How to make people laugh

[Quoll]

English any one?

If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak
fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely
language we share is only for the brave.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind up the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

 

[babydoll2u]

English any one?

If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak
fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely
language we share is only for the brave.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind up the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

LOL.....good ones!

 

[Quoll]

Hello,


A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him
something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus,
drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass
window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the
driver
said, Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of
me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't
realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which
the
driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my
first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25
years.

 

[SkyyAngel]

Why I don't miss working fast-food....

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/bk_911_tape.mp3

 

[smoothdevil]

Hello,


A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him
something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus,
drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass
window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the
driver
said, Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of
me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't
realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which
the
driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my
first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25
years.

lol lol ... a gem

 

[smoothdevil]

Subject: lawyers

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the drivers side.

The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can not believe how materialistic you lawyers are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex!"

 

[Quoll]

Subject: lawyers

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the drivers side.

The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can not believe how materialistic you lawyers are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex!"

PML , "sorry "D""

 

[Quoll]

could be a repeat but..........

I like it anyway.

Wanted.......

 

[Quoll]

NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN ONLY!!!

Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will
accept a maximum of eight participants each. Sign up early and
get a discount on registration.


1. HOW TO FILL ICE-CUBE TRAYS:
Step by step with slide presentation.


2. TOILET PAPER: DOES IT GROW ON THE HOLDERS?:
Roundtable discussion.


3. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY BASKET AND THE FLOOR.
Practicing with hamper. Pictures and graphics.


4. THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among panel of experts.


5. LOSS OF VIRILITY: LOSING THE REMOTE CONTROL TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
Help line and support groups.


6. LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE:
Open forum.


7. HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH:
PowerPoint presentation.


8. REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST:
Real-life testimonial from the one man who did.


9. IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation.


10. LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR
WIFE:
Online class and role playing.


11. HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION: Relaxation exercises,
meditation and breathing techniques.


12. REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND
CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE:
Bring your calendar or PDA to class.


13. GETTING OVER IT. LEARNING TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME:
Individual counselors available.

 

[smoothdevil]

NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN ONLY!!!

Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will
accept a maximum of eight participants each. Sign up early and
get a discount on registration.


1. HOW TO FILL ICE-CUBE TRAYS:
Step by step with slide presentation.


2. TOILET PAPER: DOES IT GROW ON THE HOLDERS?:
Roundtable discussion.


3. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY BASKET AND THE FLOOR.
Practicing with hamper. Pictures and graphics.


4. THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among panel of experts.


5. LOSS OF VIRILITY: LOSING THE REMOTE CONTROL TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
Help line and support groups.


6. LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE:
Open forum.


7. HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH:
PowerPoint presentation.


8. REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST:
Real-life testimonial from the one man who did.


9. IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation.


10. LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR
WIFE:
Online class and role playing.


11. HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION: Relaxation exercises,
meditation and breathing techniques.


12. REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND
CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE:
Bring your calendar or PDA to class.


13. GETTING OVER IT. LEARNING TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME:
Individual counselors available.

lol lol lol lol

 

[babydoll2u]

NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN ONLY!!!

Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will
accept a maximum of eight participants each. Sign up early and
get a discount on registration.<snip>

omg... that is hilarious!!! lol

 

[smoothdevil]

Subject: : Martian Sex

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars (after they have accumulated enough frequent flier miles). Here, they meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, laptop computers how do they make money etc;

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you two do it?" asks Maureen.

"Pretty much the way you do." the Martian responds. A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap for the night and experience one another's styles!

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the male strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie...about half an inch long and a quarter inch think.

"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen!

"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"

"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his unit grows until it's quite impressively long.

"Well," she says, "that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow."

"No problem,” he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his unit grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman!

"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made very mad, passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go on their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful!

How about you?" "It was horrible," he replies, "all I got was a headache...she kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears!"

 

[Quoll]

UPCOMING COURSES FOR WOMEN

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His
20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

 

[smoothdevil]

UPCOMING COURSES FOR WOMEN

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His
20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

great .... lol lol

 

[cymbline]

Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day
long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it he couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in
awhile he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said: "Dave, don't
worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of his
patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it
go."



