How to deal with a difficult co-worker

[onlyerics]

Have you guys ever had to deal with a difficult co-worker? If so, how did you handle it?

This is is my situation. I have a co-worker who can't take constructive criticism. She is one of the new technicians working in the lab. As a med tech, I have to supervise her.

The thing is when I tell her something, she takes it personally. For example, if the machine didn't run the test, and I tell her that it needed to be re-run, she gets angry, insisting that she programmed the machine to run the sample. I, of course, have no doubt that she did. It was just that sometimes there's a communication error or a glitch in the machine. It doesn't always happen, but it happens. She automatically thinks that I am accusing her of not doing her job, but when in fact it's a machine error.

Also sometimes, when I correct her in her procedures, she gets very aggravated. I end up being frustrated because she won't follow. These procedures aren't something I make up. They are in the policies and procedures manual.

I never, ever lose my temper with her, though. I'm pretty easy-going and I get along with everyone at work. I try to be patient with her. Although once she did say something, and I just had to walk away before I say end up saying something that wasn't nice.

Two of my other co-workers have the same problem with her, saying the same thing. I worry that she might end up getting into an argument with one of the lab personnel. Some of them have very strong personalities, and might not have the understanding or patience to deal with her.

So what do you think I should do? I really hate confrontations. I have this feeling where one day I will have to say something, but I don't want to come across mean towards her. I also don't want to get the supervisor involved...at least not yet. Right now I think it's kind of petty to say something.

Thanks for reading and I hope to get some good advice.

 

[silverwhisper]

do you attempt to tell her these things when there are witnesses? some people feel threatened under those circumstances and respond by going on the defensive.

have you attempted to explain that periodically, the [equipment] is a bit temperamental and doesn't always perform its tasks correctly? if not, it's possible she perceives your comments as a passive/aggressive form of hostility.

all i can offer is those in the way of couching your comments carefully. if the situation persists, her boss is gonna notice and that might be a problem for her come review time.

ed

 

[onlyerics]

Boy! You sure respond quick. LOL!

do you attempt to tell her these things when there are witnesses? some people feel threatened under those circumstances and respond by going on the defensive.

Actually, no. It was just the two of us.

have you attempted to explain that periodically, the [equipment] is a bit temperamental and doesn't always perform its tasks correctly? if not, it's possible she perceives your comments as a passive/aggressive form of hostility.

Yes, I have, in fact. Here's the scenario I can play that happened this weekend.

ME: Has the specimen for patient blah, blah, been put up?
Co-worker: Yes. Why do you ask?
Me: According to the computer, it has not been ran.
CW: I ran it. I know I did.
Me: Oh, ok. I'm sure you programmed it, but maybe there was a glitch or an error in the machine. But it is still pending so it needs to be put in the machine again.
CW (aggravated): Well, how do you that it didn't run?
Me: Because it's still in the pending list. It has to be re-ran.
CW (getting more aggravated) : Well, how do you know?
Me: Because it showed up in the pending list.

Then we looked at the pending list...and there it was.

CW (now she's mad): I ran it. I know I did.
Me: Yes, I know. I have no doubt that you did. But let's try programming it to re-run the sample. Sometimes the machine can be very nit-picky, and doesn't do what it's suppose to do.
CW (still mad): I just don't see why it didn't run. I don't understand....blah, blah.

At this point, I just didn't want to argue with her, ed. I just didn't have the time or the strength.

all i can offer is those in the way of couching your comments carefully. if the situation persists, her boss is gonna notice and that might be a problem for her come review time.

Maybe I did come across as passive. I won't do so next time. Thanks for the tip!

 

[silverwhisper]

good luck! people like that are IMHO the most difficult to handle, b/c there's no way to get them to question an incorrect assumption. if you were just having an informal chat, you might be able to take the time to get her there. but this is the workplace, where time is the resource people hate spending even more than money.

if a given issue has previously happened to you (e.g., you set the machine to [x] and it didn't work properly), sharing that experience by way of explaining that you aren't saying she's incompetent might serve the twin goals of 1) establishing rapport, and 2) communicating the work need w/out getting her hackles up.

ed

 

[Willing and Unsure]

I've found that sometimes the steps of conflict resolution are helpful. The key thing there is identifying the issue and make the other person aware of your feelings and how your receiving what they're saying. There's a bit of active listening that has to take part.


