How much are you willing to share a partner?

[Raeth]

Just wondering how you feel about sharing a serious partner/spouse. Where do you draw the line?

I have absolutely no experience with this, though we have discussed our preferences on just about everything, and neither me or my wife is very attached to the idea. Certain isolated situations can be a turn on, but never anything that we consider seriously.


Did getting into BDSM change your feelings on any of this?

 

[bunny bondage]

as an only child, i do not share well. as an insanely jealous person, i do not share at all.

 

[MissTaken]

Within limits.

We have discussed those limits and have shared them with our friends. For example, we only play together, in the same room and do not engage in intercourse with anyone but one another. All of the other expectations laid out for him still apply i.e. permission to orgasm etc.

I am finding I am a bit of a voyeur, so enjoy time with friends, watching my guy follow my directions.

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

I am finding I am a bit of a voyeur, so enjoy time with friends, watching my guy follow my directions.

That is so hot, watching and telling him what to do, making him still wait for permission to cum....

 

[A Desert Rose]

I don't share Who's mine, with anyone.

I might not mind being shared in certain circumstances, though.

 

[FungiUg]

I don't mind sharing; losing I object to.

I don't think this has anything to do with BDSM per se -- rather, it's all to do with the personalities of the people involved. Some share, some don't, irrespective of their BDSM interests.

 

[catalina_francisco]

We have shared, or more specifically he has shared me. Some people confuse the act of sharing with swinging which IMHO are 2 seperate things. My understanding is swinging is something which happens in the vanilla world, and usually allows each partner the freedom to have sex with who they choose, either with their partner or not. Sharing on the other hand, while it sometimes is practiced in vanilla relationships, in the BDSM context does not allow the sub/slave to go and find other sexual partners but requires them to go with the person/s the Dominant chooses usually as a way of demonstrating the level of control the Dominant has over the submissive. In that context it is more about power and control, domination and submission, service, humiliation and degradation, than sex.

For us it is not something either of us would do, or have done in a vanilla relationship as there would be no purpose. For instance, if I was someone who welcomed being shared and found it a breeze to comply, he would not find it something he would likely do or want to do. Our main rules which surround such play are that it is controlled at all times by him, even at this point during the play; we do nothing without the other present; transparency in everything (i.e. if he requires me to comunicate with the other person for any reason, that communication is available for him to see); the primary relationship is never risked for a third party; safe sex measures are in place at all time; no kissing with others; and any issues which arise for either of us are dealt with by us together until there is a satisfactory level of comfort and/or understanding reached. I think for anyone who is thinking of trying it, there needs to be a lot of discussion and communication before, during, and after, as well as guidelines which ensure that it will not damage or destroy the relationship you now enjoy.

Catalina

 

[Quint]

We're pretty sure we're pro-sharing both ways, but haven't had it put to the test as we'd like. Not afraid to try though.

 

[Netzach]

I have both shared partners and enthusiastically encouraged them to pursue nooky at times with the person of their choosing.

I'm not wired for the monogomy shit.

I haven't lost one yet that way, it's cool with me.

 

[Raeth]

Within limits.

We have discussed those limits and have shared them with our friends. For example, we only play together, in the same room and do not engage in intercourse with anyone but one another. All of the other expectations laid out for him still apply i.e. permission to orgasm etc.

I am finding I am a bit of a voyeur, so enjoy time with friends, watching my guy follow my directions.

That's pretty much how I feel about it. I love the idea of playing in the same room with someone else or another couple... but not into either of us having another partner. We are both really possesive at times.

Just recently the thought of us being watched while having sex has really become a fantasy of mine... unfortunately I don't think it's one that will happen anytime soon. Photography also plays a big role in many of those fantasies.

 

[A Desert Rose]

...Just recently the thought of us being watched while having sex has really become a fantasy of mine... unfortunately I don't think it's one that will happen anytime soon. Photography also plays a big role in many of those fantasies.

Oh yea... now this I like. Love my digital camera and my webcam. LOL

Take the picture... download it... e-mail it.

Ohhhhh, the possibilities... and probabilities. ;-)

 

[Raeth]

Oh yea... now this I like. Love my digital camera and my webcam. LOL

Take the picture... download it... e-mail it.

Ohhhhh, the possibilities... and probabilities. ;-)

I am just starting to shop for a new digital camcorder. A little surprise for when my wife returns...

 

[Hajar]

as an only child, i do not share well. as an insanely jealous person, i do not share at all.

