How Does A sub Correctly Address a Dom?

[Blushing Bottom]

More than likely this has been done before so please be patient and help out a novice sub who needs enlightenment and direction.

 

[graceanne]

More than likely this has been done before so please be patient and help out a novice sub who needs enlightenment and direction.

A Dom/me? Or your Dom/me? Cause how you address your dom/me is however s/he wants to be addressed - they will normally make it clear.

As for any old dom/me around, I personally call them by their name. Just cause someone calls themselves a dom/me doesn't actually mean they are. Respect is earned, not just given. Beyond that K would laugh his ass off if he caught me calling some stranger 'sir'. He'd know I was being VERY sarcastic.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Depends on your relationship to them, who they are, and how they like to be addressed. For us I know he does not like subs to call him Master or any similar names unless they have been told to because they are play friends of ours. He will most times tolerate it, perhaps politely tell them to address him by his name, then if it continues he will begin to not take them seriously as he sees it as being incapable of respecting his wishes and me as his slave. While I was looking, I would not address a Dominant with Sir, Master etc., unless asked to, and even then it did not feel right as they were not my Dominant.

Catalina

 

[caela]

I'm a novice myself and just starting to get my feet wet in the real world. I've found a munch group in my area that I adore and the general concensus among those I know seems to be that we're all on a first name basis unless one of the Dom/me's is your Dom/me.

 

[feeeriek]

Just curious how do you differentiate the use of sir or ma'am as a common courtesy and used as a title of respect?

f

 

[graceanne]

Just curious how do you differentiate the use of sir or ma'am as a common courtesy and used as a title of respect?

f

I'd say that if you normally say sir or ma'am then it's one thing. Also, when you use sir or ma'am you don't use it when calling to them. Rarely do you hear someone saying 'Hey, sir, want a glass of punch?'. That's a good way to have every man there turn around, not sure of who you're talking to. But 'Yes, ma'am/sir' is common in many people. K's like that. I think it's cause he's southern.

 

[LostSpirit]

Master or Sir

recently i did discover a dungeon and have called the thread starter M'Lord

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I can imagine there are going to be a variety of conflicting answers and some purely just to serve negative personal agenda from what I am starting to witness on the Boards in my glorious novice status to 'here'. To the best of my personal knowledge and with sincerity I offer you the following advise to the question you have asked.

As you would be aware in some social circles (not specific to BDSM or Ds ) referring to elders in a Community sometimes denotes the use of 'Sir' without any direct implication that the title denotes any specific qualities about the person. As far as the use of 'Ma'am' in the general population it is not used overly in Australia with the exception of places like 5 star Hotels. Example being tipping a waiter or a bell boy etc and being addressed 'thank you Ma'am'. Another valid example would be extending the term 'Sir' to say a teacher , someone with skills in advance of your own who is prepared to share them to enhance your wellbeing.

My background is Ds Lifestyle and though that extends 20 years, ( I started in service very young okay.....smiles.... I am a long way from falling off my perch...laughs) I have in recent times enjoyed the camaraderie of Dom/mes and submissives/slaves in alternate venues for example the Forum here and also chat rooms. Ds 'Lifestyle' rooms come with their own set of peculiar formalities.

As far as the general use of 'Sir' in any situation I would never extend that to a Dominant unless they were reasonably well known to myself and had exhibited to me some form of attribute that would make me comfortable with using the term 'Sir' . There is only two Domme to date I ever refer to as Ma'am , one is Lady Kouka who you possibly may from time to time see posts by here on the FB. However , Lady Kouka is my Mentor, therefore we share a personal and formal relationship. Outside of that as she is a woman of immense insight and intelligence and has numerous qualities that I couldn't scratch the surface of here without serious essay writing I would however extend her the same. The other, Lady Papillon, introduced to me by my Mentor whom is also a sincere 'Lifestyler' who uses chat to meet up with friends with similar interests and has a cutting edge mind and a humor to match, I am also always content to extend the compliment/respect of refering to as Ma'am.

Back to Your first post I'll try and give some examples of the one person addressed for different reasons by different people.

Lets call him Jack Jones referring to Himself as Master Jones.

