How to deal with a possible fantasy coming true...

[ilikeemboth2]

Lets start this off with this...
I've been married for 20 yrs, love her dearly...but...( here it comes...)our sex life sucks. She won't even let me go down on her (she used to) , when we do get it on, it is always a "quickie". When she sucks me, it a matter of fact type of act and to cum in her mouth??? Thats an act of (you name it). She still has a good body for being over 40 and having 2 kids, nice big titties, and a round full ass, that once a year I get to fuck.
Now here is my dilema.
At work we hired a nice really attractive woman. She is sort of my helper/trainee. She has some nice, nice, long legs, awesome ass, and long beautiful hair. She is divorced, has kids, and over sexed. She has admitted to me several time that she is about to wear out her "toy", and has shown me a considerable amount of leg. Sometimes I get a hard-on working with her due to her comments, and visual displays. This past Friday she admitted to me that I drive her crazy, and that I make very "wet"... as of late she has also become quite handsy, rub on the arm, on my thigh...
I am lost,spiritually I have the best, physically my sex life sucks...it is almost like using a "flesh lite". IF, this thing at work goes, what should I do??? I know somethings are better left a fantasy, and that flings at work should be left alone. But she leads me to believe that a "fling" would be just that, pure sex, no attachments. Just a "fuck-buddie". I have learned that sometimes advice from total strangers can be quite helpful, so any insight any of you can share would be great.
THANKS!!!

 

[Eilan]

Don't shit where you eat.

 

[done_got_old]

Don't shit where you eat.

Well put........

 

[Bobmi357]

Lets start this off with this...
I've been married for 20 yrs, love her dearly...but...( here it comes...)our sex life sucks. She won't even let me go down on her (she used to) , when we do get it on, it is always a "quickie". When she sucks me, it a matter of fact type of act and to cum in her mouth??? Thats an act of (you name it). She still has a good body for being over 40 and having 2 kids, nice big titties, and a round full ass, that once a year I get to fuck.
Now here is my dilema.
At work we hired a nice really attractive woman. She is sort of my helper/trainee. She has some nice, nice, long legs, awesome ass, and long beautiful hair. She is divorced, has kids, and over sexed. She has admitted to me several time that she is about to wear out her "toy", and has shown me a considerable amount of leg. Sometimes I get a hard-on working with her due to her comments, and visual displays. This past Friday she admitted to me that I drive her crazy, and that I make very "wet"... as of late she has also become quite handsy, rub on the arm, on my thigh...
I am lost,spiritually I have the best, physically my sex life sucks...it is almost like using a "flesh lite". IF, this thing at work goes, what should I do??? I know somethings are better left a fantasy, and that flings at work should be left alone. But she leads me to believe that a "fling" would be just that, pure sex, no attachments. Just a "fuck-buddie". I have learned that sometimes advice from total strangers can be quite helpful, so any insight any of you can share would be great.
THANKS!!!

There is no such thing as just a fling unless you're in an open relationship, which it doesn't sound like you are in.

Do yourself a favor and open your mouth. Most states consider a non-existent sex life as suitable grounds for divorce. So speak up and tell her what you're feeling. Tell her just how crappy it's making you feel. Explain to her what is going on in your head.

If you don't soon your annoyance and feelings of being alone and rejected will turn to anger, then hatred. Stop this cycle now and let her know what is at risk. Don't say if we don't start fucking I'll divorce you, but do say how it's making you feel. Make her understand that there has been a breakdown in the ability to communicate between both of you. Had you been talking to each other all along, this wouldn't have gotten this far.

Make her understand how you feel about her and how you either want (a) to work together to strengthen your relationship or (b) want permission to dabble outside of the relationship.

I've been in this boat. After a while you feel hurt, angry and rejected. Soon you come to hate her and eventually end up not wanting to go home after work. You find excuses to stay away and work tons of overtime. Ultimately you wake up one morning and say to yourself. "You know, divorce sounds pretty good."

If that is the road you want to take, sleep with this woman. Sooner or later the truth will come out and your wife will take you to the cleaners because no matter what her perceived crime was, you were the cheater.

But seriously, if you love your wife, try the talking route. If that doesn't work, then break it off and move on. At least that way you'll be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you did the honorable thing.

-bob

 

[SunshineLdy]

There is no such thing as Fuck Buddies in a relationship.

Have you thought about what ifs?
What if she decides she wants more of you, and tells your wife.
What if she's looking for a replacement husband and using her "Sex Drive" to get it out of a lonely man.
What if your wife finds out?
What if your kids, and her kids find out?
What if at the end you're left used and alone...and broke.

What if all this is avoided by alluding to your wife that there's a lady that's been comming on to you lately? Be honest, and open..if you really gotta do her, make sure your wife has the choice to be there, or leave you.

