how to lead hubby to be dom

[dutiful]

Hello to all,
I'm new and have been reading with some interest these past few weeks.

The idea of being a sub is very tantilizing. Do you have some suggestions on how I can get my hubby to be more dominate. He is typically a laid back kind of guy who loves me alot and wants to please me. I believe he has this hidden within him and would like to draw it out.

Suggestions???

Thanks,
dutiful

 

[Chicklet]

have you mentioned your desires to him?

if i were you i'd start by talking about it. if he wants to please you, he'll listen to you and hear you out, and probably at least try it a bit it doesn't seem like you're in much danger of being turned down. you just have to make the first step.

i'd always go for the blunt honesty vs any sort of passive agressive attempts to get him to take an upper hand.

 

[BiBunny]

I second the "talk to him" advice, but I wouldn't lay it all on him at once. Start with small suggestions and work your way up. Good luck.

 

[WriterDom]

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=508873


Send him to Vanillas Anonymous.

This is probably the most common asked question here. Usually they add that there is no hope that their partner will change. At least he seems open to it. Start a dialog with him. If he seems interested there are plenty of resources online for him to get the basics.

 

[myinnerslut]

you can try writing your husband a letter if you cant say your desires face to face. try talking to him when you are both relaxed and clam, not stressed out about work or life. i defintly second starting small, like talking about spanking, or buying a sex toy if you hadnt already, or exchanging fantasies.

 

[dutiful]

Well,
so far i've discovered that he does like to spank me on occasion. We are pretty open and he does love to play with me with my toys. I have shared some stories from here. I would like for him to be more dominate about his desires or what he wants me to do. I'm tried to mention it to him, I quess I haven't been clear enough.

 

[Exogenous]

I like the suggestion about writing a letter to your husband, including that you enjoy his spankings and would like to explore further.

How about this...if he doesn't have an aversion to reading:

When Someone You Love is Kinky

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9781890159238&itm=1

 

[Hecate]

For lack of time right now ...

... may I point you to my website (lifestyle section there) and in particular to From 'Nilla with love

Maybe that is helpfull in some way; even though it was originally written for a Female Domme / male sub view it might provide some food for thought.

Best wishes and good luck in finding a comfortable space for the two of you!
Hecate

 

[FurryFury]

... may I point you to my website (lifestyle section there) and in particular to From 'Nilla with love

Maybe that is helpfull in some way; even though it was originally written for a Female Domme / male sub view it might provide some food for thought.

Best wishes and good luck in finding a comfortable space for the two of you!
Hecate

Excellent stuff Hecate!

Fury

 

[Ice2000]

Well doll.. hang on to my number because I think your going to need it...

sorry I tend to be a smart ass at times..


But seriously..

whats that old saying? You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink? I guess I have heard about every kind of story there is about wanting hubby to be a dom and he won't.


Like bunny says.. don't lay all your cards on the table.

tell him you saw a girl get spanked in an x rated moving or something and you thought it was hot. and see how he reacts.

it takes about a minute to get a positive or negative reaction. If the reaction is negative be careful how you push.

I also get a few storied about hubby now thinks I'm perverted ..

but then again.. arent we all

 

[Life_Noir]

*scratches head*
Is it just me ....... {never a good way to start a post}.. Or is this the umpteenth time for this same subject... Recently??????

 

[BiBunny]

*scratches head*
Is it just me ....... {never a good way to start a post}.. Or is this the umpteenth time for this same subject... Recently??????

Yep. Get used to it.

 

[Otto26]

Hello to all,
I'm new and have been reading with some interest these past few weeks.

The idea of being a sub is very tantilizing. Do you have some suggestions on how I can get my hubby to be more dominate. He is typically a laid back kind of guy who loves me alot and wants to please me. I believe he has this hidden within him and would like to draw it out.

Suggestions???

Thanks,
dutiful

Talk to him. Talk to him some more. Talk again. Talk a lot. You get the idea. For concrete suggestions I suggest you make a list of things you know you like, things you know you don't like, things you're curious about. Pick a safe-word. Set up some play time when you're both going to stick to the activities you're comfortable with and go ahead and explore D/s behavior. Reinforce positive behavior. Once he makes the connection that you are enjoying this and he has an understanding of what you want and he knows how to start building on this framework... you're golden. Enjoy the journey.

