How particular are you?

[Croctden]

I’m curious how specific you are when you’re with your partner. I guess this is a question more for doms/mes. How much planning do you do before seeing your sub?

I really interested about when you are trying to go all out. Let’s say you are trying to set a really special evening, how detail oriented are you? Forest green sheets, not lime? Cranberry incense, not apple? Blues, not jazz?

I have very particular tastes, sometimes almost to the point of neuroses. I have a sort of artist goal to make the evening perfect.

 

[LisaFunOne1]

not very.

 

[bunny bondage]

it all depends on the evening and the dom i'm going to be seeing. i can go from no preperation at all to an all-day affair.

 

[Justina123]

Sir will very occasionally plan something elaborate and detailed, especially if we are going to be playing at a private party. (Or like a couple of weekends go when we attended a weekend event and he tied me naked to a tree and assigned various onlookers to slather sunblock on me, spray bug spray, feed me bits of chocolate, etc... and chase away the naughty sub who appeared with his super soaker!

But some of our best kinky fun, esp. at home with the bedroom door locked, has been spontneous spur-of-the-moment stuff.

- justina

 

[Etoile]

I think very often Daddy intends for certain things to happen, and then we just end up fucking! I can tell plans were laid out (at least in Daddy's head) but very often they don't happen.

 

[Netzach]

It's a lot easier to construct a scene really tightly with a live out or ldr sub than one who cleans the same house you do day in and out.

I plan scenes around generalities, feelings, then think of the implements I feel like using and kind of go from there.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I’m curious how specific you are when you’re with your partner. I guess this is a question more for doms/mes. How much planning do you do before seeing your sub?

I really interested about when you are trying to go all out. Let’s say you are trying to set a really special evening, how detail oriented are you? Forest green sheets, not lime? Cranberry incense, not apple? Blues, not jazz?

I have very particular tastes, sometimes almost to the point of neuroses. I have a sort of artist goal to make the evening perfect.

As a Domme, I do not work that hard. That is for subs. I am served not vice versa.

 

[Croctden]

Do I really read that lame?

I’m not saying no spontaneity, or I’m going rigidly some jackass plan, just that sometimes I like to put some effort in and go all out for a great experience. I was just curious if anyone else does that. I’m far from a hopeless romantic.

 

[Peter2002]

Balancing preperation with spontinaity

Getting the balance right is the trick. But in most cases it is best to let the moment take over, no matter what is planned. Although requiring that a specific impliment -- say a cane, or hairbrush, or belt -- be left on her nighttable a day in advance sometimes seems like all the planning one needs.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Do I really read that lame?

I’m not saying no spontaneity, or I’m going rigidly some jackass plan, just that sometimes I like to put some effort in and go all out for a great experience. I was just curious if anyone else does that. I’m far from a hopeless romantic.

There are many different ways of dealing with things.

When subs come to Me, I control their environment, all of it. What they wear, what they do& how they do it, what they eat & how they eat, how they talk (if they are allowed to talk). It is a total immersion in My world of control and power.

Now that ain't a date. However, others may see D/s as part of a romantic evening, with a partner. That is not my style.

It is not a matter of being right or wrong, it is a matter of purpose. What is your purpose for the evening (or weekend or week)?
What is your goal?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Balancing preperation with spontinaity

Getting the balance right is the trick. But in most cases it is best to let the moment take over, no matter what is planned. Although requiring that a specific impliment -- say a cane, or hairbrush, or belt -- be left on her nighttable a day in advance sometimes seems like all the planning one needs.

This is my kind of Dom.... subtle and clever.

Hi Ya Eb!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Balancing preperation with spontinaity

Getting the balance right is the trick. But in most cases it is best to let the moment take over, no matter what is planned. Although requiring that a specific impliment -- say a cane, or hairbrush, or belt -- be left on her nighttable a day in advance sometimes seems like all the planning one needs.

True. One must be flexible and seize any opportunities that come Your way.

Hi back at ya, ADR!

