me
one time that her father brought his grill and would cook hotdogs
and if someone outside the family wanted one he would undersell the
concessions stand. Even though the theater made the bulk of its
sales on food items and not the tickets, the people that ran it were
members of the communities and friends and wanted everyone to have a
good time and it was good for business, if you treat your customers
right they will spend their money there later when their situation
improves.
Drive-in season here started just before school got out and went
full time when school got out. Light rain never dampened anyone's
spirits or stopped the films but thunderstorms warranted a rain
check that would get you in the next night. maybe that is where
that term came from, who knows? Later I remember they started
selling magnetic visors for a 1.50 that stuck to your roof and two
little poles that had suction cups on them. As long as there wasn't
a wind you could see the movie and actually use it more than once.
Maintenance on a drive-in wasn't much as once you had the dirt
mounded up and roads in place and your wiring laid the only
maintenance was clean up and painting the screen every few years.
Oh and I almost forgot the job of replacing the speakers that people
would forget to remove from their windows. Did you ever drive off
and forget to put the speaker back? I had friends who had several
in their trunk, can't remember if they were blond or not but
eventually they went to a little clip for your antenna and you tuned
your radio to a certain station. Sometimes the signal was so strong
you could listen as you were leaving the theater.
Enough memories for today, if you are leaving before the end of the
chips please leave you lights off until you exit the theater so you
don't disturb the other patrons. Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny paints a sign that reads:
"WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A DIME."
He tells his buddy Roy to get his wagon and both sit under a shade
tree in Johnny's front yard, waiting for business.
Kathy, across the street is not to be outdone, so she paints a
bigger
sign that reads:
"WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A NICKEL."
She tells her friend Nellie to get her wagon, and they both sit in
front of Kathy's yard.
Johnny's pissed. How dare that GIRL?
Then, a flash and Johnny hauls Roy across the street saying, "Let's
get some laughs."
"Say, Kathy, you move ANYTHING?"
"Give me a nickel and I'll prove it to you."
"Roy, give me your nickel!"
Johnny takes it and hands it to Kathy.
"What you want moved, boy?"
"Move my BOWELS!" Johnny said and starts laughing.
So Kathy kicked the shit out of him.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Hand Job Aid
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/01020518.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/01020518.htm "> Here!</a>
Freezing
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/01020515.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/01020515.htm "> Here!</a>
Come On In
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/01020514.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/01020514.htm "> Here!</a>
I Think It Is Called A Scale
http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20060708
<a href="http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20060708"> Here
</a>
Laughed His Ass Off
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<a href="http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20060709"> Here
</a>
Mae West Quote
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<a href="http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20060710"> Here
</a>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mini Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The convent had been presented with a new car, a red Mini Metro, the
pride of its breed. Sister Lucy, the only qualified driver, became
the chauffer. Every Saturday she would drive the Reverend Mother
into town for the shopping.
All went well until a holiday weekend when the town was so packed
with people and cars that it became evident that there was no
earthly
place to park.
"Don't worry, Reverend Mother," said Sister Lucy. "You go into the
supermarket and I'll drive around the block until you come out."
Off sped the car, and the Reverend Mother bustled around the store
shopping quickly, then rushing back to the curbside. There she
stood
for five minutes, ten, twenty. No sign of Sister Lucy. Where could
she be?
Eventually the Reverend Mother approached a patrolling policeman.
"Excuse me, Officer," she said. "Have you seen a nun in a red mini?"
"No," replied the officer, "but these days nothing would surprise
me!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nancy and Rita were always trying to get the other's goat and today
they were meeting for lunch together. Nancy noticed that Rita was
walking stiffly and asked what the problem was. Rita replied, "Oh
nothing. It's just that if my husband were any bigger I couldn't
take
it."
Nancy replied, "I know! I know!!!"
A man and his son are walkin' down the street, when they see a big
dog doin'the dirty with a small poodle.
The son asks the father, "Daddy, what are they doing???".
