How private are you about your lifestyle?

[Kailey_86]

This topic has probably been brought up before but what the heck. Why not?

Do you hide your lifestyle? Do you appear completely vanilla in public? What about around friends? Do you think your friends wonder about whether or not you are in the lifestyle?
For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you have a piece of vanilla jewelry that represents the same thing as a collar?

Do you care if people know about your lifestyle? Are you proud of it? Do you mind showing it off? Are you open about it?
For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you wear your collar out? Have you ever been taken out on a leash? Do you call your Dom Sir or Master in public?

i myself would love to be able to be more open about my lifestyle. i understand the dangers of being very open with it though. When i leave Sir's house i am often reluctant to take my collar off. i don't have another piece of jewelry that represents anything yet since i haven't been formely collared yet. i think it would be neat to go out on a leash even though i would probably be a deep shade of red. If i were in a place where people wouldn't know me, i wouldn't care at all. What about you?

 

[BiBunny]

Do you hide your lifestyle? No, but I don't go about shouting it at the top of my lungs, either. My closest friends know. My family doesn't ever ask about my sexual practices (mostly because they know I'm "weird"--their term, not mine--so they're afraid to do much questioning), and I don't tell them. If I were ever asked point-blank by someone, "Is B. your Master?", I'd say yes. However, I'd hope no one I know casually would be so tacky, and if they were, I say they deserve whatever kind of response I give them. In short I am/we are discreet about it, but we don't lie about it, either. We just don't feel the need to tell everyone about our private lives.

Do you appear completely vanilla in public? Probably. We're a pretty laid-back couple, though. The only time we're really overt about it is when I'm tied to the bed.

What about around friends? Do you think your friends wonder about whether or not you're in the lifestyle? My closest friends know. His closest friends know. Other than that, I don't think anyone knows or cares.

Do you have a piece of vanilla jewelry that represents the same thing as a collar? No, but I'd like to have something. One day, I'm going to remember to ask him about it.

Do you care if people know about your lifestyle? Nope.

Are you proud of it? I'm not sure how to answer this. I'm not ashamed of it, of course, but I don't march in parades, either.

Do you mind showing it off? Are you open about it? I indulge in a little harmless bragging with kinky friends, but that's about it. Like I said, I'm not ashamed of my choices, but I don't want to make others uncomfortable about it, either. I just keep my mouth shut around people who aren't "in" on it.

Do you wear your collar out? Sometimes, but, once again, only if I'm sure I won't make other people uncomfortable. I have no shame whatsoever (and B. despairs of this fact, since it makes it damn near impossible to do humiliation play with me and get the desired results), so I'd wear it everywhere if I thought it wouldn't bother folks.

Have you ever been taken out on a leash? No, but I'd like it, what, with my mile-wide exhibitionist streak. Here I go again, but I'd want it to be in a place where I knew no one would be offended by it or uncomfortable with it. A party or get-together with my close kinky friends would be a fine place to do it, I think.

Do you call your Dom Sir or Master in public? No, but he's not a stickler about titles, either. I only call him Master when we play, when I'm specifically serving him, or when I'm not doing either thing and feeling particularly submissive. Repetition of any name is annoying to me (and him). I have all kinds of names that I call him interchangably, including his given name. It's not a big deal for us.

Ok, we're probably more laid-back than most, but that's how we do it.

 

[Ksb]

I'm pretty open about it. Almost to the point of proud. I wear my collar out sometimes - though it matches the rest of my attire quite well. I tend to dress... erm... alternative. Ocassionaly I get comments and etc from strangers which I ignore. We don't use a collar as anything but a practical piece of equiptment/nice looking accesory, so I can wear it or not wear it as I please.

At my work i'm more than happy to discuss it with any of them... though I do work in a pub which is a 'young' atmosphere, with lots and lots of men, who constantly talk/brag about sex. They're ok with it. Some of them tell me i'm nuts, some of them ask faaar too many questions to be as vanilla as they claim to be.

I've been out on a leash only once. People stared (and there were lots of people... euston train station!) but I didn't mind in the slightest. I was high on the rush t gave me. Afterwards there was a 'woah... someone could have really reacted badly' feeling, but I don't tend to worry about things like that for long. People can be assholes for lots of reasons. I don't think theres anything wrong with it, and I don't let how other people might react ruin my fun.

