How to deal with feelings for hot receptionist.

[mac3897]

Looks also or a bit of advice on this one... it seems that I have a bit of a crush or possibly an infatuation with the gorgeous bond receptionist at my office.
A bit of background...She is not married but she does mention her boyfriend frequently and hopes that he does propose to her but it hasn't happened yet. She is extremely nice and very friendly with me in a purely platonic way ( or so I think). However every now and then I seem to get the feeling that she is flirting(admittedly I have been out of the game for a while so I can't really be sure) For one example on her lunch she called me to take a ride to the gas station to look at her car tire due to low air. On the way back she said she wished she didn't have to go back to work!?!? Was that a hint I missed?... so confusing.

Now I am married and usually very happy to be. My wife has been very depressed ( medically and clinically to the point she is on some very hard meds) She has been uninterested if just about everything including any physical contact or intimacy.
I have never cheated and don't plan on it however I still can't stop these somewhat unknown feelings.

It very well could be the lack of any intimacy at home that's causing me to feel this and I don't know how to handle it.
I also really feel angry/guilty with myself for even thinking about this.

Has any one else had to deal with something like this before? How did it turn out?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

She's interested.

 

[southern_gal]

Right after you go out on that limb, take the rest of the day off and find yourself a good lawyer. Your wife may suffer from depression but that does not, by any means make her an idiot.

 

[fgarvb1]

So you are not getting any and you are horny.

Yeah, from time to time temptation does come along.

Sounds normal enough.

What can you live with?

 

[NightL]

How to deal with feelings for hot receptionist

with one of these

...then walk away

 

[GiggLeGasm]

cheat?
totally up to you.

cheat with someone at work?
hahaha.. no.

 

[silverwhisper]

ignore james, he trolls periodically.

you're married. you address this by jerking off periodically. you already know she has a boyfriend. unless you're honestly thinking that you wanna ditch on your sick wife (aka, pulling a gingrich), you aren't offering her anything she actually wants.

pull on the big boy pants and deal.

ed

 

[MatthewVett]

Saltpeter.

 

[tmmmbrrr]

I can't add anything to NightL's, GiggLeGasm's, silverwhisper's words of wisdom except that you should scroll back up and reread them. Good advice. Sorry that things are the way they are at home. Sometimes that's life.

 

[bailadora]

I've been the one dealing with depression and I've been the one trying to hold it together while my spouse was dealing with his own issues. It's no picnic, whatever side of the coin you happen to be on.

Have you considered counseling? It won't do anything to lessen the sexual frustration you're experiencing, but you'll likely learn strategies to better cope at home.

 

[amofiga]

I have had a similar situation only the difference was that the "other" woman I was involved with was the one depressed and mentally unstable. She ended up becoming obsessive (think "Fatal Attractions") and it turned out very bad. It nearly cost me my marriage.

While it is indeed possible to have an outside sexual interest, and it can work if you are both super discrete, it is playing with expolsives, not just fire. There could actually be more of a problem if one is single than if both are married. The "single" one can start to feel entitled and develop deep feelings and expect that the married one feels the same. It's truly playing with fire ESPECIALLY if it's in the work place.

Regardless of how discreet you think you're being, people around you see, sense, and pick up on signals even if there are no overt acts of affection. I wish I had a nickel for every affair at my old work place that people knew about when the principles thought they were acting in secret. Just get spotted playing footsie at some restaurant or giggling together in the supermarket. People talk even if there really is nothing going on. This is especially true if one is single and has nothing to lose by letting a few words slip to her girlfriends about how "she and the boss get along REALLY well." I saw three marriages break up because of this over the years and I'm sure there were some I never knew about.

I was very lucky and was able to save my marriage after almost two years of tension and anger plus thousands of dollars in lawyer fees and marriage counseling. Yes, it is possible that discreet relationships can work if both partners are careful and recognize that BOTH partners have someting to lose if they aren't. This translates to two married people versus a married and single. I'm NOT recommending it. I'm just indicating what I think is a truth. Perhapse "two criminals" can work together better than a criminal and an honest person. Messing around with a co-worker is a couble whammy. Not only could it cost you your marriage, it could well cost you your job.

Think twice with your the big head on your shoulders before you let the little head in your pants tell you what to do. Been there, done that, didn't get the tee shirt but almost lost my shirt for sure.

 

[mac3897]

Thanks for the info everyone. when it comes down to it I truly believe I would never actual cheat. I know I have too much too lose in my marriage as well job. And I certainly don't want to break any one else apart either.
I guess I was just venting a bit about my frustrating situation. It's really not even about sex at this point. I guess I needed a little attention and this whole thing just got the mind racing and as this kind of thing does not happen to me I was unsure how to handle it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Naaah She's interested. When a woman is interested she finds ways to be near you, and in your thoughts. All a man need do is bide his time and wait for the attack, then decide what he plans to do about it.

Does she wanna be in your bed? I dont know. But I know this much, when a man feels twitterpated and confused and uncertain, the gal is likely up to mischief with an unhappy ending for the man. If its sex she wants she'll measure your enthusiasm and come after you, or not, in a clear & direct way. If its sex she wants shell lure you to a cave of her choosing.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Thanks for the info everyone. when it comes down to it I truly believe I would never actual cheat. I know I have too much too lose in my marriage as well job. And I certainly don't want to break any one else apart either.
I guess I was just venting a bit about my frustrating situation. It's really not even about sex at this point. I guess I needed a little attention and this whole thing just got the mind racing and as this kind of thing does not happen to me I was unsure how to handle it.

