How to introduce BDSM to a "good girl"

[Mindfondler]

Thanks for those additional replies.

I don't know if you could tell, but Seduced by Moonlight is the third one of the Meredeth Gentry set.

OK. It's one that was in stock at a bargain price on Amazon.co.uk, rather than requiring a special order or an expensive purchase, so I went ahead straight away with an order on that basis.

How vital is it to start with the first book in the set? I was thinking of letting my wife try the readily-available third one to determine quickly whether she likes the style. If so, then would it be a problem for her subsequently to go back and read the first and second ones?

If she likes to read I would highly suggest the Anita Blake series. The first one starts of with Anita almost completely virginal, and then as the series progresses she slowly changes her view. (I am a little prejudiced though, I LOVE this series) It is up to 19 books though.

OK. I'm a little worried that those books might keep her so occupied that she might not have time for other pursuits.

(Only kidding! It sounds more likely that they'd put her more in the mood for other pursuits )

Another way for her to discover interests she isn't aware of is have her look thorough the stories on here. That is how my journey started.

I was wondering about that too. Indeed, I was considering making audio recordings of me reading some of the stories so that she can listen to them on her MP3 player while she relaxes in bed. That would... um... free up her hands compared to her holding a book, and also enable her to take in the story with the lights out.

... interesting thoughts snipped for brevity ...
Good luck on your journey.

Many thanks for that.

If you get this feeling frequently it's probably for a reason.

Is it likely that her psychological motivation is, as I've suggested, to shift the "blame" for the activity away from her and onto me? If so, then how should I tackle this? Should I try to get her to confront this issue, or would it be simpler for me just to continue shouldering her "blame" if that works for both of us?

 

[callinectes2]

Is it likely that her psychological motivation is, as I've suggested, to shift the "blame" for the activity away from her and onto me? If so, then how should I tackle this? Should I try to get her to confront this issue, or would it be simpler for me just to continue shouldering her "blame" if that works for both of us?

I'm a "good girl" too. When I first started realizing my interest in BDSM I read a couple of the books mentioned in this thread with horrified fascination. I was fascinated by the dynamic and horrified by my physical response. Okay, not really horrified but definitely concerned. My wonderful PYL capitalized on that and confronted it in a round-about way. In the beginning he did shoulder the blame. My innate need to please meant it was easier for me to let go if it was all his idea and "fault" Also, we talked. A lot. A whole lot. He'd draw out of me what I liked, what I was ashamed of, why I liked what I liked, etc. He'd probe my mind to the point that it would really make me think and I learned so much about myself in the process. He was always careful to bring the talks up casually so they didn't seem so forced. For us, riding in the car was usually the best time. He helped me understand that as long as we are making each other happy nothing else mattered. Of course, the phrase "good girl" used frequently helped!

Fast forward four years..I am still a good girl but I am his kinky, unihibited (within the construct of our relationship) good girl.

If it is in her, you can draw it out of her with patience, understanding, and communication.

 

[Netzach]

Is it likely that her psychological motivation is, as I've suggested, to shift the "blame" for the activity away from her and onto me? If so, then how should I tackle this? Should I try to get her to confront this issue, or would it be simpler for me just to continue shouldering her "blame" if that works for both of us?

It really depends. Some people would argue that her sexuality is better wholly integrated and you should communicate every single thing explicitly and be totally transparently honest and slog through her sexual hang ups completely before doing any SM or the fairies will lose their wings. I say if it's troubling her more to deal with this than see it as highly naughty and it's not killing either of you there's nothing wrong with her going at her own pace dealing with this.

If it starts to spill over onto YOUR self esteem in a bad way, you have reached a problem point, you know? Otherwise see if she likes the "bad guy" thing?

You can guess how I feel about it. I don't mind being a culprit, at least sometimes. Whatever gets you through the night honey, wow, I'm SO EVIL.

 

[Mindfondler]

Thanks very much for those replies, callinectes2 and Netzach. I found them intriguing, informative and very encouraging. I won't re-quote you but please be assured that I've taken in all of your thoughts.

