How to...deal with long distance relationships

[chinalady]

Can anyone give me some advice on how to cope with long distance relationships? My guy lives a couple of hours away so we see each other during the weekends. I have a fulltime job so naturally I would have to live closer to my job. When we're together, it's wonderful, but the weekend is never enough. Everytime I come home, I feel so empty. I get so depressed and I would cry. We try to talk on the phone or chat as much as we can over the weekdays, but it's almost impossible since our work schedules do not coincide with each other. I work evenings and he works days. I try to keep busy...and right now I'm in the process of applying for a job closer to where he is...but what can I do for the meantime? Any advice is appreciated...and thank you.

 

[Bandit58]

Here's a link to a thread which may be of help:

Long Distance Relationships

LDRs can be very hard to maintain, but if there's going to be an end in sight to the separation then you have something to work towards. Hope it all works out for you

 

[chinalady]

Thanks for the thread. I have to admit that the relationship has gotten a lot better now. I had moved out of state, but moved back to be with him. I tried to find a job in the same area he lived, but there were no jobs available. We communicate and are honest with each other. The trust is definitely there. It's the separation and just not seeing him and not being around him really hurts. We talked about it earlier, and he admitted that it wasn't easy for him either, but reassured me that he wasn't giving up on us.

 

[jadefirefly]

You can manage it, just keep positive!

I live in AZ. My SO is on the east coast -- and that's when he's not been dragged off to Afghanistan for a year. Talk about LDR!

We are simply in constant, constant communication. As often as is possible. I send emails, every day if I can, about simple things like how my day went. When he has access to a computer, he does the same thing. Sometimes, we even manage to be on Yahoo IM at the same time, and that'll just liven up my spirits for days.

I actually got a real, live phone call two weeks ago. I'm still grinning about that.

Stay positive, and remember to keep doing all those little things for each other to remind them that you still miss them and love them.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Keep it positive, that's the best advice I have ever heard in dealing with an LDR!!!

Make the most of every moment together, never leave or hang up the phone without settling an argument, and never go to sleep at night with remembering them in your prayers. And always remember that there's alight at the end of this tunnel. You will find a job closer and you will be together. Nothing worth having is ever easy.

 

[midwestyankee]

Love is not easy, even when you live near each other, so each relationship simply is what it is.

I like TBK's advice to keep it positive. While you may miss each other very much, if you dwell on that in every call and every email, soon the negativity will begin to take over the relationship. Instead, try hard to focus on the joy of being together in whatever way is possible right now, today, at this moment.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Hey thanks, but to give credit where it's due, that was jadefirefly's advice. I was just saying I think that's the best advice on LDRs that I've heard, because like you said, it's too easy to dwell ont he smal negative stuff.

 

[chinalady]

Thanks again to all.

WOW! Jadefirefly, I really do feel for you, yet I admire you for keeping it together and being strong. More power to you and your relationship! And everyone's advice was just wonderful.
Today was actually a little better. We talked on the phone a few times. I got sort of choked up but I did okay. Our conversations weren't very long (about 5 minutes) just to talk about the little things that have been going on. I guess it's better than nothing.
We do look forward for this weekend since we are going to spend Christmas together and we will make this a memorable one for us.
Hope everyone will have a great holiday! Again, thanks for everyone's advice.

 

[jadefirefly]

Have yourself an -awesome- Christmas, chinalady, and make sure, above all else, to make yourself some memories to tide you through the patches when you can't be together!

TBK makes a great point, with 'nothing worth having is ever easy'. But silly as it sounds, you can still make it fun! Find small games, or rituals, that you can share together even when you're not with each other. Little things you do, or think about, at the same time, so that you both know that you're thinking of each other.

Sign every e-mail or letter, and end every phone call, with "I love you". Sure, you both already know it, but it doesn't hurt to remind each other of it! Heck, toss it into the middle, too! As much as you want! My SO and I sort of have an unspoken rule-thing, where we try to sign off our emails differently every time, or at least not the same way twice in a row, so we have creative ways of saying I love you. And any day that I manage to get on and check my email, which is usually every day, I send at least one email to him, just letting him know about my day.

