How long did it take?

[Annora]

Before you realized that somebody has become very important in your life? Technology has opened a vast world for us to explore.
So how long did it take for your emotions got involved? How did you meet the SO, that is sharing your life now?


Because of being online, is there a finer line on what is appropriate in building a relationship? Or is anything goes the proper format?

 

[Annora]

I know finding True love....

Is rare I must be the only one that, knows what true love means.

It's when your heart beats for another. When feeling alone in a crowded room, because he cannot be there.

True love is truly beautiful

 

[PunkGrrl18]

knowing that you cant live without the person? that sounds cheesy as fuck but id have a really really hard time dealing with a breakup from the guy im with right now cause i know id never meet such a nice dorky dumbass ever again that treats me this good. :/

Yeah going places with friends and hes not there, at work or something its fucking boring, its nothing, im not an attention whore but i love being around him cause he makes me feel like im actually important.

 

[SkyyAngel]

I met my BF here at Lit. We PMed each other and after about half a day or so it advanced into IM. From about 2 days straight of that it went on to the phone. When it went to the phone I started to realize that I really liked the guy at the least as a great friend. We're too much alike it's kinda scary. And I found out we were even more so over the phone.

After 2-3 days on the phone I was full fledged in love with him. I couldn't really help it. I thought it was too fast and I still think it was too fast. But I wouldn't change a thing.

A reason I think it happened faster online and over the phone was because we couldn't see each other. We didn't have all those stupid problems you might have when first meeting someone. Like feeling nervous and taking a few weeks of dating to fully relax and enjoy each other's company to allow our emotions to take over. All that stuff wasn't in the way so the emotions definately took over faster than our heads wanted.

I don't think there really is a "proper" format for online dating and meeting. Pretty much the only rule is to be safe. It's so much different than real life that it's easier. Like I said, you don't have to worry about all the normal hangups people have when they first meet. And you don't through all that mind game BS that couples play at first. You skip right to the good part of loving that special someone and having them enter your every waking thought. Like you mentioned feeling alone because he's not there.

It was hell waiting to actually travel up north to meet the guy in person...all the waiting and fantasizing everything was murder. Now I'd wish for those feelings back. It's twice as bad now knowing exactly what I'm missing from being so far away. Now I have memories instead of the fantasies and they are ten times as bittersweet. I miss him with all my heart and then some.

 

[Bobmi357]

HMMMMMMMM.... How long did it take or how long before I realized what had happened to me?

I met alyx online, but didn't meet her face to face for nearly 6 months.

I realized that she was very important to me when she went away for christmas and I was unable to call her. Our talks were the highpoints of my day and I had come to rely on her for them.

But if you want to know how long it took me to realize she was THE ONE, about 30 minutes into our first meeting. I had just arrived in Boise after a grueling trip across the country that involved four different flights and 8 different scheduled arrival times. (That trip is a thread unto itself).

While waiting for my luggage to arrive from the plane, we stepped outside to have a smoke. At that point, I decided to take the chance and kiss her. She returned the kiss, then buried her head in my shoulder in embarassment. That simple human gesture did me in. I KNEW she was the one. It touched me in ways I've never been touched before, and lit a flame that hasn't gone out, even after 10 yrs of being together. Would we still be together without that little gesture, probably, but I remember that like it was 10 minutes ago, its one of my most precious memories of her and something I'll treasure til I die.

 

[SexyChele]

First, I met my SO through an online dating service. I had been "burned" in the past by online, long distance liaisons. (Wouldn't grace them by calling them a relationship of any kind.) We emailed back and forth for a couple of days and then I dropped the ball. I really didn't think that he was ultimately "my type."

He contacted me again a year later, and while he never brought up the previous year's connections, I remembered him. I felt badly for what I had done and agreed to meet him. My advice for anyone who thinks they may have something going through an online connection is to meet them as quickly as possible. If people have issues with that, there is usually a problem. When I met him I was intrigued - we shared quite a few things in common. Including the fact that we are both initially shy and quiet people. (well, I am initially, he always is)

After a month of dating, I went on a two week vacation to New Orleans and Houston. I didn't think much about leaving him, but was very touched when he told me he would miss me. I realized as I was walking around the French Quarter how much I wished I could have been sharing that time with him, what his insights would be, and how we could be exploring that city together. I wasn't "in love," though. Loving him grew slowly, and still grows with each new discovery, each new way of discovering what we are like. I look forward to having this relationship continue to grow.