 

[bunny bondage]

Eb, you really are one of the most self-realized dommes i've ever met. you know what you want, you'll get what you want, and i pity anyone who disobeys you! you're a very strong woman with a crystal clear sense of what you want from a relationship! i really appreciate your down-to-earth sensibility and honesty! you are, for lack of a better word, too cool!

and Peter, the idea of keeping a hairbrush on the nightstand, looking at it all day and knowing what it's going to be used for, is just so exciting! nobody would notice that it was out of place, my friends wouldn't suspect a thing, but every time i went to brush my hair (which is often, i've got a very unruly mass of curly hair) i'd place it back on the nightstand with thoughts of punishment! ADR said it best - subtle and clever!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Eb, you really are one of the most self-realized dommes i've ever met. you know what you want, you'll get what you want, and i pity anyone who disobeys you! you're a very strong woman with a crystal clear sense of what you want from a relationship! i really appreciate your down-to-earth sensibility and honesty! you are, for lack of a better word, too cool!

and Peter, the idea of keeping a hairbrush on the nightstand, looking at it all day and knowing what it's going to be used for, is just so exciting! nobody would notice that it was out of place, my friends wouldn't suspect a thing, but every time i went to brush my hair (which is often, i've got a very unruly mass of curly hair) i'd place it back on the nightstand with thoughts of punishment! ADR said it best - subtle and clever!

Thanks bb. I think many time people lose sight at how simple preparation can be. Particularly if you have a goal over time. What is the rush? Why make it so complicated.

Bunny, the submissive men I deal with are just as focused on what they want as I am. They usually seek Me out, so far I have not had to look for a sub.

 

[Croctden]

I'm still being misunderstood

Now that ain't a date. However, others may see D/s as part of a romantic evening, with a partner. That is not my style.

I'm not saying I'm planning a romantic evening. I have what I guess I'd call a vision, of how I want everything to go. I'm not doing that for her, but myself (well sometimes if I'm rewarding her, but that's rare).

Nor is this a common occurance, it's pretty rare I start wandering into the wild blue yonder this way. I don't have a standard operating procedure with a sub. Just sometimes I like to have a evening were I immerse myself in a refined mood. I was just curious if anyone else did. Maybe I picked bad examples, I don't know.

 

[Mr Blonde]

How much planning do you do before seeing your sub?

A lot can be said for spontaneity but I also enjoy a fair amount of mental planning or reflection. I make sure to have the essential items available, even if it is to remind her to gather them and have everything ready. (Please dress a certain way, make sure all of your toys have new batteries, etc.) If I do actual tasks, however, it is usually to build her anticipation. (Write a secret note that she will find during lunch, leave a certain mp3 on her computer, etc.)

Apart from BDSM, I also do some standup comedy....so let me use that for an analogy. My style is to have some certain stories prepared that can be expanded or contracted based on how the audience is reacting. Some comics take the stage having no idea of what they are doing next. Others have a detailed script that accounts for each a second they are onstage. Pure improvisation has a high failure rate, but overly detailed plans usually leaves the audience cold and unresponsive.

So....I prepare various options in my mind where certain parts will definitely happen but over half of it depends on the moment. I make plans knowing that I will depart from them in the spur of the moment. I enjoy making these mental preparations and it enriches the experience. You get the pleasure of fantasizing plus the pleasure of the actual experience.

 

[WriterDom]

I'll have 2 or 3 major scenes, or stations I guess is a better word, planned and will let the moods dictate how we get there. But it isn't etched in granite.

 

[Peter2002]

The particular vs. the free form

First of all to BB and ADR, thanks for your kind words .

As a general statments, clothes can set a stage. Whether it's telling her not to bother wearing her pajama bottoms, only her top to bed. Or telling her to wear certain undergarments to lunch. My sub knows that if she's told to to wear her black strapless bra and panties with black stockings under a form fitting but conservative business suit, that means her afternoon training will be on the heavy side and involve the crop. On the other hand, if she shows up in a simple pleated skirt and a white blouse I'm going to be more inclined to take her over my knee and use my hand and her hairbrush. All of which is to say that I find every aspect of this a potential means of communicating. If I'm in a very dominating mood, I'll be very specific as to what she wears -- which isn't much: a waist cincher, stockings and high heels. That sends a very specific message to her. She is usually very pliant and just a bit reticent when I tell her to dress like that. I hope she's also more than a little excited. I know I am.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: I'm still being misunderstood

I'm not saying I'm planning a romantic evening. I have what I guess I'd call a vision, of how I want everything to go. I'm not doing that for her, but myself (well sometimes if I'm rewarding her, but that's rare).

Nor is this a common occurance, it's pretty rare I start wandering into the wild blue yonder this way. I don't have a standard operating procedure with a sub. Just sometimes I like to have a evening were I immerse myself in a refined mood. I was just curious if anyone else did. Maybe I picked bad examples, I don't know.

I do not see it that way. You stated examples that were meaningful to you. As it should be. That is the beauty of D/s. You can change as you like, to suit your mood. I like to keep my subs off balance by not being predictable.