How much is hidden?

[LadyJeanne]

(blushes) Oh, and to think I called you a "quimposter" on another thread...

 

[cloudy]

Have any of you confided something important to a close friend who later used the knowledge to hurt you? That's a lesson that requires no repetition to be remembered.

Yes.

I have (or had, may be the better word) a very close friend that I've known for over 20 years. I've kept her children while she had surgery, was her maid of honor at her wedding...my first wedding was at her house, and on and on. She's very open-minded about sex, normally, but I made the mistake of telling her that I write erotica several months ago.

When my Halloween story recently came in third in the contest, I mentioned it to her the next time we talked. I was excited, and wanted to share the news, right? There was a moment of dead silence on the other end of the phone, and then she said, in the most snide voice you can imagine, "Oh. One of those little dirty stories you write. Guess you've decided not to go back to work."

Three seconds was all it took to ruin a very close friendship of years and years. I haven't talked to her since.

 

[Guest]

In the past, on this board, I've often said, "WYSIWYG." Which is true, but only to a degree. I am very open here - too much so for my own good, perhaps, but this isn't the whole of me, by any means.

I'd say there are three individuals in this world who know me best, and each of them know me in a different way. One person knows my deepest/darkest thoughts.

Despite appearances, and how I might act on the public boards here, I am actually quite a private person. Most people who attempt to talk to me in private will find a pretty guarded, reserved and much less open person.

Why do we blurt out so much when we think we are talking to a group of strangers or slight acquaintances?

I've been wondering about that myself lately. I think Lou might become a little more reserved. But only a little bit.

Lou

 

[LadyJeanne]

Why do we blurt out so much when we think we are talking to a group of strangers or slight acquaintances?

Lou

Their judgments, if they make any, aren't likely to hurt us.

 

[shereads]

Despite appearances, and how I might act on the public boards here, I am actually quite a private person. Most people who attempt to talk to me in private will find a pretty guarded, reserved and much less open person.

I would guess that to be true of most people who spend time at a message board. For those of us who choose to remain anonymous, it's a safe way of letting our secret selves run loose. We can be hurt, but only superficially, by people who don't know our real identities.

Why do we blurt out so much when we think we are talking to a group of strangers or slight acquaintances?

Because we can?

 

[shereads]

In the past, on this board, I've often said, "WYSIWYG."

Yes, and I've been meaning to ask why.

"Whoa! Your sister is with Yoda, girl!"

Whose sister? And what's your purpose in pointing that out?

 

[impressive]

There was a moment of dead silence on the other end of the phone, and then she said, in the most snide voice you can imagine, "Oh. One of those little dirty stories you write. Guess you've decided not to go back to work."

Three seconds was all it took to ruin a very close friendship of years and years. I haven't talked to her since.

Yup. That's what would happen with several of mine -- and, while I value those friendships, they're not all that important to me. In fact, I'd love to be a fly on the wall when some of 'em found out!

The one person who matters the most in my life right now knows I write here and has read most of my stuff -- and loves it. It took me a while (almost a year) to share any of it, in spite of her repeated offers to be my beta reader. I was afraid it'd make things "weird" between us. If anything, it's only strengthened our bond. Porn's funny that way.

 

[Guest]

Their judgments, if they make any, aren't likely to hurt us.

I don't think it's that, not for me, anyway. It's true that I don't much care what anybody thinks of me, except for those who mean something to me, but being judged is never an issue for me. Nobody, except a very small handful, knows enough about me to be able to judge me. They might think they can, but that's different.

Because we can?

Yep, I think that's it!

I would guess that to be true of most people who spend time at a message board. For those of us who choose to remain anonymous, it's a safe way of letting our secret selves run loose. We can be hurt, but only superficially, by people who don't know our real identities.

Which could also explain why I've become a little more anonymous over time - if that's possible?

 

[Guest]

Yes, and I've been meaning to ask why.

"Whoa! Your sister is with Yoda, girl!"

Whose sister? And what's your purpose in pointing that out?

Abs', and I like to point it out to remind her of the truth.