 

[Life_Noir]

Yep. Get used to it.

*sigh* I am....And I suppose that therein would lie the point..

 

[MasterPhoenix]

*scratches head*
Is it just me ....... {never a good way to start a post}.. Or is this the umpteenth time for this same subject... Recently??????

Seems to be the most common thread.

 

[SirFace]

Hello to all,
I'm new and have been reading with some interest these past few weeks.

The idea of being a sub is very tantilizing. Do you have some suggestions on how I can get my hubby to be more dominate. He is typically a laid back kind of guy who loves me alot and wants to please me. I believe he has this hidden within him and would like to draw it out.

Suggestions???

Thanks,
dutiful

Please, Talk to him. If he really loves you and if it is in his nature ( mine didnt think it was in me but she was wrong) you cant go wrong. Worst case, you will have to decide how much this means to you. Best case, he might be all you really want.

 

[dutiful]

update

Just an update and wanted to say thank you for the replies.

I did indeed write hubby a story. He liked it and we had a wonderful evening. I got him to buy me some champagne. (It makes me talkative). So we talked a good bit and I explained some of the things I have been thinking and why.

Needless to say the evening ended perfectly and I think he enjoyed it as well.

Thanks again,
Dutiful

 

[dutiful]

great site

... may I point you to my website (lifestyle section there) and in particular to From 'Nilla with love

Maybe that is helpfull in some way; even though it was originally written for a Female Domme / male sub view it might provide some food for thought.

Best wishes and good luck in finding a comfortable space for the two of you!
Hecate

What a great website. It really gave me some things to think about.
Thank you so much.
Dutiful

 

[FurryFury]

Just an update and wanted to say thank you for the replies.

I did indeed write hubby a story. He liked it and we had a wonderful evening. I got him to buy me some champagne. (It makes me talkative). So we talked a good bit and I explained some of the things I have been thinking and why.

Needless to say the evening ended perfectly and I think he enjoyed it as well.

Thanks again,
Dutiful

I'm so glad communication is open and going well. It's nice to hear that y'all had such a wonderful night.

*smiles*

Fury

 

[Hecate]

What a great website. It really gave me some things to think about.
Thank you so much.
Dutiful

You are welcome

makes me realise I should take up wprk on the site again and not spend so much time with more "practical" action

Enjoy the journey,
Hecate

 

[Jaydoes]

Just an update and wanted to say thank you for the replies.

I did indeed write hubby a story. He liked it and we had a wonderful evening. I got him to buy me some champagne. (It makes me talkative). So we talked a good bit and I explained some of the things I have been thinking and why.

Needless to say the evening ended perfectly and I think he enjoyed it as well.

Thanks again,
Dutiful

Here's the issue that husband/wives have when introducing bdsm into their lives...it sounds like you might have gotten through this one though...

Often a husband will adore his wife and the idea of "forcing" her to do anything is completely foriegn to him. Then you suggest it and he's like...ok..now that would be kind of weird. It's actually harder to get a spouse to be dom than it is to find a dom. But if you two really want it to happen its very possible that you can work out a compromise.

 

[Amora]

Hello to all,
I'm new and have been reading with some interest these past few weeks.

The idea of being a sub is very tantilizing. Do you have some suggestions on how I can get my hubby to be more dominate. He is typically a laid back kind of guy who loves me alot and wants to please me. I believe he has this hidden within him and would like to draw it out.

Suggestions???

Thanks,
dutiful

Talk to him, send him some of the BDSM stories here, gauge his reactions to them, talk about your fantasies and desires and see where you go from there. That's certainly where me and my hubby started from and he's discovering more Dom in him by the week

Amora

 

[liberatedslave]

Let him feel his way into this. It's often daunting for a partner to be given the upper hand if they're not sure what to do with it.

"You want me to force you to do stuff that you really want to do anyway?"

Stuff like this can feel false at first because hubby knows that you're thoroughly enjoying yourself. Role-play can get in the way of the bonding experience of lovemaking sometimes, especially if your husband ends up feeling that just being himself is inadequate. Don't get carried away unless he does too and keep up your more romantic lovemaking to boost his confidence and reassure.

Sounds like things are going well though