grungalunga
Literotica Guru
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- Aug 11, 2003
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why did god create woman?
those dishes arent going to clean themselves!
(just joking Madame X)
those dishes arent going to clean themselves!
(just joking Madame X)
How to make people laugh
- Thread starter MagicFingers
- Start date
Quoll
Area 25
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Book Humour,mmmmmm goooood
Index Liberis Prohibitorum - Index of Forbidden Books for Children
The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Dad's New Wife Robert
Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share
The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
The Little Sissy Who Snitched
The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
Some Kittens Can Fly
Strangers Have the Best Candy
Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
Whining, Kicking, and Crying to Get Your Way
Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
You Were an Accident
Your Nightmares Are Real
You're Different, and That's Bad
Index Liberis Prohibitorum - Index of Forbidden Books for Children
The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Dad's New Wife Robert
Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share
The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
The Little Sissy Who Snitched
The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
Some Kittens Can Fly
Strangers Have the Best Candy
Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
Whining, Kicking, and Crying to Get Your Way
Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
You Were an Accident
Your Nightmares Are Real
You're Different, and That's Bad
Xectxny19X
The Dark Angel
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- Jan 10, 2005
- Posts
- 2,103
grungalunga said:
*throws the plate at someone's head* funny...very funny...*sticks tongue out*
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
smoothdevil
devilishnice
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- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
Saucyminx said:
LMAOF
JustSkye
Gatinha
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2003
- Posts
- 45,537
something to post before I head off to bed
Prince Charles was driving around his mother's estate when he accidentally
ran over her favorite dog, a corgi, crushing it to a pulp.
He got out of his Range Rover and sat down on the grass totally distraught.
The whole world was against him and now his mother would go ballistic.
Suddenly he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, polished
it and immediately a genie appeared.
'You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment,' said the
genie. 'As a reward I shall grant you one wish.'
'Well,' said the Prince, 'I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this dog.'
They walk over to the splattered remains of the dog. 'Do you think
you could bring this dog back to life for me?' the Prince asked.
The genie carefully looked at the remains and shook his head. 'This body is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Is there something else you would like?'
The Prince thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out
two photos. 'I was married to this beautiful woman called Diana,' said Prince
Charles, showing the genie the first photo. 'But now I love this woman called Camilla,' and he showed the genie the second photo.
'You see Camilla isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can make
Camilla as beautiful as Diana?'
The genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said,
'Let's have a look at that dog again.'
Prince Charles was driving around his mother's estate when he accidentally
ran over her favorite dog, a corgi, crushing it to a pulp.
He got out of his Range Rover and sat down on the grass totally distraught.
The whole world was against him and now his mother would go ballistic.
Suddenly he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, polished
it and immediately a genie appeared.
'You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment,' said the
genie. 'As a reward I shall grant you one wish.'
'Well,' said the Prince, 'I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this dog.'
They walk over to the splattered remains of the dog. 'Do you think
you could bring this dog back to life for me?' the Prince asked.
The genie carefully looked at the remains and shook his head. 'This body is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Is there something else you would like?'
The Prince thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out
two photos. 'I was married to this beautiful woman called Diana,' said Prince
Charles, showing the genie the first photo. 'But now I love this woman called Camilla,' and he showed the genie the second photo.
'You see Camilla isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can make
Camilla as beautiful as Diana?'
The genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said,
'Let's have a look at that dog again.'
JustSkye
Gatinha
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2003
- Posts
- 45,537
This has been a public service message for Women to better understand Men
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia has set in. The AAA is not an option. I will win.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest......like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia has set in. The AAA is not an option. I will win.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest......like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
Xectxny19X
The Dark Angel
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- Jan 10, 2005
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VermilionSkye said:
The genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said,
'Let's have a look at that dog again.'
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
omg...those are funny!
Quoll
Area 25
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- Oct 17, 2004
- Posts
- 10,886
Payback
What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man? Answer: "Lazy."
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
A whine and cheese party
What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man? Answer: "Lazy."
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
A whine and cheese party
Quoll
Area 25
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2004
- Posts
- 10,886
The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman
#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for
when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a
backup.
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of
ammo.
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look
fat?"
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you
use it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for
when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a
backup.
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of
ammo.
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look
fat?"
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you
use it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
Quoll
Area 25
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- Oct 17, 2004
- Posts
- 10,886
It was on the internet, it must be true.
World records that you wont find in the Guinness Book of Records...
MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED
Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.
LONGEST PUBES
Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her vagina.
MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH
Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina.
ZITS
In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of 7ft 1inch.
WORST DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm very recently attained bull
semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'Cunt Pump'.
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. Healso hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.
LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms
in his state.
MOST PROLONGED FART
Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.
World records that you wont find in the Guinness Book of Records...
MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED
Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.
