How does one know if they are meant for a Dom/sub lifestyle
- Thread starter Phoenyx
- Start date
MissTaken
Biker Chick
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2001
- Posts
- 20,570
Hi Pheonyx!
Welcome aboard.
Well, if you think about what makes you really. really hot and you find that there is some power exchange involved, you might want to do a bit of research.
Ummm I found a story that set my heart racing and a surprising dampness between my legs which lead me on this happy little path!
hugs to you, pheonyx!
(He is a very good friend of mine. Go easy on him, all!
)
Welcome aboard.
Well, if you think about what makes you really. really hot and you find that there is some power exchange involved, you might want to do a bit of research.
Ummm I found a story that set my heart racing and a surprising dampness between my legs which lead me on this happy little path!
hugs to you, pheonyx!
(He is a very good friend of mine. Go easy on him, all!
)
Grvdigger
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2002
- Posts
- 117
great question I think Phoenyx. This is a very personal thing and will vary from person to person. For Me it was a craving that I was missing something. Someone in the lifestyle took pity on Me and showed Me the way. I was so exciting but more to the point I felt fullfilled. I then turned away from it for years when I was married yet way back there in the deep dark parts of My mind, I could feel it calling Me back. So I did. It is not a phase for Me...it is part of My life.
Phoenyx
Yes i'm back
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- Oct 8, 2001
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- 6,978
MissTaken said:Hi Pheonyx!
Welcome aboard.
Well, if you think about what makes you really. really hot and you find that there is some power exchange involved, you might want to do a bit of research.
Ummm I found a story that set my heart racing and a surprising dampness between my legs which lead me on this happy little path!
hugs to you, pheonyx!
(He is a very good friend of mine. Go easy on him, all!
What story?
Desdemona
Ellie Mae's evil auntie
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2001
- Posts
- 6,584
I had D/s fantasies for years before I could even put a name on it. Then, during a phase of reading everything Ann Rice wrote, I discovered the "Beauty" trilogy and "Exit to Eden". I was totally blown away by how intensly aroused I became. Then, I began to read and learn. I did that for a couple of years as I learned to accept my kinky desires.
Then I began to experiment. Reality was much, much better than fantasy. As I learn and experience more and more, I've discovered a need that was buried deep inside me screaming for release. There is no turning back for me.
Then I began to experiment. Reality was much, much better than fantasy. As I learn and experience more and more, I've discovered a need that was buried deep inside me screaming for release. There is no turning back for me.
Phoenyx
Yes i'm back
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- Oct 8, 2001
- Posts
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Grvdigger said:
I like beeing in control of a situation...Not in a bossy way but being able to know what direction somethign is going or to stear it that way. Ive been in situation where I had no control and I didnt like it..
I dontknwo if I am meant to be a Dom or repressing sub desires..
~Dream~
Loving My Soulmate Scott
- Joined
- May 21, 2002
- Posts
- 18,275
Re;artful
artful is a very wise man ,listen to Him,I didnt for a very long time and now it has cost me the only happiness that I have truly ever known ,my Grand mother had a stroke this morming in ky ,it hurt me alot , and along with alot of othe stresses in my life it has made me a biter terrible person to live with lately ,not les s than a week ago my Master .. well artful anyways ,since He has recquested that I de-collar myself (I'm sure that will mak ALOT of you happier cause you are Right He DOES DEserve so much better than me.. anyways not less than 1 week ago He was commenting on how far I had come ,he and our friend Ghost's amaris,now today I hurt them both so much by venting both here on the boards and in private mesaging,that at the VERY least it has cost me the most PRECIOUS thing in my world ,my realtionship with artful.
He truly does still love me I know He does but because He is a loving caring man ,He put my health 1st and I will never forget that ,what He does not know however is tha tby doing this to me ,(to *US*)ending OUR relationship He has truly taken the 1 thing away from me that makes my life worth living besisdes my kid ,my little one is soo excited to get to leave MICHigan and he had been so hard fighting against it ,today He came home and i was sad ,he asked why,I told Him my gram had a stroke and that artful and I had a disagreement ,little to me at the time did I know it would escalate to this as my Master (artful)had PROMISED me we would talk at 9 tonite ,instaesd I once again came online to a BIG shock!! wow Ijsut love life ,dont you ? at least this time it WAS private but Honestly I need to make it private so all you women out there who want and need and actually DESERVE a GOOD Master ,WELL 1 is available now ,even tho I was TOLD by mine that He treasured me *
seems to me that people in love should be able to work through ANYTHING ,I guess thats NOT the case at all
artful is a very wise man ,listen to Him,I didnt for a very long time and now it has cost me the only happiness that I have truly ever known ,my Grand mother had a stroke this morming in ky ,it hurt me alot , and along with alot of othe stresses in my life it has made me a biter terrible person to live with lately ,not les s than a week ago my Master .. well artful anyways ,since He has recquested that I de-collar myself (I'm sure that will mak ALOT of you happier cause you are Right He DOES DEserve so much better than me.. anyways not less than 1 week ago He was commenting on how far I had come ,he and our friend Ghost's amaris,now today I hurt them both so much by venting both here on the boards and in private mesaging,that at the VERY least it has cost me the most PRECIOUS thing in my world ,my realtionship with artful.