The man stumbles for a while, then calmly says, "Why, they're making
a puppy, son."
Later that evening during dinner, the wife is pressuring the man to
go 'upstairs' with her...so they do.
The son goes in his room and tries to fall asleep, but there just is
too much noise going on in the room next door. So he creeps out of
bed, goes in the hallway and opens the other room. There he sees
his mom laying on the bed on her back, totally naked, and his father
above her, hands on her thighs, etc. etc.
So the son asks, "Daddy, what are you doin'?".
Again, the man stumbles a little and says, "Why, we're makin' you a
little brother or sister, son."
So the boy goes, "Well, turn her over. I want a puppy!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an
older
priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple
confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the
confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub
your
chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest
suggests,
"Try
saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I understand. How did
you
feel about that?'" The new priest says those things. The old priest
says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than
slapping your knee and saying 'No shit?!? What happened next?'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman goes to her boyfriends parents house for dinner. This is to
be
her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all
sit
down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a
little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli
casserole.
The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other
choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty
little fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she
even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked
over
at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a
rather stern voice, "Skippy!!!"
The woman thought, 'This is great!' and a big smile came across her
face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain
again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and
longer
fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!!!"
Once
again the woman smiled and thought, 'yes!' A few minutes later the
woman
had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about
it.
She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"
Jim in Tenn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Or What Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to his doctor and tells him that his wife doesn't want to
have sex with him for the last 7 months. The doc tells the man to
bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes into the
doctors office and the doctor asks her what's wrong and why doesn't
she want to have sex with her husband anymore.
The wife tells him, "For the last 7 months every morning I take a
cab
to work. I don't have any moneyso the cab driver asks me, 'So are
you
going to pay today or what?' so I take a 'or what'. When I get to
work I'm late so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to write this
down in the book or what?' so I take a 'or what'. Back home again I
take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks
me again, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' so again I
take a 'or what'. So you see doc when I get home I'm all tired out,
and I don't want it any more."
The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says,
"So are we going to tell your husband or what?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wrecked Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was driving into the old historic section of town and found Tim,
one of the bartenders at The River City Grill curled up on a curb
alongside the road in tears.
I stopped the car and hollered over to him, "Hey, Tim, what the hell
happened to you?"
Wiping away his tears, he moaned, "Look at my new convertible!" He
pointed to a crashed car down the street, wrapped around a tree
trunk.
"Shit, man, don't cry. Get the insurance settlement and just buy
another car," I level-headedly advised.
"Look inside the car," Tim moaned.
After looking, I continued to console him. "Aww, dude, don't
worry!
You can always find another blonde."
Tim looked at me and wailed agonizingly, "Look inside her mouth!"
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
About this time of year I start thinking about the drive-in theaters
of my younger years. This is from the archives:
One of the fondest memories of childhood summer is Wed. nights at
the drive-in theatre. It was carload night or family night and a
carload cost a dollar instead of the usual 1.00 a person. In the
upholstered seats of a big old Buick or Mercury it was almost like
sitting at home on your couch and if you got restless there was a
playground under the screen with swings and a merry-go-round.
You could eat at the concessions stand but we always brought a large
bag of popcorn and sodas from home to save money. Lynnlynn told me
one time that her father brought his grill and would cook hotdogs
and if someone outside the family wanted one he would undersell the
concessions stand. Even though the theater made the bulk of its
sales on food items and not the tickets, the people that ran it were
members of the communities and friends and wanted everyone to have a
good time and it was good for business, if you treat your customers
right they will spend their money there later when their situation
improves.
Drive-in season here started just before school got out and went
full time when school got out. Light rain never dampened anyone's
spirits or stopped the films but thunderstorms warranted a rain
check that would get you in the next night. maybe that is where
that term came from, who knows? Later I remember they started
selling magnetic visors for a 1.50 that stuck to your roof and two
little poles that had suction cups on them. As long as there wasn't
a wind you could see the movie and actually use it more than once.