This is/was me but have talked about it and decided to limit it to play

 

[tythisredheadup]

New question

.

 

[princess4u]

Re: New question

For the dominants...

If you cared for someone deeply, why, oh, why, would you want to share that person with anyone? Is it to show off? Are you showing how proud you are of your sub?

not a dominant here but....

that is the exact reason my Master would share -
to show me off and how well i am trained,
and how proud He is to own me

 

[FungiUg]

Re: New question

If you cared for someone deeply, why, oh, why, would you want to share that person with anyone? Is it to show off? Are you showing how proud you are of your sub?

That's certainly a large part of it. And let's face it, with a cute submissive I have trained, I am inordinately proud to have her with me! So why wouldn't I show her off?

Another part is simply the horniness associated with including other people sexually. So elements of voyeurism, fantasy fulfilment (multiple penetration and the like), exploring limits...

A large part of being dominant for me is about the urge to explore sexual limits. My own as well as others. So it's all a part of that.

 

[blue kat]

Re: New question

For the dominants...

If you cared for someone deeply, why, oh, why, would you want to share that person with anyone? Is it to show off? Are you showing how proud you are of your sub?

Just trying to settle my curiosity.

First off, when I share, the other person isn't allowed to take my sub out of the room. It goes the other way around, too. I'm not going to tell my sub to go the living room while I play with someone else in the bedroom. We have an agreement (part of her contract) that I'll never turn her over to someone who she doesn't like, or who scares her in a bad way.

As to why I would share; lots of good reasons. First off, I'm very proud of my girl. She works hard and she's beautiful in her submission. Second, when I do share, it's always with someone I've been with myself. The way I see it; I have two sexy wonderful people whom I know are great fun to be with. I want to share with them. I want them to feel my joy, feel my love.

Finally, I cn't be all things to my girl. We can roleplay, but sometimes she wants something different. Sometimes I want something different. She's a bit of a tomboy; which I love. She does try to do the girly girl thing for me occasionally. Sometimes she want's a Daddy, which is a role I've never been able to wrap my sexual psyche around. Sometimes she wants a genetic cock. As long as she comes to me, and we work it out together, it's not an issue.

 

[shy slave]

Both Catalinas & blue kats posts make sense to me.

blue kats view adds into Fungiug, Ravenspirit and Netzach views wonderfully.

Its a bit like a 360 degree view of why Dom/Mes share ~ Thank You.

We have decided not to share, I (like Bunny) get insanely jealous and would not cope with sharing.

However having rwead your views i realise i have been confusing sharing with swinging.

If Master chose someone for me, in the context that Catalina describes: it is more about power and control, domination and submission, service, humiliation and degradation, than sex.
then I would struggle between wanting to please Him and not wishing to to used by another.

A strange reaction when you consider I was long past being a virgin when we met and have had my share of one-night stands ~ although all those encouters were vanilla.

If I can get my head around the issue that sharing is not swinging, and be brave enough to show off an imperfect body to a stranger; then, in time, i may have a differing view. Until then I am still an insanely jealous person

Thank you all for the food for thought .

 

[catalina_francisco]

However having rwead your views i realise i have been confusing sharing with swinging.

If Master chose someone for me, in the context that Catalina describes: it is more about power and control, domination and submission, service, humiliation and degradation, than sex.
then I would struggle between wanting to please Him and not wishing to to used by another.

A strange reaction when you consider I was long past being a virgin when we met and have had my share of one-night stands ~ although all those encouters were vanilla.

LOL, that is where it becomes confusing in part in the head, but helps when you realise that all those one night stands and sexual experimentation were usually of our own choice with people we wanted to be sexually intimate for one reason or another. In essence, we maintained control over our own bodies and actions and were free to explore however and whenever we wanted.....with sharing we give up that right to control the situation, may be shared with someone we find utterly repulsive, and our actions are aimed ultimately toward pleasing our Dominant whether it be through pleasing another, displeasing another, finding pleasure ourselves, or just simply surrendering our control in such a deeply intimate way against all our natural intincts to do otherwise.

Catalina

 

[shy slave]

Catalina

You keep doing this to my poor brain LOL

Just when I think I can get my head around something you throw in more things for me to psychoanalyse in myself and about people as a whole.

I do love your posts but sometimes they make my brain tired LOL


Off to sit in a corner and think some more

 

[Xelebes]

I'm not sure. Probably a person for a monogamous relationship but right now, am not sure. I do have the fantasy once in a while to be shared but as all things here (with the exception of a few) BDSM, I'm oft not sure.

