How Important is Sex?

[DarkrSide]

Hey everyone. I have a question and I'd love to hear everyone's opinion.

I have been dating the same girl for a few months, we started dating back in September but recently have become commited to just each other in April. From September to say December we were always fooling around and having a lot of sex. And it was good! But since then, we have had sex 2x. There was times we would have sex 3 times a night now im kind of cut off. I asked her why. She said "Sex isnt that important to me, I'm not a nympho".

How important is sex in a serious relationship? I dont want to break up over lack of sex but it is annoying the crap out of me. Let me know what you think. Thanks.

 

[cowslinger64]

Hey everyone. I have a question and I'd love to hear everyone's opinion.

I have been dating the same girl for a few months, we started dating back in September but recently have become commited to just each other in April. From September to say December we were always fooling around and having a lot of sex. And it was good! But since then, we have had sex 2x. There was times we would have sex 3 times a night now im kind of cut off. I asked her why. She said "Sex isnt that important to me, I'm not a nympho".

How important is sex in a serious relationship? I dont want to break up over lack of sex but it is annoying the crap out of me. Let me know what you think. Thanks.

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The way she cut you off would be of concern to me. If there are valid reasons why we aren't having sex, that's one thing...but to all of a sudden come up with that crappy excuse, would make me wonder. I'd wonder why, whether her feelings for me have changed and wonder if there were someone else in the picture. Women love sex just as men do for the most part, certainly the freaky ones on here..lol

I wouldn't tolerate a no good reason cutoff...the door is right there, I say.

good luck..

 

[Sensualdreamer]

To me it's extremely important, hell if it's not once a day it's damaging to me as a woman! I want & need that closeness.

It would be a rare day for me to turn down sex...unless I just weren't interested in the guy. I'm not the type that will just fuck to fuck, there has to be more than just a physical attraction like having an emotional connection, mental stimulation, etc.,

 

[*Twisted*]

To me it's extremely important, hell if it's not once a day it's damaging to me as a woman! I want & need that closeness.

It would be a rare day for me to turn down sex...unless I just weren't interested in the guy. I'm not the type that will just fuck to fuck, there has to be more than just a physical attraction like having an emotional connection, mental stimulation, etc.,

Yeah, that whole physical aspect of a long term relationship is pretty critical in my book

 

[Miles Long]

Incompatible sex drives will most likely end in unhappiness for all parties. In the words of Dan Savage, DTMFA (dump the mother fucker already).

It would be doing you both a favor.

 

[hmmm__]

I asked her why. She said "Sex isnt that important to me, I'm not a nympho".

How important is sex in a serious relationship? I dont want to break up over lack of sex but it is annoying the crap out of me. Let me know what you think. Thanks.

I left her quote. THAT speaks volumes and portends a future of less and less sex to, hopefully not, nothing.

I know you are not married to this person, but there is a thread here "Happily Married, Sexually Unfulfilled", something like that. I'll see if I can find it. I gather those that frequent that thread can provide insight and warning signs.

If sex in a relationship is important to you, ANY sex, then I suggest you review your relationship. A sad and not an easy thing to do, but hopefully it will spare you pain in the future.

 

[msmaggie]

If she didn't indicate there is a problem and she just doesn't think sex is that important, it's not going to get better. I agree with Miles. Incompatible sex drives are not good and if you are annoyed now, you'll be even more annoyed later.

 

[hmmm__]

Here's the link to the "Happily Married, Sexually Unfulfilled" thread.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=397302

You may get insight there from those who can relate.

Good Luck!

 

[koalabear]

a sex life isn't important, unless you don't have one.

 

[miss_emiii]

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The way she cut you off would be of concern to me. If there are valid reasons why we aren't having sex, that's one thing...but to all of a sudden come up with that crappy excuse, would make me wonder. I'd wonder why, whether her feelings for me have changed and wonder if there were someone else in the picture. Women love sex just as men do for the most part, certainly the freaky ones on here..lol

I wouldn't tolerate a no good reason cutoff...the door is right there, I say.

good luck..