Keep in mind, there could be other things going on in this person's personal life causing the extra frustration on their part. Or it could still be something as simple as they like to be a perfectionist and go out of their way to try not to do anything wrong and gets irritated because of that. There could be any number of things going on that is causing the behavior, it's trying to build that relationship in a way so you can find out what is going on.

 

[onlyerics]

good luck! people like that are IMHO the most difficult to handle, b/c there's no way to get them to question an incorrect assumption. if you were just having an informal chat, you might be able to take the time to get her there. but this is the workplace, where time is the resource people hate spending even more than money.

Exactly! We have certain turn around times (particularly the STAT specimens) that we have to accomplish. That fact alone is stressful enough. Of course, I have to teach her on some procedures at the same time. I try very hard not to make her feel that I've minimized her feelings or that I've ignored her. It doesn't happen often. Once, however, she said something that just made my blood boil that I had to walk away and take a deep breath. She might have felt ignored then.

if a given issue has previously happened to you (e.g., you set the machine to [x] and it didn't work properly), sharing that experience by way of explaining that you aren't saying she's incompetent might serve the twin goals of 1) establishing rapport, and 2) communicating the work need w/out getting her hackles up.

I think that's a good idea. I'll try that next time. Thanks!

 

[onlyerics]

I've found that sometimes the steps of conflict resolution are helpful. The key thing there is identifying the issue and make the other person aware of your feelings and how your receiving what they're saying. There's a bit of active listening that has to take part.

Hi, Willing and Unsure! Thanks for posting!

Keep in mind, there could be other things going on in this person's personal life causing the extra frustration on their part.

Well, come to think of it. She does have a son, although I don't know how old he is. She calls him from work a few times during the day. I think she is a single mother because she never mentions a husband.
I did hear from another co-worker that she attended a friend's funeral. Perhaps that contributed to the stress.

Or it could still be something as simple as they like to be a perfectionist and go out of their way to try not to do anything wrong and gets irritated because of that. There could be any number of things going on that is causing the behavior, it's trying to build that relationship in a way so you can find out what is going on.

Well, I should have mentioned this before. She is a lot older than me. I'm old enough to be her daughter in fact. Maybe when I correct her, she feels frustrated.

But still, I never had any problems working with aides/assistants/technicians who are older than me. Even though I spent more time in school than they did, I never rub that fact in their faces. I have always treated them with the same respect I have for my parents. They have been there longer than I have, so they are more familiar than the policies than me. So I always take their opinions and ideas into consideration. I don't want any friction among co-workers (although I know sometimes conflicts are unavoidable.) The more we are able to work together, the more productive we are.

Anyway, you have wonderful suggestions. Thanks!

 

[Willing and Unsure]

Well, I should have mentioned this before. She is a lot older than me. I'm old enough to be her daughter in fact. Maybe when I correct her, she feels frustrated.

But still, I never had any problems working with aides/assistants/technicians who are older than me. Even though I spent more time in school than they did, I never rub that fact in their faces. I have always treated them with the same respect I have for my parents. They have been there longer than I have, so they are more familiar than the policies than me. So I always take their opinions and ideas into consideration. I don't want any friction among co-workers (although I know sometimes conflicts are unavoidable.) The more we are able to work together, the more productive we are.

Anyway, you have wonderful suggestions. Thanks!

Speaking from my own recent experiences with some friction that has come up working with people that are old enough to be my parents, it can be difficult at times. It's going to be tough at times with this situation and it may be part of the problem as well. Where I work, there were quite a few people that started to feel really old when they realized they started working at the company a few years before I was born (not one or two, but like at least 5). It can be difficult and also make some people feel threatened in some way by you, whether they have more experience than you or not, and this goes especially when you're a woman in a male-dominated field (I'm an engineer, and just out of college a year ago... it can be rough sometimes because of this).

