How to deal with Craigslist (or other similar things)

[TooResponsible]

My wife and I have been talking about threesome/swapping fantasies for a while now (I'm talking years), but we've never quite managed to pull the trigger. We are starting to discuss it more again the last couple weeks and we're thinking about posting a Craigslist ad to try and find a person/couple to hook up with. On the one hand, this seems a popular avenue for finding these kinds of hookups. On the other hand, it seems there must be a lot of bullshit on there, because everyone seems to specifically mention it in their posts.

So here are my questions:
1. Do you have any tips for how to recognize bullshit ads?
2. If we post our own ad, do you have tips for how to recognize bullshit responses?
3. What do you usually do to verify that someone is serious?
4. Any other tips?

I understand that you can't go into something like this without being willing to take on some level of risk, but it would be nice to avoid some of the easiest pitfalls if possible.

Also, if you have ideas for venues besides Craigslist I'd love to hear them as well.

 

[NightL]

Somewhere along the path you both have to actually meet people with the same interests. No magical right person will suddenly appear out of Craigslist - they maybe there but it will actually take effort. Why not do a little research for the area you live in, you may be very surprised at what groups and clubs are operating under your nose. If the idea of swingers clubs make you nervous, search out fetish clubs where the emphasis maybe more about socialising. Attend an evening, the people won't bite (unless you give permission) - in a well run club no one will pressure you - talk to the people there and ask them of their reasons for being there. Compare interests, maybe that venue is not to your likes but people there may well know of other venues that suit your interest level.

At a club you will get the opportunity to mix with many rather than hoping that one person from Craigslist will meet your requirements. I would assume that a face to face meeting from Craigslist would have much higher expectation of following through - and that could be with someone inappropriate.

Find a club that is just as much about dancing, socialising and costuming than straight out sex. In such an environment no one will feel awkward about discussing each others kinks and desires even if they are not complimentary to yours. Go once, twice, go regularly for a year if you wish before taking the next step of involving others in your sex life. Meet people you like and can become friends with. Maybe the environment is enough alone to heighten your desires as a couple without the need to bring in others. Having sex in a room while other couples are doing the same can be amazing without including or swapping.

At such a club you can take it step by step to you find your comfort level. Many couples in attendance may never participate beyond just enjoying socialising in such an environment.

 

[TooResponsible]

Hmm. I'll have to check into that. I've always felt that even just a little step like going to a club and not doing anything could be pretty exciting. Heck, just talking about bringing in other people gets us both going at this point. The main concern with clubs, I think, is that we're both pretty shy in big group settings and have trouble with conversation at parties. That's largely why a kind of "dating" scenario is more appealing. But that's a problem that goes beyond our sex lives . On the other hand, from what I've read it sounds like some clubs can be pretty friendly to newcomers, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

Thanks for the reply!

 

[tkinsc]

The club idea is an excellent idea. My wifew was hesitant to go to one for the first time, but loved it when she went.

If you want to keep things on line, you could try a swingers web site (such as Swing Lifestyle). You can find plenty of couples and single, and the occasional single women, on these sites.

 

[amica]

Go with swinglifestyle, SLS for short. Start with a free account, be sure to fill in some quality, interesting information about yourself. Keep an eye on the hotdates, events going on in your area, send out a few emails. We found out where the swinger friendly bars were in our area by watching the hotdates listings. Go to a hotel party or two- even if you don't hook up with anyone, they're really fun to experience! And we've found most situations to be low-pressure, and we leave if it's not our thing...

 

[deyv]

My wife and I have been talking about threesome/swapping fantasies for a while now (I'm talking years), but we've never quite managed to pull the trigger. We are starting to discuss it more again the last couple weeks and we're thinking about posting a Craigslist ad to try and find a person/couple to hook up with. On the one hand, this seems a popular avenue for finding these kinds of hookups. On the other hand, it seems there must be a lot of bullshit on there, because everyone seems to specifically mention it in their posts.

So here are my questions:
1. Do you have any tips for how to recognize bullshit ads?
2. If we post our own ad, do you have tips for how to recognize bullshit responses?
3. What do you usually do to verify that someone is serious?
4. Any other tips?

I understand that you can't go into something like this without being willing to take on some level of risk, but it would be nice to avoid some of the easiest pitfalls if possible.

Also, if you have ideas for venues besides Craigslist I'd love to hear them as well.

For what its worth, I've had several really good experiences going through CL - I'm not a creepy guy and I imagine that there are a lot of other quality guys & couples who check it out - but yeah, there's a lot of bullshit ads - on both sides of the equation (i.e., couples looking for others and others looking for couples)

In recent years CL has become inundated with spammers and bots canvassing CL in an effort to lure people into going to other websites.

1. Recognizing bullshit ads - this can be a bit difficult - the best advice I can give is if a post strikes you then send reply and if they come back at and try to get you to go check out their profile on another website then it's probably fake.

2. If you post your own ad on CL then expect to get a ton of responses - especially from guys -

That said, do be specific about who and what you're looking for - age range, build, personality, orientation (bi, straight).

Include very specific reply instructions in the body of the ad so that you can immediately recognize legit responses. That is, maybe between the first and second paragraph include something unique like "and be sure to put the color Red in the subject line of your reply". This is to weed out spammers who generally don't read the body of the ad.

3. Verifying the seriousness of the other party is probably the easiest part - a few email exchanges should let you know something about the other parties interest but certainly follow it up with a phone call, skype and a meet & greet at a coffee shop - emphasizing that the meet & greet is just that.

4. Other tips - maybe post an ad in the personals section here on Lit.

That's about all I have... Good luck.

 

[TooResponsible]

Oddly enough, I showed this thread to my wife, specifically the feedback that swinglifestyle.com might be a better avenue, and she reminded me that we've had a profile on there for four years. We just set it up and never did anything with it. I guess it's time for a rewrite and some pictures!

 

[Roleplay_Mom]

Oddly enough, I showed this thread to my wife, specifically the feedback that swinglifestyle.com might be a better avenue, and she reminded me that we've had a profile on there for four years. We just set it up and never did anything with it. I guess it's time for a rewrite and some pictures!

Not to sound mean or be critical, but some of the things you are doing/not doing make it appear to others that your ad is bullshit. Setting up a profile looking for people and then abandoning it. Really? And even here in LIT, where you have a chance to advertise, your profile fails to mention what state you live in.

When you have these kind of oversights, or missed opportunities to maximize reaching your audience, people won't take you seriously. How many people are going to waste their time sending you a message and saying, "Hey, you sound great. Where are you from?", in the off chance you will even be on their continent?

Again, I'm trying to offer constructive criticism here. My biggest detector of BS ads are those that lack detail, a photo (even one not showing your face), and just a lack of thought, planning, and effort. If you are serious about meeting someone, then your online ad is essentially your resume. Put some effort into it; otherwise, don't be surprised by the lack of interest, or the type of interest you get.

Just my 2 cents. Good luck in your quest.