Ive gotta agree with cowslinger... the way she cut you off is strange. There is some type of deception in the relationship whether it was misleading you before, or whether she is misleading you now.

For me, sex is incredibly important. When our sex life changes for the worse, its usually because its being impacted by our lack of communication or problems in our relationship. Has anything else been happening?

In the end it comes down to...are you happy in the relationship? If not...walk away or you BOTH have to be willing to fix things.

 

[janeyl]

Hey everyone. I have a question and I'd love to hear everyone's opinion.

I have been dating the same girl for a few months, we started dating back in September but recently have become commited to just each other in April. From September to say December we were always fooling around and having a lot of sex. And it was good! But since then, we have had sex 2x. There was times we would have sex 3 times a night now im kind of cut off. I asked her why. She said "Sex isnt that important to me, I'm not a nympho".

How important is sex in a serious relationship? I dont want to break up over lack of sex but it is annoying the crap out of me. Let me know what you think. Thanks.

Massively, hugely and clearly very important to you...if it's not to her, then you have a problem.

It seems to me that she used sex as bait to get you to commit to her and now she's caught you, she's shown her true level of interest. Prepare yourself for a life of frustration

It's not the be all and end all, other things are important too but she's been deceitful in the very beginning of your relationship and it will set the pattern for your entire future

 

[Billy_Verbier]

sex?!??

How important is sex? Is this a trick question or what?

Like how important is air or could the planet survive without the moon or sun?

 

[smotherman]

I'll throw my 2 cents in:

Sex is an important part of a relationship but if it is or becomes the most important aspect then there is no ''real'' relationship. It is the ultimate expression of love between two people, but don't base your relationship on only sex, You'll end up alone in the end.

 

[ryan63]

You need to tell her its important to you, and if she honestly feels its not important then walk away.

 

[DarkrSide]

Thanks for the advice. I dont know what to do. Things are great in every other aspect of our relationship. I hate to say it makes me think of cheating, but hell... i kind of am... I probably wont, but the thought is there...

Atleast looking to have some fun online

 

[Mz_Cunningham]

I'd say in a healthy relationship, sex is very important, but I think of sex in the context of a relationship the same way as a diet... balance, I couldn't go without sex just like I couldn't go without the respect, laughter, intelligence, etc.

 

[KayLeeLee]

How important is sex? Is this a trick question or what?

Like how important is air or could the planet survive without the moon or sun?

Touché!

 

[RyanBlack]

Thanks for the advice. I dont know what to do. Things are great in every other aspect of our relationship. I hate to say it makes me think of cheating, but hell... i kind of am... I probably wont, but the thought is there...

Atleast looking to have some fun online

Dear Dark,

Sex is no more or important than money, family, physical appearance. politics or any other ways couples interact. What will cause you difficulties is the conflict and communication which will accompany your disagreement. I would suggest you make every effort to open HONEST genuine discussion related to the importance you place on a sexual relationship and see if the two of you can negotiate a solution which will be satisfying for you both and healthy for your relationship.
If you are unable to have this sort of frank and genuine interaction, then the issue isnt about sex, but about the relationship and will continue to cause difficulty across a wide spectrum of issues not limited to sex.

 

[RUlookingup]

Dear Dark,

Sex is no more or important than money, family, physical appearance. politics or any other ways couples interact. What will cause you difficulties is the conflict and communication which will accompany your disagreement. I would suggest you make every effort to open HONEST genuine discussion related to the importance you place on a sexual relationship and see if the two of you can negotiate a solution which will be satisfying for you both and healthy for your relationship.
If you are unable to have this sort of frank and genuine interaction, then the issue isnt about sex, but about the relationship and will continue to cause difficulty across a wide spectrum of issues not limited to sex.

Wow....Black....I like your answer....you're more than just a big penis.

