How much porn do you need in your love?

[shereads]

For serious discussion, actually:

Recently, on another site, I had a conversation with a man who said he had lost interest in D/s (in his real life) when he realized that he could never allow himself to have a serious relationship with a sexually submissive woman - even if she was "normal" in every other way.

I always thought men dreamed of meeting the "madonna/whore" (not that Madonna, silly), the woman who is respectable enough to bring home to mother, but loses her inhibitions in the bedroom.

Said the ex-dom, "Nobody wants the mother of his children to show up at the breakfast table with bruises from the night before."

What about long sleeves?

Your thoughts?

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Since I'm in a long-distance long-term relationship, porn is a rather inevitable part of our life together. That and cybersex.

 

[Edward Teach]

The real life Madonna/whore frightens many men away from a "permanent" relationship. The fear is that she will not be able to control her urges and will be unfaithful. My experience has shown it to be a realistic fear.

Ed

Ps. I am talking about the so called "sex addict" who can't get enough, not the woman who just enjoys sex and gets a little wild at orgasm.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Who knows what the fuck they want? A stiff dick can't make decisions. An aggressive woman can be frightening. I'm befuddled by men's brains.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

Any woman can learn to be the madonna/whore. What's difficult is finding the man who can tell the difference, and who's worth it. Just my experience.

Perdita

 

[shereads]

The real life Madonna/whore frightens many men away from a "permanent" relationship. The fear is that she will not be able to control her urges and will be unfaithful. My experience has shown it to be a realistic fear.

Ed

Ps. I am talking about the so called "sex addict" who can't get enough, not the woman who just enjoys sex and gets a little wild at orgasm.

She was evidently missing the "madonna" component.

 

[Guest]

I've been pondering and deliberating here and trying to decide if I should post or not. I could be opening myself up a bit too much.

I want to discuss this. Maybe I'll have a long think, and if I can't bring myself to post here, I'll PM you.

Lou

Edited, to remove waffle.

 

[neonlyte]

I have had the same partner for the best part of thirty years, during which time we have raised a family. To the best of my knowledge we have remained faithful to one another.

My partner still managers to suprise me sexually, and I hope I return the favour.

Our investment in our relationship is hard work, you give and give and give, without expecting to receive knowing you will get the same treatment when you need it.

Madonna - Yes
Whore - When it suits, but never ever use that word in any company.

NL

 

[Edward Teach]

Any woman can learn to be the madonna/whore. What's difficult is finding the man who can tell the difference, and who's worth it. Just my experience.

Perdita

Learned response is different from uncontrollable obsession.

If you don't want her showing up at the breakfast table bruised, then you take it a little easier. If she cannot be controlled, you have an entirely different problem.

Perhaps i misunderstood the question.

Ed

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I'm so lucky. Hubby doesn't like Madonnas nor Whores, he like Women. Especially one Swedish chick, he says.





When I get my hands on her, I'll teach her not to mess with my sweetheart!

 

[English Lady]

I think porn is essential in your love mix up. I guess it varies form couple to couple but my hubby and I need lots of porn in our love.Sex is a massive connection for us and if something is wrong in our relationship a lack of sex will probably also occur at the same time.

I am nowhere near perfect in my day to day life but the in laws like me and I bake and cook and look after my daughter. I also flirt all day through and ounce upon hubby every chance I get.

Someone posted this quote onto my own site just in the recent past and it brought about some interesting thoughts. I think it has some kind of relevence to this thread so here is the quote:

"Relationships; I thought, finally! A man who can make a woman feel like a girl. And who can make that girl feel like a slut. And who can make that slut feel like a woman." Megan Mullally
Will & Grace

 

[Liar]

I'm not sure I really want a madonna/whore.

Not because the thought intimidates me, but because it bores me. I'd rather have a partner who dares to challenge her surroundings, including in-laws a little bit.

And also, I wouldn't want the intimate part of that realationship to be a contant race for pornstar performance. I've been there, and it was just ridiculous after a while. Sex became a chore, instead of giving and revieving of pleasure.

Intimacy can be simple, tentative and clumsy. That's what makes it intimate. And pretty damn beautiful at times. When you need to be exotic or acrobatic to feel that same newness, haven't you lost something?

#L

 

[English Lady]

I'm quite happy I please the in laws generally.


I don't think anything needs to be acrobatic or theatrical sex wise..thats not the point. it has to be what the partners enjoy. I think its a thing of balance and variety. as long as the two partners are happy with what they're getting-thats the main thing.

 

[Mysteryjj]

I find that I can be a whore if needed, or an angel, depends on the circumstances and 'joint' needs, neither my SO nor I are at all submissive or dominant, we share the wilder sexual urges equally, and we both accept the other's kinks without reservation.

If it gets a bit rough and a few bruises show, so what, they're as likely to be on him as they are to be on me

I see the typical male attitude has surfaced a couple of times on this thread, I don't want her to be a whore cos I'm scared shitless she's going to screw around, so why is it the woman who always screws around. Shit every married bloke I know wants to get in my knickers, a number have.. Oops what am I saying.

 

[minsue]

I reached the conclusion that sex is not a necessity in marraige, but that's based on my own life and my own person. Love, respect, honesty, and shared laughter? Yes, absolutely a must. Sex? Icing on the cake if it's there, but not life or death or a deal-breaker for me.

Edited to add: Of course, this can relate also back to Dr Mab's thread about the types of people who hang out here.