This relationship is far different from past ones I've had. Normally, in the past, I've always fell "in love" almost over night. This has been more gradual and I truly feel better about it. Also, in the past, I always had that feeling as though I had to be with my partner all the time, and if I wasn't, I wasn't complete. Not sure if it is age (I'm 43, he's 50), but I just don't feel that need. I enjoy his company and I like to be with him. But we give each other space as well and are secure in that space. Also, there is more trust involved - and that is always a good thing. So, even if he isn't with me in a crowded room, I may want his company but I'm also secure in the fact that he is in my heart and therefore he is with me wherever I go.

 

[sheath]

While waiting for my luggage to arrive from the plane, we stepped outside to have a smoke. At that point, I decided to take the chance and kiss her. She returned the kiss, then buried her head in my shoulder in embarassment. That simple human gesture did me in. I KNEW she was the one. It touched me in ways I've never been touched before, and lit a flame that hasn't gone out, even after 10 yrs of being together. Would we still be together without that little gesture, probably, but I remember that like it was 10 minutes ago, its one of my most precious memories of her and something I'll treasure til I die.

Wow. That made me smile and tear up.

When did I know? This is going to sound really, really strange. I met my man in a chatroom...amazing, yeah, since our paths could have crossed in a million different ways, with both of us working in the music industry at the time. We had actually been peforming at some of the same venues at the SAME TIME and never stopped to talk to one another.

Anyway, I met him online...I messaged him first. "Evening, nice profile" was all I wrote, and he responded. And strangely enough, at that moment, something changed. I can't describe it. I didn't even know the guy, but I had this strange feeling I had never felt before, and still can't explain. That feeling is still with me. It's a kind of certainty...but I honestly can't explain how it feels. I wish I could.

That first conversation was five hours. After that, we were inseparable. There was never anyone else, from that moment on. We went through ups and downs, problems...oh, boy, read some of THOSE threads, lol...but I have never regretted him. And I've never known a love like this.

So for us, it was almost like 'love at first sight'...only it was maybe 'love at first type', lol.

S.

 

[Annora]

The littlest Gesture...

That can do me in. Meaning that a unwarrented 'I love you..' The
way he knows my wants, making sure I know his also..

Spending time online, laughing, caring, sharing... I know how that tucking her face onto your shoulder can melt a heart. When I come home from a hard day, he sees me come online..Just him saying 'Hi' it melts me down to my toes

He knows what I am telling him, before I even have to explain..

He offers his hands to massage my shoulders...Which leads to putting it delicately...passions Even if it didn't, that would be also okay... He touches my soul..

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[midwestyankee]

I'm going to spend the rest of the evening with the old Stephanie Mills tune "I've never known love like this before" running through my head with the image of you two on the disco floor. lol.

Please, not disco. I like Sheath way too much to conjure up that image.

But I'll add that it's cool to see you post this, Sheath, given the nature of your life the last couple of weeks.

As for us, it took about 3 months to sink in that I had found a permanent friend and caring lover. But I had a glimpse of that sensation on our first date when everything went wrong (I ordered a ridiculously bad dinner, the movie I chose was awful, and the tea I brewed for her burned her mouth), but then she stayed and talked with me for four hours as if we'd been friends for four years. Will never forget that.

It''s the honesty in the words and the voice that you recognize, I think. And you can usually spot that same honesty in online postings if you are sensitive to it.

 

[CelticFrog]

ARRRGH

PINNNNNNNNNNNNNK!!!!
You meany. Now that's the only thing I can visualize... and damn that love of mine, he won't be home until the morning... so no luck at screwing the thought away.