 

[ownedsubgal]

i can't "share" my Master as well...He is my Master lol. He can play, have sex with, use whatever woman he chooses to. He does enjoy sharing me. Catalina is very much right in that when it comes to sharing within a D/s lifestyle, especially within a M/s union, it is a far cry from swinging. however my Master takes a different approach than hers....being physically used by another man in itself is not a difficult thing for me. i am very much used to having my body used by men, it has always been a part of my life, so it is not generally a struggle for me. it is not an exercise in humiliation or degradation, simply to be with another man. and though it's rare, sometimes i do actually enjoy being with others.

the thing is, it does not matter if i enjoy it or not. it doesn't matter if i have a hard or easy time with it. it doesn't matter if i'm in the mood to be shared or if i'm depressed and don't want to be touched. regardless, i have to serve who, when and how my Master tells me to serve. usually it's another Dominant. sometimes it's a vanilla man on the aggressive side. sometimes it's a group of men. for each man, each situation, my Master sets different limits..which he does not often share with me. so, one man may have permission to whip me with a belt...another may have permission to urinate on me. another may have permission to cum in my pussy, or down my throat. usually i don't know if anyone's crossing any lines until after talking with my Master, since he is sometimes not present when i am used by another, or only present for part of the time (to allow my user to be more relaxed and free to be harsh with me, and at the same time increase my fear and anxiety). so i just have to do what i'm told, and bear whatever they subject me to.

and then of course there are those times when i am the party favor...when my Master has male company over, usually to watch some sporting event on television, and my job is to stay silent, serve drinks, refreshments, and keep all 3 holes open and available for whoever may wish to use them at any time. if a man complains that he is thirsty, i refill his glass. if he mentions that his cock is hard, i am sent over to him to take care of that as well. that is just part of my duties that come with being a slave.

 

[shy slave]

i can't "share" my Master as well...He is my Master lol. He can play, have sex with, use whatever woman he chooses to. He does enjoy sharing me. Catalina is very much right in that when it comes to sharing within a D/s lifestyle, especially within a M/s union, it is a far cry from swinging. however my Master takes a different approach than hers....being physically used by another man in itself is not a difficult thing for me. i am very much used to having my body used by men, it has always been a part of my life, so it is not generally a struggle for me. it is not an exercise in humiliation or degradation, simply to be with another man. and though it's rare, sometimes i do actually enjoy being with others.

the thing is, it does not matter if i enjoy it or not. it doesn't matter if i have a hard or easy time with it. it doesn't matter if i'm in the mood to be shared or if i'm depressed and don't want to be touched. regardless, i have to serve who, when and how my Master tells me to serve. usually it's another Dominant. sometimes it's a vanilla man on the aggressive side. sometimes it's a group of men. for each man, each situation, my Master sets different limits..which he does not often share with me. so, one man may have permission to whip me with a belt...another may have permission to urinate on me. another may have permission to cum in my pussy, or down my throat. usually i don't know if anyone's crossing any lines until after talking with my Master, since he is sometimes not present when i am used by another, or only present for part of the time (to allow my user to be more relaxed and free to be harsh with me, and at the same time increase my fear and anxiety). so i just have to do what i'm told, and bear whatever they subject me to.

and then of course there are those times when i am the party favor...when my Master has male company over, usually to watch some sporting event on television, and my job is to stay silent, serve drinks, refreshments, and keep all 3 holes open and available for whoever may wish to use them at any time. if a man complains that he is thirsty, i refill his glass. if he mentions that his cock is hard, i am sent over to him to take care of that as well. that is just part of my duties that come with being a slave.

I do admire you osg.
There are stories on the site relating to your situation and they can be very erotic, in reality I would be very hurt emotionally if master decided to share me in this way.

I often read your posts and marvel at your acceptance of being his slave. I love belonging to him but would struggle to live as you do and be happy.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I have both shared partners and enthusiastically encouraged them to pursue nooky at times with the person of their choosing.

I'm not wired for the monogomy shit.

I haven't lost one yet that way, it's cool with me.

Ditto. Sharing is the future of sexuality. Down with the patriarchy and its bogus concept of "monogamy"; the only purpose of which was to ensure the orderly inheritance of flocks and fields.

 

[Netzach]

I don't have anything worth keeping anyway, if I get hit by a bus I will make sure M sends you a few torture toys and a painting, and frankly I think that's true for a lot of people in this economy LOL.