I don't call him sir/master in public or in private. It just feels strange to me... though he does call me his slut etc, if it's done 'publically' its aways in a non-public way. Hard to explain really... when we meet someplace public he'll hug and kiss me and ask how his little slut is. He wouldn't even dream of calling me it infront of friends/relatives/the cashier at tesco. Which is a shame as i'd kinda get off on it.

Thats made me think of my family. I'm not 'out' to them. I don't talk about sex etc in general with them though. If the conversation came up, I probably would be, but i'm not going to run up to my nan shouting 'My boyfriend likes to tie me to the bed and fuck my face, as i'm his dirty little slut woo!'. I wear my collar around them, but they've seen me wear much stranger things, i'm sure.

In conclusion, i'm pretty open about it - though I think it's because of my lifestyle in general. If I were the kind of person who'd usually wear a nice pink sweater and a pair of jeans... I doubt i'd go out wearing a black leather collar with a huge O-ring on the front. It's much more of a statement if it's not teamed with a huge black puffy skirt, some army boots and a top hat. If I worked in a... proper job, with desks and pens and things, I think i'd be less willing to talk about it unless I was with collegues I considered friends.

I rambled a tad. Insomnia sucks.

 

[cfuhrer]

I'm pretty open about it. Almost to the point of proud. I wear my collar out sometimes - though it matches the rest of my attire quite well.

I don't call him sir/master in public or in private. It just feels strange to me... though he does call me his slut etc, if it's done 'publically' its aways in a non-public way. Hard to explain really... when we meet someplace public he'll hug and kiss me and ask how his little slut is. He wouldn't even dream of calling me it infront of friends/relatives/the cashier at tesco. Which is a shame as i'd kinda get off on it.

Thats made me think of my family. I'm not 'out' to them. I don't talk about sex etc in general with them though. If the conversation came up, I probably would be, but i'm not going to run up to my nan shouting 'My boyfriend likes to tie me to the bed and fuck my face, as i'm his dirty little slut woo!'. I wear my collar around them, but they've seen me wear much stranger things, i'm sure.

I have to echo these sentiments as well.

 

[sexy_dancer]

On the fence

Well I guess you could say I'm on the fence with this one. I don't tell family cause well my sex life is none of their buisness. My closest friends know and are totaly cool with it. I don't wear my collar in public and I don't refer to my man as "master" in public either. I may seem vanilla to you, but I believe in keeping my sexual stuff in the bedroom. After all with two small children it really isn't appropriate. But hey I give kudos to those who aren't embarrassed at all!

 

[subtleone]

Like most other that have answered so far, I'm not overtly public about it but then I am not the sort of person that would discuss my private life in any great detail anyway.
I do have 'vanilla' jewelry that symbolises my collar that I rarely remove. Like Ksb said if I wore clothes that would accommodate a collar in any way I would gladly wear one, however I would probably be asked to remove anything remotely BDSM at work anyway.
I think I would come under the gossip banner as "It's always the quiet ones isn't it! Who'd have thought it?"
I do not feel embarrassed about my lifestyle just knowing what general vanilla opinion is do not care to share and TBH whose business is it anyway?

 

[insertcutename]

I think it's something between me and my Daddy, nobody else needs to know about it. I have only told one friend, but she asked straight out.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Do you hide your lifestyle?

Not overly but then I have reached a point where it has become fairly ingrained in our daily life and I don't see it as unusual or spend a lot of time thinking about it in terms of hiding or showing it. We have never been that overt about it anyway as that is just not us...we don't frequent clubs and parties, and we aren't into trying to get shock value so it basically means we don't find a need at any point to draw attention to it or act in overt displays of it.

Do you appear completely vanilla in public?

Probably for the most part we do though there have been a couple of occasions when someone has obviously noticed my collar and what it means, or picked up on something in our behaviour which just translated to me they were either in the lifestyle themselves or had been around it enough to see and recognise those subtle signs.

What about around friends? Do you think your friends wonder about whether or not you are in the lifestyle?

Most of our friends are vanilla...some know, some don't, and for the majority who know, they never mention it or want to know anything more about it. Those that don't are also of a level of maturity that it doesn't concern them enough what their friends do in private to wonder, even if they knew what the lifestyle was.

For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you have a piece of vanilla jewelry that represents the same thing as a collar?

No.

Do you care if people know about your lifestyle?

