How to get over a breakup...

[woodflower]

with a fuck buddy?

he says we can continue to chat if i wanted to, but it just hurts too much...

 

[elib257]

with a fuck buddy?

he says we can continue to chat if i wanted to, but it just hurts too much...

He sounds like he was more than a fuck buddy in your eyes. The very point is not to get emotionally involved (which is nigh on impossible...).

So to my mind the way to get over him is the same as you would in any relationship. Think it through. What would you get out of a friendship? The answer is probably not much. The biggest reason you want to stay friends is that you think there's still a chance you'll get back together. The reality is that if he does want you back at some point, he'll contact you no matter whether you stay friends or not.

My advice is to say no. End it amicably, explain it to him and then just stop. Delete numbers, e-mail addresses, facebooks etc. It's horrible but it works eventually.

Go and do something fun and smile.

 

[bailadora]

Oh, dear... I'm so sorry. Big hugs for you. I'm with Elib on this one. Cut off all contact, give yourself time to grieve the relationship and then move on.

 

[gloriann]

Total agreement with the other two posters above me. Take care of yourself.

 

[MissChristine]

I had a "fuck buddy" that I fucked on and off for a year that I broke up with in the spring. It wasn't a planned break up, but I found my current boyfriend, and didn't want a fuckbuddy on the side (I wish to remain faithful). While it was convenient and fun at the time to have a fuckbuddy, I did get very emotionally attached to him. I wish he would have made me his girlfriend, but he would tell me that while he liked me, thought I was beautiful, etc. he could never see me as his gf. I basically quit talking to him when I met my bf because I knew it would be awkward. I was happy, when I heard that he had found someone (although later found out it didn't last). Interestingly enough, after he broke up with his gf he started calling me again. I'm now able to talk to him, as friends, but it is still a little awkward when he'll ask me how things are with my boyfriend, etc. He doesn't understand why I quit talking to him for months, he seems to think I should be able to switch easily from fuck buddy back to friend but it doesn't work that way.

My advice, if you want to keep in contact with this guy, give it a month or two. Then, maybe you'll both be ready to be plutonic friends (if that is possible in your situation). Only you know what is best for you.

 

[woodflower]

thanks all for your advice and encouragement. it's been a rough few days but i'm hanging tough.

i admit i did get emotionally involved, but with him being my first FB i really didn't know what i was getting myself into. i will have to think long and hard before i get myself into that situation again.

 

[SweetErika]

thanks all for your advice and encouragement. it's been a rough few days but i'm hanging tough.

i admit i did get emotionally involved, but with him being my first FB i really didn't know what i was getting myself into. i will have to think long and hard before i get myself into that situation again.

Yeah, I can't do it without emotional involvement. Sex has an inherent emotional base for me, and the whole, 'I'll fuck you, but I won't date you,' thing leaves me feeling very used and not liking myself at all. I also don't want to risk pregnancy or STDs with a casual partner. There are no guarantees, but I'd rather take that risk with someone who has the potential to make a further commitment.

I know some women can do NSA sex without ill effects, but it seems like they're few and very far between.

It sounds like you gained some very valuable knowledge about yourself through this experience - knowledge that'll likely save you far more pain in the future.

Take care!

 

[woodflower]

Thanks, SweetErika, for your kind words!

Pardon my ignorance, what is 'NSA?'

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks, SweetErika, for your kind words!

Pardon my ignorance, what is 'NSA?'

No Strings Attached.

By my definitions, a fuck buddy is NSA; friends with benefits isn't NSA, because there is, presumably, some kind of emotional attachment and caring behind the friendship and sex, even though there's no romantic intention/attachment.

 

[CWatson]

Possibly the National Security Agency, but in light of the context, probably "No Strings Attached."

Don't worry about having fallen for the guy, BTW. Sex is about intimacy, which is not something you can feel with strangers; I don't think there are many guys who can do FwB. (I might be wrong, of course; I have only my one attempt to go on, which ended two hours after it started because we both discovered that no-strings-attached sex is not our cup of tea.)