How much do you tell your SO?

[southernsky]

The title says it all, do you bare your soul to your partner/SO? Do you hold back certain information? If he/she asked you directly, what would you refuse to answer? List broad topics, general categories, specific information, so on. I'm curious as to whether I'm in the minority here in my thinking.....

 

[CWatson]

Well, I would talk to a lamppost if I thought it would listen, so my perspective is skewed. But, for the most part, I would tell a sig.other just about anything she asked. The sole exception would be one event in my life I basically don't tell anybody, because I'm still ashamed of it; I'd think twice about telling it to anybody, even a girlfriend. (But then I'd think thrice about telling it to a girlfriend because it involves sex, and I wouldn't want the confession to impact my sex life. ...Assuming I had one. Well, since the g/f is hypothetical, why not a hypothetical sex life as well? )

 

[RaLaWrites]

Oh, wow. I could be here all night if I tried to answer ALL of those questions.

That's probably the biggest problem my boyfriend and I have. We both have trust issues and are supicious of each other, for different reasons.

I used to bare my soul to him about everything. Whether it be family, friends, work, school -- whatever. When we would get into arguments, he'd use what I'd told him in strict confidentiality against me. The worst was probably when I had told him about the rocky relationship I have with my sister and he made light of the situation. So, I'm scared to tell him anymore about me.

He's scared to tell me anything because he wonders if I'll retaliate. Make fun of something that's near and dear to him. If I do ask about something personal, I literally have to drag it out of him.

But our relationship is a special case. It's been on shaky ground since day one.

I think it's very hard to tell your partner EVERYTHING about yourself. Hell, some married couples keep things dead and buried and never tell their wives or husbands about it.

I guess hearing from someone who isn't in a dysfunctional relationship will help, too.

 

[ivantheterrible]

i tell my SO everything, except IF i ever have sex with someone else. recently my soul kiss that curled my toes , i told her of that.
but IF i ever fucked anyone else, i could never tell her of it, because she is very codependent, slightly jealous, and has a slight self esteem problem. because i believe, that no matter how kinky, sexy, or loving you are towards each other, you just get tired of fucking the same person all the time. and because of that i believe she won't realize this until she fucks someone else. of course, that runs the risk of her being codependent, jealous, and such, and will think she doesn't love me anymore. and will file a divorce.
some people in this world, you have to learn to tiptoe and have tact around. there are plenty of people in the world who i would never offend intentionally, but never lie to them either.

who's not dysfunctional? in society we are told many things one way, but in reality, and i mean REALITY, things go a hell of a lot different.

there's no such thing as "normal". all people are fucked up in their own way.
is it normal for a person to scream in sex, "oh fornicate me!"? in worries of offending "god"? offending god, or mom and dad? which is it? really...................submissives.

i find my own way.

 

[The Gimp]

I talk to my girlfriend in about the same tone as I talked to my mother back when I was in hgih school. Although I tell her plenty, any conversation I have with her is filtered to the point where it could be considered scripted.

 

[Davetmat]

Nothing is out of bounds

 

[VoyageToBeyond]

A good relationship is based on trust; trust comes only with open communication. I think a relationship thrives when one can share - one's fantasies, desires, etc. Talking about indiscretions however is a touchy issue. Though I suppose if you have such a healthy and passionate relationship, there would be no indiscretions...

 

[KokopelliRises]

But our relationship is a special case. It's been on shaky ground since day one.

I think it's very hard to tell your partner EVERYTHING about yourself. Hell, some married couples keep things dead and buried and never tell their wives or husbands about it.

Trust me, you're not the only person with a relationship on shaky ground since day one. Sometimes I wonder why I do it still.

To answer the original question though:

I have bared my soul to my current partner, but that was previous to the relationship, since it began, well only once or twice have I gotten anywhere near that again. Such a pity too. Do I hold back certain information? Well, just two related things and I'm not comfortable at all telling anyone those. Not abuse or anything like that, just some things I don't like talking about.

What would I refuse to answer? Not much. I might be deliberately vague because I'm not comfortable with a subject, but other than the above, I'm a pretty open person with the people I know.

I don't think I'd be incredibly comfortable talking about my sex life outside of a(n open) relationship to the person in it, but if they asked and told me that it would be better for them (and us) if they did know, well I would tell them. In reverse, I'm not comfortable hearing about that in the situation I'm in now. Do it, fine, whatever, just don't tell me about it unless I specifically ask. Maybe it'll be different later on in life, but that's the way it is for me now.

 

[PertPerth]

I started a thread on Trust in Relationships in the HT Cafe :
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=617119

I have had tried a few times to answer all the questions a partner has asked me - mostly it backfires and causes unnecessary stress to the relationship.
I will always be honest about who I've slept with...STI's etc etc, but I still beleive there is no harm in leaving a little mystery.

 

[human_male]

When I come to trust someone I open up completely. Which is always a mistake and probably why I'm on my own.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

My relationship is different, because I am a slave to my Master. He owns me body and soul and there is nothing that I don't tell him... if he asks. I'm still a private person and it's intensely embarrassing for me sometimes but he gets even more of a kick out of that. To be honest, there's very little he doesn't know. Master can be very persuasive.

 

[Zoots_owner]

Here's the flipside of Velvet Darkness' answer, or my own version of it, anyway, since I own the SO in question.

I tell my girl almost everything. I don't usually tell her about things she has no interest in, and I may downplay worrisome subjects where there's nothing to be done but to wait and see. WRT being attracted to other people, there's no reason why I wouldn't want to point out an outstanding specimen, since she enjoys looking at women just as much as I do; we have similar taste and no jealousy over things like that. As for sex with other people, there's a good chance that she played a role in bringing it about ("Fetch me that blonde in the corner!") and a high likelihood that she was either a participant or a spectator to the act itself.

What would I NOT be willing to talk to her about? That'd be tough... ummm... maybe if I wanted to have sex with her mom? I think that'd kind of push her buttons. Sisters, cousins, aunts, no problem. Mom, just no. That's about the only thing I can think of.

Although I'm under no compulsion to ever tell her anything, I do think that full communication is the ideal. BDSM relationships require full trust, and you can't have that without knowing the other person's mind. I've already been through a vanilla marriage that started out with incomplete communication, continued on to lies, and then to the scrap heap, and I don't want to do that again. So I pry her secrets out of her, and don't keep any myself.

 

[Techomancer]

For me...

100% open and honest. Hell, she proof reads my stories. Hell - she's the one that encouraged me to publish here.

 

[coastal-boy]

The title says it all, do you bare your soul to your partner/SO? Do you hold back certain information? If he/she asked you directly, what would you refuse to answer? List broad topics, general categories, specific information, so on. I'm curious as to whether I'm in the minority here in my thinking.....

I won't lie if asked about a specific. However, that does not mean I am an open book. Our past is our past (prior to her coming into my life). What matters is the present and our future.

 

[Hisscarlett]

Personally I tell my Husband everything. But then we are slightly different from some other couples in that he is my Master as well as my Husband. There is nothing about me he doesn't know, even things I would never dream of telling anyone else.

Similarly he has told me many things that he had never told anyone else, including his ex-wife.

For us open honesty and trust is integral to our relationship. I know that whatever I have told him is in safe hands and he knows the same.