How to get back into the bedroom after a breakup?

[lovethewayulie]

I recently broke it off with my boyfriend of three years, how do you get back into the bedroom with a new guy after that long? Is just a one night stand the way to go or should I take it slow? I am feeling kind of desperate...

 

[LadyVer]

I don't know, but desperation never worked much for me. I find getting to know someone works better for me. It helps to separate the nice guys from the not so nice guys.

 

[Gaslamp_Society]

Desperate that you will never have another relationship? or desperate for sex? There is a def. danger in hooking up in the middle of a rebound...as a new fling/thing my help assuage the pain and make you feel better, but if the former relationship hasn't been quite resolved and you have given yourself the time to establish some closure...you may very well run into similar scenarios that maybe led to your current breakup. Desperation can lead to some not-so-balanced choices that you could regret down the line...and may cause you to be vulnerable.

 

[lovethewayulie]

Desperate that you will never have another relationship? or desperate for sex? There is a def. danger in hooking up in the middle of a rebound...as a new fling/thing my help assuage the pain and make you feel better, but if the former relationship hasn't been quite resolved and established some closure...you may run into similar scenarios that maybe led to your current breakup. Desperation can lead to some not-so-balance choices that you ill regret down the line...and may cause you to be vulnerable to predators trying to make an easy score or you run into a similar relationship, ignoring your inner red-flag alarm system that says "avoid, avoid!" Haha

Desperate for sex. I don't think I'm ready for a full on relationship yet though...

 

[Gaslamp_Society]

I think slowing down, and asking yourself what you need may help. When I went through a relationship disaster, part of me just wanted to nail the first thing that invoke some lust in me...but I sorta have a overriding conscience...telling me that what it sounded like I was doing was preparing to use someone. I wasn't ready for that sort of complication...and I didn't want to deaden my feelings so I can just get my bang on. But that's me. Only you know your story and you have to tap into what you know is going to work for you. My concern is that one night stands aren't good fodder for curing lonliness...and may very well increase the feelings of longing and isolation. But many have found one another in similar scenarios and just want to have a sex buddy relationship...and if you are on that path then you ought to do can to make it is safe as possible...like disease checks and whatnot. I wish you the best.

 

[stockman35]

First off, we need to know your age. The younger you are--the better your options. Secondly, you went three years with the other relationship, did you intend for it to end differently? With any new dating situation, you'll need to find a person who will suit your "current" lifestyle. I am wishing you all the best.

 

[silverwhisper]

i think it's really important to know how you want it to go, then devise a strategy to accomplish that.

ed

 

[KlaytonFrost]

If you just want sex then go get it, Tiger. Play safe, and have realistic expectations and you'll have a great time. After three years in a relationship I imagine you want to enjoy some time being single...

 

[dougsan]

If you were a guy, IMO the advice would be mostly the same, go out and get laid. Worry later. My suggestion to you is find a nice guy, have sex and think about what you want to do next. As long as your loins are in lust mode, I don't think you'll be able to think too clearly about "next steps."

Funny, 15 or so years ago I would have recommended you go home, use your toys and relax. Back then, women didn't want or understand random, stranger sex, or somany of us thought.

 

[Aphro]

I guess it's overly simplistic of me to suggest that you wait until you find someone you want to have sex with, and then have sex with them?

It's not like your going to forget how to do it or anything, so

 

[lovethewayulie]

First off, we need to know your age. The younger you are--the better your options. Secondly, you went three years with the other relationship, did you intend for it to end differently? With any new dating situation, you'll need to find a person who will suit your "current" lifestyle. I am wishing you all the best.

I'm 20 soon to be 21.

I thought we were going to get engaged and then married, but he cheated and I broke up with him. I don't really want to rush back into a relationship.
I think I will just have some hot one night stands.

 

[TildaS]

20 here too. I'd say flirt like mad but don't have full sex till you're ready mentally. Not harsh just meant moved on and happy with current situation which you're saying not now. Still plenty of fun to be had with whatever kind of guy/person you're into or the mood takes you.

Full sex I find leads to other feelings and you either get too attached and becomes a FwB thing which is great if happy but all sorts of drama if not in a good place, or else can lead you into another relationship with someone who's not right for you or that you weren't ready for which again down the road causes major drama.

Lots of fooling around with whoever you want get your O fix in many ways but avoid full sex would be my (probably odd) advise. Just seems a different stage to me but I'm weird I think!!

 

[subwannabe]

A dildo and an imagination can go a long way and you don't usually wind up with herpes.

 

[KinkyVinyl]

Desperate that you will never have another relationship? or desperate for sex? There is a def. danger in hooking up in the middle of a rebound...as a new fling/thing my help assuage the pain and make you feel better, but if the former relationship hasn't been quite resolved and you have given yourself the time to establish some closure...you may very well run into similar scenarios that maybe led to your current breakup. Desperation can lead to some not-so-balanced choices that you could regret down the line...and may cause you to be vulnerable.

I'd definitely go with this piece of advice. Although the 'transitional' f*ck may make you feel better initially and may even erase the pain of your loss, you always manage to take into a new relationship what you left from the last one. If a relationship ends well (if that's possible) then you learn a good lesson but if it ends badly then you carry those negative feelings into the next relationship and your confidence will suffer - hence the vulnerability. Get a vibrator (not a flippant remark by any means)