I'll mention another example which you'll probably find amusing, from when my wife and I were on holiday and visited a series of caves...

When we entered one large chamber, I noticed that my wife had turned a blushing pink. I looked around in puzzlement because I hadn't initially spotted anything odd about the area, but then suddenly it hit me. The floor of the cave was an array of stalagmites of assorted sizes but uniform shapes which didn't require a lot of imagination to be seen to resemble proud male sexual organs. Frankly, It was like visiting the shop floor of a dildo showroom that catered for a very wide range of clientele.

My wife turned to me and said indignantly: "This is all your fault! I used to have a clean mind before I met you!". Her expression was inscrutable -- I couldn't tell whether she was serious or not -- so I chose to 'fess up that, indeed, it was all my fault and nothing to do with her.

On reflection, I think there's a horny minx lurking underneath her surface. It's just that I haven't yet worked out how to unlock it and release it into our bedroom. Still, I like a challenge.

 

[JMohegan]

Sometimes part of the "good girl" reluctance stems from fear of the madonna/whore thing. Meaning, she fears that her partner will lose respect for her, stop seeing her as serious girlfriend or wife material, and start seeing her as expendable.

So maybe it's not just a matter of wanting you to take responsibility for her naughtiness, but also a matter of needing reassurance that wild & wifely are not mutually exclusive in your eyes. In fact, they are complimentary. (Wild being defined here as whatever form of passionate minx you find desirable in a spouse.)

Sometimes it's helpful to state outright what you would NOT find acceptable. "No wife of mine will ever....." She was raised with the notion of boundaries, and you give a nod to both reality and her upbringing by acknowledging that they do, in fact, exist. Then all you're really doing is substituting your boundaries for the ones set by her parents or whomever. Look at what Callinectes wrote - she's still behaving within the boundaries that matter (her D's), so she's still "good."

 

[NomadLady]

Book Suggestion

"The Loving Dominant" by John and Libby Warren...

good material for your situation.

 

[Mindfondler]

Thanks, JMohegan and NomadLady!

Sometimes it's helpful to state outright what you would NOT find acceptable. "No wife of mine will ever....." She was raised with the notion of boundaries, and you give a nod to both reality and her upbringing by acknowledging that they do, in fact, exist. Then all you're really doing is substituting your boundaries for the ones set by her parents or whomever. Look at what Callinectes wrote - she's still behaving within the boundaries that matter (her D's), so she's still "good."

That's an intriguing take, and certainly not one which occurred to me before. I'll give some thought to an expanded rule-set which I could make more explicit to her.

This is a difficult one for me as I'm not an authoritarian sort of hubby. I like to give my wife as much freedom as I can to go out with friends (of both sexes), to enjoy any male attention that she gets, and even to flirt if she wants to. I feel secure enough in my trust for her that I'll always see those things as her having some much-deserved and harmless fun. Frankly, I don't see any point in making any other assumption -- I think that's where a lot of people go wrong.

Although my wife says that she understands these freedoms and wide boundaries, she doesn't often take advantage of them, and I think that's a shame. I think the fact that we've committed ourselves to a life together ought to provide the two of us with a firm and safe foundation for exploring and expressing the full range of our own personalities, as long as it meets the terms of our mutual trust and doesn't violate any unbendable internal values. I'd like to be her supportive partner in all this, not her draconian supervisor.

"The Loving Dominant" by John and Libby Warren...

good material for your situation.

Many thanks for the pointer. I'll check it out.

 

[satindesire]

Thanks, JMohegan and NomadLady!


That's an intriguing take, and certainly not one which occurred to me before. I'll give some thought to an expanded rule-set which I could make more explicit to her.

This is a difficult one for me as I'm not an authoritarian sort of hubby. I like to give my wife as much freedom as I can to go out with friends (of both sexes), to enjoy any male attention that she gets, and even to flirt if she wants to. I feel secure enough in my trust for her that I'll always see those things as her having some much-deserved and harmless fun. Frankly, I don't see any point in making any other assumption -- I think that's where a lot of people go wrong.