Nonsense. Youre interested, too. If the woman wasnt under your skin you wouldnt feel the angst and conflict.

 

[Aphro]

Looks also or a bit of advice on this one... it seems that I have a bit of a crush or possibly an infatuation with the gorgeous bond receptionist at my office.

Not Moneypenny at it again?!

 

[Aphro]

Double post. oops.

 

[MsQuote]

Thanks for the info everyone. when it comes down to it I truly believe I would never actual cheat. I know I have too much too lose in my marriage as well job. And I certainly don't want to break any one else apart either.
I guess I was just venting a bit about my frustrating situation. It's really not even about sex at this point. I guess I needed a little attention and this whole thing just got the mind racing and as this kind of thing does not happen to me I was unsure how to handle it.

Of course you need attention. It's human.

However, between your wife's depression and her meds, it's probably impossible for her to think about sex and intimacy.

You might want to see a counselor/therapist to help you deal with your challenges and frustrations with being your wife's main support system. It might help you understand what she's going through and how to best help her.

 

[mac3897]

Thanks for all the suppport while I vented. We are actually talking to a Dr now and I think it's helping both of us but I think it will still be a long road.

 

[Eilan]

Thanks for all the suppport while I vented. We are actually talking to a Dr now and I think it's helping both of us but I think it will still be a long road.

Good luck to both of you.

 

[blackleggings]

I haven't read through the responses, but what's wrong with being married and having feelings/infatuation for your coworker? I mean, if you act upon them, that's when things get blurry. I'm not sure that I'd read into her comment about wishing she didn't have to go back to work as much more than that, wishing she didn't have to go to work. I say things like that ALL the time. Especially on sunny beautiful days and even more so when I've stepped out of work in the middle of the day.

I think if you've already decided that you wouldn't cheat, then enjoy the infatuation and fantasies for what they are. Have fun with them!

I wish you the best of luck with your wife though!

 

[njlauren]

Mac-
It could be she was just flirting, it could be she was interested, but you don't know, and if you pursued her and it was real, you would end up hurting 4 people, yourself (you would feel guilt I suspect, based on your posting, asking questions), your wife (who not only would be hurt at you cheating, but would probably also beat herself up), the receptionist (who if she loves her BF enough to want to get married, would feel guilt) and the BF..and workplace stuff is also tricky.

I am speaking from experience, I know what you are going through directly, and it sucks. My wife was sexually abused as a child, it was horrible, the worst you can imagine, and it colored a lot of our lives together, we really loved each other, but our sex life sucked for a lot of years (among other things, lack of desire on my wife's part, saying she couldn't understand what the fuss about sex was), and also things I couldn't do to her, like oral sex or certain type of touching. What happened came out in therapy, and if it was bad before therapy, it was downright non existent in the middle of it, and it was hard on so many grounds (and I had to watch her come apart as she relived what happened, literally had to pick her up and carry her out of sessions, people must have thought I drugged her or something). And it took a lot of years to recover, and for me to recover from bad habits, too , like living up in my head and letting fantasy and such replace reality.....

I am glad you are talking to the doctor about it, there are treatments that can help with depressed sex drives (among other things, some of the anti depressant meds drive your libido through the ground), she also might have hormonal problems, both from the meds,and also simply from being depressed, that can be treated as well, might be worth having her get checked out for her hormonal stuff, too. More importantly, talk about it, one thing I tried to do was tell my wife I loved her, that what happened had nothing to do with us, that I loved her, and yes, I also talked about my own pain, the issues I had........communicating is important always, but during this, very important. Can I also give one other piece of advice? If your gives your permission to have sex outside the marriage , recognizing this, don't take her up on it (thank her for it, for the thought), my wife offered that and our therapist, who was no prude, very clearly told me that it would destroy her and I, that when someone offers something like that out of guilt and feeling inadequate, it is not real, as much as they want it to be, and I know of two other spouses of abuse survivors I was talked to about our situations, whose wives did that, they had some anonymous sex, and it caused serious issues, it made the wife's situation even worse and it bred resentment.

I like what others say , fantasizing about the receptionist, flirting with her, or fantasizing about other stuff is fine, fantasies are just that, and you aren't being disloyal....or fantasize about all the nasty stuff you and wife are gonna do when she gets better.....I wish you luck, it isn't easy, and you know how bad it is when suzy and sally turn ya down some nights, saying they are tired

If you want someone to vent, yell, scream and otherwise commiserate, feel free to PM me,up to you.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

In America we've become a nation of snotty nosed, self absorbed, candy ass, narcissists.

Stop inviting trouble and do your duty to your wife. Manup for once in your life.

 

[1Browneyedguy]

I would

agree with most everyone here...

"I don't know how you cime to that conclusion based on the above information. I would hazard to guess that she is just flirting. Flirting doesn't always mean someone wants to be with you. Sometimes flirting is just flirting. I would wait this situation out if it was me."


You could always write a fantasy and post it on Lit... but otherwise.. keep it zipped up