 

[The_Fool]

Sex is not required to maintain a long-term relationship for all. There are many relationships that become sexless over time do to various mental, emotional and physical reasons. That being said, there are some that will say, "If I'm not getting any, I'm gone."

That being said, how does one quantify the quality of the relationship, both with and without sex? For that, you will probably get as many different answers as there are people to post.

Off the subject, but I wonder how people would respond if you changed the question as follows:

How much (fill in the blank) do you need in your love?

Fill in with:

1. Compassion
2. Passion
3. Understanding
4. Sharing
5. Communication

Since it's Sunday, I must be Foolish....

 

[SeaCat]

Having been married for a mere ten years I can only answwer for myself and my wife.
Porn can be a good thing if used wisely in a marriage. It can add spice to your sex life. What happens between two people in their marriage is up to them. We read porn, and if something in it strikes our fancy we talk about it and maybe re-enact it. It gives us ideas which help to keep our sex lives from becoming boring. There are things we draw the line at though, after talking about them and/or trying them. For example, neither of us are into pain. We've both had enough and don't find it sexualy stimulating. We've tried domintaion and it does nothing for either of us. We don't cheat, (ie. sex with another without our spouse knowing about it.) A little thing called trust. We haven't played with outhers, not because we have anything against it, we just haven't met the right people yet. (We have talked about it and both of us have found it of interest.) There are some other things we have read about which interest us, but we haven't had the right time or place to try.
Is sex the most important thing in a marriage or relationship? No it isn't, but it is important in it's own way.
What are the most imprtant things in a marriage or relationship? I'm no counselor but from what I have learned they are Love, Trust, Communication, Compasion, Being open minded, (Falls under both communication and Compasion,) Understanding, Passions, (Sex falls under here,) Compatability, and of course Trust.

SeaCat

 

[shereads]

Someone posted this quote onto my own site just in the recent past and it brought about some interesting thoughts. I think it has some kind of relevence to this thread so here is the quote:

"Relationships; I thought, finally! A man who can make a woman feel like a girl. And who can make that girl feel like a slut. And who can make that slut feel like a woman."

Yes. Yes.

 

[shereads]

I suppose I was most curious about this man's statement that a woman who gave him what he wanted sexually could not be suitable as a life mate. As if an enthusiastic response to his kink made her too kinky to be respectable, in his eyes.

I didn't know that kind of double standard still existed...Well, I did. But I didn't know men would admit to it.

I'm lucky that I have zero interest in ever marrying again, but for the ladies out there who are hoping to grab the brass ring...Should they be holding back a bit in the wild abandon dept., so that you men will know they're "nice girls?"

 

[herecomestherain]

I'm going to "own up" to posting the Will and Grace quote for a couple of reasons. The quote spoke to me very directly and without wanting to overdramatise, it was like a light coming on.
Seems like I've been having conversations all over the place with women who feel some part of them is being neglected or not acknowledged either by themselves or by their chosen partners.

Its simplicity also spoke volumes to me about the complexity of human nature, the sense of peace that comes from loving all the varied facets of yourself and the joy of finding a partner who can accept, nuture and celebrate you as complete people.

 

[English Lady]

I hope you didn't mind me quoting the quote you quoted herecomestherain It's a good'un!

 

[herecomestherain]

English Lady wrote;

I hope you didn't mind me quoting the quote you quoted herecomestherain It's a good'un!

EL my lovely, feel free to quote the quote I quoted. It is a good 'un, in some ways it's either like the stops in the middle of the madonna/ whore continuum mentioned earlier or a more accurate model that reflects that it's possible to be all three at any given moment in time. I'm delighted that you quoted it and to be an honest it sprang to mind when I read SR's first post, that is once I got over my sense of crossness at the notion of a person being rejected as suitable material for motherhood based on their sexual preferences...

"Relationships; I thought, finally! A man who can make a woman feel like a girl. And who can make that girl feel like a slut. And who can make that slut feel like a woman."

Will and Grace

What would the equivalent be for a man? A woman who makes him feel like a boy, who can make that boy feel like a stud and that stud feel like a man?


BTW love the site.

Cheers 'rain

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Recently, on another site, I had a conversation with a man who said he had lost interest in D/s (in his real life) when he realized that he could never allow himself to have a serious relationship with a sexually submissive woman - even if she was "normal" in every other way.

This guy's got problems. I suspect he belongs to that class of men who call themselves doms but who actually have serious problems with a woman's sexuality and seek to punish and humiliate her for having these feelings. Obviously he's unable to respect an overtly sexual woman, and probably can't even accept her. That's not D/s. That's just misogyny. Stay away from guys like this.

Personally, I have no problem with the whore in the bedroom or the whore in the kitchen. I think a woman's sexuality is terrifically exciting and a great gift. For me, and I think for most men, the problem is reversed: too much madonna and not enough whore, especially once there are kids. The problem is whether your wife can also be your lover, and whether you can sustain that level of passion and desire we associate with new (or illicit) love in the face of the familiarity and routine of marriage. That's where the problem is.

---dr.M.

 

[shereads]

Re: Re: How much porn do you need in your love?

The problem is whether your wife can also be your lover, and whether you can sustain that level of passion and desire we associate with new (or illicit) love in the face of the familiarity and routine of marriage. That's where the problem is.

---dr.M.

Problems suck. Something ought to be done!