 

[yui]

Why do we blurt out so much when we think we are talking to a group of strangers or slight acquaintances?

I've been wondering about that myself lately. I think Lou might become a little more reserved. But only a little bit.

Lou

Personally, I think it is the freedom of knowing if you make and ass of yourself that you don't have "face" anyone. In my experience, it's much easier to say things on paper than it is to look at someone, to face someone, and say the same things. I am sure there is some sociological explanation that says what I am trying to say and says it much more elegantly.

Plus, to me, we all share a secret. We are coconspirators. This place is a bond. We're cohorts, if you will. A secret garden of sorts, maybe? We have this secret world where we can be as down and dirty (with a few exceptions) as we like and we're not censured, we're encouraged. Heady stuff, that.

And please Lou, without your cheeky courageousness this place would be a great deal…well, it would just be diminished.

Luck to all,

Yui

 

[LadyJeanne]

The one person who matters the most in my life right now knows I write here and has read most of my stuff -- and loves it. It took me a while (almost a year) to share any of it, in spite of her repeated offers to be my beta reader. I was afraid it'd make things "weird" between us. If anything, it's only strengthened our bond. Porn's funny that way.

My SO is the only one who's read my porn, but I've told a couple of my close friends that I write it. They were just a teeny bit hurt that I hadn't shared it with them!

 

[Guest]

Personally, I think it is the freedom of knowing if you make and ass of yourself that you don't have "face" anyone. In my experience, it's much easier to say things on paper than it is to look at someone, to face someone, and say the same things. I am sure there is some sociological explanation that says what I am trying to say and says it much more elegantly.

Plus, to me, we all share a secret. We are coconspirators. This place is a bond. We're cohorts, if you will. A secret garden of sorts, maybe? We have this secret world where we can be as down and dirty (with a few exceptions) as we like and we're not censured, we're encouraged. Heady stuff, that.

And please Lou, without your cheeky courageousness this place would be a great deal…well, it would just be diminished.

Luck to all,

Yui

Thank you, Yui! That made brilliant sense, and made me feel all warm and gushy. No, I didn't pee.

I dunno, I'm pretty happy and content right now. I just don't feel like being brash and open at the mo. Perhaps I've just found contentment from within (with the help and guidance of another). Shocker, eh?

Lou

 

[cloudy]

Yup. That's what would happen with several of mine -- and, while I value those friendships, they're not all that important to me. In fact, I'd love to be a fly on the wall when some of 'em found out!

The one person who matters the most in my life right now knows I write here and has read most of my stuff -- and loves it. It took me a while (almost a year) to share any of it, in spite of her repeated offers to be my beta reader. I was afraid it'd make things "weird" between us. If anything, it's only strengthened our bond. Porn's funny that way.

I was really hurt, to be honest. I had told her about writing erotica months before the contest - she knows that writing is important to me. If our positions had been reversed, I would have been very happy for her, regardless of the subject matter. It hurt deeply that she chose to belittle something that was important to me.

 

[shereads]

I was really hurt, to be honest. I had told her about writing erotica months before the contest - she knows that writing is important to me. If our positions had been reversed, I would have been very happy for her, regardless of the subject matter. It hurt deeply that she chose to belittle something that was important to me.

You violated one of her big taboos, without knowing it, and she made it known with as little tact as if you had told her you were a pedophile. She was shocked or offended for reasons we can't understand, because we're used to socializing with others here who share our interest.

It's easy to forget what yui just pointed out: We share a secret at Literotica that's potentially dangerous because it's offensive to mainstream society. When I was younger and all my friends smoked pot, I sometimes forgot it was a crime that people went to prison for.

 

[Honey123]

I chose circle of friends...although, a circle is possibly pushing it.

Besides you guys here..in RL, I have 3 people who are not related to me that know that I write erotic stories. My SO has no idea and would kill me.

My best friend knows, the guy who got me started writing stories and my boss....those are the 3 people.