I would seriously recommend the next time this happens to just try to approach from a different angle and share how you feel by her reaction and let her know that you're not trying to attack her personally or anything like that but that you're trying to understand where she's coming from. Granted, to take that time to do it may slow your lab down a little bit, but in the end it may help to make things go a bit faster and more smoothly.

 

[onlyerics]

Speaking from my own recent experiences with some friction that has come up working with people that are old enough to be my parents, it can be difficult at times. It's going to be tough at times with this situation and it may be part of the problem as well. Where I work, there were quite a few people that started to feel really old when they realized they started working at the company a few years before I was born (not one or two, but like at least 5). It can be difficult and also make some people feel threatened in some way by you, whether they have more experience than you or not, and this goes especially when you're a woman in a male-dominated field (I'm an engineer, and just out of college a year ago... it can be rough sometimes because of this).

I would seriously recommend the next time this happens to just try to approach from a different angle and share how you feel by her reaction and let her know that you're not trying to attack her personally or anything like that but that you're trying to understand where she's coming from. Granted, to take that time to do it may slow your lab down a little bit, but in the end it may help to make things go a bit faster and more smoothly.

Wow. Thanks for sharing your experience. That surely shed some light.
There are several people at work who are much older than me. In fact two of my supervisors are my age. I'm sure my older co-workers do feel threatened. But most of them only finished two year degrees and are not allowed to have supervisory or lead tech positions since a four year degree is needed for that.
It didn't matter how long they've been there. Some call it favoritism or the buddy system even if a four year degree is needed for a managerial or supervisory position.

My co-worker also just graduated from school. Aside from the the internship, that's really all the experience she had. So that could also be the reason why she's the way she is.

 

[onlyerics]

I got a question, and I just might be stealing my own thread...

This question just popped up into my head because of the discussion Willing and Unsure and I were having.

Have any of you been in a situation where your boss or supervisor is older than you? How did you guys get along? Did you get along? How do/would you want to be treated?

Okay. I lied. Those were 4 questions, not one. They just kept coming up in my head. I just thought I'd ask. I just want to know what the other side of the story is. I figured if I can get some responses I can get a better understanding of my own problem.

Going to bed now. Thanks in advance.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

My boss/supervisor is older than me. She's in her mid 50's and I'm in my mid 20's.

We get along pretty well, but I think that has a lot to do with her management style, personality, and what she wants to see from us in terms of the end product. She treats everyone, including me, with a lot of respect, trust, and with high expectations. Ultimately she demands excellence from us all, while trying to push us all a little bit further than our current comfort zones, and at the same time tries very hard not to come off as a major bitch. She has a very open door policy to everyone and I think really tries to go above and beyond making it more than just a supervisor/supervisee relationship.

She is a good part of the reason I love my job as much as I do, despite some of the major frustrations that come up at times. It's hard for me to consider another job or even moving within the company right now because of how much I enjoy working for her.

 

[velcroktty]

.... I would seriously recommend the next time this happens to just try to approach from a different angle and share how you feel by her reaction and let her know that you're not trying to attack her personally or anything like that but that you're trying to understand where she's coming from.......

I wholeheartedly agree with this idea.

