How many M & F just putting up with marriage?

[Mr_Zac]

Are you like me and tolerating a marriage? If post your thoughts here. I have been in a 20 year relationship. The past 3.5 years without sex from my partner. What probs do you have?
Why do we tolerate our partners??

 

[fhswarrior]

tolerance

Well, I am up to 29 years and my spouse, who is wonderful as a person, has decided that intimacy is no longer important or relevant. For them,, sex is not important. For me, it is...but I stay in the relationship because of:
-teenage daughter off to college next year
-financial reasons, i.e. splitting everything.
And we have tried counseling too!!
So, that is my add to the thread!!

 

[rob777]

same here

married 10 years , wife told me last month " she could care less if she never has another orgasm" . Our sex life was in a nose dive , once a month as long as i initiated it. I said i didnt get married so i could jerk off the rest of my life. If it wasnt for my financial situation and the kids , i'd be history . Is it to much to expect physical contact a couple of times a week?

 

[Bandit58]

I got out of a 23 year marriage last year. I decided for my own sanity that I had to end it. The kids were growing up fast (they're 19 and 15 now) and I had had enough of being put down and taken for granted, plus I hated having sex with him. I thought there was something wrong with me, but I've since found out there's not, thanks to a caring loving partner.

I put up with it for years because I had no self-esteem and I was afraid to leave the security blanket. Leaving was the best thing I could have done. I've grown and found MYSELF, the person who hid herself away trying to fit the mould of the conventional wife and mother. I met the man who lets me be ME and who loves me for that. I haven't ever been so happy as I am now, even though we aren't together yet.

I'm glad I took my courage in both hands and took that first step. It's made me a happier and a better person.....

 

[bikerjim1592]

well man i don't know bout were you live but i've been married for 20 yrs my god damn self and if i was gonna leave her the only thing i'd have left is a bunch of fuckin bills......couse she would have everything else regaurdless of the reason for the break up so i'm afraid devorce just isn't an option at this point so just do what i do ...i've been gettin it for the last 4 yrs.... i just don't tell her where i'm gettin it...lmfao

 

[James G 5]

Are you like me and tolerating a marriage? If post your thoughts here. I have been in a 20 year relationship. The past 3.5 years without sex from my partner. What probs do you have?
Why do we tolerate our partners??

I would say a large number are just "putting up with it"
People stay for the kids, for fearing of losing a lot in a divorce, and because society "expects" them to
Just another set of reasons why I generally think our concepts of marriage & monogamy are usually bad ideas

 

[Ange1icflowers]

WOW!

For a newlywed....all this is pretty discouraging! Of course...I don't think my hubby will EVER lack in the "getting some" department.....I am usually the one propositioning him! He is a 2 to 3 times a week kinda guy.....for the most part I am a 2-3 times a DAY kinda gal. Always have been. I hope to always be. Well good luck to y'all!
(i'd offer advice..but in this matter...what the hell do I know?)


Kisses To Everyone....and wishes for better relationships (and sex of course)

Angel

 

[Mr_Zac]

Great to hear a few replies to this thread...must be more out there with a story to tell

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Mr. Zac, you don't have to be married to be in a sexless relationship. My last live-in couldn't preform to my needs either. I enjoy sexual stimulation at least once a day and with him it might be once a week. Then too, he would be drunk and couldn't keep an erection. Called him the Minute Man. Nothing worse than a drunk pawing and slobbering all over you and then spending his cum before you've had a chance to get in the groove.

I know all the reasons folks stay together, but for me; life's about more than $. My sanity means a helluva lot!

-kym- Trading $ and the security for sexual satisfaction

 

[woodchuck]

some times we stay .....because after all else is said and done (or not done ) we love them. It hurts, the lack of affection. When it hurts greater than it hurts to live without her, I guess then we leave. I have tried to leave, so far can not. She gave a lot and some of us stay in the hopes that it will return to what it "used to be like" Maybe for some it does, I'mhanging on. For now , I have learned to fantazise more, when this becomes boring I will find...

 

[Mr_Zac]

Kym I have to agree with you re trading $'s for a satisfied sexual relationship. I would give everything I had (Which is little) to have a partner like your self who takes pleasure in wanting sex on a daily basis. I hope you eventually do find your goal

 

[ethereal~minx]

Are you like me and tolerating a marriage? If post your thoughts here. I have been in a 20 year relationship. The past 3.5 years without sex from my partner. What probs do you have?
Why do we tolerate our partners??

the threat of divorce keeps them there... there are many who do this~~

Religion, society, family, and peers have all kinds of ideas about who you should be and what you should do. Many people fall back on the seeming security of paths prescribed by external voices. It is convenient to take the well-trod route, for no one questions or challenges you.

I, on the other hand chose integrity and aliveness over convention~~personal integrity: when your external acts match your inner knowing.. believe me this is NOT an easy path to take and one that was not taken lightly by any means. You must trust yourself but it can be done and when you live from your heart and not from external shoulds~~is to have kept your soul alive And nothing is more important than keeping your soul alive.

who was it? Benjamin Franklin, I don't know but one of those wise men said this... many people die at 25 but aren't buried until they're 75...

 

[Mr_Zac]

Woodchuck I guess what you have written certainly applies in my case also but I strongly feel my time to depart will be in the near future. After 20 years it is not a move to be taken lighly.

 

[Mr_Zac]

Hi Flavia, Just happened to be online when your reply came through. Thanks for your valued and appreciated advice.

