How long do you beat yourself up?

[Samuari]

I can be pretty good with the hair shirt and ashes. How long and how hard I beat myself up about it depends on the circumstances, and the consquences. Fortunitly, the people that I love, and love me, are mercifull and forgiving. If they demnded justice, I would be totally lost.

My basic task then becomes to live up to thier forgiveness, a much eaiser job. It helps that I don't often make the same mistake twice.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I beat myself up constantly for things I have done in my past, choices I've made, people I've hurt. And no matter how much I rationalize things, it just doesn't seem to make it go away. It's not even so much guilt as it is self loathing.

Of course, then there is the actual guilt for other choices I made. And again, same rationalizations, and still no end to it. Personally, I think people with an integral sense of worthlessness, will feel guilty and beat themselves up longer than those who have confidence and a surety in themselves. Those stronger people are able to think things through, make the necessary rationalizations, learn a lesson from their experience, and move on. Those who don't have that type of self esteem may be able to think things through and make the rationalizations, but instead of learning from it and moving on, they use it as one more example of why they are no good. At least I do.

Oh yea Freya..... You hit a lot of good points. Excellent evaluations too. I think rationalizations are important to take note of when we try to escape guilt. And I agree that people with strong self esteem, and I would add strong codes of ethics, tend to beat on themselves a lot more than others do.

Thank you- great post.

 

[A Desert Rose]

remember that I was capable of doing the act and remember why I never want to do it again. I don't beat myself up about them, but I remember.

You are one of the lucky few, I think. Being able to put things in perspective and move on with your life.

Thank you so much for your post.

 

[DevilBoy79]

oh yea i am really hard on myself when i screw up no matter how long ago it happened

 

[A Desert Rose]

My basic task then becomes to live up to thier forgiveness, a much eaiser job. It helps that I don't often make the same mistake twice.

I love your AV, by the way.

It does help to have those around you help you set things straight again and you want to live up to the confidence they have placed in you. You all have had such good ideas and great feelings. Thank you for your post.

 

[Never]

I don't think people are as hard on themselves as they appear to be.
I don't think people are as hard on themselves as they want others to believe they are.

 

[A Desert Rose]

oh yea i am really hard on myself when i screw up no matter how long ago it happened

Why do you think that is? I bet you have made amends for you "screw ups" so why do you think you continue to carry the guilt with you?

 

[bored1]

I have beaten myself up for so long that I now realize I dont know what its like to feel normal.

 

[Freya]

I don't think people are as hard on themselves as they appear to be.
I don't think people are as hard on themselves as they want others to believe they are.

I think you like to make generalizations about things of which you have no knowledge.

 

[slowfingers1]

Yikes, this is a subject fresh on my mind I beat myself repetedly with a large bat for one reason and one reason only.. because I didnt listen to my instincts.. when those little red flags go up in your head, LISTEN to them /sigh Thats gonna be a hard one to live down.

Slow

 

[A Desert Rose]

I have beaten myself up for so long that I now realize I dont know what its like to feel normal.

I think you are on the road to finding out new things about yourself. I think you have a good grasp at what you need to take action about. I think ~smile~ there is a person in there that needs forgiveness and can give it too.

And no, I am not really Cleo the psychic... LOL

 

[Never]

Freya:"I think you like to make generalizations about things of which you have no knowledge."
Right. I have no knowledge of human nature. Me, being a porcupine and all.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Yikes, this is a subject fresh on my mind I beat myself repetedly with a large bat for one reason and one reason only.. because I didnt listen to my instincts.. when those little red flags go up in your head, LISTEN to them /sigh Thats gonna be a hard one to live down.

Slow

Sometimes the easy way is not the right way or the best way and our conscience tries to tell us so. When I do the wrong thing or wrong some person, I usually know before I act stupidly and still do it. I ignore those flags too, too often.

 

[Samuari]

I don't think people are as hard on themselves as they appear to be.
I don't think people are as hard on themselves as they want others to believe they are.

Oh come on, gril. Maybe the folks you know lie and want you to feel sorry for themselves, when they aren't really sincere about having made a mistake, but in my experance people are usally really upset when they have made a mistake that causes thier friends pain or unhappiness. Usally more so than is justified by the orginal action itself.

 

[Laurel]

Freya:"I think you like to make generalizations about things of which you have no knowledge."
Right. I have no knowledge of human nature. Me, being a porcupine and all.

Holy shit. That explains the quills.

I don't really beat myself up much at all. I feel stupid for a moment, then sort of shrug and say "oh well, fucked THAT up, no going back." I try to fix it if I can. If I can't, I move on to other stuff. I'm a slacker, even in the guilt department. Ashamed to admit it, but it's true.

 

[sigh]

Freya:"I think you like to make generalizations about things of which you have no knowledge."
Right. I have no knowledge of human nature. Me, being a porcupine and all.

Never, I think she was referring to her own situation, of which, of course, we can know virtually nothing other than what she chooses to reveal. I tend to be gullible and believe what people tell me about themselves until I have reason to believe otherwise, but then that's a weakness of mine. At any rate, there's no need to beat her about the ears, I think. She's doing that well enough on her own, without help from any of us.

As for me, I carry some pretty heavy baggage from my past. For the most part I don't batter myself with it but it's always there, lurking about, waiting for a weak moment to sneak forth and wreak havok for a bit.

On a more day to day basis, the one thing I really feel guilty about, the thing that haunts me and won't easily go away, is when I'm unfairly angry at my son. I cry over that at times.

 

[Mr. Kathy Andrews]

It might be simple

thank you all for sharing,,,,,although nearly all my life my yearning for love and acceptance has been tossed in the dungon,,,I met a lady tonight ( Cindy,,if she never calls I understand) but we had so much in commom,,,,desperate lives rotten love affairs etc. But aht was the beauty of it no more carp no more crap no more crap,,,,just hearts that may have a chance to mingle after all this painful time,,,,I may be naive (OK defanitley naive,,at 44 no less) but I still think there is that shot in a zillion taht tow lonley fucked up soles can combine to conquere the world,,,,wish me luck ,,,I need all the help I can get. All you need is love,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,love is all you need,,,,,,,,,,,,,ya right but I cannot discount the possibility no matter how slim the reality.

love to all

tim