Not particularly. It really has little to do with anyone else so it matters little to me if they know or not, as long as it doesn't create problems for F.

Are you proud of it? Do you mind showing it off? Are you open about it?

I'm not sure pride comes into it...it is my life and I am not ashamed of it, but I don't feel I am special because of it. We are not showy people who seek attention in any context so showing it off seems a bit immature to us and not what we are into. We are open about it to the extent we don't see a reason to go out of our way to hide it, but we also see no purpose in shouting it from the rooftops just as most vanilla people don't do the same about what they did in the bedroom last night or what their SO said to them before leaving for work that morning...these are just not things which are natural to come up unless you seek to make it so or someone notices something and asks.

For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you wear your collar out?

I have a collar and I wear it in public, even wore it for our marriage with my parents present. The only times I don't wear it is if he tells me not to because of the situation we may be in which might cause him problems in his workplace but that is rare, oh and when there is a health reason such as an allergic reaction but we have mostly gotten past that. Hmm, the last time I flew home and on my return was asked to take my collar off at the security check, I was running late for boarding, so got on the plane thinking she had not returned it to me with the handful of things she handed back after checking and I was in panic as I didn't feel right without it and I saw it as a bad omen....took me a couple of hours to find it was in the bottom of my bag where she must have stuck it.

Have you ever been taken out on a leash?

Ah, no. I tend to think that is the sort of thing people would do to see how many people they can shock and draw attention to themselves which I equate with being a little offcourse about what being in the lifestyle is about. I think the only place I could see that being acceptable would be in a club/party scene or something like the Sydney G&L Mardi Gras where it would not be out of place.

Do you call your Dom Sir or Master in public?

I have often, but discreetly which isn't difficult because most people ask me to repeat what I say because I speak softly naturally. For the most part it is not something which has to be done....he knows when I am speaking to him and he to me, so there is no reason to be overtly D/s in a vanilla environment where others might hear. It is our business basically.

i think it would be neat to go out on a leash even though i would probably be a deep shade of red. If i were in a place where people wouldn't know me, i wouldn't care at all. What about you?

Nope, it isn't on my list of things which would make me feel neat or more real. If he required it of me it would not bother me, but knowing he is even more private than I am, I doubt he would ever want to do something like that in a public mainstream realm as he too would equate it with seeking attention which isn't our style. It really doesn't prove anything except you have a collar and leash around your neck and lots of people looking at you and probably nodding their heads. Truth of the matter is, most mainstream people would not even know it was supposed to mean anything and would assume you were on your way to a fancy dress party or a little strange. For us, living this lifestyle is one of the most important things in our lives, but it doesn't require anyone else knowing, nor do we feel the need to make sure they do and see what their reaction is...it is for us, not attention value.

Catalina

 

[the captians wench]

I don't hide my lifestyle, but then I don't wear a tatoo on my forehead that says "sub" either.

My friends all know, but that may be because they introduced me to BDSM. My mother knows more than she wants to at times, because my mother and I have always been more like best friends than parent and daughter. A few of my co workers know, or suspect, but with the exception of the minors they pretty much know as much as they want to. If they ask, I'm pretty up front about things, if it's a serious question. I'm the same way with the rest of my family, they know as much as they ask, tho my mom tends to change the subject when she reaches a point where she doesn't feel comfortable with them knowing.

I do wear my collar out quite frequently. But then like some one else said, it looks like a fashion piece more than anything else because of the clothes I wear. I do have a varity of collars and chokers and even a necklace that I wear, but the only reason why I have so many and wear which ever fits my mood is because he has not given me one personally. The one he gives me will replace all others unless he tells me to wear something else.

The only place I don't wear a collar of any sort is at work. One for the professional reason, and two because of food safety issues. Tho for christmas he sent me a broach that I tend to wear most often as a collar button.

I have been on a leash before, but that's only at a night club that I go to where it's pretty much not that unexpected. I would love to have one on in a public place, but that's more my exibitionism and attention whore-ish-ness comming out than anything else. He on the other hand is a bit more sincible than I am in such public matters so the closest I'll get when I visit him is a walk in the woods, where we could run into some one, but it wouldn't be likely.

I do love the feeling of being on a leash, but I get that feeling whether I'm in public or not, so the publicity is really not nessisary.

I'm pretty open about most things in my life, but only if you ask.

 

[serijules]

Do you hide your lifestyle?

