How to add this to a relationship

[seoul_girl]

I'm new to the BDSM scene, as is my boyfriend. Neither of us has been in a relationship that involved it before, but we're looking to explore this side of our sexuality. We've had vanilla sex so that's not an issue, but we're looking to add something a little more interesting to it.

I've read through a lot of the "exploration" threads here, but they focus on a new parter with an experienced partner. Do you guys have any recommendations for two new partners? I think we'd both be very comfortable with him being the dominant one. We're looking to start simple and expand from there.

 

[Toa_lin]

well, first explore what ideas actually turn you on, r u into bondage for example? if so, you can have him, since u siad he'd be the D, do some research, learn teh basic knots, and how to make a set of rope hand-cuffs per-say.

If your into pain, try something that u can adjust the intensity with, like spanking for example.

You first need to figure out what u want to look at, (for now, u can ALWAYS expand) and start out with the basics there, and SLOWLY work up, don't rush it, or problems can easily occur.


Side Note: It'll be best for him to try things out on himself first, so he gets an idea of what it feels like at each intensity level you reach, and give him better practice and control with it.

 

[Etoile]

*bumps thread*

Can we get more answers on here? I'm zonked from a redeye and a three-hour layover, so I'm too punchy to answer, but maybe others can.

 

[WriterDom]

Maybe he could tell you what to do, and you could do it?

 

[Blushing Bottom]

It does depend on who's in charge I would imagine...but cock worship...you is always a good place to start.

I'm new to the BDSM scene, as is my boyfriend. Neither of us has been in a relationship that involved it before, but we're looking to explore this side of our sexuality. We've had vanilla sex so that's not an issue, but we're looking to add something a little more interesting to it.

I've read through a lot of the "exploration" threads here, but they focus on a new parter with an experienced partner. Do you guys have any recommendations for two new partners? I think we'd both be very comfortable with him being the dominant one. We're looking to start simple and expand from there.

 

[Trajal]

This is a bit of a tricky one to answer because.. well, it's about what YOU like... You need to expand more, are you having submissive feelings? Does he like the idea of you over his knee? BDSM isn't so much about something that you do on your nights off, it is often about what you are.

I'd suggest exploring your sexuality more, see what turns you on, maybe try out some light bondage with some silk scarves or something... It's virtually impossible to answer this for you though, as it should be something which comes from within.

Sorry if that sounded at all snooty, not intentional, i'm just a little confused as to what you're looking for.

It'd a bit like me coming to a forum and saying "What nationality food should I pick as my favourite". That's not perfect but it's as close as I can get to a parallel. Hope that helps some at least and above all enjoy!

 

[WriterDom]

You could probably both do a checklist. And see what interests overlap.

 

[gingermango]

You could probably both do a checklist. And see what interests overlap.

That's probably the best way to find common ground quickly - it's also a good way to ease into discussions about some of the more unusual things either of you might be interested in exploring. Good luck figuring it out!

 

[CutieMouse]

When Someone You Love is Kinky is a bit elementary, but might help both of you identify what you each want, along with checklists.

The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book are both great starter reference works, to help with identifying interests, and both cover some basic how to sort of information.

The advantage of both of y'all being new to everything, is that you get to figure it out together, which means seriously customizing kink to fit your relationship. The initial question is so broad, that it's somewhat difficult to answer... thinking you'd both probably be comfortable with him being the Dominant partner doesn't explain how deeply y'all have discussed this, or if your individual ideas of D/s match up. If I knew you were both into mental domination, I'd have ideas. If I knew y'all were intersted in playing with masochism or humiliation, I'd have ideas. If I knew you were more of a bondage sort of couple, I'd have ideas. If you were interested in service submission, I'd have ideas. But I don't know any of that.

It sounds boring (gads my advice always sounds so freaking practical and boring...), but I'd start with ordering in pizza, a decent bottle of wine, 2 copies of a printed off BDSM checklist, and no pressure. Fill the checklists out, talk, eat pizza, talk, be goofy, talk, share fantasies, talk, and if you forget to talk, remember to talk. Then pick something you both are comfy with and feel hot about, and go from there.