All the same, when I met my ultimate soul mate, I expected to be a fling of his. We had talked online (suddenly looking more common to me) and chatted on the phone a bit for a few weeks, possibly months, I don't remember the first time I ever talked to him in all honesty. He responded to a 'friends only' personals ad I had put up, and was the first to actually hold my interest. We agreed to meet when it was convenient for both of us.
It just so happened that neither of us were busy one particular night, so we met at Denny's. How romantic. I remember two things from that night: Walking around the side of the building and having seen this incredibly HOTHOTHOT guy sitting at a corner table and PRAYING TO GOD that it was my now husband -- and it was, YESSSS... and the waiter wishing us a Happy Valentines Day when he gave us our ticket... and we had no clue what day it was when we made the 'date'. Looking back, I think I had purposely forgotten the day so I wouldn't be able to put myself through the ringer over being alone.
The first time I realized I was in love? And mentioned it to him? Geez, I'm full of odd anecdotes tonight. He went to jail for four days once... neither of us had a clue that it was happening when I dropped him off at the courthouse one morning (the morning after we first had sex) for a completely unrelated matter. He was to go to a concert with me, one that I had been looking forward to for some time... Wierd Al. Man, I was huge on this concert. Unfortunately, he got out of jail that night, late. I LEFT MY HAPPY CONCERT EARLY just to go get him so he wouldn't have to deal with his father picking him up. I still don't even regret that, because I drove him to his parents' house, where he was living again post-divorce, and when he told me upon getting out of the truck that he was scared to death about going inside and seeing his dad.... Well, I kissed him and told him he could do it because I'd be right there waiting for him when he came out so we could go to J&P's (our friends) and relax. He hugged me so tight I thought I would pop and then I said, "I know you'll be okay because I love you." At this point, I clapped my hand over my mouth, gasped, and started to cry. Long story... well, obviously not short, but still... we talked about how scared I was and he said he wasn't sure if he loved me but he was afraid he would and blah blah blah, he never wanted to have anything but a fling after his wife left him, etc...
And we've been married three years in February... on the 4th. We have a beautiful son, a place I'm proud to call my home even though the government owns it, a good career for him and the opportunity to stay home for me.
I have written so much about meeting him and falling for him that I won't even bother with my thoughts on true love. Maybe later... but I think I'd have to find my full notebook of poems about it first.
My heart beats for my man.
Ang

 

[sheath]

I'm going to spend the rest of the evening with the old Stephanie Mills tune "I've never known love like this before" running through my head with the image of you two on the disco floor. lol.

If I didn't love you so much, I might hate you for putting that damn image in my head!

S.

 

[BlueSugar]

takes a second to meet someone
an hour to call them an acuaintance
years to truly know them
and forever to forget them.

I know pretty quickly if they are going to be a large part of my life.

 

[Wickid Cherry Pie]

It takes just an instant to fall in love with someone.....but so much longer to fall out.

 

[love2xxx]

Im so glad to see that true love is still out there! so glad.

When that someone special does the smallest of things which is so priceless.

Like a card though the post for no reason, other than to say I LOVE YOU.
The feeling when someone holds you so tight you cant bear to bring your arms away.
Dancing together as if nobody else was there.
That feeling when they are not with you feeling so lost without them when out on your own.
And when they just kiss you in such a unique way as your eyes meet, touches your heart & soul.
True love is so wonderful.
Even down to the day 2 day stuff of housework & shopping with the kids turn into something unreal, sounds silly dont it, lol. He just makes me smile everytime, brings me up when im down & when im up, well so is he!!!N omg that is so special aswell, its sex & making love (there is a difference) he makes me feel so wanted & complete.
Sure we dont always agree on things but we always can give each other space & very quickly he makes me smile again so we can make up..hehe

Took us just minutes to fall deeply in love when we met, those butterflys in the tummy you cant put in to words, you feel once in a life time.
I feel you just know when that ONE has come in to your life (yes that too! lol )

Always love this saying: I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you

Thanks all for restoring true love in this world.
Nina


just done some corrections on spelling, has to be correct, lol.

 

[Bandit58]

I met my first love online in May last year. I'd moved out of a bad marriage three weeks before. I was kind of 'cyber-mad' at the time, just revelling in the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted, and this guy came online and all he said was "Hi". I said "Hi" back.....we started chatting it turned out he was in New Zealand too albeit 5 hours drive away. He also said he was married and looking for an online g/f. He seemed very nice, not pushy or wanting to cyber, just chat which was refreshing after 3 weeks of horny blokes just wanting to get off

Unfortunately he had to leave but we made a date to chat the next afternoon, he came online about 1pm and before I knew it it was 4 hours later! We seemed to have a connection, almost psychic.....we would be typing the same things at the same times, we had similar interests, we just seemed to "click" incredibly. We talked every morning for a week.....and then after a bit of bantering I said, jokingly, "I think I love you" and he said "You think?" and I just sat there and thought "I've never felt like this about anyone before, is this love?? And if it is god yes I want more....."

