How to cope...

[MakeMeSweat]

I realize my issue may lead to sarcasm, but I truly hope the trolls can stay away. Without going into a long backstory, unless at some point it's needed, how do I cope with my wife only wanting sex right after her cycle ends.

I never fully realized how much her cycle affects her. But she is very horny for 3 days following and then it's like a switch gets turned off.

 

[pplwatching]

What do you mean when you say cope? Strategies just to make it from month to month without losing your mind (and marriage) will be different from strategies to get your wife to be sexual with you at other times of the month.

If you are looking for the former (just to get by) then one place to start is by not doing things that make the problem worse. Watching porn, for example throws fuel on the fire and creates resentment that your wife isn't fulfilling your needs.

Keeping yourself preoccupied with other things may help you get by, but won't address the real problem. I have posted the sexual journey of my marriage elsewhere here on this board, so I'll just focus on one or two key things here. I can only speak for myself, but in addition to the physical pleasure of sex there is a very big emotional part that brings me closer to my wife, deepens my feelings for her, and makes me feel validated, loved, and desired. Going weeks at a time without sex wore away at all of that and hurt our marriage. Instead of celebrating our marriage regularly in a deeply intimate way, the daily joy of spending each day with the woman that I adore was worn down. Counting the days until we would eventually reconnect through sex was toxic to our marriage.

I coped as best as I could for a long time, at times because my wife had reproductive issues and other times just because I didn't want duty sex. I wanted a wife who wanted to have sex with me, so I bottled it up because I didn't want to make it a big problem in our marriage. We can choose to stay in a sexless marriage for a lot of reasons, whether it's for the kids, finances, commitment, or love but in the end if the emotional fire goes out then we have let our marriage become nothing more than a marriage in name only.

Eventually we had to face the fact that it was a big problem in our marriage, just that neither of us understood it at the time. Not having sex was slowly wearing away and breaking down our love relationship, and no marriage can withstand that forever. If your marriage is anything like mine, then I might humbly suggest that it's time to stop trying to cope with a problem that only get worse with time. As you and your wife get older, both of your sex drives will naturally change. IMHO, the time to learn how to communicate with each other about your needs is now, while you still have those monthly times to fall back on.

My suggestion is to sit down with your wife and tell her that having sex once or twice after her period, and then going dark for the rest of the month is hurting you and therefore hurting your marriage. Talk to her about the importance of sex to you and in your marriage. Then find ways to make sex a regular part of your marriage. Some women find that by consciously making themselves available and receptive to their husband's sexual advances creates the opportunity for them to become aroused and to enjoy sex. Some people find that scheduling sex works. If not having sex is a problem for you, then the important thing is getting your wife to acknowledge that a problem for one of you is a problem for both of you and to recruit her as a part of a solution. If she prefers to be a part of the problem instead, then you may need to revisit things.

Good luck

 

[NightL]

pplwatching is absolutely right - it will take communication to resolve. Remember without listening there is no such thing as communication so you also will have to listen to your partner if you wish the respect that she listens to you.

Try to keep your side of what you need to say based around "I" as much as possible and try to leave "you" out of the discussion. "You" turns off listening.

Base the discussion around love.

Good luck

 

[mwf2ffan]

Don't cope. Take the Red Pill and learn Game. Believe it or not, there is a Married Game. Unless it is a health issue, it is an attraction issue or she is distracted by other interests when it comes to the right time to be in the mood. Learning Game will also make you less likely to just have duty sex but rather the no holds barred passionate sex you may have had in the beginning. Communication can be good, but remember that you cannot negotiate desire. Imagine if you were no longer as attracted to your wife and she tried to talk with you or guilt you into sex, and imagine how little fun it could be to have the duty sex. Focus on improving yourself to your abilities and you may see better results. I feel for you bro. Good luck.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

I'm going to agree with ppl on this one as well.
I will add, only because you brought it up, that it isn't uncommon for women to have a shift in sex drive around the menstrual cycle because of hormones. It may be worth discussing also with her gyn, especially if this isn't the only thing that changes around her cycle.

As far as whether or not you need a reality check as mw has suggested, I don't know that I agree. From a female perspective, I think that the game all circles back to what's been suggested regarding communication and awareness. I don't think the game could be improved by just one person's efforts.