 

[Raindear816]

Sex is supposedly the ONE thing that ONLY the two of you can share with each other. If she's unwilling to do that, and you are all ready considering an alternative form of fulfillment, I'd really urge you to talk to her about this. You shouldn't have to jump the fence to enjoy greener grass each time you feel the itch to be intimate. She isn't setting your relationship up for success.

People have basically 5 different love languages: Physical touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, and Gifts. Most have 2 primary love languages. We tend to love our partner with our own love languages despite what their's might be. It is highly reccommended to find out what your partner's love language is and love them in that love language. For example: if her love language is "Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation", you would take out the trash for her or mow the yard..stuff like that, because that act of service makes her feel loved. And when you speak to her, use kind and loving words because she equate negative words with feelings of being unloved. If she feels unloved, she's not going to love YOU in your love language.

It's is obvious that her love language is NOT physical touch, but it would be interesting to find out what is--- if you don't want to end this relationship. Get the book (it's small and easy to read), The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Decide how much more time and emotion you want to invest in this relationship. It won't get better on it's own. Don't think you'll be able to change her, because that hardly ever works.

I've had numerous cyber/phone lovers over the years who have said, "I love my wife/girlfriend. We get along great in all areas but the bedroom. I can't get her to have sex with me." These fellas are stuck in these relationships because they have obligations such as mortgages/children/etc. and can't or won't get out. Do you honestly see this as you future? Do you want this for the rest of your life? All these guys were just one step away from their future at one point and wished they would've walked in a different direction.

Good Luck Darlin.

 

[RUlookingup]

Hey everyone. I have a question and I'd love to hear everyone's opinion.

I have been dating the same girl for a few months, we started dating back in September but recently have become commited to just each other in April. From September to say December we were always fooling around and having a lot of sex. And it was good! But since then, we have had sex 2x. There was times we would have sex 3 times a night now im kind of cut off. I asked her why. She said "Sex isnt that important to me, I'm not a nympho".

How important is sex in a serious relationship? I dont want to break up over lack of sex but it is annoying the crap out of me. Let me know what you think. Thanks.

Is she looking for a commitment from you....it seems somewhat early in the relationship....maybe she wants you to see her as more than just a sexual partner. In many relationships, the guys want more sex than the women, many couples find it hard to keep the intensity of the early months going. Kind of cut off?...isn't really letting us know your new frequency...though it's obviously not enough for you. 3 times a night is certainly not the norm, either. Like some said before me, communicate with her, let her know that you want to return to some semblance of the past. Couples do go through periods where nothing seems to work, just keep giving it a go and working at it. If it is important to you, it should be important to her. If not, there are many fish in the sea.

 

[NorthernPA4U]

I have to be honest, I have always loved Ryan Black's answers in the past, but for the first time I think he has posted something that deserves to be flushed down the toilet.

Sex is so much more than politics, family relationships, etc. For a person with a strong sex drive, having a partner without a sex drive is just as frustrating as having a partner who is gay when you are straight. I've been there ... it sucks. And if the other person has a low sex drive, it really isn't something a counselor can talk you through.

The woman is telling you flat out ... sex isn't important. This is as good as it is going to get. (And as someone who used to be very active on the HMSU thread, if you start out with sex twice a month, twice a year is probably where you are heading.)

I don't see any reason not to leave someone over sex. If you are thinking about a lifelong relationship, there are some areas in which you need to be compatible. How important sex is in the relationship is something you pretty much have to agree on in order to be happy. Some compromise is possible, and in the short term, anything is possible, but if you are seriously thinking long term, to be happy you are going to have to be close on this.

 

[whalee]

How important is sex?

How important is the air you breathe?

 

[Jinxi Minxi]

Sex? Didn't know we suppose to have sex?? No one told me how to have sex!!!

 

[m_anew1]

Sex? Didn't know we suppose to have sex?? No one told me how to have sex!!!

Its an acronym actually... SEX stands for Some Exercises (are) eXhilirating