LONGEST PUBES
Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her vagina.
MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH
Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina.
ZITS
In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of 7ft 1inch.
WORST DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm very recently attained bull
semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'Cunt Pump'.
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. Healso hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.
LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms
in his state.
MOST PROLONGED FART
Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.
grungalunga
Literotica Guru
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- Aug 11, 2003
- Posts
- 1,204
A traveler goes into an african village to befriend the tribe. The tribal leader asks the man to play the village's version of russian roulette.
5 beautiful woman kneel before the traveler and the leader says he has to pick one of these women to get a blowjob from. The traveler is confused and asks how this is like russian roulette.
The leader tells him, "one of the women is a cannibal"
5 beautiful woman kneel before the traveler and the leader says he has to pick one of these women to get a blowjob from. The traveler is confused and asks how this is like russian roulette.
The leader tells him, "one of the women is a cannibal"
Saucyminx
High heels and attitude
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2005
- Posts
- 6,251
A virile, young Italian gentleman was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk,they retired to his bedroom and made love.
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile,"So...you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned and admitted, "No."
Surprised, the young man reached for her and the love making resumed.
This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The lovemaking ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks, "You finish?"
And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No! I Danish."
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile,"So...you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned and admitted, "No."
Surprised, the young man reached for her and the love making resumed.
This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The lovemaking ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks, "You finish?"
And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No! I Danish."
Saucyminx
High heels and attitude
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2005
- Posts
- 6,251
and then. . .
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
Xectxny19X
The Dark Angel
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- Jan 10, 2005
- Posts
- 2,103
Saucyminx said:
roflmao!!!!!!!! GOOD ONE!
Saucyminx
High heels and attitude
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- Jan 23, 2005
- Posts
- 6,251
thanks!
and one for you too
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened...but then they danced for the second song too, and the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.
A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail.
In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened. ''Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.''
''That must have hurt,'' said the judge.
''No kidding,'' said the best man. ''I broke three of my fingers.''
and one for you too
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened...but then they danced for the second song too, and the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.
A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail.
In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened. ''Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.''
''That must have hurt,'' said the judge.
''No kidding,'' said the best man. ''I broke three of my fingers.''
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
The Cardiologist's Funeral
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following
the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart
then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral...
I'm a gynecologist."
That's when the proctologist fainted.
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following
the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart
then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral...
I'm a gynecologist."
That's when the proctologist fainted.
grungalunga
Literotica Guru
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- Aug 11, 2003
- Posts
- 1,204
Xectxny19X said:*throws the plate at someone's head* funny...very funny...*sticks tongue out*
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
Got another one for ya pumpkin!!!
What have you done wrong if your woman comes out of the kitchen to yell at you?
You made her chain too long
(I think pumpkin and C are going to hop on a plane, come down here, and kick my ass now)
Munachi
Sumaq Sipas
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- Feb 22, 2005
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- 10,456
Munachi
Sumaq Sipas
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- Feb 22, 2005
- Posts
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why can't women ski?
because there is no snow between kitchen and bedroom.
why are women's feet shorter than men's?
it is an evolutionary thing, so they can get closer to the kitchen sink.
if your wife yells for you to open the door from the front door, and your dog barks to be let in at the back door, whom do you let into the house first?
the dog, at least he's gonna shut up once he's in the house.
because there is no snow between kitchen and bedroom.
why are women's feet shorter than men's?
it is an evolutionary thing, so they can get closer to the kitchen sink.
if your wife yells for you to open the door from the front door, and your dog barks to be let in at the back door, whom do you let into the house first?
the dog, at least he's gonna shut up once he's in the house.
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
Munachi said:
LMAO............. i sent this to a few of my l/f ... lol ... maybe they won't be after ... lol
JustSkye
Gatinha
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2003
- Posts
- 45,537
Skippy!!!
A WOMAN GOES TO HER BOYFRIENDS' PARENTS' HOUSE FOR EASTER DINNER.
THIS IS TO BE HER FIRST TIME MEETING THE FAMILY, AND SHE IS VERY NERVOUS.THEY ALL SIT DOWN AND BEGIN EATING A FINE MEAL. THE WOMAN IS BEGINNING TO FEEL A LITTLE DISCOMFORT, THANKS TO HER NERVOUSNESS AND THE BROCCOLI CASSEROLE. THE GAS PAINS ARE ALMOST MAKING HER EYES WATER.
LEFT WITH NO OTHER CHOICE, SHE DECIDES TO RELIEVE HERSELF A BIT AND
LETS OUT A DAINTY FART. IT WASN'T LOUD, BUT EVERYONE AT THE TABLE HEARD THE POOF. BEFORE SHE EVEN HAD A CHANCE TO BE EMBARRASSED, HER BOYFRIEND'S FATHER LOOKED OVER! AT THE DOG THAT HAD BEEN SNOOZING UNDER THE WOMAN'S CHAIR, AND SAID IN A RATHER STERN VOICE, "SKIPPY!"
