How to get over shyness?

[TruPlaya]

This is a serious thread. Ill try to spill my beans as best and honestly as I can.

Basically, I am a 18 year old, turning 19 in couple months.

I am in University (equiv. to college in US) and second year doing I.T. so in my direct course, I dont meet many girls.

Now, I honestly think I'm alright for a guy, and from the chicks I have previously been with (4) and spoken to they reckon im about 7.5/10 which I dont really care about considering that wasnt by choice.

Now, Im a virgin and havent even reached 2nd base. I have kissed (toungue) before, only once at it was at a dance party couple years back.

I think the reason for this is purely because I am VERY shy. Like, honestly, if me and you are the only ones in the room, and I dont know you, and your smiling/flurting at me, I would be too scared to even go up to you. This HAS to be whats limiting my possibilities with meeting chicks.

Can you people please help me. Since quiting work (Hungry Jacks) I dont really have any female friends at all. At work I was fun guy and flurted with all the chicks alot and had fun, but this is because I knew the girls. Im a very shy and quiet person If I am in a room of people I dont know, be it males or females. Once I know people, then I tend to open up alot.

I understand its easy on the net to merely say 'just go up and say hi' but we all know how it is in real life, and how much harder it is when the girl you passed is beautiful.

Can people please give me some real life tips on how to approach a chick I do not know? Like, on a train where could be sitting by herself, at Uni where she could be waiting to go into a lecture room, or anything. Sooooo many times I walk past a beautiful chick who I would like to get to know, but by the time I think about, turn around to look at her, she has scoooted around.

Ladies, when your walking somewhere, would you think its weird for a guy to come up beside you and start talking?

What kind of things should I say, not sounding corney like, to start a conversation with a complete stranger.

Also, what hints will the girls give me that they want to leave and/or are not interested? Im hoping to try to go up the every chicks I think is beautiful and talking, and I also expect to be rejected 90% of the time. What hand actions/speech/anything should I be weary off?

 

[mokum13]

Sorry to tell you but you wont get over it. If you are a really shy person it's just you.

Dont feel like it's a burdon, just go on with your life and dont rush it.

I know, i'm pretty shy too but still have my share.

 

[Hairgrip]

My partner is very very shy. I am not. The reason we got togther was, quite literaly, because i held his hand, took him back to mine and talked at him until 3 in the morning (or was it 4?). He's a fabulous guy, with more to offer than he could ever believe, but he's shy. To be fair that was one of the things that attracted him to me. He is everything I wanted, and from my ego's point of view he allows me to be the loud, vibrant one.

I'm not trying to sicken you with tales of my love life, but to point out that there are those of us who find shyness attractive. You said that you are a 2nd year uni student? In the uk? if so then why not join one of the clubs/societies/committees of your Students' Union? If you go for horse riding, dance or something simliar then you are sure to meet females.

Being shy need not be seen as a 'problem' which prevents romantic liason, not if you see the advantages of being seen as discrete instead.

Have you ever watched 'would like to meet' on bbc2? tips on meeting people: don't randomly accost strangers in the streets for converstations when you could more easily just start by saying 'hello' to a familiar face in the corridors. Are you in halls? is there a social committee?

ok,
i've got to go to work again. urgh
Hx

 

[TruPlaya]

Naa, sorry, im a second year Software Engineering student in Australia.

Well, I understand what you guys are saying, in the sense that is it just me, but whats testing me is that, when I am around people I know, Im the funny loud enthusiastic one. If im with all my friends, and a single chick or maybe two join our group, im still the same, but if 10 chicks suddenly swarm my friends and I, I go all quiet

 

[capricious_chic]

lol.. that is just self preservation. A swarm of the opposite sex would make anyone nervous.

For many shy people, the 'net has been a huge tool of overcoming shyness. I have seen seemingly shy people, blossom in forums where they can be flirty and chatty with complete strangers.. and eventually it carries over to r/l. There is no harm in flirting with a swarm of girls. Might get your ego stepped on a bit if they don't recipricate, but.. so what? It can all be good fun, especially if one knows how to laugh at ones self. Hmm.. that is one of the things I tend to find attractive, if I blow someone off and they laugh a bit about it and make it a joke. I tend to talk more with them.