 

[dirtylover]

hi

I've been wondering a bit recently about the concept of 'I'. Is there really such a thing, or are we all just reflections of each other? I get the feeling that if I was the last person alive, the concept of 'I' would stop having any meaning.

To answer the question - no, there is no-one that I share every aspect of myself with. I see myself as having many personalities, and I share whatever it is that I have in common with the person I'm with.

This might be different from, say, being embarrassed (I can never spell that word) about pet perversions or writing dirty stories. It might also include the sharing of certain types of idea, eg with some people I'll talk about purpose of life, with others I'll talk about football.

Anyway, I find it an interesting idea that 'I' might require 'society', but that society is essentially the dissolution of the individual replaced by a group identity.

Sorry, gone off on one a bit here. It's been a while since I posted,

dl

 

[Guest]

Re: hi

I've been wondering a bit recently about the concept of 'I'. Is there really such a thing, or are we all just reflections of each other? I get the feeling that if I was the last person alive, the concept of 'I' would stop having any meaning.

To answer the question - no, there is no-one that I share every aspect of myself with. I see myself as having many personalities, and I share whatever it is that I have in common with the person I'm with.

This might be different from, say, being embarrassed (I can never spell that word) about pet perversions or writing dirty stories. It might also include the sharing of certain types of idea, eg with some people I'll talk about purpose of life, with others I'll talk about football.

Anyway, I find it an interesting idea that 'I' might require 'society', but that society is essentially the dissolution of the individual replaced by a group identity.

Sorry, gone off on one a bit here. It's been a while since I posted,

dl

'Ello!

I started up a thread, cos I spotted you.

Very good return post! Please say more.

Lou

 

[oggbashan]

dirtylover's post above reminds me that who we are depends on the company we keep.

We are different people to our parents, our partners, our children, our work colleagues, our bosses, our friends, our neighbours and so on. Yet we are the same person. All that changes is how we behave and how we react.

Even with the same people we will react differently in changed situations - the office party; the pub across the road; the conference etc.

Human interaction is complex and we all play our roles and change from one role to another often without noticing that we have.

For most people all that is shown to another specific individual in a single interaction is just the tip of the iceberg of the whole personality.

Og

 

[rgraham666]

I'm reminded of an article I read many years ago entitled 'Pseudo-Intimacy'.

It said that, as Og stated above, that people present masks to others depending on the social situation we're in.

The problem, according to the article, is that too often we lose ourselves in our masks. And people mistake our masks for us. As a result, we have trouble maintaining relationships of all kinds because it's the masks interacting and not us. This leads to all kinds of surprises and disappointments.

As far as I go, I keep little hidden about myself, except for the things I hide from myself. There are somethings I don't know about myself, so I can't share them with others, or shouldn't.

I don't much see the point of hiding myself. I don't do evil things, and if someone else has a problem with things I do, like write smut, that's their problem.

 

[TheEarl]

How much would you expect it to affect your life if your participation at Literotica were suddenly public knowledge?

Really public. As in, "Look, Earl, all of your posts at Literotica are featured in a special newspaper series. Here's a picture of you." Aside from wanting to punch someone out for violating your privacy, how much would it matter to you?

For me, it would matter a lot. There's a potential for legal & professional troubles thanks to the USA's vaguely worded pornography laws, but that isn't the most compelling reason I keep Literotica a secret. I've told a couple of friends about Lit, but there's no way I'd give them my screen name. I'm far less protective of my private thoughts here than I am elsewhere. Having friends from out there read my sexual roleplay threads would make me almost as self-conscious as having them watch me with a man.

The English pornography laws are even worse - it's 'anything which can be considered vulgar or depraved' from memory. I should bloody well hope I hit those marks, otherwise I'm doing something wrong.

If someone did 'out' me publicly, then I'd be pissed off, but it wouldn't be the end of my world. Your scenario actually happened in a small sense a little while ago. Someone (mentioning no names) who I'd told about Lit accidentally left a copy of one of my stories on top of her desk (with my RL name written on it as well) whilst one of our mutual friends was alone in the room. It ended up not being that big a deal. The person in question is okay with it and I'm okay with it. If she wants to read my stories and discover weird and wonderful thigns about my libido, then I trust her.