Maintenance on a drive-in wasn't much as once you had the dirt
mounded up and roads in place and your wiring laid the only
maintenance was clean up and painting the screen every few years.
Oh and I almost forgot the job of replacing the speakers that people
would forget to remove from their windows. Did you ever drive off
and forget to put the speaker back? I had friends who had several
in their trunk, can't remember if they were blond or not but
eventually they went to a little clip for your antenna and you tuned
your radio to a certain station. Sometimes the signal was so strong
you could listen as you were leaving the theater.
Enough memories for today, if you are leaving before the end of the
chips please leave you lights off until you exit the theater so you
don't disturb the other patrons. Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Simply apply ARM & HAMMER Whitening Booster gel on top of your
toothpaste and then brush your teeth. You'll have whiter teeth in no
time, and with no mess.
Buy Now and Receive:
2 ARM & HAMMER Whitening Boosters
1 ARM & HAMMER Advance White Brilliant Sparkle Toothpaste (4.3 oz)
1 SpinBrush Classic Clean Toothbrush
1 SpinBrush Travel Case
2 ARM & HAMMER Advance White Brilliant Sparkle Toothpaste (Travel
Size)
All for just $19.99!
http://buffaloschips.com/arm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny paints a sign that reads:
"WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A DIME."
He tells his buddy Roy to get his wagon and both sit under a shade
tree in Johnny's front yard, waiting for business.
Kathy, across the street is not to be outdone, so she paints a
bigger
sign that reads:
"WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A NICKEL."
She tells her friend Nellie to get her wagon, and they both sit in
front of Kathy's yard.
Johnny's pissed. How dare that GIRL?
Then, a flash and Johnny hauls Roy across the street saying, "Let's
get some laughs."
"Say, Kathy, you move ANYTHING?"
"Give me a nickel and I'll prove it to you."
"Roy, give me your nickel!"
Johnny takes it and hands it to Kathy.
"What you want moved, boy?"
"Move my BOWELS!" Johnny said and starts laughing.
So Kathy kicked the shit out of him.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Hand Job Aid
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/01020518.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/01020518.htm "> Here!</a>
Freezing
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/01020515.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/01020515.htm "> Here!</a>
Come On In
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/01020514.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/01020514.htm "> Here!</a>
I Think It Is Called A Scale
http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20060708
<a href="http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20060708"> Here
</a>
Laughed His Ass Off
http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20060709
<a href="http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20060709"> Here
</a>
Mae West Quote
http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20060710
<a href="http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20060710"> Here
</a>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mini Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The convent had been presented with a new car, a red Mini Metro, the
pride of its breed. Sister Lucy, the only qualified driver, became
the chauffer. Every Saturday she would drive the Reverend Mother
into town for the shopping.
All went well until a holiday weekend when the town was so packed
with people and cars that it became evident that there was no
earthly
place to park.
"Don't worry, Reverend Mother," said Sister Lucy. "You go into the
supermarket and I'll drive around the block until you come out."
Off sped the car, and the Reverend Mother bustled around the store
shopping quickly, then rushing back to the curbside. There she
stood
for five minutes, ten, twenty. No sign of Sister Lucy. Where could
she be?
Eventually the Reverend Mother approached a patrolling policeman.
"Excuse me, Officer," she said. "Have you seen a nun in a red mini?"
"No," replied the officer, "but these days nothing would surprise
me!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Protect Your Loved Ones Today!
Buy up to $500,000 of Term Life Insurance quick and easy!
No Medical Exam - Just a few health questions
Get Your FREE Quote Now! Click Here:
http://buffaloschips.com/life
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nancy and Rita were always trying to get the other's goat and today
they were meeting for lunch together. Nancy noticed that Rita was
walking stiffly and asked what the problem was. Rita replied, "Oh
nothing. It's just that if my husband were any bigger I couldn't
take
it."
Nancy replied, "I know! I know!!!"