It's funny, because just ranting in an email about the stupid things that annoyed me at work that day, is just as relaxing as if he was really sitting there listening to me vent. And it lets him know that I'm thinking of him every day, too.

There's lots of little things that you can do for each other if you're creative!

Hope your holiday is a great one, and keep smiling!

 

[chinalady]

an update

How was everyone's holidays? Hope it went well. Mine was so great that I didn't want it to end but it did. Tried my best not to get depressed and remembered the good times my guy and I had when I felt down.
Some good news! I got a job interview this week. Can't wait. I know I will do my best.

 

[mcopado]

Can anyone give me some advice on how to cope with long distance relationships? My guy lives a couple of hours away so we see each other during the weekends. I have a fulltime job so naturally I would have to live closer to my job. When we're together, it's wonderful, but the weekend is never enough. Everytime I come home, I feel so empty. I get so depressed and I would cry. We try to talk on the phone or chat as much as we can over the weekdays, but it's almost impossible since our work schedules do not coincide with each other. I work evenings and he works days. I try to keep busy...and right now I'm in the process of applying for a job closer to where he is...but what can I do for the meantime? Any advice is appreciated...and thank you.

Wow great thread, I hope there is a lot of advice to follow on here....
My SO is in Australia and I'm in the US...Lot's of long distance phone calls (Ew) chatting on yahoo voice while playing endless games of pool, lots of tears...Very creative phone, cyber sex...plus a healthy measure of fear and doubt to toss in the mix....

Am I ready to chuck it in for a local girl? No way...She is the one person who seems to get me.....I resisted falling in love, but it is too late...what does the future hold? We don't know....but we're willing to try for mow...

Any advice will be greatly appreciated...

 

[BelleDragoness]

When I first met my husband back in 1988, he was living 8 hours drive away in a different state and we could only see each other every few weeks because of my school holidays and his work. We'd talk on the phone every Sunday and it was usually him ringing on a payphone. Oh how I wish I had the internet back then!

All I can say is stick to it because the rewards at the end of it all are fantastic.

 

[LadyJeanne]

LDRs work best when there's an end in sight, even if it's a long way off. Knowing that you'll be together in the future makes it slightly easier to be apart, and gives you something to look forward to, and a reason to stay strong through the rough parts. It also helps you keep things in perspective.

It's still hard, though. I was in an LDR after college, and I remember I used to get so frustrated when I'd be walking down the street and would notice a couple in front of me holding hands or stopping for a quick kiss. That was in the days before the internet , so all we had were our frequent visits, the phone, and letters . I'm in an LDR now, and the internet makes it soooo much easier to handle.

I don't have any great tips, though...not ones you haven't thought of, I'm sure. Stay close to your friends - they can save your sanity and keep you from feeling super-lonely. Put a lot of effort into looking for a job closer to where he lives. If you're only two hours apart, could you both move an hour closer to each other until you get that job?

Pamper yourself, and stay involved in your favorite sports, hobbies, activities. And force yourself to look at the silver lining...at least you have someone in your life to love who loves you. Many people don't have that and wish they were in your shoes.

 

[chinalady]

Wow great thread, I hope there is a lot of advice to follow on here....
My SO is in Australia and I'm in the US...Lot's of long distance phone calls (Ew) chatting on yahoo voice while playing endless games of pool, lots of tears...Very creative phone, cyber sex...plus a healthy measure of fear and doubt to toss in the mix....

Am I ready to chuck it in for a local girl? No way...She is the one person who seems to get me.....I resisted falling in love, but it is too late...what does the future hold? We don't know....but we're willing to try for mow...

Any advice will be greatly appreciated...

Talk about an LDR! I know how you feel, Mcopado. I used to have fear and doubt as well. We had only been dating for a month before our LDR began, but we're managing. Constant communication is the key. When I lived out of state, I mailed my guy a card almost every two weeks. Emaling e-cards are cool too since it's faster, but I also like mailing greeting cards because it's something he can keep and hold onto. And if I can't get a hold of him by phone, I just email him a little "I love you" note to let him know that I think about him.