Depends on the situation. When I am in my hometown (where I live), I do not participate in the local bdsm scene (not that there IS one, but I wouldn't if there were). I am very private about my lifestyle here as I am a well known business owner and it simply would not be a wise thing to do.

Do you appear completely vanilla in public?

Depends on the situation again. When in PA with Ma'am, there are times when she will do things to me that may raise a brow. (She will slap me in public if I'm a smartass, but I know better than to behave like that so it's a moot point). Other than my collar, which I'll get to in a few moments, we most likely appear to others as lesbian lovers even though we are not lovers, as we often hold hands and the way we interact is often affectionate.

What about around friends? Do you think your friends wonder about whether or not you are in the lifestyle?

Heh, I think most of my friends suspect something for one reason or another. Most of my friends are kinky though so most of the times that I am together with friends, it is at a kink related get-together or party (never locally though). I have one local kink friend, but she moved here after I had already known her for years as a submissive with a mutual group of friends. My other close local vanilla friend pretty much knows, she's a tattoo artist and I'll make comments now and then without thinking that I'm sure she puts two and two together. She would be fine with it though so while I never give flat out details, I don't make much of an attempt to hide it from her. My best friends however are both very "straight" and would completely freak out, so I have to really be careful around them.

For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you have a piece of vanilla jewelry that represents the same thing as a collar?

I wear an italian charm bracelet that Ma'am gave to me very early on in our relationship as a symbolic collar. It had dolphins on each link (her favourite animal) and has one link that has a D and one that has a garnet stone (her nickname for me). I have worn it every day for nearly 4 years...it never comes off. I had problems with it for awhile due to allergic reaction but I finally found a way to get that under control. I am no longer required to wear it, but I'm just so attached to it and my wrist feels bare without it, so I wear it. It's unusual too because if I put any other bracelet or watch on, it bugs the shit out of me and I end up taking it off within a few hours, but this one I don't even notice is on, but I noticed immediately if it is off.

Do you care if people know about your lifestyle? Are you proud of it? Do you mind showing it off? Are you open about it?

Neither Ma'am nor I are the type to enjoy showing off. Pride is not really relevent...I am very proud to belong to her and that is usually very evident in my posts, writing and behaviour in kink settings. However, we don't believe in exposing people to our kink without their consent so to speak. There are exceptions; she doesn't tolerate misbehaviour and if I were to misbehave in public, you can be sure I'd be corrected for it regardless of the public situation. Most anyone that knows her knows this and are wise enough to avoid acting up in any way, but she has spanked people in bathrooms and parking lots on rare occasion. She will also put me in my place firmly with a look and a tone in her voice if I start getting moody or something, and I'm sure if someone were looking, they would wonder. Those instances are very rare though and it isn't done to show off. She has her reasons.

Ma'am is more open about her lifestyle than I am in vanilla settings though. She doesn't make much of an effort to "hide" it from anyone, and most people know or suspect something about it. She is amazingly secure in her role. It's just who she is. I wish I could be like that more.

For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you wear your collar out? Have you ever been taken out on a leash?

Yes. I have two collars. My everyday collar that never comes off is a thin silver screw-down eternity collar. It can pass as vanilla jewlery, but sometimes people raise a brow to is since I wear it 24/7. My slave collar that I wear when with Ma'am is much more obvious. It is a thick steel eternity collar with a padlock. I get questions on that one a lot.

I have been on a leash in public, but only in kink settings.

Do you call your Dom Sir or Master in public?

I am required to address her properly as "Ma'am" regardless of who is around. She is older than me so most of the time people just pass it off as manners. Her kids are very used to people addressing her as "Ma'am" as even they will answer with a "yes Ma'am" or "no Ma'am" when questioned.

i think it would be neat to go out on a leash even though i would probably be a deep shade of red. If i were in a place where people wouldn't know me, i wouldn't care at all. What about you?

Eh, I'm not much into public display of control that is so well, cliche`. I will admit to a certain thrill when Ma'am is stern with me in public or gives me an order, and I have always gotten off on being watched or made to perform in front of other lifestylers despite my extreme shyness. I love being led around by a leash at parties or kink gatherings even though it makes me blush to my roots. It's not so much what I would want that I think about in regards to vanilla settings, but on respecting the people around me that don't understand.