I wouldn't be happy if I was completely outed to everyone, but that's because it's my secret. I tell people, not just because I think they'll be able to handle it, but as a mark of trust and respect. It's a gift and one that I like to give myself. When I first started Lit, I wouldn't have (and in fact didn't) tell anyone. I wasn't secure enough in myself. Now I have to say that if anyone did find out and they couldn't deal with it, that would be their problem. I'm actually quite proud of what writing good-quality erotica says about me and if someone couldn't deal with it, then they shouldn't really be that proud of what that says about them.

Even if someone I didn't trust found out and read my innermost thoughts, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I'm not ashamed or uncomfortable about anything I write and anyone who would see it as a matter of ridicule is someone whose girlfriend/boyfriend I feel very sorry for.

Have any of you confided something important to a close friend who later used the knowledge to hurt you? That's a lesson that requires no repetition to be remembered.

I've confided very private things to someone who I didn't know that well and got screwed over it. That's why I'm extra-paranoid about keeping my some details very very secret online.

The Earl

 

[SeaCat]

Both Rg and Yui bring up two very important aspects. The matter of masks, and the matter of face. I agree whole heartedly with what both of them said.

As for who knows what about me. My wife knows everything. She should, she's been with me for twelve years and has helped me through some really tough times. Not only does she read my stories, she encourages me to log on and visit this site. What the hell she even views it with me from time to time.

There have been two other people to whom I have revealed myself. One of them used this in an attempt to screw my wife and myself over. (It didn't work out the way she expected. I can be a nasty, imaginitive S.O.B. when I need to be.) The other is well,,,,, gone.

My parents who are extremely supportive don't know about this aspect of my writing. While they would support it they would neither understand or like it. (Very reserved.)(That being said it was them who encouraged my wife to check out a nude beach the first time with me. )

Cat

 

[shereads]

We are different people to our parents, our partners, our children, our work colleagues, our bosses, our friends, our neighbours and so on. Yet we are the same person. All that changes is how we behave and how we react.

I agree to an extent, and maybe that's true for most people. It was for me, until I made some sweeping changes in my life. I come from a background that's so distant from my current reality that to reveal very much to my family would cause a crisis from which those relationships would never recover. I felt it at Christmas: It used to be a matter of just keeping my language church-clean, avoiding politics, ignoring regional bigotry and hiding my birth control pills. But now it's necessary to be a person from the past, and to deflect questions that touch on anything personal. It's easy enough, but rather lonely. And I find myself too eager to leave their company, when I spend little time with them as it is.

Just a look at Literotica and the knowledge that I post here and read stories here would be more than this family could handle. There would be two reactions, depending on the person: grief, bewilderment and terrible shame; or, from the religious right-wing enclave of the family, righteous anger and an urge to intervene in some way, maybe even legally, to save me from myself and you people. Someone's golf game would almost certainly suffer.

I'm don't regret most of my choices or question my changed values. I do regret feeling like an alien presence around family, which makes me want to avoid them. It can be exhausting, just trying to breathe the atmosphere on their planet.

 

[shereads]

As far as I go, I keep little hidden about myself, except for the things I hide from myself.

That's a gem.

 

[shereads]

My parents who are extremely supportive don't know about this aspect of my writing. While they would support it they would neither understand or like it. (Very reserved.)(That being said it was them who encouraged my wife to check out a nude beach the first time with me. )

This just begs for a repeat of this tasteless joke:

"Hey Cat, do you have any naked pictures of your mom?"

"No!"

"Want to buy some?"



Sorry, it's actually the first time ever that the joke had a context.

I think it's great that your parents don't cringe from the idea of nekkid beaches. Spend much time in the Bible Belt? No? Good for them.

 

[Ravishing]

I do regret feeling like an alien presence around family, which makes me want to avoid them. It can be exhausting, just trying to breathe the atmosphere on their planet.

With that part alone, I can say, I understand how exhausting it can be.

~ R.