Thus began the most incredibly up and down emotional year of my entire life.....we met in r/l 2 months later, I drove those 5 hours with my stomach doing flipflops. I'd only ever had sex with one person in my entire life, I was so shy and inexperienced but he was so gentle and patient and showed me that yes I was an attractive sexy woman and that sex is fun and there was nothing wrong with my ability to respond......after years of being emotionally put down it was a revelation to me. I loved him with all my heart, and I know he loved me too.....but he was trapped in an unhappy marriage, with lots of emotional baggage.....I thought love could conquer anything but only if he was willing to do something about his situation..... I have counted up the time we actually spent together physically.....22 days......no nights, in a year.....most of it was online and phone love. In the end he called a halt to the physical side of things......the distance was too great, along with his inability to commit to me.....he didn't think it was fair to me, the wait could take years......so we remain friends and I will always have a place for this lovely guy in my heart......

During all this drama I joined Lit in September last year, primarily frequenting the How To board to learn whatever I could. I also joined a thread on the Playground and made friends there.....during all this rocky relationship there was someone who supported me through first getting through coping with the aftermath of my emotionally abusive marriage, dealing with my ex, and then the drama of the split with my lover. We exchanged PMs as well as posts on the boards, and in July when my lover called things off he sent me a PM. We exchanged emails, pics, etc......got to know each other on Yahoo chat.....when did I realise this had become more than a friendship?? About 10 days later when he invited me to a Lit meeting to be held next month We've both been hurt in the past so we're taking it slowly with baby steps, seeing where it leads......plus the fact that we're on opposite sides of the Tasman Sea is another factor. But am I happy? Very much so......

 

[woody54]

I met my special lady friend on Lit.
Neither of us were out "looking", I PMed her in support of some posts she made. It was a casual nicety.
After a couple of introductory PM's, we realised that we had clicked as friends. Our interest in erotica and sensuality quickly led to our writing a thread on SRP.

This was a no holds barred wild ride that occupied us for several months. As that story tailed off, our interests together did not.
We talk daily but the 7000 mile seperation is very limiting.
Who knows what the future holds?

 

[love2xxx]

Going back to Annoras Q. must admit, we did start off chating online & I did feel some what different towards this person than i did to others i was talking to at the time.
Was a bit stand off at first as you can write what the hell you want online, which scared me. But lucky for us we both were true and had to meet asap just to confirm what we both hoped anyway. Things wernt as easy at first but we knew we had something very special we couldnt lose.

A few complications but How long does it take? as long as it takes to be with that soul mate, that true love of mine.

Love does conquer all, sorry bandit.
Its when someone gives up in there heart that matters.
So its not "loves" fault.
Thank you honey for being so understanding & patient.

N

 

[Bandit58]

Love does conquer all, sorry bandit.
Its when someone gives up in there heart that matters.
So its not "loves" fault.
Thank you honey for being so understanding & patient.

N

Nina
I tried......God knows I tried..... I didn't want to let him go........We were - still are - soulmates, but soulmates don't always stay together. He came along when I needed someone to show me the way, he prepared me to face life, to find someone else who was free to be with me where he was not.....

 

[love2xxx]

I know you did, sorry B, i do beg to differ on the soulmate bit.
But if thats what you think, fine no prob. We all have our own opion. Seems like you have found someone anyway now, so best of luck with him.
But going back to your first post "In the end he called a halt to the physical side of things" to me would say he gave up on you.

You sound a stronger person now anyway, more in control of your own life. So be proud of yourself & dont be afraid to love again.

Im away now for a couple of weeks on holiday, so have fun all & can we have some other moving true love posts here please for when i get back.

Thank you
Nina

 

[love2xxx]

Ohh dear, was hoping to see some more true love posts here.

Must be some more? that priceless feeling that is so strong that cant be denied.

N

 

[lovechild27]

I met my guy almost 10 months ago..not very long compared to most. I think we are still realizing whats happeneing...

 

[Circuit]

I met my SO about a year and a half ago at my at that time SO's birthday party at a bar. We were all sitting around having drinks, and I first noticed that she was amazingly beautiful. 6 ft tall, lovely blue eyes, she had me amazed at the beginning, but after finding out where she lived (an hour away), I dismissed it, and I was also seeing her friend. About 9 months ago, her, a friend, my SO and me went to a play... at dinner it was just like it was her and I. We talked for the hour and a half. After the play we all went our separate ways, but I knew that there was something between us, but that something could wait. About 1 month later, I separated with the now ex, and was IM'ing friends. The IMing drew more friends, and we had decided to get a bite to eat, and relax on a nice Friday nite. That nite, again, it was like it was just her and I, and everyone else just faded away. The next weekend I asked her out on a date, and pretty much been inseparable ever since. I knew it was love from about 20 min into it. We had been friends so there was no nervousness, no shyness, just us.
1 Month later she was leaving to go on vacation with her parents, I was to meet them for the first time at dinner and drop her off. I was nervous as all heck. The next day from Tampa, she calls me and tells me that her mom and dad want me to fly down and spend the week with them, after only meeting them once. I of course did, and had a wonderful time.
2 Months later, (3 in all) I asked her to marry me with a diamond ring holding 3 roses together on our aniversary. She was drying her hair. She loved the roses, then saw the ring. Tears.