He truly does still love me I know He does but because He is a loving caring man ,He put my health 1st and I will never forget that ,what He does not know however is tha tby doing this to me ,(to *US*)ending OUR relationship He has truly taken the 1 thing away from me that makes my life worth living besisdes my kid ,my little one is soo excited to get to leave MICHigan and he had been so hard fighting against it ,today He came home and i was sad ,he asked why,I told Him my gram had a stroke and that artful and I had a disagreement ,little to me at the time did I know it would escalate to this as my Master (artful)had PROMISED me we would talk at 9 tonite ,instaesd I once again came online to a BIG shock!! wow Ijsut love life ,dont you ? at least this time it WAS private but Honestly I need to make it private so all you women out there who want and need and actually DESERVE a GOOD Master ,WELL 1 is available now ,even tho I was TOLD by mine that He treasured me *
seems to me that people in love should be able to work through ANYTHING ,I guess thats NOT the case at all
P. B. Walker
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2001
- Posts
- 25,127
Here's the link to that story:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=4347
Have fun.
PBW
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=4347
Have fun.
PBW
P. B. Walker
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2001
- Posts
- 25,127
MissTaken said:Damn!
Just seeing the link makes my thoughts wander!
I may be reading that story aloud tonight....
oh my... you really DO like that story.
<putting a glass against MissT's door> What IS that buzzing sound??!!
PBW
Rubyfruit
ripe
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2001
- Posts
- 18,859
For me, looking back, I've always been attracted to dominant men and women, but I didn't have a name for it until I got involved with a man with a plan.
That one year relationship changed me forever. I grew more and learned more about myself as a person and a sexual being than I had before or since.
I'm all for experimentation. Where's the harm in trying something new?
That one year relationship changed me forever. I grew more and learned more about myself as a person and a sexual being than I had before or since.
I'm all for experimentation. Where's the harm in trying something new?
Phoenyx said:
I think you can explore d/s either way, Phoenyx. You can begin the way you want things to end up and work your way through a relationship, exploring/dealing with each stage and finding what you like and what works for you (this is "starting the way you will finish" and I recommend this approach for people who are adamant about what they want and will settle for no less than that).
Alternatively, you can begin with a small step at a time and work your way up from there, picking what you want to try in no particular order (this works well with an established relationship in which each partner wants to try d/s and see how it fits for them).
There is no way to know whether it is a just a phase or experimentation without trying it.
I am not certain if your interest is the sexual aspect of bdsm or if you are curious about the lifestyle aspect (controlling your partner's life in ways other than sexually), but it will really help you to discover how important bdsm is in your life if you will specifically define your interests.
I think reading and researching are wonderfully informative tools, but they will not tell you whether you are dom/me or sub. One must actually *do it* to know how it feels/suits you.
I agree that one is not a dom/me simply because she/he likes to control things; however, I do think that it is an indication that one has the disposition required to dominate. Wanting/needing to control is a prerequisite to being a dom/me.
As for me, well I had always been told my sexual was on the kinky side, and it seemed as though I was coming up with new ideas of how to do things sexually. I never really talked to my girlfriends about sex, so I never knew if the guys I was with were telling me the truth or just being flattering.
Then I met a man who was just as kinky and enjoy experimentation as much as I. Neither of us knew there was a name for what we did, but it opened a whole new way of thinking and looking at sex for me.
Since then, I've dug deep inside, and figured out what it was that I like. I've never felt the guilt that some say they feel, though I can understand why they might. Because I had a partner who encouraged that aspect and helped me along, I just felt it was natural and normal. I've done some reading, some reasearch, some talking. Now, I'm looking for that special Dom.
Then I met a man who was just as kinky and enjoy experimentation as much as I. Neither of us knew there was a name for what we did, but it opened a whole new way of thinking and looking at sex for me.
Since then, I've dug deep inside, and figured out what it was that I like. I've never felt the guilt that some say they feel, though I can understand why they might. Because I had a partner who encouraged that aspect and helped me along, I just felt it was natural and normal. I've done some reading, some reasearch, some talking. Now, I'm looking for that special Dom.