Although my wife says that she understands these freedoms and wide boundaries, she doesn't often take advantage of them, and I think that's a shame. I think the fact that we've committed ourselves to a life together ought to provide the two of us with a firm and safe foundation for exploring and expressing the full range of our own personalities, as long as it meets the terms of our mutual trust and doesn't violate any unbendable internal values. I'd like to be her supportive partner in all this, not her draconian supervisor.

Please note, submissive people are much like children in the sense that they crave boundaries, and live healthier, safer, and happier lives when they have them. You don't have to be Draconian, but limits and boundaries and expectations will give her a sense of security.

To a sub, boundaries are as safe and welcome as a hug. They give you a very clear idea of what is expected of you, what you should do, and what your partner needs from you. You feel content because you don't have to GUESS! And when a submissive has to guess where their boundaries lie, they are lost, confused and full of anxiety. "What if I get it wrong? What if my partner doesn't like it when I do this?! PANIC!!"

You don't have to be an ass to be a good Dominant. I've never met an ass who WAS a good Dominant, to be completely honest with you, although that's merely -my- opinion.

My husband is my Dom, and although he is extremely strict about some things, he's far from Draconian and he treats me like a princess. Not only do I have the benefits of knowing exactly where my "place" is, but I have all of his love, affection and caring too. Really, I'm spoiled.

 

[VelvetSin]

To a sub, boundaries are as safe and welcome as a hug. They give you a very clear idea of what is expected of you, what you should do, and what your partner needs from you. You feel content because you don't have to GUESS! And when a submissive has to guess where their boundaries lie, they are lost, confused and full of anxiety. "What if I get it wrong? What if my partner doesn't like it when I do this?! PANIC!!"

You don't have to be an ass to be a good Dominant. I've never met an ass who WAS a good Dominant, to be completely honest with you, although that's merely -my- opinion.

I've read this thread with some interest but avoided chiming in, but all of this makes sense and meshes with how my own relationship has gone so far. I want to know what he wants and how he wants it because it is easier to do my part in maintaining a happy vibe between us, but he doesn't fit a Draconian description and I wouldn't like it if he did. He encourages me to "be me" and only where something relates to "us" does he point out what he needs or wants. Vague direction can be unnerving but there is usually either a point or he doesn't have an opinion either way in those situations. I don't think every issue or interaction has to be an "get on your knees" or "my way or the highway" thing. I'd walk out the door if it did, and I assume it would be tiring on him.

 

[bi golly]

Two thoughts:

1) honesty: being honest with oneself and honest with each other. You want to expand the range of your sexual life and you want to do that with your wife. You don't know if she wants to expand hers. There is being candid, which may not be the best thing at this point. Honest is being able to say "I want to fuck you. I want you to fuck me." Maybe just saying 'fuck' would be a start. If she gets flustered and blushes when she sees some stalagmites, leaping in with the "I want to tie you up and fuck you" may not be well understood. Recognizing something as phallic symbols and getting embarrassed about that speaks to me of a need to recalibrate sexual horizons. The right response should have been, "Yes, they are all cocks, and they all want to fuck you until you can't take it anymore, then fuck you some more. They want to fuck you until you have orgasmed a hundred times." I think that you need to be able to talk to each other in frank terms about your sex lives before you start talking about new moves.

2) sensation: maybe her nerve endings need some refresher training. Have you considered massage as a way to loosen her up? How about taking a massage class together, and then go home to practice. Open up her whole body to sensation and let it breathe. Let her learn that she could be enjoying so much more from your time together. It doesn't have to be massage that ends in fucking. The point here is to build trust in her, so that she knows that she will be in for a ride when you put your hands on her, and that she can trust your to steer.

 

[Mindfondler]

Many thanks, VelvetSin and bi_golly!

He encourages me to "be me" and only where something relates to "us" does he point out what he needs or wants.

That sounds great. That's my aim with my wife as well.

