How to find a mate

[Vessira]

So I'm not really sure what I'm looking for. Advice maybe? I'd like to meet someone in my area I can develop a relationship with, who is into the same stuff I am, but I don't really know how. This is one of the reasons I came to lit, hoping to find someone in my area, but so far there aren't many. How do you go about meeting people in the Real World and getting to know them who might be into the BDSM lifestyle. Some people have suggested to me I check out the local Munch, but I'm kind of scared to go on my own. I'm more into the D/S than S/M. I've used sites like ALT and Bondage.com before, but most people there seem to be looking for 24/7 slaves or just people for sex, which is not what I'm after. I've only really been in one BDSM relationship before and don't really know too many other in the lifestyle. Thanks.

 

[esclave_PP]

Hi Vessira, I'll try and attempt to answer your poignant question.

Since you've dabbled in the lifestyle, you seem to know what's out there for the most part. Online you're going to find mostly players (with exceptions of course) who just want sex or something kinky.

A local munch is not something to be scared of. Munches by definition are not play parties. Typically it is where Tops and Bottoms get together to learn and discuss things related to BDSM and what not. I bet if you google your local area you'll find some.

And as far as a relationship goes, if you hang around with people that share the same interests as you, you're bound (no pun intended) to find someone that is similar to you.

Best of luck!

 

[Vessira]

I know munches aren't play parties, but I'm very shy around new people, and even moreso around groups of new people, especially when I don't know anyone there. :/

 

[CutieMouse]

I know munches aren't play parties, but I'm very shy around new people, and even moreso around groups of new people, especially when I don't know anyone there. :/

I'm such the wallflower in large groups, and despise doing things alone, so I can totaly relate to where you're coming from.

One of the smartest things I did a few years ago (there aren't any munches where I live, now) was make myself go to a Leatherfest weekend (I do much better when I can quietly sit and take notes. *laughing*), and go to a munch a time or two. I regret not doing it more often, when it was available to me.

They should have greeters- just tell one of them you're new, nervous in large groups, and ask for help. I'm sure they will introduce you to a few people, and help you find a small group of people to eat dinner with. then the next time you go, you'll know a few people... or you can be really smart, and volunteer to do something like give out name tags, so you have a job to take you mind off being nervous, AND get to meet everyone.

 

[His_pita]

Try to find out if there are any BDSM Yahoo groups in your area. We have several where I live and by joining them we are able to get to know what is going on in our area and get to know some of the people.

My Sir and I just started attending Munches and I was very nervous about what to expect so I understand your hesitation about going. But, really they are just people and from what I have learned very welcoming to new people.

Good luck to you. I met my Dom on Literotica in a completely non-BDSM topic. So, don't limit yourself and where you might find the perfect one for you.

 

[m wisdom]

One group I've been to had an ambassador system set up, where new members would get someone that would show them around and go with them to munches and parties so that they wouldn't have to go by them self. You can see if any of your local groups have anything like that.