If he is your Dominant, Master Jones (with exception that as your Master he has specified otherwise)
If he is a Dominant you have just met, Jones
If he is a Dominant you know well and respect , Jones Sir
If he is a Dominant introduced to you in a casual setting, Jack
If he is a Dominant well known to yourself and has an old guard approach and you are prepared to extend the courtesy, Master Jones

Then we have the final bastion of contention , there are in fact 'Masters' that have the title awarded to them by their 'peers' as they have shown themselves to have attributes one would consider 'Masterly' in a broader sense. There is I believe also the title 'Grand Master' though in my life I have not met one that I am aware of . I believe the distinction in this title goes back to more Old Guard protocols and also the Leather Community. As BDSM and Ds within it is NOT a science and completely open to interpretation it would be very hard to ascertain. Love sitting back here at times and observing how what is fact to one is fiction to another. Not sure its 'soul food' but it certainly is interesting.

When it comes down to it you can always politely ask in a social setting . No reasonable Dominant offline or on will make an example of you for doing so. If you are ever reprimanded openly by a 'Dominant' you are unfamiliar with because they don't appreciate the best way you have chosen to address them , do not stress be very circumspect that the person in general has any place to do so in the first place.

Oh you think this is a bit on the complex side ? Try learning the 'handkerchief code 'or even Gorean Culture protocols..........laughs. Best of Luck in your journey and kind regards.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Master or Sir

recently i did discover a dungeon and have called the thread starter M'Lord

Ohh this is a new one to me LostSpirit I wonder where this title 'M'Lord' originates from. The few 'Lords' I know are of English background and I have always assumed it was a semi cultural distinction derived from that. The 'M' part sounds very old worldly to me, perhaps it has a Celtic influence, I would love to know the History behind this if you are able to ascertain such. Thank you for drawing attention to this title , dammit now I want to know more..........smiles

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Thank you one and all for your insights and now this girl is more confused than ever. Does anyone know of a web site where there might be a written protocol or template so to speak regarding proper sub etiquette?

 

[Kajira Callista]

Thank you one and all for your insights and now this girl is more confused than ever. Does anyone know of a web site where there might be a written protocol or template so to speak regarding proper sub etiquette?

tons of em...but none of that really works in the real world. my suggestion is to call them by name until they are respected enough by you to be called whatever it is you feel comfortable with. lol i bet you are even more confused now.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thank you one and all for your insights and now this girl is more confused than ever. Does anyone know of a web site where there might be a written protocol or template so to speak regarding proper sub etiquette?

If you think every Dominant out there in the world deserves your respect than you should call them all Master or Mistress and drop down on your knees when you see them.

Francisco.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

If you think every Dominant out there in the world deserves your respect than you should call them all Master or Mistress and drop down on your knees when you see them.

Francisco.

LOL

I'm not stuck on stupid.

I just have questions and a thirst to know.

 

[Kajira Callista]

If you think every Dominant out there in the world deserves your respect than you should call them all Master or Mistress and drop down on your knees when you see them.

Francisco.

*puts kneepads on catalinas christmas list for next year*

 

[catalina_francisco]

*puts kneepads on catalinas christmas list for next year*

LOL, the way I am creeping around lately it might need to be a walking stick or wheelchair!!

Catalina

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Thank you one and all for your insights and now this girl is more confused than ever. Does anyone know of a web site where there might be a written protocol or template so to speak regarding proper sub etiquette?

Sorry about that Blushing Bottom ............sometimes things can be perceived as complex when they are new to you. I guess it really comes down to whether you personally invest value on protocols, etiquette and traditions. I imagine you do to some degree as you asked directly here for advice.I actually find them comforting as I enjoy ritual Some people are more complacent about such things.

Google 'BDSM and etiquette' you will also find a myriad of opinions. I can't suggest one site specificly. They will all differ at some point. Unless being polite is estranged from your day to day life (which I doubt from reading your posts to date), read a bit, get out there, mingle , use common sense , intuition and I am sure you will shine.

 

[snowy ciara]

Thank you one and all for your insights and now this girl is more confused than ever. Does anyone know of a web site where there might be a written protocol or template so to speak regarding proper sub etiquette?

Hi Blushing... I don't know if we've "met" so nice to meet you!

There is no One True Way to BDSM, and anyone who tells you that there is, is trying to sell you something. On a place like Lit, we are lucky to have a wide variety of individuals and BDSM styles. Because of that, we don't really have any hard and fast rules. The real time club I belong is also pan-fetish, and again, there are no hard and fast rules besides be polite and ask before you touch.

