How to make amends?

[blulilacgrl]

So here's a wrapup so far:

Everyone here seems to have an issue with what I have done, and they like to use snark to try to make their point (which just gets you ignored, if you haven't noticed yet).

Everyone here seems to think they are not capable of doing the same thing I have done to ms_intrigue -- though most of them admit that they have never been cheated on or have never cheated (so how can they possibly know?).

The fact of what ms_intrigue has done seems to be glossed over in favor of attacking those who are actually here (me, and by extension, my friend) -- perhaps because that's feeding drama?

The fact of what I have done seems to be dragged up again and again, as though we weren't already aware of it by now.

Now that the drama about ms_intrigue and what happens to her next has died down, there needs to be more drama -- so now the attacks on my friend are starting, (and turning into quite the high school pettiness), I must say.

The bottom line appears to be this:

I'm seen as an asshole, a bully, or whatever other negative term you might like to call me.

My friend is seen as a coward with no self-control.

My friend's wife is seen as a poor little wifey who will suffer forever for her husband's indiscretion.

ms_intrigue, what she did and what she does or does not deserve, seems to be lost in the shuffle of blame and accusations.

When the bottom line is REALLY this:

I'm not actually an asshole or a bully. I'm doing something I feel is the right thing to do, but there are many out there who don't agree with it, for whatever reason. In the absence of honest discourse and questions, there are names being tossed about -- which diminishes your arguments.

My friend is not a coward; on the contrary, he has shown incredible strength and courage in taking full responsibility for his actions and going above and beyond to make his marriage work.

My friend's wife is quite relieved that all this has happened to ms_intrigue, and she is definitely not suffering -- she was the other half of the equation that worked so hard to have a good marriage. She, and my friend, are very happy.

ms_intrigue got at least some of what she deserved. That seems to make everybody happy, with the exception of all of those on this thread. That seems rather...odd. But I suppose there is the whole group think/lynch mob mentality going on, and you guys don't know any better.

So that's where we all stand, right? So you can throw your accusations and snark all you like, and I will sit back and wait -- again -- for anyone who has an intelligent discussion point without name-calling, attacks and high-school antics. Then we'll talk.

No what we have is yet again another "but you don't understaaaaand"

When the truth is some of us DO understand. Trust me I understand your feelings. I have been were you are. I have had to sit by and watch someone I care about deeply (and a hell of a lot closer than a friend) struggle with infidelity. And I have had to keep my mouth shut, even though what I wanted to do was drive over to that son of a bitch's house, drag both of them out by their hair and beat the shit out of them. Wanted to scream and curse and damn them to hell.

But I was told "No. I appreciate the thought, but this is my battle."
What I am trying to get you to understand is that you are not helping your friend, you are only hurting yourself. Because, and this is the pure beauty of being the sinner, all she has to do is repent for you guys to look like assholes. I did not say you were nor did I say she would truly repent. Notice I said all she has to do is give the air of repentance and act contrite for the axe to swing the other way. And sadly for you, you will bear the brunt of its steel.

And if your friends are truly happy then they should be at peace and not have the need for revenge, so why would they need you to exact if for them?

 

[blulilacgrl]

You wish. Do you know how much your husband pays me to be your friend?

Speaking of Hubby. He was cleaning his guns the other day and muttering under his breath about 'damn unicorns' and a woodchipper. I think he might have found out about us.

Should we worry about his friend now?

 

[heavyhitter01]

No what we have is yet again another "but you don't understaaaaand"

When the truth is some of us DO understand. Trust me I understand your feelings. I have been were you are. I have had to sit by and watch someone I care about deeply (and a hell of a lot closer than a friend) struggle with infidelity. And I have had to keep my mouth shut, even though what I wanted to do was drive over to that son of a bitch's house, drag both of them out by their hair and beat the shit out of them. Wanted to scream and curse and damn them to hell.

But I was told "No. I appreciate the thought, but this is my battle."
What I am trying to get you to understand is that you are not helping your friend, you are only hurting yourself. Because, and this is the pure beauty of being the sinner, all she has to do is repent for you guys to look like assholes. I did not say you were nor did I say she would truly repent. Notice I said all she has to do is give the air of repentance and act contrite for the axe to swing the other way. And sadly for you, you will bear the brunt of its steel.

And if your friends are truly happy then they should be at peace and not have the need for revenge, so why would they need you to exact if for them?

They didn't need me to do anything for them. I'm the one who chose to go after her.

So far as repentance and me looking like an asshole, there are two points: First, she will never truly repent. Second, I apparently already look like an asshole, so what's a little more assholeyness?

The way I am viewed on this thread is abundantly clear -- apparently the majority of you see me as lower than ms_intrigue could ever be. So if I'm only hurting myself, why do you even care enough to post about it here?

