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How To Get To Heaven When You Die

DO YOU ACCEPT JESUS GIFT OF SALVATION BELIEVING HE DIED N ROSE AGAIN FOR YOUR SINS?

  • YES

    Votes: 48 16.4%

  • NO

    Votes: 148 50.5%

  • I ALREADY ACCEPTED JESUS GIFT OF SALVATION BEFORE

    Votes: 62 21.2%

  • OTHER

    Votes: 35 11.9%
  • Total voters
    293
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phrodeau said:
Which number should I use?
Click to expand...
I suppose 1-800-GOD-TALK (1.800.463.8255) and 1-800-JESUS-BS (1.800.537.8727) and 1-800-JEHOVAH (1.800.534.6884) are taken. I've always found (local area code)+555-1212 to be good for answering questions.

I'll admit I've never had Dial-A-Prayer on speed-dial. Prayers take too long. And if they worked, all British royals would live long lives. It's better to carve fresh gods every morning and burn them every night. That way they stay out of trouble.
 
It's best to get to heaven before you die.

If you wait till you're dead, you won't be able to enjoy it.

Because you'll be, like, dead, y'know?
 
Hypoxia said:
It's best to get to heaven before you die.

If you wait till you're dead, you won't be able to enjoy it.

Because you'll be, like, dead, y'know?
Click to expand...

Heaven will be the most enjoyable place and imaginable and more.

God doesn't allow you into heaven unless you believe in your heart that Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose from the dead for your sins and you Accept Him as your Savior and Lord, Confessing His name.
 
xfrodobagginsx said:
Heaven will be the most enjoyable place and imaginable and more.

God doesn't allow you into heaven unless you believe in your heart that Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose from the dead for your sins and you Accept Him as your Savior and Lord, Confessing His name.
Click to expand...
Damn, God is one twisted fucker.
 
phrodeau said:
Damn, God is one twisted fucker.
Click to expand...
'God' is a job title, not a proper name. The deity's name is {JHWH}.

But let's take a look at the trinity: Father. Son. Holy Ghost.

A normal family would be Father, Mother, Child(ren).

But instead of a mother, there's only a ghost.

Most likely killed in a domestic dispute.

Has {JHWH} been charged yet?

No; statute of limitations.

There's no justice.
 
You Have To Want To Be There

A good read is C.S. Lewis' "The Great Divorce", written in 1941. In which people in Sheol get to take a bus ride to Heaven. If they like what they are experiencing there, they can stay. But most decide to go back where they came from, for various reasons. It is a sobering and stimulating read. As is most anything written by CSL.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/5e/b2/a1/5eb2a1dfc345f95ede453beed48b584a.jpg

http://3m7ajlsrzj92lfd1hu16hu7vc.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/The-Great-Divorce-660x350-1412232032.jpg
 
Hypoxia said:
'God' is a job title, not a proper name. The deity's name is {JHWH}.

But let's take a look at the trinity: Father. Son. Holy Ghost.

A normal family would be Father, Mother, Child(ren).

But instead of a mother, there's only a ghost.

Most likely killed in a domestic dispute.

Has {JHWH} been charged yet?

No; statute of limitations.

There's no justice.
Click to expand...

God has many names. YHWH, or Yahweh is one. JHVH, or Jehovah is another. Elohim is a word for deity. I AM is another name for God. God the Father, Jesus Christ, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. There are many more as well.
 
xfrodobagginsx said:
You really have no idea what you are talking about. You need to ask God to help you understand.
Click to expand...
"Abraham loved me so much he was willing to sacrifice his only son to me. Luckily, I stopped him before he did the dreadful deed. Then I offered my only son as a sacrifice to mankind, and they killed him, those bastards."
 
Heaven's just a sin away.

Damned I keep sinnin and I still don't see Heaven. Perhaps Liter0tica is the place I am looking for.
 
xfrodobagginsx said:
God has many names. YHWH, or Yahweh is one. JHVH, or Jehovah is another. Elohim is a word for deity. I AM is another name for God. God the Father, Jesus Christ, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. There are many more as well.
Click to expand...
EL means a single deity. -IM is the plural suffix. ELOHIM means multiple deities and thus polytheism. BTW Muslims have a hundred names for Allah. And Inuits have a hundred words describing various conditions of snow. But 'god' is a job title, not a name.
 
phrodeau said:
"Abraham loved me so much he was willing to sacrifice his only son to me. Luckily, I stopped him before he did the dreadful deed. Then I offered my only son as a sacrifice to mankind, and they killed him, those bastards."
Click to expand...

3 in one. He sacrificed himself for us.:cool:
 
Hypoxia said:
EL means a single deity. -IM is the plural suffix. ELOHIM means multiple deities and thus polytheism. BTW Muslims have a hundred names for Allah. And Inuits have a hundred words describing various conditions of snow. But 'god' is a job title, not a name.
Click to expand...

I AM is the name that God gave Moses at the burning bush. Yeshua is the Hebrew word for Jesus. It is translated Joshua into English. Jesus revealed that HE is the I AM at the burning bush. As far as the quran goes... The Bible was written by the actual eyewitnesses to the events. The quran was not. The quran wasn't written until hundreds of years later by a man who wasn't even there and contradict s the accounts of those who were actually there. Actual historians from Christ's day support the Biblical accounts. The quran contradicts the historical accounts of those who were actually there. The quran contradicts the Biblical, eyewitness events of those who were actually there, therefore the quran is false.
 
The oldest firmly established monotheistic religion is Zoroastrianism. Ethically we haven't added a single principle to that through either Judaism, Christianity or Islam.

In the context of this thread it was the Zoroastrians that invented the idea of a heavenly afterlife (circa1400 - 1000 BC). It did not develop in Judaism until about 436 BC, after Cyrus released the Jews from exile in Babylon, and after they had been influenced by Zoroastrianism for 40 years.

Jesus was a follower of Hillel. He was not original in any way, his statement that "I come to teach the law" (the Torah, Jewish law) illustrates that fact. He was a humble tekton (jobbing builder) from the sticks (Gallilee )

Christianity is founded on the notion that resurrection is possible and that nonsense is founded on 3 contradictory texts in the new testament.

Zoroastrians use Haoma in their ceremonies, much more fun than the other monotheists.
 
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