How to approach bdsm related subjects..

[naxalite0906]

I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post this thread but I am just seeking a little information/advice.

What is the best way to approach things with a partner who isnt as open minded towards sex as you are.. By this, I don't mean whipping out a strap on and pointing it at my ass as I doubt my desires are that extreme, but I do have a lot of bdsm related fantasies and would love to enjoy them with my whoever I am with at the time.
The reason I ask this is that things didnt work out with my last partner and she didn't seem to understand where I was coming from when I suggested things and I just want to be a little more prepared if I do meet someone else. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone, but I do have a belief that sex is an important part of a relationship and I know I would always try and do whatever my partner asks. There are many things I am curious about (both sub and dom) and I just want to be able to approach it with whoever I am with and not scare/horrify them with what I have in mind..

Thanks for your time.. All comments would be greatly appreciated.

 

[RJMasters]

I don't know if your in a relationship or your currently looking one.

If the later....do not seek the living in a graveyard. Meaning simply if your looking for someone to share BDSM activities with, start in a place where it is known the people are like minded. Find out if there are local BDSM activities in your area, such as MUNCHes. This sort of remove some of the problem.

Save yourself the grief of letting a relationship go for too long without knowing eachothers minds about sexuality. Obviously its not something you may bring up too quickly, but before serious attachment might be involved, since you state it is something so important to you, then bring it up.

One thing you may do is bring up the question, what makes for a good relationship? Then the two of you discuss it. This would be a chance for you to add into the discussion "an adventurious and good sex life" Of course there will be required explanation to such a statement, but hey that what you want right?

There is no easy way to do it, you just have to make up your mind to be open and honest or your not. Your best chance is like I said in the beginning, instead of hunting in vanilla land and then springing the BDSM news, try hunting in BDSM land and then form a relationship with someone you meet there.

Good luck.

I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post this thread but I am just seeking a little information/advice.

What is the best way to approach things with a partner who isnt as open minded towards sex as you are.. By this, I don't mean whipping out a strap on and pointing it at my ass as I doubt my desires are that extreme, but I do have a lot of bdsm related fantasies and would love to enjoy them with my whoever I am with at the time.
The reason I ask this is that things didnt work out with my last partner and she didn't seem to understand where I was coming from when I suggested things and I just want to be a little more prepared if I do meet someone else. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone, but I do have a belief that sex is an important part of a relationship and I know I would always try and do whatever my partner asks. There are many things I am curious about (both sub and dom) and I just want to be able to approach it with whoever I am with and not scare/horrify them with what I have in mind..

Thanks for your time.. All comments would be greatly appreciated.

 

[naxalite0906]

I don't know if your in a relationship or your currently looking one.

If the later....do not seek the living in a graveyard. Meaning simply if your looking for someone to share BDSM activities with, start in a place where it is known the people are like minded. Find out if there are local BDSM activities in your area, such as MUNCHes. This sort of remove some of the problem.

Save yourself the grief of letting a relationship go for too long without knowing eachothers minds about sexuality. Obviously its not something you may bring up too quickly, but before serious attachment might be involved, since you state it is something so important to you, then bring it up.

One thing you may do is bring up the question, what makes for a good relationship? Then the two of you discuss it. This would be a chance for you to add into the discussion "an adventurious and good sex life" Of course there will be required explanation to such a statement, but hey that what you want right?

There is no easy way to do it, you just have to make up your mind to be open and honest or your not. Your best chance is like I said in the beginning, instead of hunting in vanilla land and then springing the BDSM news, try hunting in BDSM land and then form a relationship with someone you meet there.

Good luck.

Thank you for your input rj... Ive just come out of a relationship that probably dragged on for too long, but there were many other factors involved too.. I did approach it, but felt ashamed for doing so i guess..

As for finding like minded people, not sure how to go about that where I live now (uk just in case you wondered). I'm shy enough as it is.. lol

 

[FurryFury]

Try these. Google for more if you don't find what you like. Remember you are a nice looking man with a healthy interest in kink and you need to go where you can find like minded people.

http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/uk/munches/

http://www.fetish-net.org.uk/whatson-munches.html

http://dir.bondage.com/cat/5/dir.html

I used to tell my male friends who were looking for chicks certain things that I think somewhat differently about now.

Back then I didn't know about BDSM and at least one of them is into that sort of thing and had a horrible time finding a girl.

He was always talking about liking the girls that looked like trouble and bad. Invariably they were trouble and would screw him over.

I told him find a girl who looks nice and will treat you with respect then find the "bad girl" inside her.

Now that I know more, I'd say, yes, go where people who KNOW that are into kink are no matter how shy you are. What do you have to loose? A life with someone who is nilla. Trust me, no matter how good it is, you'll feel something is missing.

Good luck,

Fury

 

[naxalite0906]

Thank you fury... I will look into things like that.. I guess the thing is I'm not sure how far I would go with it at the moment, mainly due to not having anyone to share my thoughts with and experiment about it.. But I can't see it being too extreme, just switching during rp etc with a little tease and control.. Maybe I just need someone who is naughty rather than into the whole scene..

 

[Red Sonja]

It sounds to me as though you first need to figure out where you are in the whole spectrum of things before you can communicate that to another. I'd suggest reading up on things and finding one of the many purity tests out there...

From there, you will have a better idea of what does interest you and that would allow you to know better what you are looking for...

a nice vanilla gal with chocolate swirl, or if what you want is rocky road.

I hope I haven't offended you, but it seemed from your earlier posts that you are not sure what you want... and I think before you can communicate what you want... you need to know what it is that you want.

Even if it is just someone willing to try the flavor of the day.

 

[naxalite0906]

It sounds to me as though you first need to figure out where you are in the whole spectrum of things before you can communicate that to another. I'd suggest reading up on things and finding one of the many purity tests out there...

From there, you will have a better idea of what does interest you and that would allow you to know better what you are looking for...

a nice vanilla gal with chocolate swirl, or if what you want is rocky road.

I hope I haven't offended you, but it seemed from your earlier posts that you are not sure what you want... and I think before you can communicate what you want... you need to know what it is that you want.

Even if it is just someone willing to try the flavor of the day.

I think you managed to say what I wanted to but couldnt quite find the words for it.. I guess I need someone in a similar situation to me.. I do know things that I want/desire but its being able to share this with another person. All my previous partners have been vanilla and I guess now I want someone with a bit more than a twist to that side. I'm just scared of how to approach it all I guess..

Thank you RS