 

[ownedsubgal]

no, we don't hide our lifestyle, but we don't broadcast it from the mountaintops either. for the most part, we're just ourselves. i have no idea whether we appear "vanilla" in public or not...likely sometimes we do, sometimes we don't. i have 2 different collars, one which is more discreet that i most often wear out in regular public, and another which is actually more significant (and more obviously a collar of ownership) that i wear at home and to lifestyle events, although for several years it was the only collar i had so i wore it every place. sometimes got funny looks or comments about it, but it never really bothered me. i have been taken out in vanilla public a few times on collar and leash, but usually in somewhat of a discreet way (with the leash down my shirt for instance), so that someone would have to be really watching us to know what was going on. other times we have not been so discreet, but the goal is never to garner attention from the 'nillas...just to be ourselves. i refer to my Master 99% of the time as Daddy or Dad, which works fine in vanilla situations since most assume he is my Father, both because of our age difference and in the way we just naturally are together. i refer to any older man, in the lifestyle or not, as "Sir" always (that is a rule of my Master's)...that too has never caused any stir. i have no vanilla friends and don't socialize with anyone outside of my Master's presence, so i can't answer from that perspective.

the bottom line is that we believe in just being true to ourselves, wherever we are or whomever we are around. if i slip up and he feels i need to be slapped, i will be slapped. whether we're at home on the couch or in the grocery store. the only difference being normal discretion and courtesy to others (he'd take me to an empty aisle for instance). i am always to conduct myself properly, which means certain specific things, that may or may not be understood or taken well by vanillas. that's not something we really think about. we are just...us.

 

[graceanne]

We are completely in the closet. I have small children, and I do day care. Beyond that my family knows that K's the boss, and they're ok with that cause they think (and are partly correct) that we do it this way cause it's biblically correct. Anything else and they'd be shocked and disapproving. And they sure don't know about anything we do in our room.

My best friend has a small idea, but that's just cause when her daughter was about four she and my duaghter found our shackles and locked themselves in them. The prolbem? The keys were at the other house (we were moving). My sister probably has an idea, too, since she and I and my best friend are all friends. *shrugs*

 

[callinectes]

Do you hide your lifestyle? Pretty much. We live in a small town, I have a government job of some prominance (for a town the size of mine), and I am well networked through social causes, professional contacts, friendships, and I have a young child.

Do you appear completely vanilla in public? Yep. But I would appear vanilla no matter where I lived. I keep my private life private.

What about around friends? Do you think your friends wonder about whether or not you are in the lifestyle? Oh hell no. They are clueless

For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you have a piece of vanilla jewelry that represents the same thing as a collar? Nope.

Do you care if people know about your lifestyle? Yes, for the reasons listed above.
Are you proud of it? Do you mind showing it off? Are you open about it? again, see above. I am not ashamed, I just have to deal with the reality of living in a small Baptist Southern town.

For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you wear your collar out? Nope
Have you ever been taken out on a leash? No

Do you call your Dom Sir or Master in public? He would not be happy if I called him Sir or Daddy in public. There are very specific private situations in which it is required, but the rest of time he doesn't care. He certainly isn't hardcore about titles.

i think it would be neat to go out on a leash even though i would probably be a deep shade of red. If i were in a place where people wouldn't know me, i wouldn't care at all. What about you? That's not my thing. I adore the leash at home, but have no desire to wear one in public.

 

[callinectes]

if i slip up and he feels i need to be slapped, i will be slapped. whether we're at home on the couch or in the grocery store. the only difference being normal discretion and courtesy to others (he'd take me to an empty aisle for instance).

OSG, I have immense respect for your devotion. I really do. I also hate to sound like I am flaming or picking on you. But I have to say this... his slapping you in a grocery store or other public place is really over the top. An empty aisle?? For pete's sake, anyone could come around the corner at anytime. I would be pissed as hell if I were shopping with my child and happened upon that. For that matter, what if the store's securiy office observes this and decides to intervene? What a mess that would be. Do what you gotta do at home, but don't do it in public. It's wrong to involve other people, I don't care if it is who you are or not.

 

[Kailey_86]

i am really enjoying everyone's responses.

i, like most, wouldn't shout from the rooftops that i am a submissive but i won't hide it either. It's who i am. i will wear my collar out. i will call my Dom by His title in public (He isn't very particular about that though). i will be corrected in public if need be but it's done discreetly. As my Dom's puppy, i am not to start a conversation with people in public and i am supposed to heel a little behind Him to the left. i am not supposed to stray...there is an assumed leash there. These things can be noticed if people pay enough attention to us. It's not something that will W/we hide.