Obviously taking into consideration the difference amoung co-workers on a chain-of-command, supervisory authority rank within the workplace, co-workers are equal in that no one should have to put up with a bunch of grief from a fellow co-worker.
Older, younger, moms age, grandmas age, daughters age, grandaughters age who cares! Age plays a factor ONLY wihin the person taking issue with it. It's not a matter of who's older or younger in a workplace setting. If a lady happens to be you grandmas age and has worked there her whole life so be it. If "grandpa" is the new hire, oh well ...newbies are newbies.
I've had co-workers young enough to be my kid who have taught me a few things during their training!
I've had co-workers my grandparents age who are so incompetant you wonder how they have managed to make it thru life this long.
Any show of common curtisy or good social manners displayed at work are left soul to chance of each seperate individual working with you. If you do not care for certain "traits" people have, then I believe it is safe to say you will not be socializing with them during off hours.
You're stuck with each other while you're on the clock and will need to learn to cope with it best you can.
If and/or wen your supervisor might ask how this new gal is doing, you might make small mention of her inability to take things at face value and explain how she gets defensive when you are following up insructional matters....
It's her behind that that is either up to the task or not. If she isn't holding up her end, don't you pick it up. You do your job and let her sink or swin doing hers.
Instruct her to the best of your capability, offer a helping hand IF she asks, and leave what will be to be.

 

[onlyerics]

an update

Well, today was a little better. I took everyone's advice, and tried to be attentive towards her. We were very busy today, but I took my time to answer her questions or teach her some of the procedures. It didn't matter if I had over 50 specimens in my tracking list. My goal was to be able to work with her.

I also observed that my co-worker was intimidated with the machines, which I think is normal. Anything new is scary, right? And I think any new employee especially new grads, will feel intimidated operating a $750,000 analyzer. To make her self more comfortable and familiar with the machines, I let her operate them as I instructed her. She seemed to be more at ease and calm.

When asking her to do some tasks, I would start my questions like, "Would you like to..." or "Do you mind..." instead of "Will you please..." She seemed to be more cooperative. I felt that if I started my question as if I was asking her permission if she would do the task instead of asking her directly, I would get a better response. And I did.

There was one time when I was having problems running the sample, and I told her about it. I felt that if I shared my difficult experience, she will realize that it's not just her who's going to have problems with the analyzer, but also the other employees.

At the end of the day, before she went home, I told her that she did a very good job (and she really did) keeping up with the specimens. Honestly, they were a lot. Over 400 specimens in fact. I also thanked her for her help.

She asked me if I was going to be working in the same department tomorrow, and I said yes. Much to my surprise, she asked if it it was okay if we went over some procedures that weren't clear to her. I said absolutely.

So guys, thank you, thank you so much for the advice. I have a postive feeling that it will all work out.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

So guys, thank you, thank you so much for the advice. I have a postive feeling that it will all work out.

You're welcome. I'm glad the new approach helped. I think if the two of you start working more one on one while reviewing things or whatever will help you to grow a relationship with each other that will ultimately help the situation overall. Keep on being patient and using the feeling words with her.

 

[jerseyman1963]

For example, if the machine didn't run the test, and I tell her that it needed to be re-run, she gets angry, insisting that she programmed the machine to run the sample. I, of course, have no doubt that she did. It was just that sometimes there's a communication error or a glitch in the machine. It doesn't always happen, but it happens. She automatically thinks that I am accusing her of not doing her job, but when in fact it's a machine error.

Jumping in here late, but two things jumped out at me that might be useful.

One was the above. I have a colleague I supervise who has a similar problem. If something is behind schedule, there is always a reason or a set of reasons. The reasons usually make sense and are understandable. He's not BS-ing me with lame excuses. But so far I have not been able to make him understand that part of his job is to tackle these issues, solve them, and still make it happen on time.

He supervises people too, and his style is to delegate and walk away. I am having the damndest time making him understand that delegating is fine, but he has to keep his eyes on a project and keep everyone on time, no mater what happens. Work the problem.

Sounds like your co-worker has the same problem. She pulls the lever and at that point thinks her job is done. She doesn't understand that once she pulls the lever, the next part of her job is to make sure the machine does its thing correctly, and if it doesn't, to do it over or fix it or get help.

The other thing that leaped out at me was that you said you thought she was a single mother. Might be helpful to get to know her better, know for sure her life situation, etc. Make friends, or at least know something about her real life situation so you're friendly with each other.

Supervising people is hard work unto itself. If you're lucky enough to have people who get the job done oftheir own accord, you're ahead of the game, but most of the time it takes a lot of energy and time... and of course you still have to do your own job to boot.