LDRs work best when there's an end in sight, even if it's a long way off. Knowing that you'll be together in the future makes it slightly easier to be apart, and gives you something to look forward to, and a reason to stay strong through the rough parts. It also helps you keep things in perspective.

It's still hard, though. I was in an LDR after college, and I remember I used to get so frustrated when I'd be walking down the street and would notice a couple in front of me holding hands or stopping for a quick kiss. That was in the days before the internet , so all we had were our frequent visits, the phone, and letters . I'm in an LDR now, and the internet makes it soooo much easier to handle.

I don't have any great tips, though...not ones you haven't thought of, I'm sure. Stay close to your friends - they can save your sanity and keep you from feeling super-lonely. Put a lot of effort into looking for a job closer to where he lives. If you're only two hours apart, could you both move an hour closer to each other until you get that job?

Pamper yourself, and stay involved in your favorite sports, hobbies, activities. And force yourself to look at the silver lining...at least you have someone in your life to love who loves you. Many people don't have that and wish they were in your shoes.

Very well said, Lady Jeanne. I think having friends to talk to keeps the mind sane. LOL! And staying busy as well...whether it's work or just doing chores or errands.
I actually went for that interview...and they're offering me the job! I'm going to take it and may start in a few months.

Anyway, good luck to all of you. I hope things will work out.

 

[mcopado]

All I can say is thank God for the internet...Ecards are great and I even found an Australian Florist who I can order online and have them delivered the same day...Since it is night there when I order....she get's them by early afternnon her time...

I think the 2 things that are important is creativity and communication...

I just got a Christmas package from her...only a few days after Chrstmas...really made my day....One of the things she sent me was a "clone your " kit that I'm supposed to use and mail back the "finished product"

The trouble is the instructions say that you need 2 more hands to "help" sort of like a clone your willie "fluffer" haven't figured out how I'm gonna manage that

 

[mcopado]

I will say we had an "interesting" new Years...Asian_Princess was attending a confrence in Sydney...she calls me at 5 minutes before 8am my time...I get to hear a vietnamese/australian New Years cheer...then she calls me 5 minutes before my midnight and gets to hear an american raucous bar celebration....

I was with former congregants so they kept me sane on New Years...

 

[averageblonde]

Can anyone give me some advice on how to cope with long distance relationships? My guy lives a couple of hours away so we see each other during the weekends. I have a fulltime job so naturally I would have to live closer to my job. When we're together, it's wonderful, but the weekend is never enough. Everytime I come home, I feel so empty. I get so depressed and I would cry. We try to talk on the phone or chat as much as we can over the weekdays, but it's almost impossible since our work schedules do not coincide with each other. I work evenings and he works days. I try to keep busy...and right now I'm in the process of applying for a job closer to where he is...but what can I do for the meantime? Any advice is appreciated...and thank you.

I am actually in the same exact position as you. It is so hard to keep up the relationship. The only thing that I can reccomend is to talk as much as you can and even if you can only talk for 5 minutes do it. It makes everything so much better. Also, if you want the relationship to work, you will make it work. As long as you work for this relationship, it should be okay. Good luck.

 

[Munachi]

hm... Had a three year long distance relationship, me in germany, he the first year in the czech republic, then the next two years in the US... in retrospect, I actually think it wouldn't have lasted as long had we been in the same country, maybe... Anyway, what helped me were phonecalls, and planning the next visit as soon as I got back home from one, so I always knew how many months/weeks/days/(I even calculated the hours, sometimes) until I see him again.

Have now recently been in a situation that could have developed into a long distance relationship, but with the distance being even considerably longer, and in a situation where I have very little money for travel and he even less so. So I kind of decided against it, but couldn't really decide against it either, so it's one of these weird things just now... that I have to just let time do to whatever time does...

As said above, the important thing is probably perspective, without that it won't work. You have to know that one day you will be together. And an equal will from both sides to work on it. And a life besides the relationship to keep you busy.