Sometimes i wish people could do what they want in public without having to worry about offending others. It would be so nice to live in a world where people just accepted others as they are. i am sounding naive now so i'll keep dreaming on my own. *shrugs*

i've noticed that lots of people say others don't need to know about what goes on in the bedroom. This is interesting to me. IMO, the lifestyle goes beyond the bedroom. There is so much more to it.

 

[ownedsubgal]

OSG, I have immense respect for your devotion. I really do. I also hate to sound like I am flaming or picking on you. But I have to say this... his slapping you in a grocery store or other public place is really over the top. An empty aisle?? For pete's sake, anyone could come around the corner at anytime. I would be pissed as hell if I were shopping with my child and happened upon that. For that matter, what if the store's securiy office observes this and decides to intervene? What a mess that would be. Do what you gotta do at home, but don't do it in public. It's wrong to involve other people, I don't care if it is who you are or not.

first, i don't control my Master, tis the other way round. also, there are many ways to slap, punch, or otherwise strike a person discreetly, without raising the attention of others who may be closeby. i've taken a punch to the gut before in a crowded food court in the mall, with people surrounding us on all sides...no one noticed a thing. the only way we'd ever draw attention would be if i reacted in some inappropriate way (exclaiming "ow!" or crying or some such thing)...which when in public, i know well enough to NEVER do.

 

[callinectes]

first, i don't control my Master, tis the other way round. also, there are many ways to slap, punch, or otherwise strike a person discreetly, without raising the attention of others who may be closeby. i've taken a punch to the gut before in a crowded food court in the mall, with people surrounding us on all sides...no one noticed a thing. the only way we'd ever draw attention would be if i reacted in some inappropriate way (exclaiming "ow!" or crying or some such thing)...which when in public, i know well enough to NEVER do.

I understand you don't control your Master, you have made that abundantly clear. I stand by my assertion that striking you in public is wrong as it affects people outside your realtionship. I hope his luck continues, because it will be ugly when someone sees it and it will put your world (not to mention his children's world) in a tailspin.

 

[ownedsubgal]

I understand you don't control your Master, you have made that abundantly clear. I stand by my assertion that striking you in public is wrong as it affects people outside your realtionship. I hope his luck continues, because it will be ugly when someone sees it and it will put your world (not to mention his children's world) in a tailspin.

alrighty then. *smh*

 

[shy slave]

Do you hide your lifestyle?

It depends on the situation. We have attended munches together, but in front of family and vanilla friends we hide it. His daughter has seen him use a kitchen utensil on my backside but that appeared to be 'playing.' His kids are curious about which internet site we met on but we have never said. His kids have also given me the impression that they are aware there is a sexual dynamic to our relationship. He is quite: (bossy/stubborn/controlling/take your pick) at times, they do see that but I don't think they see it anything other than Andante being Andante lol.

Do you appear completely vanilla in public?
Yes, we are very vanilla in public. He has done discreet things at times. He once walked me to the car with his hand firmly around the back of my neck. To anyone watching it would have seemed a loving gesture, but the grip of his fingers made me feel 'walked.' He does not scold me or humiliate me or slap me in public. We do not enforce our lifestyles on others, it is a private thing between us. I do tease him when we are in public. I love the look on his face when he knows I am being brave because there is an audience LOL.

What about around friends? Do you think your friends wonder about whether or not you are in the lifestyle?
Almost all my friends are BDSM aware or in a D/s relationship. One of his friends is aware that we seem to be D/s. He actually noticed from the very first time I met him, yet we were still getting to know each other and it all seemed pretty ordinary to me. Andante did slap my face in front of him, his reaction was 'Oh that wasn't very hard!' so he did it again. My reaction was to blush...alot lol. I am ok about people who understand BDSM knowing about our relationship, but again I would not want it inflicted on anyone who was not aware of it.

For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you have a piece of vanilla jewelry that represents the same thing as a collar?
Yes. I have a necklace that I rarely take off. The times I take it off are when I am with him so I can wear other necklaces I seldom wear. I wrap my hand around it each night as I fall asleep.

Do you care if people know about your lifestyle?
Not particularly, as long as it does not offend or cause problems for people we care about. Or seem disrespectful or rude to complete strangers.

