How serious is collaring?

[kara_CM]

i am in my very first Master/slave relationship. i am rather getting the hang of it slowly. Actually, i guess i should tell you now that, at least at this point, it is online only. i live in Ohio, my Master lives in Alabama. W/we have talked on the phone numerous times and have talked of meeting when W/we are both ready. Shortly, after W/we started seeing each other he collared me and named me, that was 3 months ago. We are exclusive to each other, we both want that.

What i want to know is how serious is collaring someone? Is it different for every individual or is there a kind of standard knowledge in the community as to how serious it is?

Sorry if this seems like a stupid question but i am just curious as to everyone's answer. Thanks.

 

[FurryFury]

I haven't been and probably never will be collared but it's pretty damned serious from what I can tell. I do think the precise definitions of it change couple to couple.

For most it means you have been accepted and agree to be the other person's sub or slave, I believe.

Damn it. *sniffs* I'm not likely to get one of those.

Fury

 

[kara_CM]

Why do you say that? *concerned*

 

[graceanne]

PLEASE drop the whole W/we, U/us thing. It really makes your post hard to read.

Edited to add:

I'd say that collaring, like marrying, depends on the person. Some people go through commited relationships like it's candy. Doesn't matter the kind of relationship.

 

[FurryFury]

Why do you say that? *concerned*

No worries. I just am already committed in a rather 'nilla life relationship. Didn't understand what I really wanted you see till just recently. So online is my outlet and yes he knows. We do play some, just not nearly enough or deep enough.

As I said I'm happy for you!

I'm just feeling a bit growly today, don't mind me.

Back to the thread. Collaring means what to everyone?

Fury

 

[kara_CM]

i'm sorry, that was the way i was trained to write.

 

[kara_CM]

No worries. I just am already committed in a rather 'nilla life relationship. Didn't understand what I really wanted you see till just recently. So online is my outlet and yes he knows. We do play some, just not nearly enough or deep enough.

As I said I'm happy for you!

I'm just feeling a bit growly today, don't mind me.

Back to the thread. Collaring means what to everyone?

Fury

i see, i'm sorry. i do hope you are happy in whatever relationship you are in.

 

[FurryFury]

i see, i'm sorry. i do hope you are happy in whatever relationship you are in.

Thanks Sugah, I mostly am, just a bit frustrated today.

So anyone else want to chime in on what collaring means or meant to them?

Fury

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

The meanings behind a collar are as varied as the many types, styles, and colors of collars available.
My little girl always wears a collar, during the day she wears a simple Sterling Silver collar that does not look like a collar at all. To the outside world, it is a simple piece of jewelry, to us, a symbol of our relationship dynamic.
The only time that collar is removed, is at night, when she replaces it with a thick leather collar that I made myself. This is a traditional colllar and she has a heart shaped padlock on the d ring.
If we attend BDSM functions, she wears this collar. It is important to me because of the symbolism, and the fact that I crafted it myself.
My little girl is very comfortable in either of her collars, they give her comfort, and a sense of protection.
The importance of a collar should be as important as you and your Master feel it should be. I am not a real believer in "online" domination, but if it is working for you, it is not my place to criticize.
The best part about BDSM is that you and your PYL decide what is important to each of you. Don't get hung up on what others may think, do what feels good, after all, this is all about feeling good!
I have attached a photo of each collar.

 

[graceanne]

The meanings behind a collar are as varied as the many types, styles, and colors of collars available.
My little girl always wears a collar, during the day she wears a simple Sterling Silver collar that does not look like a collar at all. To the outside world, it is a simple piece of jewelry, to us, a symbol of our relationship dynamic.
The only time that collar is removed, is at night, when she replaces it with a thick leather collar that I made myself. This is a traditional colllar and she has a heart shaped padlock on the d ring.
If we attend BDSM functions, she wears this collar. It is important to me because of the symbolism, and the fact that I crafted it myself.
My little girl is very comfortable in either of her collars, they give her comfort, and a sense of protection.
The importance of a collar should be as important as you and your Master feel it should be. I am not a real believer in "online" domination, but if it is working for you, it is not my place to criticize.
The best part about BDSM is that you and your PYL decide what is important to each of you. Don't get hung up on what others may think, do what feels good, after all, this is all about feeling good!
I have attached a photo of each collar.

I love them, especially the day collar. Me and K wanna get something like that, when we get the money. Where'd you get it?

 

[kara_CM]

They are both beautiful. i can see why You are very proud of the collar You made.

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

I love them, especially the day collar. Me and K wanna get something like that, when we get the money. Where'd you get it?

Believe it or not, I found the day collar at Marshalls, we were there again recenty, and they had a few of them.

While it's value to us is immeasurable, it was actually very inexpensive.

 

[graceanne]

Believe it or not, I found the day collar at Marshalls, we were there again recenty, and they had a few of them.

While it's value to us is immeasurable, it was actually very inexpensive.

Awesome. What's it made of? I mean is it sterling silver? Cause I can't wear any other kind of silver - I break out.

 

[chris9]

i'm sorry, that was the way i was trained to write.

If you are writing to him, alright. It's just not that nice to read. And here almost everyone would be doing it, which could get really annoying.

To give you my 2 cents on the original question: I'd figure a collar means what the couple feels it means. So maybe you should ask you PYL how he sees the symbolism of it. Personally I would have thought something like that would have been communicated before giving the collar.

 

[h_i_s]

Awesome. What's it made of? I mean is it sterling silver? Cause I can't wear any other kind of silver - I break out.