Recognizing something as phallic symbols and getting embarrassed about that speaks to me of a need to recalibrate sexual horizons. The right response should have been, "Yes, they are all cocks, and they all want to fuck you until you can't take it anymore, then fuck you some more. They want to fuck you until you have orgasmed a hundred times."

I love that response. I wish that I had thought of that in the cave! I'm sure my wife would have blushed a deep red, but it might have done her the world of good to hear it. Maybe I can find a way to remind her of the experience.

Have you considered massage as a way to loosen her up?

As it happens, I've been giving my wife a full-body massage at bedtime for the last three nights. I've given her the proviso that I'm not looking for sex afterwards, so that she can just enjoy the sensual experience and drift off to sleep without any sudden awakenings.

My wife has really enjoyed that, but last night about half-way through the massage she decided to jump on me instead. That was great. She's not normally the initiator, and I've been feeling some loss of self-esteem that it always seems to fall to me to start things off. As well as being a great session for both of us, it also felt like a big release of sexual tension for the two of us.

We're off to bed soon to watch the film Secretary. I'm not sure what to expect, but at the very least we'll have a long cuddle without any pressure for anything else to happen unless we find that we fancy it. I'm not expecting it to yield instant results. Even if some of the scenes do something for her, I understand that I might not find out about it straight away.

Many thanks to all for your thoughts so far. Any further input is still very welcome, of course!

 

[callinectes2]

Sometimes part of the "good girl" reluctance stems from fear of the madonna/whore thing. Meaning, she fears that her partner will lose respect for her, stop seeing her as serious girlfriend or wife material, and start seeing her as expendable.

So maybe it's not just a matter of wanting you to take responsibility for her naughtiness, but also a matter of needing reassurance that wild & wifely are not mutually exclusive in your eyes. In fact, they are complimentary. (Wild being defined here as whatever form of passionate minx you find desirable in a spouse.)."

This! Yes. This was huge for me.

Mindfondler...keep at it, you are doing great!!

 

[Mindfondler]

Mindfondler...keep at it, you are doing great!!

Thanks. My wife and I watched Secretary together in bed last night. Although my wife had a few eye-popping moments and didn't grasp some of the nuances on first viewing, she wasn't at all freaked out by it.

I think my wife's boundaries may be loosening already. We had a gentle chat about the film afterwards, and my wife allowed me to deliver some playful spanks to her to see what it was like (I was very gentle -- it's early days!). Then we cuddled and kissed for a while, and I massaged her back in the way that she likes. I wasn't looking for sex, but suddenly I found her jumping on me again.

This time, my wife seemed keen for me to work on her with my fingers, so I did that whilst trying to feed her fantasies. I reminded her about the scene in another film which turned her on a great deal, in which a big black man holds a petite white woman down on a creaky kitchen table to make very dynamic (and noisy) love to her. At first, she seemed to resist thinking about it, but after I repeated the description a couple of times, she started to respond tentatively.

I then told my wife firmly that it was okay for her to think about the film scene and to fantasize about it. I explained to her in a gentle and caring voice that she had my permission to indulge herself with it, that I wanted her to enjoy herself like this, and that I'd regard her as a good girl for doing so. That seemed to open the floodgates for her. She had three orgasms in quick succession, much to her own amazement and embarrassment. I repeated to her that this was fine and that she was a very good girl, and I cuddled her gently for a while until she nodded off into an exhausted but serene sleep.

I've just had a radical idea but I'm not sure whether it's a good one. I'm wondering whether to hire a male stripper who looks similar to the character in the film that she likes to give her a private show and possibly a bit of a spanking (in the literal sense!). I don't think my wife would outraged (although she'd definitely feel embarrassed and would probably giggle a lot) and she might even enjoy it. What I like about the idea is that this set-up would be completely "my fault" and it would be inherently obvious that she has my permission to enjoy it (although I'd still remind her of that).

Is that a terrible idea? I'm not sure. Any views?