If you find a "private" group they may well have a set protocol, as do some chat rooms. For instance, the D/s room on Lit is somewhat formal, and almost everyone uses Sir or Ma'am when speaking to a Dominant, or uses their name, with a Sir or Ma'am attached to it. Using rebecca's example, "Lady Kouka, Ma'am, may I ask you a question?" The bdsm social club on Lit is a lot more laid back, and this courtesy is not expected, and frequently, a Dominant will ask you not to refer to them in this way, as it is reserved for people in their collar. You have to take each individual situation as they come.

The same applies in real life. When I'm at a gathering with the pan fetish group I mentioned above, there are a few people I that I have tons of respect for who get the Sir or the Ma'am automatically. But it's not expected and some people, again, prefer not to be addressed this way. I also hang with the Leather Crowd, in which case, ANY Top or Master or Mistress is ALWAYS Sir or Ma'am, as well as any sub, slave or bottom who is more experienced than me. The cardinal rule there is to always err on the side of caution. It's easier to apologize for 'promoting' someone than demoting Someone. Again, these rules are applicable only the the groups in question.


The best advice I can give you is when in doubt, ask! Ask the person how they prefer to be addressed, and work it out with them. Just say, "Excuse me, Rosco, but how do you prefer to be addressed by a pyl who doesn't belong to you." and work it out with them. Of course, Rosco once mentioned telling someone to call him "Mr. NastyBoots SIR!" or something like that. Usually, if you're not comfortable with a title, you can find something that's agreeable to you bothl.

 

[shy slave]

Personally I don't call other PYLs anything other than their name. if i know it, if i don't I simply avoid having to cal them anything.

I asked a similiar question when I first started posting on here and there was talk of a Lit gathering in Holland. Francisco didn't give me the same reply as he did to you though, which is lucky as I may have believed him LOL

I also started a thread about what to call Andante, we have yet to decide on the right name but Master makes me uncomfortable in public. Only because I have visions that if I say 'Master' as a means of gaining his attention 30 Doms would turn and answer instead!!

Unless it seems right, I just use his name.

(not Oi )

 

[brioche]

Personally I don't call other PYLs anything other than their name. if i know it, if i don't I simply avoid having to cal them anything.

I asked a similiar question when I first started posting on here and there was talk of a Lit gathering in Holland. Francisco didn't give me the same reply as he did to you though, which is lucky as I may have believed him LOL

I also started a thread about what to call Andante, we have yet to decide on the right name but Master makes me uncomfortable in public. Only because I have visions that if I say 'Master' as a means of gaining his attention 30 Doms would turn and answer instead!!

Unless it seems right, I just use his name.

(not Oi )

Oi is multifunctional though - I like it.

Does anyone else have the urge to refer to Rosco as Mr. Nastyboots SIR from now on?

 

[Bandit58]

Oi is multifunctional though - I like it.

Does anyone else have the urge to refer to Rosco as Mr. Nastyboots SIR from now on?

I have been known to refer to Master as Lord High and Mighty Grand PooBah, and been admonished because I forgot to say SIR at the end

I've only called one other Dom Sir, and that was in the context of a scene (with Master present). Other than that I use their first name. We went to visit my friend and her Dom recently and we all had this discussion, we all agreed that unless the Dom in question was your Dom you did not have to call them Sir

 

[Chicklet]

Ohh this is a new one to me LostSpirit I wonder where this title 'M'Lord' originates from. The few 'Lords' I know are of English background and I have always assumed it was a semi cultural distinction derived from that. The 'M' part sounds very old worldly to me, perhaps it has a Celtic influence, I would love to know the History behind this if you are able to ascertain such. Thank you for drawing attention to this title , dammit now I want to know more..........smiles

it's a spelling of the way it would sound to slur "my lord"

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I have been known to refer to Master as Lord High and Mighty Grand PooBah, and been admonished because I forgot to say SIR at the end

smilessssss........He sounds a sweet Dude......always appreciated a Dom/me whom can take a little teasing ......providing the time is right and the intent is affection or entertainment ......love the 'admonished' at the end ...... i really 'get' this .......keeps smiling

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

it's a spelling of the way it would sound to slur "my lord"

Yes I was thinking it had a phonetic tangent to it. Thanks chicklet

 

[Blushing Bottom]

I find it odd that you Doms have nothing to say about this.

So many of you have expressed so many preferences about so many things.

 

[Xelebes]

"Yo bitch" seems to work wonders for me.