But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality,
whispering...............





"Dave, you're a veterinarian... "

 

[cymbline]

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and
so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to
explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me
stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

 

[Munachi]

pity the dyslexic, agnostic who suffers from insomnia. He lyes awake in bed all night, wondering if there's really a dog.

 

[Munachi]

Homer, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around

9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was now on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Homer said, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Homer placed 20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her 20 dollars to Homer, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Homer replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump." The blonde replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again." Homer took the money.

 

[Xectxny19X]

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and
so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to
explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me
stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

ROFLMAO...good one!

 

[JustSkye]

WOMEN DRIVERS !!

I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac
doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on
her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was
halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my
electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees
against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear
which fell
into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the
Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an
important call.

Darn women drivers!

 

[Quoll]

A Heartwarming Story
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks.** The husband,
although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and
party with his old buddies.* So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be
right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"** She opened the door to the
refrigerator and showed him 25 difference brands of beer, brands from 12
different countries: Germany, Belgium, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do and the only thing that he could
think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar, you know, they
have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him
by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"** She took a huge beer
mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding
it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the
bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be
long.
I'll be right back.* I promise.* Okay?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres poochie pooh?"* She opened the oven door and
took out five dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in
blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey...at the bar...you know...there's swearing, dirty
words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?...
"LISTEN UP DICKHEAD!* DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR
GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SNACKS,
BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE!* GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"
....and they lived happily ever after.* Isn't that a sweet story.

 

[Quoll]

Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle. He doesn't have much luck, until, one day,
he comes across a beautiful Honda Gold Wing with a for sale sign
On it. The bike seems even more beautiful than a new one, although it is
10 years old. It is shiny and in absolutely mint condition. He immediately
buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10
years.
"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is
outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it
from the rain." and he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
*
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her
parents.* Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter
the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about
my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the
first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go. Joe is shocked. Right smack in the
middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen
is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor,
everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
*
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner
progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans
over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles herbreasts.
Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her
clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front
of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously
livid, and her mum horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a
word.
*
He looks at her mum. "She's got a great body", he thinks. So he grabs the
mum, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which
way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her
dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
*
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to
rain.* Joe remembers his motorcycle, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from
his pocket. Suddenly the father backs away from the table and
shouts: "All right,enough, I'll do the f***ing dishes!"

 

[MercyMia]

Thanks for the laugh, quoll! I know this kind of joke is mean but there are times in a marriage (not just during the newlywed phase) when a woman REALLY feels like that and very rightfully so!

A Heartwarming Story
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks.** The husband,
although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and
party with his old buddies.* So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be
right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"** She opened the door to the
refrigerator and showed him 25 difference brands of beer, brands from 12
different countries: Germany, Belgium, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do and the only thing that he could
think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar, you know, they
have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him
by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"** She took a huge beer
mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding
it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the
bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be
long.
I'll be right back.* I promise.* Okay?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres poochie pooh?"* She opened the oven door and
took out five dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in
blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey...at the bar...you know...there's swearing, dirty
words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?...
"LISTEN UP DICKHEAD!* DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR
GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SNACKS,
BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE!* GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"
....and they lived happily ever after.* Isn't that a sweet story.

 

[smoothdevil]

Royal Wedding

Date: Thu, 24 Mar 2005 07:48:21 -0500

Mrs. Camilla Parker Bowles wishes it to be known that she is very
pleased with the wedding arrangements, but, has turned down the
Queen's offer of a weekend in Paris with a car and a driver.

 

[Quoll]

"OH TELL ME I DIDN'T SAY THAT" .......

Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or
that you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....

1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in
tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a
blowjob?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word... he knew better.


2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf
balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After
browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without
thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."


3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking ! at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No,
I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically,
the boy grinned, and I turned red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.


4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she
would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in
a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my
dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.


5. A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she
finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had
no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and
boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,
TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of
the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU
WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"


6. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that
Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he
needed to go, and he said "No."
I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the
smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did
you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and
spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30
people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up
his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me
for the best laugh they'd ever had!

7. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and
a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't
get any....a true story...
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too
they were laughing so hard!