 

[LunachickXXX]

What you did for her last night seems like the best way to share your interests with her. You used positive reinforcement (the massaging, the cuddling, reminding her she's a good girl & you're loving wife, etc.) coupled with the aspects of fantasy you were trying to introduce to the relationship. That way, next time she senses a bit of that fantasy coming out again, she will have a good feeling because the impression she has is positive.

However, the "radical idea" might be pushing the envelope. I've found that bringing someone else into the equation can be risky; especially if she's not completely open to it. For example, she may feel comfortable keeping your fantasy play between you and her, but sharing it with a 3rd person (even if they are a professional about it) could be risky. She might just shut down...it could become a strong negative association which would be hard to overcome. I've read through the thread and replies so she seems like a "good girl" with a curious side, and from what you tell us about her, she seems to love you very much and be willing to participate in such play with you...but it doesn't mean she's ready to share.

 

[Mindfondler]

Hi LunachickXXX,

Many thanks for your thoughts -- very helpful.

On cool reflection, I agree that it's probably too much of a push. Hopefully you can see where I was coming from, though (so to speak!).

I think the next step is for us to watch 9 1/2 Weeks together. There's a fair bit in that to get excited about. Hopefully the DVD will appear in our mail tomorrow.

Mindfondler

 

[steve_dallas]

Thanks. My wife and I watched Secretary together in bed last night. Although my wife had a few eye-popping moments and didn't grasp some of the nuances on first viewing, she wasn't at all freaked out by it.

I think my wife's boundaries may be loosening already. We had a gentle chat about the film afterwards, and my wife allowed me to deliver some playful spanks to her to see what it was like (I was very gentle -- it's early days!). Then we cuddled and kissed for a while, and I massaged her back in the way that she likes. I wasn't looking for sex, but suddenly I found her jumping on me again.

This time, my wife seemed keen for me to work on her with my fingers, so I did that whilst trying to feed her fantasies. I reminded her about the scene in another film which turned her on a great deal, in which a big black man holds a petite white woman down on a creaky kitchen table to make very dynamic (and noisy) love to her. At first, she seemed to resist thinking about it, but after I repeated the description a couple of times, she started to respond tentatively.

I then told my wife firmly that it was okay for her to think about the film scene and to fantasize about it. I explained to her in a gentle and caring voice that she had my permission to indulge herself with it, that I wanted her to enjoy herself like this, and that I'd regard her as a good girl for doing so. That seemed to open the floodgates for her. She had three orgasms in quick succession, much to her own amazement and embarrassment. I repeated to her that this was fine and that she was a very good girl, and I cuddled her gently for a while until she nodded off into an exhausted but serene sleep.

I've just had a radical idea but I'm not sure whether it's a good one. I'm wondering whether to hire a male stripper who looks similar to the character in the film that she likes to give her a private show and possibly a bit of a spanking (in the literal sense!). I don't think my wife would outraged (although she'd definitely feel embarrassed and would probably giggle a lot) and she might even enjoy it. What I like about the idea is that this set-up would be completely "my fault" and it would be inherently obvious that she has my permission to enjoy it (although I'd still remind her of that).

Is that a terrible idea? I'm not sure. Any views?

My wife and I are beginning to explore this arena of her indulging in fantasies while we're playing. I discovered the other night that she likes it that I give her permission to fantasize, but it's even better when I tell her to.

It's the difference between saying, "hey, you can have the last piece of chocolate cake if you want it," versus handing it to her on a plate and saying, "here. Eat this."

Being instructed to perform an act, or think about something adds an extra element of sluttiness to the experience, which my wife enjoys. Not sure if your wife gets off on that element, but it works for us.

If I brought a live person into the mix, it would bring everything to a screeching halt. Probably best to wait on that one.

 

[Mindfondler]

Hi Steve,

Being instructed to perform an act, or think about something adds an extra element of sluttiness to the experience, which my wife enjoys. Not sure if your wife gets off on that element, but it works for us.

I think it works that way for my wife as well. Once again, the jusitification of "it's not my fault" makes it possible for her to relax her own value judgements and mitigate any negative impact on her self-esteem. I'm glad to hear a lot of evidence, though, that this response can still be steered towards the more empowered "it's my choice" over a longer period of time.