I knew it was love after the first day that we spent together as a date. We clicked. Our goals, our families, our lives have run perpendicular to each other. And now we have each other.

 

[CWatson]

I think sometimes--and this is so cliche, but it's true--sometimes you need a jolt before you realize how important someone is to you.

I have had two real relationships thus far. The first one was with a fellow choir member. I had a crush on her for over a year, but crossed her off the list, if you will, because she was dating someone else. Eventually that ended, though, without me realizing (we had a sort-of friendship). What REALLY put it into gear, though, was my having to leave for college. I'm barely 20 miles from home (and I could walk to my dad's office in maybe an hour if I wanted), but the change of scenery just made me realize. Over Christmas I asked her out, and we dated for a little under a year.

I don't think it's a matter of time. It's a matter of opportunity. I was drawn to J partially because of her issues (people like that intrigue me), but (again) she was dating someone at the time, so I rather deliberately distanced myself from her. These are things we have control of, to a certain extent.


As to the sig.other I'm with NOW... That's an even more complicated story. The last one was several paragraphs before I cut it down, let me see what I can do here...

I have a friend, Dave, from high school, who also goes to this college. Over the summer he invited me to a ballroom dance studio he works and dances at. In the process, I met his girlfriend, Natalie (all names changed to protect the innocent), and I'm very pleased to call them BOTH good friends now. Nat decided, because she was bored (and so was I, really) to set me up with one of her friends. At first, Nat wanted to set me up with her best friend Lisa, who (from her descriptions) seemed like my type of girl. But Nat changed her mind, because Lisa was on a (Natalie-imposed) sabbatical from relationships. Instead she paired me with another friend, Meg, who was NOT my type--very showy, very cynical, not at all honest. But I gave it the benefit of the doubt, because all of this was done online. I was to meet Meg (and Lisa) in person for the first time at this end-of-summer picnic and, if I got along with Meg, presumably ask her out.

At the picnic, the only person I recognized was Nat, though I quickly attached faces to screen names. Meg wasn't there yet, but this other girl was. I liked her. She had a straightforward attitude and an irreverent sense of humor and taught me to play Risk. When an alliance of other players threatened our position, we allied without much question; we felt we could trust each other. I felt very comfortable in her presence, not just because she was a friend of Nat's. Her name was Lisa.

Meg? Who's Meg? Oh, she's here now? Sorry, I'm busy. How busy? Well, let's put it this way: I had no idea what they meant by "chemistry" until the day I met Lisa. Talking to her, listening to her, playing Risk (and later Truth Or Dare) with her... Getting into WATERFIGHTS with her... Things just clicked. Quite literally the moment I saw her, I knew she was someone I could be interested in. And I was right. I asked her out within thirty-six hours of meeting her for the first time. She quite happily accepted.

But that's not the end of the story.

Lisa's got college applications to do; she's got her senior-year studying to keep together; she has plenty of extracirriculars. When under stress, she acts like an ostrich, burying her head in the sand: If I can't see them, they can't see me. And she won't come out until she feels better, no matter how things pile up.

We've technically been split for three weeks--the longest three weeks of my life. She has felt too overworked to have time for a relationship, and has also been questioning whether she even WANTS one. For two weeks before that, her head was in the sand, and every attempt to communicate with her went unanswered. Chatting was fine, but actually TALKING... Forget it. It took me a week to catch on and isolate myself from her. If she wasn't going to talk to me, then I must simply not expect to be talked to. Whenever she was ready to return, I would welcome her back; but I could not--and WOULD not--expect a relationship from her.

Well, things eventually worked out--after we (she) made the decision to reduce things back to friendship, I did my damndest to be such a caring, supportive friend that she'd be a fool not to come back. Evidently it worked. But our Matrix date is our first date for this "new" relationship, and our first date in about a month. And there are still questions in our minds about the fundamental workability of this relationship. Which is a pity, because we had a LOT going for us. I guess we get to try and find all of that stuff again.


There's actually more I could say, re: the role of Internet in these things, because it's been instrumental in every relationship I've had (especially with Lisa). But I think I've talked too much already, so I'll go now.