 

[jerseyman1963]

OK. I've got a question of my own. Mabe someone has some insight for me.

The big bosses created a brand new department, moved some of my department's work there, created a new position on the same level as me, and hired one of their own who needed a job to run it. He's a great guy, but has had a different job every two-three years for the last twenty or so years. He has two-three years of experience in this field, when he should have fifteen-twenty to be playing at this level. He's a wannabe. A very nice guy personally, but a wannabe who's never figured out what he wants to do with his life or what inspires him.

The creation of the new department was entirely political. There were better and less expensive ways to move things forward. In this particular situation, there were no problems per se, it was a matter of the best way to spur more growth.

But now I have to work with him. He doesn't know what he's doing, and is outside my chain of command. He veeeery rarely comes to me for advice or assistance, I suspect because he's intimidated, knows his ass is on the line and he has to prove himself, and his ego and chutzpah are in the way.

He generally sends subordinates to ask me questions, and enough of them have told me on the QT that they're asking on his behalf that I can now tell when one of them are on a mission for him.

He has bad communication skills, and does things on his own that are brainless no-nos in my business, and anyone with a few years of experience would know, and then he plays dumb.

He makes the same mistakes over and over, which leads me to believe he is either incredibly forgetful, which he can't be in his job, or he just does what HE wants to do, and figures someone else will clean it up when he plays fast and loose.

He goes direct to my colleagues (the people that report to me) in the guise of asking questions and advice, and then subtly leaves them with thr work... his style is to get someone else to do his work for him.

I his defense, in the 3 months he's on the job so far, he's had a few big successes so far, so this whole parallel departments conception could, might work out. But he's still a newbie and pulling silk scarves out of his sleeve... the real test of course is down the line when he runs out of easy tricks and has to apply some skill to developing business.

We'll see what happens with that. But for the moment, anyone have any suggestions for me? I've played this political game well so far, if I do say so myself, but it's a pain in the ass, drains me on a daily basis, and pisses me off because I have little patience for wannabes or pretenders, and any advice would be helpful.

 

[wicked woman]

OK. I've got a question of my own. Mabe someone has some insight for me.

The big bosses created a brand new department, moved some of my department's work there, created a new position on the same level as me, and hired one of their own who needed a job to run it. He's a great guy, but has had a different job every two-three years for the last twenty or so years. He has two-three years of experience in this field, when he should have fifteen-twenty to be playing at this level. He's a wannabe. A very nice guy personally, but a wannabe who's never figured out what he wants to do with his life or what inspires him.


<snip>

We'll see what happens with that. But for the moment, anyone have any suggestions for me? I've played this political game well so far, if I do say so myself, but it's a pain in the ass, drains me on a daily basis, and pisses me off because I have little patience for wannabes or pretenders, and any advice would be helpful.

Since you say the big bosses created the department with him in mind, politics say work with him not against him. Have you thought of having lunch with him a few times to open the doors of communication? Offer to help...not in a 'I know better...you clearly don't' way, but in a 'I remeber when I was first new here....' way.

As for the giving your guys work to do...politely cut that off in the bud. Just tell him you'd like him to consult with you if his department needs help and he wants your staff to do something. That you're willing to work as a team, when needed, and you hope he is too (meaning his department is at your disposal as well) but you need to be the one who delegates work to your staff. Let your staff know that that's what's been agreed, and if he tries to delegate work to them they should let him know they'd be glad to help but they need your approval first. It's one thing for him to be incompetent...another for him to usurp your authority. I don't sit still for that...makes it difficult for you to manage your staff in all sorts of ways.

Good luck.

 

[silverwhisper]

onlyerics: glad to hear that this appears to be working better! that's great news!

jerseyman: in a political fight, he's holding all the cards. you have 2 options as i see it: 1) you can try to out-politic him, but based on what you said that doesn't seem like you'd find it appealing, or 2) do your level best to work with him. i like the lunch idea WW suggested, or perhaps even a drink or something after hours? your departments obviously need to work in tandem.

