How To... learn what you are or what you need

[western_fireman]

My background: I am a 50 yr old divorced male. I was married for 25 years and have led a very vanilla sex life. I have a lot of interest and curosity in all things sexual.

My questions involve how to figure out a true nature. I am interested in Dom / Sub relations. I may be a switch. But I don't know how to learn about either role. Everyone wants someone experienced. Is there anyone out there willing to teach?

I also have a high interest in Daddy Dom / little girl relations. But again, I don't know how to get started and learn. Are there little girls out there who are willing to be patient with their daddy as they learn their role?

I would appreciate any discussion and suggestions in these areas.

Thanks and good sex to all!

 

[peachesmelba]

My background: I am a 50 yr old divorced male. I was married for 25 years and have led a very vanilla sex life. I have a lot of interest and curosity in all things sexual.

My questions involve how to figure out a true nature. I am interested in Dom / Sub relations. I may be a switch. But I don't know how to learn about either role. Everyone wants someone experienced. Is there anyone out there willing to teach?

I also have a high interest in Daddy Dom / little girl relations. But again, I don't know how to get started and learn. Are there little girls out there who are willing to be patient with their daddy as they learn their role?

I would appreciate any discussion and suggestions in these areas.

Thanks and good sex to all!

First - Congratulations for knowing that you need to learn more - too many people start out having read one story or one book and thinking they subsequently know all the answers. In truth there are probably as many valid answers as there are human relationships and experience may be your best teacher. Meanwhile, there are the forums and threads. The BDSM forum and chat has a host of people who are generally friendly, knowledgeable and helpful on a variety of topics. Don't be afraid to ask questions. And the Fetish forum has the Daddy/Baby Girl thread - more of a Play Room/Living Room - a home away from home for many of us. Feel free to come often and hang out, that's what MY Daddy did before we found each other - he asked questions and just talked to the single Baby Girls on line (very respectfully) and with their Daddies' permission to those Baby Girls who had already paired too. He learned a lot and he's a very good Daddy! Be careful about meeting people - all the things they tell you about meeting someone for the first time in dating apply, and then some. And finally, congratulations too in opening yourself and your life to newer, broader ranges of experiences

 

[tiedtits4me]

I'm not sure what i can offer as i'm very new to being a baby girl myself. My ex daddy was new as well so we learnt a little together.
Peaches pretty much said all i could.

Fetlife is worth looking into as well, they have groups which can have some great discussions or links for newbies.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

If you don't know how you prolly aren't. Doms are born, and the cape and wand and tiara you order from the Official LIT BDSM Store don't make you one.

 

[eric60red]

My 2 cents

Its all about testing the water, feeling your way around, there is also some who have weird a sense of humor. Peaches has give you some excellent advice.

The erotic world of BDSM, and D/s, can be fulfilling, and you can only learn by your mistake, I made a few, but i was lucky in my earlier days on Lit I met a lady, on line who guided me and molded me to become her Master. In the beginning there was something which attracted us to each other, it was several years ago, I had a period when I couldn't get on-line so we lost touch.

Good Luck, in your quest, there are plenty of stories and "How To" information on Lit. The BDSM forums will be helpful, there are also lots on BDSM web sites around. You have to find out if that life style is to your liking, its a fascinating and interesting subject. If you want to chat with me make contact.

 

[western_fireman]

Thanks

To all for your comments and direction, public and private. I would agree at some level that if I don't know.. I am not a "Dom". That is probably more somenthing to role play than truly live out for me. I look forward to my education and exploration.

Happy Easter to all and have a great week.

 

[dougsan]

western fireman, I envy you your journey of awakening. You'll take it but once and it will last a long time but boy will you have experiences, most good a few bad. Your journey is one most of us have taken and loved for the sexual awakenings and the beautiful men and women who guided us along our way.

Bright skies and Rainbows

 

[Lord Pmann]

I'm as vanilla as they come, but I'll give you my opinion. Keep in mind I'm practically virginal and I'm an angel.

The most important thing is to find someone you trust. Find someone with whom you don't feel scared to share your deepest desires. Someone who isn't going to judge you. Someone who isn't going to get turned off by your sexual needs or desires. Someone who will walk with you on the journey of exploring the new things that you love. There will undoubtedly be hiccups along the way. But talk them over. Discuss boundaries. If you're lucky, you'll find someone who says you can never go too far. But don't expect to find someone like that. They are the unicorns of filthy sex.