I've just remembered another encouraging example with my wife. For the first few years of our marriage, she showed no inclination at all to masturbate. She'd let me touch her and that worked fine, but when I suggested that she might enjoy touching herself, she dismissed the idea with "No... it doesn't work for me".

A few days later, I found a film clip in which a woman masturbates very eagerly in the bath. I showed it to my wife that evening with a relaxed attitude of "Just watch this and see what you think -- you don't need to do anything". She watched with curiosity but didn't show any apparent interest, so I left it there. That night, though, I noticed that my wife was having difficulty getting to sleep. Eventually, at about 3am, she roused me with the words "Wake up -- I've got to do it right now!". She then proceeded to masturbate in front of me and was rewarded with her first-ever solo orgasm. It seems to me that watching the film clip planted the seed of a compelling idea in her mind which just took a few hours to germinate and flourish.

If I brought a live person into the mix, it would bring everything to a screeching halt. Probably best to wait on that one.

I'm sure that you're right. As I said before, it was an idea that occurred to me with good intentions, but on reflection it's clearly much too much too quickly. If I manage to liberate my wife's imprisoned minx, though (I'm now convinced that it does exist) then I can imagine that it might be a big hit at that time.

I'd just like to add that I'm very grateful for all of the useful input that I've received so far in this thread. You guys really seem to have a good handle on things, and I'm very glad that I asked for your advice.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

.... However, the "radical idea" might be pushing the envelope....

QFT

.... I think the next step is for us to watch 9 1/2 Weeks together....

Another good movie available through Netflix is "The Image," which might be a little more over the top than she's ready for in real life, but at the same time could help her loosen her boundaries a bit. If you *do* get it, perhaps it would be better for you to watch it alone before watching it with her, so you'll know when to provide the reassurances she might want/need.

 

[Mindfondler]

Hi Sir_Winston,

Another good movie available through Netflix is "The Image," which might be a little more over the top than she's ready for in real life, but at the same time could help her loosen her boundaries a bit. If you *do* get it, perhaps it would be better for you to watch it alone before watching it with her, so you'll know when to provide the reassurances she might want/need.

Having read some of the reviews, I think that might be much too intense for my wife (and possibly also me) at this stage.

Can anyone suggest some other films which show a lighter side of BDSM, with the fun that it can be for both (in the MF case) of the participants? As I said earlier, we've watched Secretary (which fits these criteria) and I've just received 9 1/2 Weeks for later study. I also have The Cell on order.

Other suggestions would be very welcome. Many thanks!

 

[DVS]

Hi LunachickXXX,

Many thanks for your thoughts -- very helpful.

On cool reflection, I agree that it's probably too much of a push. Hopefully you can see where I was coming from, though (so to speak!).

I think the next step is for us to watch 9 1/2 Weeks together. There's a fair bit in that to get excited about. Hopefully the DVD will appear in our mail tomorrow.

Mindfondler

9 1/2 Weeks is OK, but I don't really classify it as BDSM. Well, maybe from a vanilla point of view it is. It has some mild D/s stuff in it and a playfully kinky food scene where she's "tied up". And I remember one scene that has a riding crop in it as well as a dog collar and leash, but she's never hit by anything.

I'd classify it as more mentally stimulating, in a kinky way, which isn't a bad thing. She's introduced to things that are new to her, so it could give you some ideas, I'm sure. And it is a good movie for a couple to see, because it's got some really sexy scenes in it. Even someone not into kinky sex might give something in the movie a try after watching it.

But as a BDSM movie, I was disappointed. If I remember correctly, Kim Basinger was not harmed in the making of this movie. I'd love to see her put over someone's lap and spanked, aHem, among other things. But there's no need to go into my kinks here.

Sexy, and sometimes fairly kinky movie? Yes. BDSM? No.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

9 1/2 Weeks is OK

Yeah, there was a bit too, where he was making her crawl for wadded up cash, but it ended too quick..