The daytime collar is sterling, yes, graceanne. It's actually comfortable. It's not heavy, and it is very flexible ... as well as strong and durable. i've worn it daily for almost a year and a half & it has never tarnished. It's a hollow type of tubing. To remove it, i twist it to either the left or right ... the back is open ... think like the letter 'C' ... it's the same shape.

 

[kara_CM]

If you are writing to him, alright. It's just not that nice to read. And here almost everyone would be doing it, which could get really annoying.

To give you my 2 cents on the original question: I'd figure a collar means what the couple feels it means. So maybe you should ask you PYL how he sees the symbolism of it. Personally I would have thought something like that would have been communicated before giving the collar.

Yes, i see your point, he actually just told me to come to him and told me he was putting his collar on me and he described what it looked like. i knew collaring me meant i was his, i just thought maybe there was some meaning to it in the BDSM community that i didn't understand or know.

i am understanding what ya'll are saying about the meaning being individual for everyone.

 

[h_i_s]

How seriosu is a collaring?

i agree with what everyone here has said, and would like to add to it all .... a bit.

Some see their collaring as very serious, very special .. much like many view their wedding rings... it's symbolizm can represent the commitment between the two, as well as the fact that they are 'spoken for' ... aka 'taken'. For a slave it can also serve as a sign of ownership... and the promises shared between that slave and the Master/Owner.

Some view their collaring as very special, but more like a symbol to the rest of the word that they are 'going steady' ... aka 'in a committed one on one relationship'. Many who share online only relationships place {{{{{{{{{BRACKETS}}}}}}}} around their name with the initials of their owner's name inside of the brackets.... to show others that they are collared to a PYL.

So, depending on the relationship ... the symbolism can vary.

A collaring can represent a lifetime commitment much like a wedding ceremony.

It can represent a promise to eventually reach a lifetime commitment ... much like an engagement ring.

For some, a collar can be more like a 'friendship ring ... aka pre-engagement .. aka 'going steady type ring' .... symbolizing that those in the relationship THINK they like each other a whole lot ... and are committed and only seeing each other , enjoying each other ...... yet still in the phases of 'trying each other on for size' ... to make certain that they are a 'good fit .. or match' for each other.

my collar is just as, if not more,
important to me as my wedding ring is ....

EVEN more important than either ... is the commitment and love which it represents for me and my Master. It is a material symbol, something physical ... which represents that i am His, was put on this earth just for Him, and am finally right where i belong .... as His, with Him.

 

[h_i_s]

There are other collars too ...

i've heard mention before of training collars ... also called consideration collars, which are gievn by a PYL to a pyl, ... am guessing those are much comparable to an engagement ring, or a 'going steady ring' ........ as they consider over time whether or not they will be taking the relationship up to another level of commitment.

And some wear collars which they purchase for themselves .... just because they enjoy wearing forms of ornamentation/jewelry. Those do not represent a commitment to any other ... just means they like the feel of it around their neck, or the way it matches their current outfit or mood .... i suppose.

 

[kara_CM]

Thank You all for taking the time to write all of that, it is very much appreciated.

 

[h_i_s]

You're welcome, kara.
Most here don't mind sharing what they know/have experienced.
We ALL start not knowing. The only difference being, the time of not knowing is just further in the past for some ... and not yet quite in the past, for some others.
Welcome to the Lit BDSM boards.

 

[CutieMouse]

i am in my very first Master/slave relationship. i am rather getting the hang of it slowly. Actually, i guess i should tell you now that, at least at this point, it is online only. i live in Ohio, my Master lives in Alabama. W/we have talked on the phone numerous times and have talked of meeting when W/we are both ready. Shortly, after W/we started seeing each other he collared me and named me, that was 3 months ago. We are exclusive to each other, we both want that.

What i want to know is how serious is collaring someone? Is it different for every individual or is there a kind of standard knowledge in the community as to how serious it is?

Sorry if this seems like a stupid question but i am just curious as to everyone's answer. Thanks.

Your thread has me curious... what does the collar mean to *you*? What does it mean to him that he gave it to you? Do you feel more connected when you put the collar on and does it symbolicly and ritualisticly signify the bond you share, thus bringing y'all comfort and connectivity?

I doubt I'll ever be collared.; not my style (although once upon a time I thought it might be). However there are little things in our daily lives (being a gazillion miles apart) that connect us. "The Community" might raise an eyebrow and not understand, but *we* understand and that is all that matters.

 

[CutieMouse]

Oh I also wantewd to say welcome and Lit really is casual enough that you don't need to worry about Gorean rules of deportment (the W/we thing)... I can't imagine any of the Tops/Doms/Dommes/Masters here jumping down someone's throat for speaking up gracefully even if the "correct" capitalization were ignored.

 

[FurryFury]

Oh I also wantewd to say welcome and Lit really is casual enough that you don't need to worry about Gorean rules of deportment (the W/we thing)... I can't imagine any of the Tops/Doms/Dommes/Masters here jumping down someone's throat for speaking up gracefully even if the "correct" capitalization were ignored.

I'd love to know more about the freaking Gorean rules of deportment on another thread sometimes. I get these lil bits and pieces but not a whole rounded view into it.

Fury

 

[Hajar]

To ME, collaring is a marriage of Master and slave, it is committment, it's is a sign of ownership, not to be taken lightly.
I question why you allowed yourself to be collared after an admitted short period of time, in the light of the question, but hey that's my own issues with online peeking thru, I wish you the best.

 

[CutieMouse]

I'd love to know more about the freaking Gorean rules of deportment on another thread sometimes. I get these lil bits and pieces but not a whole rounded view into it.

Fury

I have only a scanty enough understanding of it, myself, to know I wouldn't be happy going there.