A man and his son are walkin' down the street, when they see a big
dog doin'the dirty with a small poodle.
The son asks the father, "Daddy, what are they doing???".
The man stumbles for a while, then calmly says, "Why, they're making
a puppy, son."
Later that evening during dinner, the wife is pressuring the man to
go 'upstairs' with her...so they do.
The son goes in his room and tries to fall asleep, but there just is
too much noise going on in the room next door. So he creeps out of
bed, goes in the hallway and opens the other room. There he sees
his mom laying on the bed on her back, totally naked, and his father
above her, hands on her thighs, etc. etc.
So the son asks, "Daddy, what are you doin'?".
Again, the man stumbles a little and says, "Why, we're makin' you a
little brother or sister, son."
So the boy goes, "Well, turn her over. I want a puppy!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TRY A SAMPLE* - FREE Kaboom NeverScrub! Plus Refill!
====================================
Never Scrub your toilet bowl again. Finally you can
throw away that dirty toilet scrubber brush, and enjoy
up to 6 MONTHS of a scrub free toilet.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an
older
priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple
confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the
confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub
your
chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest
suggests,
"Try
saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I understand. How did
you
feel about that?'" The new priest says those things. The old priest
says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than
slapping your knee and saying 'No shit?!? What happened next?'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman goes to her boyfriends parents house for dinner. This is to
be
her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all
sit
down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a
little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli
casserole.
The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other
choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty
little fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she
even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked
over
at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a
rather stern voice, "Skippy!!!"
The woman thought, 'This is great!' and a big smile came across her
face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain
again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and
longer
fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!!!"
Once
again the woman smiled and thought, 'yes!' A few minutes later the
woman
had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about
it.
She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"
Jim in Tenn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Or What Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to his doctor and tells him that his wife doesn't want to
have sex with him for the last 7 months. The doc tells the man to
bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes into the
doctors office and the doctor asks her what's wrong and why doesn't
she want to have sex with her husband anymore.
The wife tells him, "For the last 7 months every morning I take a
cab
to work. I don't have any moneyso the cab driver asks me, 'So are
you
going to pay today or what?' so I take a 'or what'. When I get to
work I'm late so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to write this
down in the book or what?' so I take a 'or what'. Back home again I
take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks
me again, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' so again I
take a 'or what'. So you see doc when I get home I'm all tired out,
and I don't want it any more."
The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says,
"So are we going to tell your husband or what?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Wrecked Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was driving into the old historic section of town and found Tim,
one of the bartenders at The River City Grill curled up on a curb
alongside the road in tears.
I stopped the car and hollered over to him, "Hey, Tim, what the hell
happened to you?"
Wiping away his tears, he moaned, "Look at my new convertible!" He
pointed to a crashed car down the street, wrapped around a tree
trunk.
"Shit, man, don't cry. Get the insurance settlement and just buy
another car," I level-headedly advised.
"Look inside the car," Tim moaned.
After looking, I continued to console him. "Aww, dude, don't
worry!
You can always find another blonde."
Tim looked at me and wailed agonizingly, "Look inside her mouth!"
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
Bran Muffins
The couple were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.
Though not young they were both in very good health largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing, remember, this is your reward in Heaven".
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. "What are the green fees?" grumbled the old man.
"This is heaven, St. Peter replied. You can play for free every day."
Next they went to the Club House and saw the lavish buffet lunch laid out before them, from seafood to steak to exotic deserts, and free flowing beverages.
"Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man. This all free for you to enjoy."
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where are the low fat, low cholesterol foods and decaffeinated tea?" he asked.
"That's the best part" St. Peter replied. "You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!"
The old man pushed "No gym to work out at?"
"Not unless you want to" was the answer.
"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..."
"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself".
The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your Bran Muffins. We could have been here ten years ago".
The couple were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.
Though not young they were both in very good health largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing, remember, this is your reward in Heaven".
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. "What are the green fees?" grumbled the old man.
