How strictly separate are your erotic writing and personal lives

[WeShallUnclench]

And from that I mean, where do you fall on the spectrum between "I use 50 encryption methods of making sure none of this can ever be traced back to me" to "It says 'Erotic Fiction writer' on my office door and that's how I seduced my husband; my kids and parents brag about it in public" ?

In particular, is this something you keep very private even from the people closest to you?

 

[alohadave]

No one IRL even knows that I write, let alone that I write porn.

I don't have any elaborate way to isolate it, I just don't tell anyone and I keep everything on my personal computer.

 

[lanceGibs]

It is best done when you seclude some portions of your brain from your self.
Build mental and physical barriers around yourself.Else you are bound to get caught/discovered.

 

[BobbyBrandt]

I was raised to believe, "You shouldn't do anything today that you can't sleep with tonight."

Living this philosophy allows me to openly share my writing here with anyone interested, and I do just that. Everyone understands that it is fiction from my imagination, and in no way reflects on my personal behavior in real life. Whether it is sexual content within a story or the ghastly scenes of how a dead body gets disposed of in one of my novels, I'm not ashamed of what I create or I wouldn't create it in the first place.

 

[EmilyMiller]

My bf reads my stories. My best friend has read some of my stories. Anyone who appears [in fictionalized form] in one of my stories has read at least that one. My broader family and friends have [hopefully] no clue.

Emily

 

[Kelliezgirl]

No one I know IRL is aware of what I write. I consider it an extension of my sex life, and I keep that private too.

 

[StillStunned]

I read most of my stories to my wife. For the rest, I've mentioned to a few friends that I write erotica, but I don't think anyone has tried to track my stories down. If they do, good for them. I doubt they'll be terribly shocked.

 

[KeithD]

I keep them as separate as possible. Only my main erotica publisher knows both sides.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

I'm selective with who I tell, but don't like keeping secrets from those closest to me.
Add to that, I accidentally sent a link to my Lit stories to my ex wife, so there is absolutely no way to know how many people know. I personally think she'd be more embarrassed for her rep if people found out, so I'm not too worried, but like @BobbyBrandt said "You shouldn't do anything anyone today that you can't sleep with tonight."

 

[WeShallUnclench]

I was raised to believe, "You shouldn't do anything today that you can't sleep with tonight."

That's a good philosophy to have in general.

Of course the second part of the equation is other people.

What you do may not be shameful, but that also depends largely on your "audience", and the extend to which you trust them to understand and tolerate or even just leave you alone with the information you reveal about yourself and your projects.

Even if the people in question may not be awfully prudish and intolerant, it can be strategic to keep them out of the loop for your peace of mind and sense of autonomy...

 

[SyleusSnow]

I take great care to protect my secret identity: Few know about my hobby, I only connect to Lit via an in-browser VPN or Tor, keep all my filthy writing in encrypted containers and so on. All detailed on my blog: How to write smut in secret.

 

[BobbyBrandt]

That's a good philosophy to have in general.

Of course the second part of the equation is other people.

What you do may not be shameful, but that also depends largely on your "audience", and the extend to which you trust them to understand and tolerate or even just leave you alone with the information you reveal about yourself and your projects.

Even if the people in question may not be awfully prudish and intolerant, it can be strategic to keep them out of the loop for your peace of mind and sense of autonomy...

What you say has merit.

I believe I have a varied and diverse "audience", from doctors to lawyers to children's librarians to retired navy chaplains, and the list goes on. I believe the key is gaining their trust in understanding who you really are, and trusting them in return.

 

[Bramblethorn]

That's a good philosophy to have in general.

Of course the second part of the equation is other people.

What you do may not be shameful, but that also depends largely on your "audience", and the extend to which you trust them to understand and tolerate or even just leave you alone with the information you reveal about yourself and your projects.

Even if the people in question may not be awfully prudish and intolerant, it can be strategic to keep them out of the loop for your peace of mind and sense of autonomy...

Yep. What you might be ashamed of, and what might damage you, aren't always the same thing.

 

[onehitwanda]

Two people can keep a secret - if one of them is dead.

 

[Stimtheone]

I have some good friends that I trust to not look at me like I'm a horrible person knowing exactly what I write, a few others know I write porn, but I have not sent them here, and in a professional environment I would at best say that I write sci-fi books, but not even hint at the erotic aspect... until I might make a good enough friend to trust with what I do because at such a point they expect it. So I would say it's just a bit of obfuscation, but I'm not hiding it, and if my family wanders the internet enough, they sure can find it, I mean, this is the same nick I use on other sites.