 

[blulilacgrl]

They didn't need me to do anything for them. I'm the one who chose to go after her.

So far as repentance and me looking like an asshole, there are two points: First, she will never truly repent. Second, I apparently already look like an asshole, so what's a little more assholeyness?

The way I am viewed on this thread is abundantly clear -- apparently the majority of you see me as lower than ms_intrigue could ever be. So if I'm only hurting myself, why do you even care enough to post about it here?

You know what I have seen throughout this entire thread? I have seen person after person trying to get you to see that this battle is not yours and so it is not worth losing your reputation over.

I have not seen people call you an asshole, I have seen them tell you that if you don't stop that is what you will be seen as an asshole. Can you not see the distinction in those words? Or has this need for revenge already so clouded your reasoning?

Take this energy and put it to use somewhere else. Let your friends move on, let go of your anger and take a deep breath. In truth you will only hurt yourself. Go be productive within your own life.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Speaking of Hubby. He was cleaning his guns the other day and muttering under his breath about 'damn unicorns' and a woodchipper. I think he might have found out about us.

Should we worry about his friend now?

Maybe we would have to worry about his rogue friend, except I don't think you begging for my attention counts as infidelity. You are just like TL.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I have not seen people call you an asshole, I have seen them tell you that if you don't stop that is what you will be seen as an asshole. Can you not see the distinction in those words? Or has this need for revenge already so clouded your reasoning?

I called him an asshole. Several times. But I call my own mother that. So yeah.

 

[heavyhitter01]

You know what I have seen throughout this entire thread? I have seen person after person trying to get you to see that this battle is not yours and so it is not worth losing your reputation over.

I'm not worried about my reputation. They might see this battle as not being mine, but I respectfully disagree. As I said before, someone has to step up and stop this bulldozer of a woman from doing this over and over again. I can't simply stand aside and watch her do it.

I have not seen people call you an asshole, I have seen them tell you that if you don't stop that is what you will be seen as an asshole. Can you not see the distinction in those words? Or has this need for revenge already so clouded your reasoning?

If you haven't seen the name-calling yet, you haven't read the entire thread.

Take this energy and put it to use somewhere else. Let your friends move on, let go of your anger and take a deep breath. In truth you will only hurt yourself. Go be productive within your own life.

The deed is already done. Outside of that, I do have quite the productive life -- in fact, you might be surprised by how productive it really is. Keep in mind that what you see on this thread is but a small part of the story, and just as with everyone else on here, my posts on this forum are just a tiny part of who I really am.

 

[blulilacgrl]

I'm not worried about my reputation. They might see this battle as not being mine, but I respectfully disagree. As I said before, someone has to step up and stop this bulldozer of a woman from doing this over and over again. I can't simply stand aside and watch her do it.



If you haven't seen the name-calling yet, you haven't read the entire thread.



The deed is already done. Outside of that, I do have quite the productive life -- in fact, you might be surprised by how productive it really is. Keep in mind that what you see on this thread is but a small part of the story, and just as with everyone else on here, my posts on this forum are just a tiny part of who I really am.

*Throws up hands and walks away*

fuckwit

 

[blulilacgrl]

I called him an asshole. Several times. But I call my own mother that. So yeah.

Well yeah, YOU called him an asshole. But coming from the King of the Assholes, shouldn't he view that as being knighted or something?

 

[heavyhitter01]

*Throws up hands and walks away*

fuckwit

What a non-surprise.

 

[KierstH12]

................

 

[blulilacgrl]

What a non-surprise.

Hey. I tried to explain. I tried to get you to see that you were on a path of self-destruction. But you are determined to go down it. So what do you want me to do? I'm not going to waste my breath.

See? I know which battles are mine and which ones I should walk away from.

 

[heavyhitter01]

I know I am behind a page or two, but this bears repeating.

You know what happens when you marry a cheater? You end up married to a cheater. She doesn't get to cry foul when it happens again.

You can blame TL all you like and swoon at the feet of your remorseful friend, but at the end of the day, he is a cheater and she willingly married him.

And your point is...what? That now my friend's wife gets attacked, too?

It's interesting how everyone here tends to go after me, or my friend, and now even my friend's wife (who in NO way, shape or form deserves ANY of that), yet where's the outrage toward ms_intrigue?

So many here think I'm disturbing, but honestly, this thread has become downright scary.

 

[whynotjustsayit]

And your point is...what? That now my friend's wife gets attacked, too?

It's interesting how everyone here tends to go after me, or my friend, and now even my friend's wife (who in NO way, shape or form deserves ANY of that), yet where's the outrage toward ms_intrigue?