 

[Mindfondler]

Hi DVS and Lizzie_Borden,

9 1/2 Weeks is OK, but I don't really classify it as BDSM. Well, maybe from a vanilla point of view it is. It has some mild D/s stuff in it and a playfully kinky food scene where she's "tied up". And I remember one scene that has a riding crop in it as well as a dog collar and leash, but she's never hit by anything.

That's vanilla by many standards, but for my wife that will probably still seem jarring enough (for the moment, at least!).

I'd classify it as more mentally stimulating, in a kinky way, which isn't a bad thing. She's introduced to things that are new to her, so it could give you some ideas, I'm sure. And it is a good movie for a couple to see, because it's got some really sexy scenes in it. Even someone not into kinky sex might give something in the movie a try after watching it.

That's what I'm hoping. For me, it also has a useful back-story. It's the first "18" film that I took myself to see (sneakily, on my own) and it made a huge impression on me. I can explain to my wife (entirely truthfully) that I fancied the pants off Kim Basinger in that film, and that I have intense desires for my wife to replace Kim Basinger in our personal re-make of some of the scenes.

I'm hoping that my wife has no option but to feel flattered by that confession from me, and perhaps intrigued by the idea of following it up.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

.... I fancied the pants off Kim Basinger in that film, and that I have intense desires for my wife to replace Kim Basinger in our personal re-make of some of the scenes....

Hopefully, not the scene where he has her dress as a man and then backdoors her... not yet, at least, since you said you were going to put anal sex on the longer-term list

And yes, fancying the pants off Kim Basinger was a common occupation/preoccupation of many of us before, during and after "9 1/2 weeks."

 

[Mindfondler]

Hopefully, not the scene where he has her dress as a man and then backdoors her... not yet, at least, since you said you were going to put anal sex on the longer-term list

Crikey! I don't remember that scene. Maybe my mind blanked it out at the tender age that I saw the film (21).

And yes, fancying the pants off Kim Basinger was a common occupation/preoccupation of many of us before, during and after "9 1/2 weeks."

*stares dreamily into the distance*

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Crikey! I don't remember that scene. Maybe my mind blanked it out at the tender age that I saw the film (21).

*stares dreamily into the distance*

It's been a long, long time since I saw the movie. That particular scene may not have been included, or slightly glossed over so that the anal sex wasn't clear unless one was familiar with the book. In the E.P. Dutton Book Club Edition, it's pages 55-62 (of 117 total pages, to give you an approximate location if you have a different version). The chapter begins

"At four-thirty on a Friday afternoon he calls me at work: 'You'll be in room 312 at the Algonquin, at five-thirty,'" and ends​

​

"He beats me, a pillow over my head to muffle my cries, then takes me as he would a man. I cry out louder than before, my eyes wide open to the dark of the pillow covering my face. Deep inside me his pounding stops abruptly. He forces me down flat, his right hand under me and between my legs. Lying on top of me, stretched full length, he lifts the pillow, listens to my sobs subside. When I realize that we are breathing in unison, calmed, his fingers begin their infinitesimal move. Soon I am breathing rapidly again. He pushes the pillow back over my face when I come and soon he comes, too. He puts wadded Kleenex off the bedside table between my buttocks. It is soaked with semen and tinged pink when he removes it, later on. Curled against me, he murmurs, 'So tight and hot, you can't imagine. . . .'"​

The first time I read the final paragraph of that chapter, I came almost without touching myself ... this as a jaded old man of around 30 I was glad I was lying in bed naked, or I would have had to do some extra laundry that week.

"Last Tango in Paris" is pretty damned hot, too. Well, the sex scenes mostly are. Much of the rest of it is confused/confusing, but Maria Schneider gives some good vidsex. The hottest - to me - scene is when she comes to the apartment and Brando forces her face-down on the carpet, pulls down her jeans, lubes her anus with butter and then rams into her. Steeeeeamin'. While I certainly appreciate good vidsex, the book was marginally better, though the movie stayed *fairly* true to the book. "9 1/2 Weeks," on the other hand, had a fair number of changes and elisions from the book.