"This is heaven, St. Peter replied. You can play for free every day."
Next they went to the Club House and saw the lavish buffet lunch laid out before them, from seafood to steak to exotic deserts, and free flowing beverages.
"Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man. This all free for you to enjoy."
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where are the low fat, low cholesterol foods and decaffeinated tea?" he asked.
"That's the best part" St. Peter replied. "You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!"
The old man pushed "No gym to work out at?"
"Not unless you want to" was the answer.
"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..."
"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself".
The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your Bran Muffins. We could have been here ten years ago".
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2003
- Posts
- 269,162
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2003
- Posts
- 269,162
True Redneck Tank Top!
This was taken in front of the Gardendale, Alabama, Walmart while she was going to the Flea market.
http://www.literacyrules.com/Literotica/F/redneck-tanktop.jpg
This was taken in front of the Gardendale, Alabama, Walmart while she was going to the Flea market.
http://www.literacyrules.com/Literotica/F/redneck-tanktop.jpg
MagicFingers
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2003
- Posts
- 2,373
That tank top is great
Smells just like Bubba's butt...
And yeah, that girl on the beach is in trouble!
She was Soooooooo Blonde . . .
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote
Sagittarius."
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said
Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left,"
she turned around and went home.
She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes
In Front."
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
Smells just like Bubba's butt...
And yeah, that girl on the beach is in trouble!
She was Soooooooo Blonde . . .
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote
Sagittarius."
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said
Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left,"
she turned around and went home.
She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes
In Front."
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2003
- Posts
- 269,162
Smells just like Bubba's butt...
And yeah, that girl on the beach is in trouble!
She was Soooooooo Blonde . . .
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote
Sagittarius."
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said
Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left,"
she turned around and went home.
She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes
In Front."
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
I taught her!
No matter how many times I've heard a couple of those, they are still funny. Some I heard a long time ago but some are new.
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
Subject: Estate Planning......
Bart was a single guy living at home with his widowed father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to gain some financial knowledge and also a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. Afterwards he approached her, "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men!!!!!
Bart was a single guy living at home with his widowed father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to gain some financial knowledge and also a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. Afterwards he approached her, "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men!!!!!
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2003
- Posts
- 269,162
Never Let Your Mother In Law Do The Wedding Invitation
http://www.literacyrules.com/Literotica/TH/invitation.jpg
http://www.literacyrules.com/Literotica/TH/invitation.jpg
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
A friend was complaining that her boyfriend would
not say "I love you," even if explicitly asked to
do so. The only exception, she said, was when
they were in fact in the act of making love.
Then, if asked, he would say the sacred words.
I suggested that she should not take too much
comfort in the exception. When making love, I
explained, men will say anything. "He'd tell you
he's the Easter Bunny if that's what he thinks
you want to hear," I told her.
The conversation rattled on from there.
A couple of weeks later, she related the
following. "We were in bed, making love and I
said, 'Tell me you love me'."
He said, "I love you."
I said, "Tell me you're the Easter Bunny."
He stopped for a second, and said, "I'm the Easter Bunny."
"So I slapped him."
not say "I love you," even if explicitly asked to
do so. The only exception, she said, was when
they were in fact in the act of making love.
Then, if asked, he would say the sacred words.
I suggested that she should not take too much
comfort in the exception. When making love, I
explained, men will say anything. "He'd tell you
he's the Easter Bunny if that's what he thinks
you want to hear," I told her.
The conversation rattled on from there.
A couple of weeks later, she related the
following. "We were in bed, making love and I
said, 'Tell me you love me'."
He said, "I love you."
I said, "Tell me you're the Easter Bunny."
He stopped for a second, and said, "I'm the Easter Bunny."
"So I slapped him."
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
While shopping in a store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer,
wine, and
liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.
The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have
one, but
that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it. The first nun
replied
that she would handle that without problem. She picked up a six-pack
and
took it to the cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look, so the nun said, "This is for
washing our
hair." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the
counter and
put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer. "The
curlers are
on me."
wine, and
liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.