Besides, it is always the "quiet" ones that get my attention. I wonder why they are being so quiet, what they are thinking, etc.. It will lead me to asking them, and stricking up an conversation. (works just the opposite with women, I don't trust quiet women..lol)

 

[bunny bondage]

there was a post about this not too long ago called "opening lines" . i'd post it for you here, but i don't know how so i guess i'd say go look it up! ^_^

 

[ub6ibfine]

all i can say is good luck swallow your pride an get it all out when you have the chance never know untill you ask...

 

[Monazwx]

Originally posted by TruPlaya
Can people please give me some real life tips on how to approach a chick I do not know? Like, on a train where could be sitting by herself, at Uni where she could be waiting to go into a lecture room, or anything. Sooooo many times I walk past a beautiful chick who I would like to get to know, but by the time I think about, turn around to look at her, she has scoooted around.

Ladies, when your walking somewhere, would you think its weird for a guy to come up beside you and start talking?

What kind of things should I say, not sounding corney like, to start a conversation with a complete stranger.

Also, what hints will the girls give me that they want to leave and/or are not interested? Im hoping to try to go up the every chicks I think is beautiful and talking, and I also expect to be rejected 90% of the time. What hand actions/speech/anything should I be weary off?

Being a shy person myself, I'll tell you, it's always better to be introduced to a stranger by a friend of the person you want to get to know. However, if no one's around, find a common interest or topic, maybe the weather or something. (I know the weather thing was lame, but you'll find something clever I'm sure.) I think it's kind of creepy if a stranger tries to get too personal with me right away.

Depending on my mood, it could be weird if anyone just comes up to me and just starts talking, esp. a guy. If you smile though, it will relieve the tension of an awkward situation, (but don't count on it). If she's holding books though, that's always a good place to start. Chatting/complaing about subjects is always good.

If girls don't want to talk to you, they'll tell ya, don't worry about that.
Or if they're rude, they'll walk off and not tell you anything.

Why I'm really posting though is to tell you not to approach any and every chick. You'll look desperate. Focus on a few that you are really interested in. Are you taking any elective courses? Maybe you'll meet more women that way and through college groups of course.

I'm not sure about ehand gestures or speech though. It's all relative I guess.
Be funny and flirtateous; and you'll have nothing to worry about.

 

[lovechild27]

Just an FYI....they are finding shyness may be genetic. And no matter what you could suffer almost unbearable anxiety putting yourself into situations where you are more outgoing than usual. Ask your self why you are so shy towards women...is there a reason, or are you just that way?

 

[Weird Harold]

I think the reason for this is purely because I am VERY shy. Like, honestly, if me and you are the only ones in the room, and I dont know you, and your smiling/flurting at me, I would be too scared to even go up to you. This HAS to be whats limiting my possibilities with meeting chicks.

It sounds like your problem is more self-confidence than shyness.

I don't know if Toastmasters are in Australia or not, but taking a public speaking class would do as well to give you more confidence in your conversational skills -- as well as make you more effective as an I.T. person.

 

[bunny bondage]

Just an FYI....they are finding shyness may be genetic. And no matter what you could suffer almost unbearable anxiety putting yourself into situations where you are more outgoing than usual.

yeah, they finally found the gene for shyness. it was hiding behind a few other genes.

 

[peachykeen]

well what an interesting name you've chosen to register yourself under, if this is the case...

 

[gumby5647]

I too am shy. I know where you are coming from. It's hard as all get out to talk to that "one girl". The key is to find one thing you have in common. It'll make talking to her much more easier. Maybe you found out that she is taking a class that you have already had before. You can go up to her and offer your services as a tutor. Or perhaps you notice that she is reading a book that you've already read before. Then as you are walking by one day, just casually mention "that's a great book".

Etc etc etc.