 

[Mr_Zac]

You could always add me to your list (if its not too long already) Would love to have email chat to help keep my sanity LOL

 

[crazybbwgirl]

I left a train wreck of a marriage 20 years ago and never looked back. Yeah, sometimes I miss the "notion" of being married, having a constant partner to do things with and grow old with, blah, blah. But mostly I listen to my married girlfriends complain cuz they never get sex. Hell I have more sex than all of them put together. (its not always the girl who doesn't want to do it.) My current on-again off-again lover has been unhappily married for 26 yrs. He will not divorce her cuz of reasons already mentioned here. But why she doesn't dump his ass I can't understand! She's busted us 3 times in 3 years - stood on my doorstep banging on the door "I know you're in there" geesh! I'd throw him out of the house so fast! lol But I think its just a show. I think she's glad I'm around so he doesn't bother her for sex (and boy she's missing the best sex!) oh well! I think at my age and in my position married men are the only way to go. I don't need anyone's money, home, insurance or retirement. I just need a nice hard warm body and some good conversation. I'm too old to learn how to share the remote at this point.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Kym I have to agree with you re trading $'s for a satisfied sexual relationship. I would give everything I had (Which is little) to have a partner like your self who takes pleasure in wanting sex on a daily basis. I hope you eventually do find your goal

Hey ...Mr_Zac; after reading your posts, I felt a tug at me ol heart strings. I didn't mean to come off so flippant. Please accept my apology. I truly hope that you and your wife can work this out. Sex is just as vital to maintaining a healthy relationship as open communication is.

I am curently enjoying life as I never have before and thank you for your well wishes.
My sincere wish for a brighter future for you my friend!


-kym- this is for all the lonely people.....Don't give up!

 

[Guest]

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Staying in it for the kids is about the worst thing you can do! Kids are soooo smart and know everything that goes on in a house - remember being a kid? Much better to be apart and not put the kids thru all that tension and unhappiness. Besides - I think young kids adapt easier to a divorce than old 'kids' (in their 20's or so) I was 6 mo. pregnant with our second one when I walked out and my children are fabulous. Not to say there aren't scars cuz there are - but since they were so young they've learned how to deal with it and accept it.

 

[hypatia]

Probably way too many people are in this position - just letting things drift along because it has become a habit. After 18 years with my guy I really still didn't want to hurt him. I still care about him. It wasn't easy to leave but I did it because the relationship was dead and I finally had to admit that to myself and get on with what I could salvage of my life. Now I agree with crazybbwgirl - "I just need a nice hard warm body and some good conversation. I'm too old to learn how to share the remote at this point." I may never meet someone I can connect with as well as my ex but I am glad I made my decision and got out.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Life is too damn short to just drift along cuz of habit!!! What will you have when you're old? A bunch of boring memories and 'what if's?" I know I'll cherish every memory of how hard I worked to raise my kids - how we used to sneak snacks into the movies cuz we couldn't afford to buy them, and of my rather adventerous love life- which now that the kids are gone I believe is really going to pick up! Get out and live life people!

 

[Jaded1]

Are you like me and tolerating a marriage? If post your thoughts here. I have been in a 20 year relationship. The past 3.5 years without sex from my partner. What probs do you have?
Why do we tolerate our partners??

Well, Mr_Zac for me marriage was no long a viable option! I was married for ten years. We had two beautiful children. After that there wasn't a sex life. She was a very violent woman. Yes, ladies men to get beaten for no apparent reason! It ended the night she was hell bent on installing a ten inch butcher knife several times in my body. We divorced and six months later she handed me the kids to raise.

For me it was the very best thing that could have ever happened in my life. Yes, being a male I got hit with the bills and it was really tough. The kids never went with out I know I did. I'm not looking for a thata boy or your just so great. That's what ANY good single parent does for the love of thier kids disregarding which sex they are.

My kids are grown and I still love them to peices. I've never remarried as I've been through hell. Marriage works for some people however I'm not one of them to many bad experiences and scares.

Oh, and the love life is great of coarse like anything in life you have to weed out the phyio's.....

Good luck........

Jaded1, CT

 

[Zas]

MY first marriage was horrible, he was violent when he drank too much and had a real hot temper - used to swear at me all the time and call me names. Seeing my toddler with a black eye cause he repeated what daddy said to mummy ( fucking cunt) made me get out of there.

My second attempt at a relationship ( not a marriage thank god) resulted in alot of pain for my son and me. He could not stay faithful, even though the sex between us was good.
He could not say a good word about my little boy, and bullied him, and verbally and emotionally abused us both.

My third attempt,(second marriage) is pretty good, we are living separately at the moment ( see post about step children) but my husband is a good man, in all ways - except that our sexual appetites are different. I always want it, he doesn't want it as much as me.
But he treats me well, and loves my son like his own.

I stay because I like being "loved and cherished" - I dont have to kill the spiders, change the light bulbs, etc and if Im sick, someone looks after me, I have never had that in my life before.
And I stay because I love him.

It might not be perfect, but you adapt.

 

[nice2try]

Other Ladies in San Antonio

My marriage has been without intimacy for 3 years, but I have had wonderful, caring, intensely sexual relationships to fill the void. Who are the Texas ladies I love outside of my marriage? They are women who are similiarly trapped and frustrated in their own marriages. Men and women alike suffer from being tied to cold spouses.

 

[kcbigkid]

Yes, I am afraid that there are many of us nice guys who tolorate a bad marriage as we stay for the benefit of our kids, the cost of a divorce . Like you I have been in a passionless marriage for over 5 years. No sex, She moved down the hall into another bedroom , we co-exist as brother and sister. So is it wrong to look for a friend with benefits. I don't think so..................

Are you like me and tolerating a marriage? If post your thoughts here. I have been in a 20 year relationship. The past 3.5 years without sex from my partner. What probs do you have?
Why do we tolerate our partners??