How important is this to you.....

[YinandYang]

I suppose this question goes to anyone, and I apologise if its been addressed before, but how important is the after scene moments to you? I call myself yin and yang because I need and crave the dominance, control, pain and punishment, all of those things take me physically and spiritually higher, not just sexually but almost in a quiet guarded way in every day life. The rush I get from having my partner cause me pain, pain that he knows brings me closer to him is in huge contrast to the love and support I need after. The thought of 'playing' then having him roll over and fall asleep leaves me quite cold. Maybe part of the excitement (if thats the right word!) is when he says the words 'good girl' or 'well done'...its then I feel the immense pride.

So...was wondering how important this aspect of BDSM is to you? The falling asleep together afterwards, the other persons words of encouragement, the feeling of being safe and secure? A complete contrast to the lashings recieved by the crop for example...but an important part?

 

[Desdemona]

It's necessary. I don't do well emotionally if I don't get good aftercare.

 

[serijules]

It's necessary. I don't do well emotionally if I don't get good aftercare.

Ditto

 

[shy slave]

It depends on the scene.
I have had times when all i craved was to be left alone to recover and restore myself.
Other times i have needed attention in order to know that I am safe in my own self.
The difficulty is transmitting what need it is at which time.

A dom friend has told me that after a scene he would run me a bath and put salve on my sore spots.
Just the thought of his waiting on me turns my stomach. It feels so ....wrong.
Ignore me, hold me, talk to me ~ yes
Wait on me ~ NO NO NO

 

[Desdemona]

It depends on the scene.
I have had times when all i craved was to be left alone to recover and restore myself.
Other times i have needed attention in order to know that I am safe in my own self.
The difficulty is transmitting what need it is at which time.

A dom friend has told me that after a scene he would run me a bath and put salve on my sore spots.
Just the thought of his waiting on me turns my stomach. It feels so ....wrong.
Ignore me, hold me, talk to me ~ yes
Wait on me ~ NO NO NO

I don't see it as waiting on you. I see it as providing care to you. My dom sometimes runs a bath for me just because I am his and he wants to take good care of me. It's nothing that I ask for; it's his choice when he does this. It's just a way he takes care of me because I'm important to him. It makes him no less in control and makes me no less submissive to him.

If a dominant wants to give a sub or slave a treat or do something that shows they care, it's their right.

 

[shy slave]

I don't see it as waiting on you. I see it as providing care to you. My dom sometimes runs a bath for me just because I am his and he wants to take good care of me. It's nothing that I ask for; it's his choice when he does this. It's just a way he takes care of me because I'm important to him. It makes him no less in control and makes me no less submissive to him.

If a dominant wants to give a sub or slave a treat or do something that shows they care, it's their right.

Thanks for giving me another angle on this Desdemona

I would still feel very uncomfortable about a PYL doing that for me, but at least I have another insight as to why he may want to.

 

[Desdemona]

Thanks for giving me another angle on this Desdemona

I would still feel very uncomfortable about a PYL doing that for me, but at least I have another insight as to why he may want to.

Well shy, I'm glad to give you another point of view. I can understand the discomfort part, but maybe we don't have to be comfortable with everything. In fact, I'm pretty sure a little discomfort now and then is part of the allure.

 

[shy slave]

Well shy, I'm glad to give you another point of view. I can understand the discomfort part, but maybe we don't have to be comfortable with everything. In fact, I'm pretty sure a little discomfort now and then is part of the allure.

ROFL I forgot that bit

 

[serijules]

I don't see it as waiting on you. I see it as providing care to you. My dom sometimes runs a bath for me just because I am his and he wants to take good care of me. It's nothing that I ask for; it's his choice when he does this. It's just a way he takes care of me because I'm important to him. It makes him no less in control and makes me no less submissive to him.

If a dominant wants to give a sub or slave a treat or do something that shows they care, it's their right.

Wonderful answer, and very true for me as well. The times she tends to me in this manner are times when I feel particulary like her property, for her to care for and maintain as she sees fit.

 

[Desdemona]

Wonderful answer, and very true for me as well. The times she tends to me in this manner are times when I feel particulary like her property, for her to care for and maintain as she sees fit.

Exactly.

 

[Desdemona]

ROFL I forgot that bit

You made me smile.

 

[catalina_francisco]

There is yet another angle to the bathing, tending wounds idea......there is usually that care issue involved, but there can also be the pleasure the Dominant can derive in closely examining their handiwork, testing it for soreness ( agitating it a little for that extra kick), reliving the highlights in their mind as they intimately tend your body. It can be a moment of extreme closeness and sharing for both involved.

Catalina

 

[Ms_Toy]

For me and my partner, it's very important. Thats when the Dominant in him is put aside and his caring side comes out in full force. It brings us closer together each and every time. It strengthens the bond between us.

And as others have said, hearing that praise, "good girl" or "you did very well" can be the difference between a restful nights sleep or tossing and turning.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

So...was wondering how important this aspect of BDSM is to you? The falling asleep together afterwards, the other persons words of encouragement, the feeling of being safe and secure? A complete contrast to the lashings recieved by the crop for example...but an important part?

Asked on the other end of the "crop," depends on the intent behind the scene. i'm usually still highly aroused, burning you might call it, regardless. In one extreme example, the mindfuck, "aftercare" is anything but. True aftercare following such a scene flies to the tender extreme.