How to know if boyfriend would be a good dominant? I'm unsure....

[lavenderblue42]

I'll post it here since i read it wasn't in the appropriated thread!
Thank you and sorry for double post

Here's the question! Hi all btw, first post
I have the same boyfriend for the last two years. I'm 42, he's 52. Sexually, we are doing okay. It's not the best, it's not the worst but we do have a constant connection and we both achieve orgasm 99% of the time.
But the thing is...I've always always had a strong desire to be spanked and dominated in a mild way by a man. And I've never been able to really achieve that for the same reason: Men i've been with all had an aggressive nature.
It scares me since i don't wanna end up beaten up or something, because one could not control his anger. My present boyfriend and i had a discussion last nite about this and he was like: Yeahhhh i'll tie you up real good and you won't be able to do a damn thing, i'll decide everything, you'll be like this and that etc, you'll serve me, yada yada....
I said it was not exactly how it works, that things had to be discussed and both partners had to agree but...he disagreed saying " what's your point of wanting to be dominated then ? I get to decide it all or nothing"
So, i forgot that idea right away. That's not appealing.

Is there such thing as a man who is not suitable for this, who doesn't understand how it works? I would never let myself being tied up by him, i'd be scared to death!
It's like some men, you can't give them that kinda power over you, they'll abuse it.
Right?

 

[subwannabe]

Sorry to say that to me it looks like you have hit the end of the road with this boyfriend. No matter what has happened in the past, you have let the genie out of the bottle and, in his mind, this is what you really want and he is now encouraged to give you want you want, they way he wants to do it. It is kind of like a girl who says no but really means yes. No matter what you do or say he will always feel like you mean yes, even if you are saying no, and at some point will go for it the way that he wants to. It kind of goes with the belief that all women want to be raped even if they act like they don't want to be. Time to start over with someone new and, yes, there are men who can give you want you want on your terms.

 

[unregistered]

 

[unregistered]

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Your boyfriend makes a good point, you don't wanna dom you want a man to act out your fantasy script. You strike me as a scardy cat wannabee. Posers don't understand that dom is a natural state for some men, like being tall or blond or having blue eyes, or being left-handed, they don't contemplate how they are, caped capons preen in front of the mirror for the role.