We brought in an oversexed fem into our relationship...they're filled with their own agendas as well. It wasn't pretty, and in the end even with me knowing my relationship is floundering.

You Need communincation and rules for these types of things. I no longer believe that threesomes add fun playtime to a relationship. But that's me. Chances are you tell your wife someone else finds you attractive enough to want to sleep with you, and of some of the problems you've been feeling, she'll make the effort to step up in that arena. If not, you married her. You either keep her, or let her go, first. Before you go F'in someone else.

 

[wally2450]

There is no such thing as just a fling unless you're in an open relationship, which it doesn't sound like you are in.

Do yourself a favor and open your mouth. Most states consider a non-existent sex life as suitable grounds for divorce. So speak up and tell her what you're feeling. Tell her just how crappy it's making you feel. Explain to her what is going on in your head.

If you don't soon your annoyance and feelings of being alone and rejected will turn to anger, then hatred. Stop this cycle now and let her know what is at risk. Don't say if we don't start fucking I'll divorce you, but do say how it's making you feel. Make her understand that there has been a breakdown in the ability to communicate between both of you. Had you been talking to each other all along, this wouldn't have gotten this far.

Make her understand how you feel about her and how you either want (a) to work together to strengthen your relationship or (b) want permission to dabble outside of the relationship.

I've been in this boat. After a while you feel hurt, angry and rejected. Soon you come to hate her and eventually end up not wanting to go home after work. You find excuses to stay away and work tons of overtime. Ultimately you wake up one morning and say to yourself. "You know, divorce sounds pretty good."

If that is the road you want to take, sleep with this woman. Sooner or later the truth will come out and your wife will take you to the cleaners because no matter what her perceived crime was, you were the cheater.

But seriously, if you love your wife, try the talking route. If that doesn't work, then break it off and move on. At least that way you'll be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you did the honorable thing.

-bob

One thing to add to this great advice: Counseling.

 

[fgarvb1]

Have a nagging feeling in the back of your mind?

That's a stop sign beating the hell out of you!

I know how it is to be horny as hell all the time and get almost none at home.

That ain't good.

But then neither does two wrongs make a right.

I don't know what the answer is ( I'm working on it.) But it not fucking around on the wife.

And by the way you would be fucking yourself as well... that matters too.

 

[Straight-8]

I know somethings are better left a fantasy, and that flings at work should be left alone.

You don't need my adivce. You need to listen to yourself. This has all the hallmarks of leading to a: "how could I have been so stupid" moment.

If you really want a 'fling' hire a pro. Tell your wife or not..your conscience is your business. But you do need to make some decisions about where you go from here with your marriage.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I've been married for 20 yrs, love her dearly...but...( here it comes...)our sex life sucks.

spiritually I have the best, physically my sex life sucks.

The problem isn't that you've got a sexy co-worker, the problem is you're horny and not being taken care of at home. This is in no way a derogatory comment to anyone involved here. Think about it, the first statement you make is you love your wife, quickly followed by being happily married (my interpretation of your "spiritually I have the best" statement ). If you were sexually satisfied at home, would you even be considering a fling with this woman at work?

As has been said, the first step in fixing this situation is communication, open and honest communication. There has to be a reason that she's lost her fire in the bedroom, maybe she's got some extra pounds, maybe the kids drive her nuts, maybe her routine has become a life sucking and mind numbing rut, maybe she's angry with you for not being around more or helping around the house, etc. Regardless of the problem, your current lack of communication will just exacerbate an already bad situation. If you can do it between yourselves, great! If you need help, seek counseling, individually and as a couple.

I'd also recommend that you broach the this subject of communication and possibly counseling slowly and in neutral territory.

Forget about the woman at work, that's got nothing but trouble written all over it. Talk with the wife, if you can salvage your relationship you should attempt that first.

 

[wicked woman]

great advice so far. My addition is two word 'sexual harassment'. She reports to you...if it goes sour are you prepared to lose your job and/or reputation if she reports you for sexual harassment?

 

[SubNebGuy]

this isn't a fantasy about to come true....you're just cheating on your wife.

I vote no.

have you even talked to your wife about how you feel? how frustrated you are?

 

[FallenAngelsSlut]

hmm, well if your not into sex keep doing what you are doing...
if not talk to your wife.

 

[ilikeemboth2]

Thank you!!! EVERYONE....

You guys are great!!! I have been a lurker here forever, seen all the question, all the answers....Now its my turn, WOW!! Thank you gals and guys, all of you answers are well thought out, and sincerely given, placing my mind at ease. I have "talked" to the wife, hmmmm, not to well accepted, AT FIRST, but now we are talking and there maybe some counseling in the very near future, I mean VERY near future. I just want to sincerely thank you people, I really appreciate the time you took to answer my plea...
THANKS AGAIN!!!
Sincerely,
W.