Are you proud of it? Do you mind showing it off? Are you open about it?
I am not sure about the word 'pride' Being owned by him is a normal part of me, its like asking if I am proud I have blue eyes or small feet. 'Showing off' implies we think it is something that makes us different or special in some way. It is special to us, but it has nothing to do with how others view it.

For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you wear your collar out?
I am a slave but I don't have a collar. My necklace is the only indication of ownership. We both decided that collaring was not for us at the moment. It is enough to know he owns me, at present we don't need more than that (of course everytime I see a beautiful collar I do wonder about the future!)

Have you ever been taken out on a leash?
No, he did take a leash to a munch once but I begged him not to put it on my collar. I would have felt awkward and it would have drawn attention to us both (I don't really enjoy being the focus of attention), the other reason for begging him not to is I really don't like the look of that leash. It is ugly! Perhaps I would have if it had been a nicer looking leash lol

Do you call your Dom Sir or Master in public?
I rarely call him it in private, so I would not do it in public. Not even teasingly.

i think it would be neat to go out on a leash even though i would probably be a deep shade of red. If i were in a place where people wouldn't know me, i wouldn't care at all. What about you?
Nope, I would not want this. I have no wish for public humiliation and as I said earlier no wish to inflict our life on others.

 

[the captians wench]

i think it would be neat to go out on a leash even though i would probably be a deep shade of red. If i were in a place where people wouldn't know me, i wouldn't care at all. What about you?

Nope, I would not want this. I have no wish for public humiliation and as i said earlier no wish to inflict our life on others.

The latter I understand, but I personally don't find this act humiliating.

A while ago, Jounar said that he ran into his ex sub online, and she asked him if she could watch him play with me. He told her no, of course, and then told me "I think she just wanted to see me humiliate you".

I laughed and said "Boy is she barking up the wrong tree, as I don't find anything you do to me to be humiliating in the least, and I'm an exibitionist so it would just put me in a better mind if she watched".

Which he thought was funny as hell. But from what I understand his ex found a lot of the things that I do for him very humiliating, the pic thread for example, and even wearing a collar out side of the bedroom, or inside for that matter.

Amazing what different people find humiliating, and what they find a good time, or even just slightly embarassing.

 

[emotionskill]

Do you hide your lifestyle? Do you appear completely vanilla in public?

I do not go about flaunting my lifestyle to anyone. I neither purposely hide or show my submissiveness to the general public. I'm not submissive to the general public, just to one person. I'm an outgoing, outspoken and funny person. I just be me.

What about around friends? Do you think your friends wonder about whether or not you are in the lifestyle?

I don't think my friends would ever put the label 'submissive' on me. Most of my girl friends know I like kinky sex tho, I'm just sure they don't know the extent of it. When I did have a master, I would always defer to him and they never thought anything about it. I do have one friend however that I'm pretty sure knows but we have never actually discussed it.

For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you have a piece of vanilla jewelry that represents the same thing as a collar?

At the point that I was married to my then master, no i did not.

Do you care if people know about your lifestyle?

No, if they ever bothered to ask I would be honest with them.

Are you proud of it? Do you mind showing it off? Are you open about it?

I am proud of who I am, the submissive part as well as the rest of me. I believe you are asking the same questions as the first two. I am not one to show off in public, no matter what the circumstances. I'm not going to hide who I am but I wouldn't be blatantly obvious.

For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you wear your collar out? Have you ever been taken out on a leash?

No, I have children and I assure you that they don't want to see that.

Do you call your Dom Sir or Master in public?

I call/called him Sir in public. I call most men Sir, unless they have shown they are not deserving of the title or they are way younger than me.

 

[shy slave]

The latter I understand, but I personally don't find this act humiliating.

A while ago, Jounar said that he ran into his ex sub online, and she asked him if she could watch him play with me. He told her no, of course, and then told me "I think she just wanted to see me humiliate you".

I laughed and said "Boy is she barking up the wrong tree, as I don't find anything you do to me to be humiliating in the least, and I'm an exibitionist so it would just put me in a better mind if she watched".

Which he thought was funny as hell. But from what I understand his ex found a lot of the things that I do for him very humiliating, the pic thread for example, and even wearing a collar out side of the bedroom, or inside for that matter.

Amazing what different people find humiliating, and what they find a good time, or even just slightly embarassing.