The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have
one, but
that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it. The first nun
replied
that she would handle that without problem. She picked up a six-pack
and
took it to the cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look, so the nun said, "This is for
washing our
hair." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the
counter and
put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer. "The
curlers are
on me."
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2003
- Posts
- 269,162
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In
order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to
purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I
decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul
it home.'
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides
she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no
less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her
sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram
to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her
to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul
it home.'
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then
adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull,
the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one
word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send
her the word 'comfortable.'
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you
want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to
haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word
'comfortable?'
The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big.
She'll read it very slowly....
'com-for-da-bul.'
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In
order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to
purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I
decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul
it home.'
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides
she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no
less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her
sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram
to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her
to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul
it home.'
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then
adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull,
the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one
word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send
her the word 'comfortable.'
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you
want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to
haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word
'comfortable?'
The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big.
She'll read it very slowly....
'com-for-da-bul.'
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
I became confused when I heard these terms which reference the word "service".
Internal Revenue "Service"
U.S. Postal "Service"
Telephone "Service"
Television "Service"
Civil "Service"
City & County Public "Service"
Customer "Service"
and "Service" Stations
Today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service" a few cows.
Then it all came into perspective.
I now understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.
Internal Revenue "Service"
U.S. Postal "Service"
Telephone "Service"
Television "Service"
Civil "Service"
City & County Public "Service"
Customer "Service"
and "Service" Stations
Today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service" a few cows.
Then it all came into perspective.
I now understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
Aboard the USS TARAWA for six months, my brother Don posted a picture of his beloved truck in his locker. Since his fellow Marineshad pictures of their girlfriends posted, they often ridiculed him for his object of adoration. "Laugh all you want," Don told them."At least my truck will still be there when I get home."
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
An actual letter to the passport office.
Dear Bureaucrats:
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date? For crying out loud, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have on my social security card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times. Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert
and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!
I apologize; I'm just really upset this morning. Between you an' me, I've
had enough of this crap - just look at the incredible lack of common sense here!
You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my address!! What the hell is going on? You must have a gang of Neanderthals working there! Just look at
my picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for
crying out loud. I just want to go and park my butt on a sandy beach.
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a crap whether I plan
on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something
weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell
anyone! Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the freaking city and get another copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60.
And that brings up another point. Would it be so complicated to have all
the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the
same day?? Nooooo, that'd be too darn easy and maybe makes sense. You'd rather
have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then
find some dork to confirm that it's really me on the picture - you know, the one
where we're not allowed to smile?! ( freakin' morons) Hey, you know why we can't smile?
We're totally pissed off!
Signed - An Irate Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to
confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 . I
have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had security
clearances up the ying yang.
However, I have to get someone "important" to
verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor... WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST CHINA!!
Sincerely,
You Sure Should Know Who.
Dear Bureaucrats:
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date? For crying out loud, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have on my social security card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times. Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert
and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!
I apologize; I'm just really upset this morning. Between you an' me, I've
had enough of this crap - just look at the incredible lack of common sense here!
You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my address!! What the hell is going on? You must have a gang of Neanderthals working there! Just look at
my picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for
crying out loud. I just want to go and park my butt on a sandy beach.
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a crap whether I plan
on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something
weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell
anyone! Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the freaking city and get another copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60.
And that brings up another point. Would it be so complicated to have all
the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the
same day?? Nooooo, that'd be too darn easy and maybe makes sense. You'd rather
have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then
find some dork to confirm that it's really me on the picture - you know, the one
where we're not allowed to smile?! ( freakin' morons) Hey, you know why we can't smile?
We're totally pissed off!
Signed - An Irate Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to
confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 . I
have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had security
clearances up the ying yang.
However, I have to get someone "important" to
verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor... WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST CHINA!!
Sincerely,
You Sure Should Know Who.
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