THE WOMAN THOUGHT, "THIS IS GREAT!" AND A BIG SMILE CAME ACROSS HER FACE.
A COUPLE OF MINUTES LATER, SHE WAS BEGINNING TO FEEL THE PAIN AGAIN.THIS TIME, SHE DIDN'T EVEN HESITATE. SHE LET A MUCH LOUDER AND LONGER RRRRIIIP. THE FATHER AGAIN LOOKED AND THE DOG AND YELLED, "DAMN IT SKIPPY!"
ONCE AGAIN THE WOMAN SMILED AND THOUGHT "YES!". A FEW MINUTES LATER THE WOMAN HAD TO LET ANOTHER RIP. THIS TIME SHE DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
SHE LET RIP A FART THAT RIVALED A TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING. ONCE AGAIN, THE FATHER LOOKED AT THE DOG WITH DISGUST AND YELLED,"DAMMIT SKIPPY, GET AWAY FROM HER, BEFORE SHE SHITS ON YOU!"
sorry for the caps... it was sent that way and I was too tired to edit
A WOMAN GOES TO HER BOYFRIENDS' PARENTS' HOUSE FOR EASTER DINNER.
THIS IS TO BE HER FIRST TIME MEETING THE FAMILY, AND SHE IS VERY NERVOUS.THEY ALL SIT DOWN AND BEGIN EATING A FINE MEAL. THE WOMAN IS BEGINNING TO FEEL A LITTLE DISCOMFORT, THANKS TO HER NERVOUSNESS AND THE BROCCOLI CASSEROLE. THE GAS PAINS ARE ALMOST MAKING HER EYES WATER.
LEFT WITH NO OTHER CHOICE, SHE DECIDES TO RELIEVE HERSELF A BIT AND
LETS OUT A DAINTY FART. IT WASN'T LOUD, BUT EVERYONE AT THE TABLE HEARD THE POOF. BEFORE SHE EVEN HAD A CHANCE TO BE EMBARRASSED, HER BOYFRIEND'S FATHER LOOKED OVER! AT THE DOG THAT HAD BEEN SNOOZING UNDER THE WOMAN'S CHAIR, AND SAID IN A RATHER STERN VOICE, "SKIPPY!"
THE WOMAN THOUGHT, "THIS IS GREAT!" AND A BIG SMILE CAME ACROSS HER FACE.
A COUPLE OF MINUTES LATER, SHE WAS BEGINNING TO FEEL THE PAIN AGAIN.THIS TIME, SHE DIDN'T EVEN HESITATE. SHE LET A MUCH LOUDER AND LONGER RRRRIIIP. THE FATHER AGAIN LOOKED AND THE DOG AND YELLED, "DAMN IT SKIPPY!"
ONCE AGAIN THE WOMAN SMILED AND THOUGHT "YES!". A FEW MINUTES LATER THE WOMAN HAD TO LET ANOTHER RIP. THIS TIME SHE DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
SHE LET RIP A FART THAT RIVALED A TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING. ONCE AGAIN, THE FATHER LOOKED AT THE DOG WITH DISGUST AND YELLED,"DAMMIT SKIPPY, GET AWAY FROM HER, BEFORE SHE SHITS ON YOU!"
sorry for the caps... it was sent that way and I was too tired to edit
JustSkye
Gatinha
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- Aug 16, 2003
- Posts
- 45,537
The Red Spot
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot on their foreheads.
Like many others, I often wondered why they did it. I was under the impression it had something to do with the womens' religion. However, I found out otherwise when the matter was cleared up by the Indian Embassy in Washington D.C.
The red spot has to do with wedding vows. When one of these women gets married, it is customary that she brings her husband a dowry. So, their wedding night, the husband scratches off the red spot to see if he has won either a convenience store, gas station, donut shop or motel in the United States.
Don't say I haven't been keeping up on my ethnic studies!
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot on their foreheads.
Like many others, I often wondered why they did it. I was under the impression it had something to do with the womens' religion. However, I found out otherwise when the matter was cleared up by the Indian Embassy in Washington D.C.
The red spot has to do with wedding vows. When one of these women gets married, it is customary that she brings her husband a dowry. So, their wedding night, the husband scratches off the red spot to see if he has won either a convenience store, gas station, donut shop or motel in the United States.
Don't say I haven't been keeping up on my ethnic studies!
grungalunga
Literotica Guru
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- Aug 11, 2003
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Q. Why was the woman crossing the road?
A. Who cares! What's she doing out of the kitchen?
A. Who cares! What's she doing out of the kitchen?
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