CrimsonClover
Virgin
- Joined
- Oct 15, 2002
- Posts
- 10
i am relatively new to all this as well.....i just feel that i am submissive, in all my darydreaming, nightdreaming, and preference in storytelling, i am always turned on by someone directing me, leading me, and having my trust to do as what they will
i, myself, am in the process of researching and gathering materials....i would like to find a master, that is the next step for me
i, myself, am in the process of researching and gathering materials....i would like to find a master, that is the next step for me
lark sparrow
Literotica Guru
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- Oct 11, 2002
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- 1,715
My personal experience: All of my girlfriends were either quite aggressive sexually and relatively "vanilla" outside of the bedroom, or they were above average in desire to control in general, and relatively "normal" sexually.
Where I started to piece all of this together, and give it a formal, positive name was online a few years ago. I read everything and anything, and experimented with cyber sex. It's corny, but it was truly overwhelming, and a huge revelation. I found an inspiring Mentor online, and it is only recently that we have begun to lose contact.
In one of the scariest steps I think I have ever taken, truly lol, I contacted a very well-respected Pro Domme and educator in my area, and had my first two hour r/l session. She gave me a cup of tea before the session to warm up and I was so beyond nervous, the tea cup was rattling against the saucer because of my shaking hands - if there had a been rock in her dungeon I would have crawled under it! I was also nearly mute in sheer terror and excitement/fear, it was rather embarrassing, but she took it all in stride.
I had to know if the physical sensations were something that I would truly enjoy, and it felt safer to do this with an educated, and impartial person. This only furthered my desires, and although it was a great introduction, and she was a wonderful woman, paid sessions were not my thing. It served it's purpose.
I did a bit of casual r/l playing on my own. I went to a few classes in my area. I met a woman who was very kinky and a Top in bed, and was further inspired by being with someone who actually enjoyed giving me the erotic pain I craved and pushed my former limits in wondorous ways. Through that relationship, I also came to understand that I wanted the D/s aspect throughout the entire relationship, not just sexually.
After my complete newbie fervor wore off a bit in the first couple of years, I found myself in somewhat of rut in furthering my exploration, though just as convinced that this was my lifestyle. Eventually, I found myself in chat rooms again, thinking of it more as a temporary "patch", and nothing where something serious would develop.
Eventually I met my present Mistress online, and to my surprise, I became involved in serious, committed LDR. The rest has yet to be written, but intentions are r/l live-in M/s relationship.
Just an example of how a "journey" can go.
Where I started to piece all of this together, and give it a formal, positive name was online a few years ago. I read everything and anything, and experimented with cyber sex. It's corny, but it was truly overwhelming, and a huge revelation. I found an inspiring Mentor online, and it is only recently that we have begun to lose contact.
In one of the scariest steps I think I have ever taken, truly lol, I contacted a very well-respected Pro Domme and educator in my area, and had my first two hour r/l session. She gave me a cup of tea before the session to warm up and I was so beyond nervous, the tea cup was rattling against the saucer because of my shaking hands - if there had a been rock in her dungeon I would have crawled under it! I was also nearly mute in sheer terror and excitement/fear, it was rather embarrassing, but she took it all in stride.
I had to know if the physical sensations were something that I would truly enjoy, and it felt safer to do this with an educated, and impartial person. This only furthered my desires, and although it was a great introduction, and she was a wonderful woman, paid sessions were not my thing. It served it's purpose.
I did a bit of casual r/l playing on my own. I went to a few classes in my area. I met a woman who was very kinky and a Top in bed, and was further inspired by being with someone who actually enjoyed giving me the erotic pain I craved and pushed my former limits in wondorous ways. Through that relationship, I also came to understand that I wanted the D/s aspect throughout the entire relationship, not just sexually.
After my complete newbie fervor wore off a bit in the first couple of years, I found myself in somewhat of rut in furthering my exploration, though just as convinced that this was my lifestyle. Eventually, I found myself in chat rooms again, thinking of it more as a temporary "patch", and nothing where something serious would develop.
Eventually I met my present Mistress online, and to my surprise, I became involved in serious, committed LDR. The rest has yet to be written, but intentions are r/l live-in M/s relationship.
Just an example of how a "journey" can go.
morninggirl5
Secret Dream Machine
- Joined
- May 6, 2001
- Posts
- 10,647
This thread has lots and lots of links that may help you some.
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=73517
This thread was done recently and has books in it.
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=113244
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=73517
This thread was done recently and has books in it.
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=113244