I read this slightly differently to you.
I read it as going into the local town or a vanilla place. We don't do web cam or pics so that never even occurred to me!

I do agree different things are humiliating to different people, I am not an exhibitionist and I am camera phobic. I had to have a publicity pic taken last year, I was close to tears and shaking before and during the whole hellish process.
If he wanted to humiliate me taking pics like you have on your thread would be enough.
His posting them would probably end everything we have together.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Do you hide your lifestyle? Nope. But neither do we shout it from the rooftops.

Do you appear completely vanilla in public? Pretty much so. If we "leather up" it's because we are going to a leather event with outher "out" people. For munches and other "not-so-obvious" events we appear pretty vanilla. While janey and I are out, a lot of people in our group are not...


What about around friends? Do you think your friends wonder about whether or not you are in the lifestyle? If the friends are close enough to have knowledge of the details of our relationship, they know. If they are not that close it's none of their business.


For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you have a piece of vanilla jewelry that represents the same thing as a collar? I'm not a sub or a slave but I have one... *grin* She wears my collar now. See the photo below...

Do you care if people know about your lifestyle? Not anymore. I don't have any minor children so it's a non-issue to me.


Are you proud of it? Do you mind showing it off? Are you open about it? Yes I'm proud of it. Mind showing it off? Hell, I'm flagging every time I take my shirt off. Check out the tattoo - the dragon is holding a BDSM symbol in his paws. Yes, we're open, but not "in-your-face" about it.

For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you wear your collar out? Have you ever been taken out on a leash? Again, I'm not, but janey has worn her collar 24/7 since Janury 6th. To work, with family and friends, out and about... Yes, she's been taken out on a leash, but we do it at locations where it can be "plausibly denied" like RenFests and Sci-Fi conventions and Halloween parties.

Do you call your Dom Sir or Master in public? janey calls me "Sir" pretty much everywhere.

If i were in a place where people wouldn't know me, i wouldn't care at all. What about you? I lead both of my former slaves around by the leash all over downtown Atlanta at the first Dragon*Con we attended together. It was as much a rush for me as it was for them! *grins*

Now... here's that collar pic....

 

[graceanne]

Now... here's that collar pic....

Wow, that's a pretty collar.

 

[D's mariposa]

Do you hide your lifestyle?

No, but we are fairly low key outside of the house, so I'd guess, for the most part, no-one notices. When we're among kinked friends, it's not as low key.

Do you appear completely vanilla in public?

Probably not, but I don't know. Neither one of us really cares about keeping up appearances, so I've never noticed.

What about around friends?

Most of our common friends are kinky, so there's nothing to hide.

Do you think your friends wonder about whether or not you are in the lifestyle?

No. The few that aren't kinky don't need to know and the kinky ones already do.

For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you have a piece of vanilla jewelry that represents the same thing as a collar?


No. Thanks to minor Urticartia, I can't even wear my wedding ring 24/7. More's the pity. I hate being without it, but the hives were so bad I was courting a skin infection.

Do you care if people know about your lifestyle? Are you proud of it? Do you mind showing it off? Are you open about it?

I don't care if people know, but in general, it's none of their business. I don't understand why some people have the need to be "proud" of being kinked, or to show it off. Competitive BDSM bores me. We are what we are. Being proud of my kink seems silly, like being proud that I'm left handed, or being proud that I have freckles. What's the point? Now, my Master is a very skilled Sadist, and sometimes "shows off" his skills a bit at the club, giving fireplay demos and flogging seminars, but that's not quite the same thing. Because when you work to attain a certain level of skill, that's something be to proud of. But being proud of whatever quirk of fate made you kinky is kind of silly.

For those of you who are subs/slaves, do you wear your collar out?

Only to kinky functions.

Have you ever been taken out on a leash?

No. Again, what's the point. Even if I was into humiliation play, it doesn't humiliate me. Neither one of us is into showing off, and it's wrong (in his mind as well as mine) to inflict our kink on a non-consenting public. Also, I don't need to be kept on a leash. I behave just as well without it.

Do you call your Dom Sir or Master in public?

I don't call him Master in public, but I do call him "Sir" in public. I tried to keep from doing it in front of my family, but I slipped one day. The only person who said anything was my neice, who asked why. I told her it was my special pet name for Him, like when I call her "Baby girl" or when I call her mother "Brat". Her mother calls me "Fred" so it's all good. We're big on nicks in our family.