 

[PeytonMirabelle]

My spouse, my parents, my siblings, some friends, and my local in-person writer group all know I write erotica (in addition to my non-erotic writing). None of them care that I write it or treat me different ... but none of them want to read it either.

The non-judmentalism from my closest peeps is nice ... but the indifference stings too, just a little.

 

[WeShallUnclench]

Two people can keep a secret - if one of them is dead.

Yeah I'm sorry but that line combined with this subject matter just might be the funniest thing I have yet read on this site

 

[elizaloo]

I let it all hang out. Husband is on Lit and met him here. Best friend publishes here. Brother was here and may still be, I’m not sure. Have made many, many friends here who all know who I am IRL.

Family and friends know I publish erotica, even if they haven’t bothered to track me down. Started writing erotic type stories with my bestie back in JR High.

I write about people I know/have known, current friends IRL and they approve. It’s never been a big deal in my life.

Anyone who might object would get jettisoned and they know it. Accept me as I am or your loss.

 

[samhasstories]

Writing is a big part of my life. I'm in writing groups, I go to local writers' events, I share my writing with my wife and anyone else who wants to read it. I try (and fail) to find journals to publish it.

But then there's the erotica. That's for me (and the fine folks of Literotica). I'm not ashamed of it, I don't think there's anything wrong with what I write, or the fact that I write it. I just think if I wrote it knowing that people in my real world might potentially read it, I wouldn't be as free with it. I would be self-conscious about it, and that would defeat the entire purpose. So I keep that to myself (and those same fine folks).

As far as how I keep it to myself, I don't go to any great lengths. Private browser window, a onedrive account that isn't linked to my hard drive. If someone really wanted to dig I'm sure they could find a trail.

 

[Blind_Justice]

I don't hide what I write. It's a part of who I am. My lady love tends to shoot the occasional jab my way as in "I can't help you tonight, but maybe Arach will come over to plug your butt" but I know that she likes what I do. There's a reason why I mention her in every freaking preamble

When I still was in the system, my job coaches knew and approved, even encouraged me to try and monetize what I was doing. It would have helped if I wrote my stuff in German instead of English but oh well, it is what it is. I'm on disability welfare now, so no one gives a shit if I were to write murder mysteries or incestuous gangbangs and as an Atheist, I don't have to worry about God, Satan or their mortal representatives. And they sneer at me for playing make-believe at the gaming table? Fools, all.

I only have about a handful of friends, many of them on this very site. Those not on Lit know what I do and sometimes I get asked if I've written anything good recently, to which I can only say "not yet, wait until my freaking depression relents a bit".

 

[12oclocktales]

50 encryption methods to hide one's tracks sounds a bit extreme. I'm sure I don't use more than 49.

 

[mrs_mackenzie]

No one I know IRL is aware of what I write. I consider it an extension of my sex life, and I keep that private too.

This. I don't go around telling my friends about it just like I wouldn't tell them what I was doing to myself in the bath last night.

As others have said, I just keep documents on my personal computer and don't give them incredibly obvious titles. If someone was determined, they could find them, but I don't know who would be doing that.

 

[MrPixel]

My wife knows, for sure. She's been my proofreader on and off, and enjoys conversations about my characters. "What's Cyan up to these days?" is frequently a lunch topic, "Cyan" being largely based on a randier version of her. My stepmother knows I write romances, but not the context, and she definitely does not get links.

A couple of my wife's "male friends" know and have links. I would guess they probably follow me to make sure I'm not writing about them. One would be flattered if I did, however.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Partners and filthy friends know, a few have read a few stories, spouse says 'you're weird you are, but I love you. Can you get us another of those Amazon vouchers, please?'

Had to tell him not to hold his breath!

My phone is fingerprint protected and PC has various passwords, so that should stop anyone, like under-age family members, tripping over anything frankly unnerving. My room also has a lock but I don't use it much as it might suggest there's something worth looking for...

 

[AG31]

And from that I mean, where do you fall on the spectrum between "I use 50 encryption methods of making sure none of this can ever be traced back to me" to "It says 'Erotic Fiction writer' on my office door and that's how I seduced my husband; my kids and parents brag about it in public" ?

In particular, is this something you keep very private even from the people closest to you?

Totally, completely separate. I use everything but encryption and a VPN.