Best of luck, mate.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

Only you know those things that arouse you and there is a whole world of kink out there for you to explore.
Regardless of other's opinions on the criteria one should meet to be a Dom, if your inclination is towards Daddy/Dom then read about, watch learn and if it is still appealing, go ahead, dip your toes in and try.
Come on over to the BSDM and have a read through the threads and say hi. There are a number of experienced Doms over there
Remember to play safe!

 

[eyzf3]

well, i also new to this...still learning more about myself

 

[fire_breeze]

My background: I am a 50 yr old divorced male. I was married for 25 years and have led a very vanilla sex life. I have a lot of interest and curosity in all things sexual.

My questions involve how to figure out a true nature. I am interested in Dom / Sub relations. I may be a switch. But I don't know how to learn about either role. Everyone wants someone experienced. Is there anyone out there willing to teach?

I also have a high interest in Daddy Dom / little girl relations. But again, I don't know how to get started and learn. Are there little girls out there who are willing to be patient with their daddy as they learn their role?

I would appreciate any discussion and suggestions in these areas.

Thanks and good sex to all!

To all for your comments and direction, public and private. I would agree at some level that if I don't know.. I am not a "Dom". That is probably more somenthing to role play than truly live out for me. I look forward to my education and exploration.

Happy Easter to all and have a great week.

A little late to the party, but...

Only you can decide whether or not you identify yourself as a label or not (it's called PYL/pyl for a reason!). Some Dominants like to control their partners' orgasms. Some want to nurture and care for their partner. Some are into bondage and pain. Some like to dish out humiliation, but can't give pain. And some enjoy a Gorean approach of strict master/slave, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week dynamic. And that's just 6 out of the many many many ways a D/s relationship can manifest. Each one is, if the SSC and RACK rules is kept, a dominant in his/her way.

The dynamic is between you and your partner. If you feel that by giving your partner as many orgasms as she can handle and then some at your leisure makes you her dominant, then rock on. If you identify as a sadist, then brush up on your anatomy, attend workshops, and whip away. If you identify as someone who is the alpha in the relationship, speak to others and figure out what that entails. Know your limits. Know what you are capable of taking responsibility for (if you cannot provide lengthy aftercare, then don't do a brutal scene, for example).

There isn't a BDSM manual. There are guidelines and general definitions. For example, I know many D/s couples who identify themselves as Daddy/lil girl. Some have an incestuous elements, where the daddy is a father figure and the lil girl is younger and is his 'daughter'. Others, on the other hand, eschew the familial, Electral element altogether. The daddy is a caring, protective, authoritative figure who cherishes his lil girl and wants her to succeed, and she wants to please him.

Likewise, the Master/slave/sub dynamic is completely fluid by definition and even within a particular dynamic, it often changes through time. In some couples it is constant. The submissive has no right, inside the bedroom or out. The master is in complete control of the submissive. In other cases, it's up to the master's whim to exercise that control whenever s/he desires, or they live according to the rules that were established beforehand (or both). Weeks can by before a scene happens, but the dynamic is always on the surface. So, which is the 'right' dominant?

No one wakes up and decides, "Well golly gee, I'm a dom! Lemme find a sub and everything will fall into place." Um, riiight. Doesn't work that way, for most. Some people knew of their inclination early in their sexual lives, others much much later. And once a person identifies, comes to terms with and then accepts his/her inclination, it does take a lot of discussion with other dominants AND submissives to figure out what you like or dislike. It takes a lot of reading. It takes trial and error. And then when you find your partner that you wish to establish this relationship with, it takes a lot of communication and figuring out not only what you like and your partner likes, but how you two mesh together. When you first started to have sex, you didn't know, instinctually, what to do, right? And then what worked with one partner might not necessarily work with the other. Well, same thing.

IF you identify as someone who is dominant, and IF you chose to accept this aspect for yourself and IF you wish to explore further, then ask questions. Read. Browse the BDSM section. Talk to other dominants. And yes, talk to other submissives, not as a way to get your jollies off but rather as a way to understand what type of submissive you desire and how to approach a potential submissive in building a mutually satisfactory relationship with.

Have fun, play safe, and good luck