So many here think I'm disturbing, but honestly, this thread has become downright scary.

Indeed. One has to wonder, if the actions you have carried out against TL in real life have wreaked some satisfying vengeance, blackmail, punishment and forced outward atonement for her actions, why you so desperately need the approval and support of an anonymous internet audience to validate you?

 

[culloden]

Apparently you are with some very refined gentlemen. I agree that not all guys do it; however, I believe the majority of us do. What else is there to talk about when we're done bitching about work and speculating about football?

I don't know that I hang with very refined gentlemen -- I've worked in male dominated occupations for more than 30 years. My best friends are tradesmen, truck drivers, and firemen - hardly a refined set. Yet I've rarely encountered men who dish on their wives and girlfriends. Maybe it's something you southerners do, but it's rare in New England.

 

[KierstH12]

.....................

 

[heavyhitter01]

Indeed. One has to wonder, if the actions you have carried out against TL in real life have wreaked some satisfying vengeance, blackmail, punishment and forced outward atonement for her actions, why you so desperately need the approval and support of an anonymous internet audience to validate you?

I came here as part of my outing of ms_intrigue, and this thread played very well into the outing, as I expected it would. I did try to explain my actions and thoughts, as it seemed like good discussion at the time.

I don't need approval from anyone here. I never expected to have it. But I did expect those who profess to be open-minded to be a little more...well, open-minded.

Now I'm hanging around to watch this thread deteriorate...which it is doing in quite frightening and disappointing fashion.

 

[blulilacgrl]

I don't know that I hang with very refined gentlemen -- I've worked in male dominated occupations for more than 30 years. My best friends are tradesmen, truck drivers, and firemen - hardly a refined set. Yet I've rarely encountered men who dish on their wives and girlfriends. Maybe it's something you southerners do, but it's rare in New England.

[laughs] Or maybe it's just tradesmen? Mu hubby works in the same field and is the same way. He and his friends do not discuss the sexual proclivities of each other's spouses.

 

[heavyhitter01]

I don't know that I hang with very refined gentlemen -- I've worked in male dominated occupations for more than 30 years. My best friends are tradesmen, truck drivers, and firemen - hardly a refined set. Yet I've rarely encountered men who dish on their wives and girlfriends. Maybe it's something you southerners do, but it's rare in New England.

Perhaps it is a southern thing. I didn't consider that aspect of it, as I have lived in various parts of the south all my life. It would be interesting to see what others have to say about it, and whether their attitudes about talking about sex are influenced by where they live. It might make a good thread.

 

[whynotjustsayit]

I came here as part of my outing of ms_intrigue, and this thread played very well into the outing, as I expected it would. I did try to explain my actions and thoughts, as it seemed like good discussion at the time.

I don't need approval from anyone here. I never expected to have it. But I did expect those who profess to be open-minded to be a little more...well, open-minded.

Now I'm hanging around to watch this thread deteriorate...which it is doing in quite frightening and disappointing fashion.

To you...open minded only equates to "accept what I do as right." That's all.

Get your nose down out of the air. The minute you were out for vengeance upon anyone in life, more deterioration set in, in addition to what TL did. You outwardly blame deterioration upon others and what they say in reaction to you, but the corrosion originated from within you. Or there would be no thread here at all, at this point, continuing.

 

[KierstH12]

.........................

 

[heavyhitter01]

To you...open minded only equates to "accept what I do as right." That's all.

Again...assumptions. But thank you for your enlightened opinion.

 

[Lord Pmann]

People have the ability to surf the web without it showing up in their history. The way search engines and the internet work is in favor of the cheater.

Tell us more about these interwebs.

I hear I can get a sweet AOL screen name to go along with my snazzy Netzero dial up.

 

[heavyhitter01]

In my mind the cheater (the one who made the commitment) bears the largest blame. Next in line is the other man/woman, and I did call her out in this thread. I have strong ideas on the person who was cheated on also carrying a burden if they choose to stay.

The first time they bear no blame, but the next time, and most times there is a next time, they cannot cry foul. They knew what their partner was capable of after the first time.

Wow. Well, I am very glad my friend's wife doesn't read this thread. I'm sure she knows exactly what she was getting into -- all the counseling they did surely made her aware of that.

To attack anyone else in this situation is just fine, but to attack the wife who was wronged is absolutely inexcusable.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Wow. Well, I am very glad my friend's wife doesn't read this thread. I'm sure she knows exactly what she was getting into -- all the counseling they did surely made her aware of that.

To attack anyone else in this situation is just fine, but to attack the wife who was wronged is absolutely inexcusable.

She wasn't attacking the wife. She was stating Her opinion on the partner who stays. She didn't say anything mean.