IMHO, your best strategy is to make yourself available to him. just you, not your department. if you can help him learn quickly, you gain a powerful ally; if it doesn't take, you've been a model of teamwork. the way i see it, that's win-win: the company does better and you've helped either grow someone into his position or been so supportive you're utterly blameless.

note that i said make yourself available. not your team. when his staff comes by sniffing for answers, maybe your guys should send 'em your way? i'm kinda picturing this as a carrot/stick method.

btw, be very careful about written communications. if he's a political animal, he relies upon those for ammo. don't provide him any, by which i mean: any written communication originating from you or your team to him or his team should always stress the teamwork and full cooperation. give the answers to any questions as fully as possible and eliminate any ambiguity to the greatest extent possible.

ed

 

[jerseyman1963]

Since you say the big bosses created the department with him in mind, politics say work with him not against him. Have you thought of having lunch with him a few times to open the doors of communication? Offer to help...not in a 'I know better...you clearly don't' way, but in a 'I remeber when I was first new here....' way.

As for the giving your guys work to do...politely cut that off in the bud. Just tell him you'd like him to consult with you if his department needs help and he wants your staff to do something. That you're willing to work as a team, when needed, and you hope he is too (meaning his department is at your disposal as well) but you need to be the one who delegates work to your staff. Let your staff know that that's what's been agreed, and if he tries to delegate work to them they should let him know they'd be glad to help but they need your approval first. It's one thing for him to be incompetent...another for him to usurp your authority. I don't sit still for that...makes it difficult for you to manage your staff in all sorts of ways.

Good luck.

Thanks WW. Good thoughts. I've done some of this, and it works, but some of it, no matter how hard I try, just doesn't work. He wants to be a "big boy" really badly, but because he's so inexperienced, he doesn't know when he's getting in too deep. I don't suffer fools or pretenders gladly, and it's hard for me to keep my cool and let it all play out politically when I see the train wreck du jour coming down the tracks. But thanks for the remarks. It's helpful just to have someone reinforce what I know in my heart I have to do, which is suck it up for the time being and let things take care of themselves.

 

[jerseyman1963]

onlyerics: glad to hear that this appears to be working better! that's great news!

jerseyman: in a political fight, he's holding all the cards. you have 2 options as i see it: 1) you can try to out-politic him, but based on what you said that doesn't seem like you'd find it appealing, or 2) do your level best to work with him. i like the lunch idea WW suggested, or perhaps even a drink or something after hours? your departments obviously need to work in tandem.

IMHO, your best strategy is to make yourself available to him. just you, not your department. if you can help him learn quickly, you gain a powerful ally; if it doesn't take, you've been a model of teamwork. the way i see it, that's win-win: the company does better and you've helped either grow someone into his position or been so supportive you're utterly blameless.

note that i said make yourself available. not your team. when his staff comes by sniffing for answers, maybe your guys should send 'em your way? i'm kinda picturing this as a carrot/stick method.

btw, be very careful about written communications. if he's a political animal, he relies upon those for ammo. don't provide him any, by which i mean: any written communication originating from you or your team to him or his team should always stress the teamwork and full cooperation. give the answers to any questions as fully as possible and eliminate any ambiguity to the greatest extent possible.

ed

Ditto Silver, thanks for the input. And thanks for the written communications reminder. I keep that in mind on a daily basis, and have been careful about that one, not putting anything in writing unless it's absolutely necessary, or (insert evil laugh here) damning. Being more of a "Let's go to the mattresses" guy than a Zen-Master of letting things take their own course, email is sooo tempting sometimes, but I am getting to be a pretty good practicioner of retraining that impulse. But it never, ever hurts t have that reminder, so thanks!

 

[silverwhisper]

well, remember dude: advice is free and is sometimes worth just what you paid for it. :>

ed

 

[Denae]

Well, today was a little better. I took everyone's advice, and tried to be attentive towards her. We were very busy today, but I took my time to answer her questions or teach her some of the procedures. It didn't matter if I had over 50 specimens in my tracking list. My goal was to be able to work with her.

