How to console your Dom

[Turks_baby_girl]

i am asking this in a very general sense.... moreso, looking for unique ideas. My Dom is going through some very trying times, as of late, and hasn't really been into "using" me to relieve some of the stress. i am trying to find ways, unique ways, that i can comfort Him, other than by just "being there," for Him. i have been a listening ear in the middle of the night, an errand-girl when things need to get done that He can't get to, and a footstool when He needs to rest. But, i feel like i need to do something truly special to let Him know how much He means to me and that i love Him dearly.
Any idea's?
Dom/me's.... has Your sub/slave, done anything for You during a particularly hard time that made You feel extra special.... all warm and fuzzy? Do Dom/me's feel warm and fuzzy?
Any ideas would be appreciated.
Thanks All.
baby_girl

 

[FurryFury]

I don't have a Dom but I think Dom's are "just" people. So anything you would do for someone who is suffering I would do for him.

I tend to baby the people I love in the rough times. You know? I cook them whatever I know they like. I do little extra things that I know they will like. I try to go before them and make things just right for them. I hug them a lot and drive them where they need to go. I massage them. I'm just a earth mother type when they need it.

I've studied grieving a great deal. I've even be asked to and have given college lectures on it.

Loss is hard to deal with. The Courage To Grieve is one of the best resource books I've found on the subject. Support groups can be helpful too.

The person suffering a loss however has to want to do the work to let themselves feel the pain and push through it. You absolutely can't do it for them. It's like an addiction they have to see there is a problem and be willing to work on it. You can't rescue them from it.

Many get stuck in the process. That is so sad. It's sidelined my Mother's life now for over 16 years. I don't think my cousin has ever recovered and really started living again since her father died 25 years ago.

Some people will say six months is a normal grieving process time frame. Most who have been through it will say it took much longer. They will tell you people expected them to "get over it," far too soon.

Everyone is different. Often loss triggers the emergence of other problems too.

Hopefully your Dom will be the sort who can move through the pain and on.

Good luck to you both.

Feel free to PM me if you wish.

*hugs*

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

Maybe all you can do is 'be there'. Everyone is different and so it is not going to be adviseable to follow any old advice unless you are sure it is going to be something appreciated. Often during high stress periods, people just want space and to know you are there, more so than you trying to do more and more....that can add to the stress and make them feel pressured to acknowledge and show appreciation, ive to you, when they are already using all they have to just keep going. Maybe the best person you could ask is your Dom, and if they say they want nothing from you or nothing more than you have given already, accept that as their right and wish and help them by doing as they ask. You likely cannot fix things for them, so best advice is to not become needy in the form of wanting to know from them you are excelling and dong wonderful things right now, which comes back to just being there and exercising patience and showing you have their best interests at heart more so than your own needs... it really is often an under rated gift to give.

Catalina

 

[rosco rathbone]

This is a very interesting topic to me. It's hard for me to accept consolation and nurture from a submissive. I associate that with "mothering"; and although I need mothering as much as anyone, I have a bit of a Virgon/Whore complex and I have a lot of sexual rage rooted in mother-issues. In order to receive consolation, I have to let my guard down in a way that does not come naturally.

 

[FurryFury]

This is a very interesting topic to me. It's hard for me to accept consolation and nurture from a submissive. I associate that with "mothering"; and although I need mothering as much as anyone, I have a bit of a Virgon/Whore complex and I have a lot of sexual rage rooted in mother-issues. In order to receive consolation, I have to let my guard down in a way that does not come naturally.

I know what you mean. It's hard for my husband to let me do things for him or comfort him too. I sometimes say things like "I had to practically beat him to get him to let me." LOL. Seriously though, it is very hard for some to let down their guard enough.

*nods*

Fury