how good are you at understanding when someone is attracted to you?

[silverwhisper]

it's a simple question.

ed

p.s.: as always, my answers later, yadda yadda yadda...

 

[bobsgirl]

The first thing I always think is, He likes me? Okay, what's wrong with him?

Not that I've had to worry about it for a long long time. Really long.

 

[fenghuang]

Usually I think they might be when I want them to be. And fail to notice completely when they actually do.

 

[Eilan]

What BeeGee said.

 

[bailadora]

I'm usually clueless. If I do get a hint of something, I tend to blow it off as "naw - they don't mean anything by it".

 

[wicked woman]

I'm wonderfully astute...especially when they hit me over the head about it.

 

[PowerLifter84]

I used to think I was good at picking up the cues and then learned that I didn't know a damned thing. Unless it's announced to me directly, I never think anything more of it. Small cues, hints, suggestions, etc. go over my head and file it under "It probably doesn't mean anything".

 

[fire_breeze]

I fall between obtuse and somewhat obtuse, leaning towards the obtuse... I can be a complete clueless idiot about it.

 

[redpaint]

I have always missed the clues until it was to late. I was such a dipwad.

 

[GoddessHathor]

Completely and totally clueless. I have to be hit over the head and dragged off (like in caveman days).

And even then, sometimes I think I'm just imagining it.

 

[LaLaLilly]

I fall between obtuse and somewhat obtuse, leaning towards the obtuse... I can be a complete clueless idiot about it.

Me too...Now I just say...if they like me, they do...if not, then it probably is not my complete loss anyway...some people are just too damn complicated

 

[BritPup]

This is where I'm most jealous of my avatar - if only we had tails that wagged our true feelings...

I'm in the clueless camp, too.

 

[GoldenGams]

I am usually clueless.

 

[bequ23]

Completely and totally clueless. I have to be hit over the head and dragged off (like in caveman days).

And even then, sometimes I think I'm just imagining it.

And I've been hitting you over the head for a while!! And I WILL be dragging you off this weekend!!!

 

[BritPup]

And I've been hitting you over the head for a while!! And I WILL be dragging you off this weekend!!!

Aw - I love a thread with a happy ending.

 

[popcorn2721]

I just dont get it

it's a simple question.

ed

p.s.: as always, my answers later, yadda yadda yadda...

Im daft when it comes to catching all the "signs". I think that it comes from being a loner as a child. I just dont understand all that body language, unless she makes a forward move for me. If she shows attraction (by actually "reaching " for me) its game on... but the whole body language and stuff, is a game I just dont get.

 

[GoddessHathor]

And I've been hitting you over the head for a while!! And I WILL be dragging you off this weekend!!!

Wait! You're attracted to me???????

Why don't people TELL me these things!!!!

 

[pleasantville]

I am a shameless flirt so I am unsure whether someone is just flirting or really likes me!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I usually have an idea when someone fancies me but as I'm in a committed relationship I'm very good at appearing obtuse. It's less hassle than knocking someone back who turns out to think I'm ugly and just has a lazy eye or something.

 

[Denae]

When I was in my 20s and 30s I would have answered that everyone's attracted to me you insensitive clod.

Mid to late 30's is when I stopped caring and did all that I could to cut off any attraction thrown my way.

When the guy in my life told me two years ago that he had strong feelings for me and that he thought I was what he wanted in the future, I kind of had a Cher moment...you know, slap the face and tell him to snap out of it. He tells me all the time that he sees guys looking at me and he can't belive that I love him when I could have others, but I sure don't see it. Sometimes I don't even want him to be attracted to me any longer.

 

[SimpleGifts]

I'm with RedPaint...I suffer from the analog to what's called "l'esprit de l'escalier." You know, when you come up with a witty retort to being insulted--except it happens, like a few hours later when you're going up the stairs to bed. I usually put it all together after it's taken a long time to process, and far too late.

Some of the bonehead questions I have asked female friends of mine (when consulting with them for advice after the fact):

"We were sitting next to each other, and instead of moving to a different chair, she kept leaning across me and pressing against my arm to talk to the person on the other side of me. What was up with that?"

"We were at a business dinner and while I was talking to my boss, she put her hand on my thigh. Then, when we were all in a taxi going back to the hotel, she kept leaning against me in the back seat. That didn't mean anything, did it?"

Yeesh.

The one time that I absolutely, unequivocally "got it" that a woman was attracted to me was the time when a woman said to me, "OK, I just HAVE to fuck you." (We had been friends for a while at that point, tho')

SG

 

[alaskabibear]

I think almost every answer I read leans toward the "obtuse to the attraction" side. I think I have always been the same, but I wonder; is it that we are really completely "obtuse"? Or do we instead pretend to ourselves that "this can't be what I think it is" as a way to protect ourself from a "rejection" should we be wrong?

And another question based on the answers so far; Does this apparent "obtuseness" of most people mean that we should all learn to give out stronger signals? But, then that too has a risk of rejection I suppose...

And now another thought has come to me; Does this "obtuseness" mean that all those "successful" pick-up guys and gals aren't so special after all (which we always tell ourself anyway), they simply know that the signal needs to be a bit more obvious than the rest of us do? (I remember as a young man thinking; Dayum, how stupid can that girl be to fall for that line of crap? Maybe she just needed the louder volume...)

 

[EurasianRhapsody]

i won't say i'm very attractive but at least moderately so. i can tell when a guy or girl has a thing for me, we'll naturally gravitate to conversation at first, then move on to more.

 

[fire_breeze]

I'm with RedPaint...I suffer from the analog to what's called "l'esprit de l'escalier." You know, when you come up with a witty retort to being insulted--except it happens, like a few hours later when you're going up the stairs to bed. I usually put it all together after it's taken a long time to process, and far too late.

Some of the bonehead questions I have asked female friends of mine (when consulting with them for advice after the fact):

"We were sitting next to each other, and instead of moving to a different chair, she kept leaning across me and pressing against my arm to talk to the person on the other side of me. What was up with that?"

"We were at a business dinner and while I was talking to my boss, she put her hand on my thigh. Then, when we were all in a taxi going back to the hotel, she kept leaning against me in the back seat. That didn't mean anything, did it?"

Yeesh.

The one time that I absolutely, unequivocally "got it" that a woman was attracted to me was the time when a woman said to me, "OK, I just HAVE to fuck you." (We had been friends for a while at that point, tho')

SG

I had a chuckle when reading this, because not only some of my guy friends asked me the very questions, but I asked them the same ones...

Goes to show it goes both ways.

 

[smotherman]

Interesting choices!

I went with.....slightly obtuse: i can usually put the hints together...given sufficient time & a supercomputer...

I usually can pick up on the hints!