I also observed that my co-worker was intimidated with the machines, which I think is normal. Anything new is scary, right? And I think any new employee especially new grads, will feel intimidated operating a $750,000 analyzer. To make her self more comfortable and familiar with the machines, I let her operate them as I instructed her. She seemed to be more at ease and calm.

When asking her to do some tasks, I would start my questions like, "Would you like to..." or "Do you mind..." instead of "Will you please..." She seemed to be more cooperative. I felt that if I started my question as if I was asking her permission if she would do the task instead of asking her directly, I would get a better response. And I did.

There was one time when I was having problems running the sample, and I told her about it. I felt that if I shared my difficult experience, she will realize that it's not just her who's going to have problems with the analyzer, but also the other employees.

At the end of the day, before she went home, I told her that she did a very good job (and she really did) keeping up with the specimens. Honestly, they were a lot. Over 400 specimens in fact. I also thanked her for her help.

She asked me if I was going to be working in the same department tomorrow, and I said yes. Much to my surprise, she asked if it it was okay if we went over some procedures that weren't clear to her. I said absolutely.

So guys, thank you, thank you so much for the advice. I have a postive feeling that it will all work out.

Excellent outcome here! I haven't read the rest of the thread at this point. Silverwhisper & WillingandUnsure gave you several great ideas. They've already mentioned a couple of things that I was going to post if no one else brought it up first. I'm utilized heavily in training at my job. Two years ago I had to take a "Train the Trainer" class. It was more than 6 hours of concepts in training and actively participating in training exercises. I had never had anything like that before and was surprised that I used some of the techniques instinctively. Every time I train, I learn from it.

SW suggested that you bond with your co-worker by sharing your experiences with the machinery that causes the need for the specimen to be re-run. Doing that puts your co-worker at ease, they see that you're not "perfect" and that these machinery glitches happen despite your best efforts.

Willing & Unsure suggested approaching from a different angle. That's great advice. We are all individuals in the workplace-we learn differently-some people are hands on (sounds like your co-worker is comfortable with this style & in fact, wants to work with you again this way) some are textbook smart-in that they read instructions & can immediately apply them in practice.

W & U also brought up generations in the workplace. I just attended a two-hour class on that exact subject a couple of weeks ago. The tendency is to blow off the other generations instead of taking advantage of the knowledge that each generation can impart to the other.

You're doing a great job with your co-worker. I would only add, that if things were to return to the uncomfortable situation as first described, that you may talk to her away from the immediate situation and be brutally straightforward with her. Explain that you're not criticizing her and that she needs to relax and not take it as criticism but as constructive ways to accomplish the job-providing insights to her to help her master the job. She's probably putting an extreme amount of pressure on herself to succeed at this job and to execute every technique perfectly, thus causing her defensive posture. At this point in her career she needs to not expect perfection. Excellence is a much better standard in which to measure herself.

 

[onlyerics]

Thanks to everyone who has put in their input and for their help.

Jerseyman, I hope things are going well with your co-worker.

Denae, I appreciate you sharing what you had learned in your class. That was an excellent insight you gave us about different generations working together instead of against each other.

 

[e-monster]

It sure can be frustrating working with and dealing with difficult people.

For whatever its worth, the book linked below helped me learn alot about communication with other people during difficult circumstances. It suggests using a simple model that separately identifies facts and expression of feelings about those facts. I found it to be a big help at work, at home and just about everywhere.

Non-Violent Communication

Good luck.

 

[Ezzy]

For whatever its worth, the book linked below helped me learn alot about communication with other people during difficult circumstances. It suggests using a simple model that separately identifies facts and expression of feelings about those facts. I found it to be a big help at work, at home and just about everywhere.

Non-Violent Communication

Now when I looked at this thread at first I had the opposite reaction to e-monster but the same sort of idea.

Here is the book that I would have referred to in order to resolve the irritation at work, please pay special attention to chapter 7.