How do you teach your partner to understand your body talk?

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I got a lil prob.....

I live with man i really love, but to make it short our sex for a long time is not what i would like it to be. Its nice to feel his body on mine, but once he cum its over so i cannot really make myself to enjoy this.

It seems he wanna make things right and more pleasing for me now, but i dunno how to help him to get me hot. I think i am quite easy to get hot, but not with him, not with my man what suck IMO.

He do many possible things to me, things on everybody else would get prolly very excited and i like it, but thats it. I just like it. Can't make myself to enjoy it more, to get all hot for him and want him to fuck me.

I really want too, but if he fuck me or not, if he stop or go on it does so less to me it makes me think i am hardly aroused when we have sex and i don't understand why is that.

I don't understand why my body do not respond to his touches the way it should. I want it, but its just not happening for some reason.

I know how i feels like when i get hot and i know how it feels like when i am shivering in desire.

My man tryin to play with my body and make me excited and he try hard i must say. And i just feel stupid i do not respond to it as i should.

I was thinking to let him play with my body a lil game and see what would do the trick to get me HOT, but i am afraid it could take me ages and he might get or bored of it in 5 mins or just get pissed off that i am stayin cold no matter what he do to me.

I can act like i am all hot, but it suck. I wanna really feel it too and i dunno how to make it happen.

Some ideas whats wrong, why is that and what could help us???




~Kate

 

[the captians wench]

All I can say is that it takes time.

At one point I thought it was imposible for me to get hot, or cum (which there are probably more than a few on here who won't believe that's even posible *giggles*). My ex hubby's idea of forplay was kiss kiss let's do it, then once he was finished, he was finished. It frusterated him that I wouldn't get off on him. I tried to explain to him that maybe he should explore my body a little more, play with my features, which he agreed to but wasn't willing to put in the time to do it. ( I think this might be when he started with the subliminal messages in my sleep. )

When I finally met some one who was willing to put a little time into the event, omg did the sparks fly. Now it takes minimal effort for me to be dripping down my legs and burning with heat. I just needed some one to jump start me.

Tell him you would like a night where the focas is all on you, and that you will do the same for him. Ask him to explore your body, and to really enjoy it, and then ask him what he would like you to do to him. Maybe that'll jump start your engin. If he's willing to put the time into finding out what it is that really gets you going, then I don't think it'll take long for him to learn what will make things magical every time.

 

[northwoods_sub]

My first recommendation would be not to fake your excitement. How will he know that what he is doing doesn't get you hot if you fake that you are excited?

My next thought would be that your holding back. This has happened to me too, either it be fear of feeling so much for that person or lack of trust. In my case I was afraid to give myself over to the feeling of passion for that person because I was worried if he would still want me after I gave so much of myself. I have a hard time letting myself fall in love with a someone. I don't trust that they won't hurt me or take advantage of that love, so I hold back, sometimes this mean that I can't orgasm when I had been with these people.

My next question for you would be is; your man you speak of your significant other or your Dom? This can make a difference too.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I've been married for over 20 yrs now. Our sex life has had it's ups and downs. I can tell you how I get through the "downs". FANTASY ! I know there are people that think it is horrible for a spouse to fantasize about someone else while having sex but I figure if I can find a way to make sex more enjoyable during the down times it makes it more enjoyable for him, too. I used to do it secretivily because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. A number of yrs ago we began to share our fantasies (I found out he isn't always thinking of me too ) We discovered we both really get off on this sharing.

I have never fantasized while having sex with my Dom but that is probably because I am living my usual fantasy at the time.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

My first recommendation would be not to fake your excitement. How will he know that what he is doing doesn't get you hot if you fake that you are excited?

My next thought would be that your holding back. This has happened to me too, either it be fear of feeling so much for that person or lack of trust. In my case I was afraid to give myself over to the feeling of passion for that person because I was worried if he would still want me after I gave so much of myself. I have a hard time letting myself fall in love with a someone. I don't trust that they won't hurt me or take advantage of that love, so I hold back, sometimes this mean that I can't orgasm when I had been with these people.

Its more like he think i am much more excited than i really am. He think i am ready to fuck, but i am not, i am usualy harldy wet when he think we are ready to fuck. Of course i can let him fuck me, but it does nothing to me then.

Maybe i do hold back with him i am not sure, but if so i dont do that for purpose. Its more like some kind of reaction i cant and dunno influence. I want too, but i dunno how.

My next question for you would be is; your man you speak of your significant other or your Dom? This can make a difference too.

Excuse me my crap english, but i am not really sure if i understand this question, explain please, thank you.



~Kate

 

[Yana_Mistmoor]

Nothin' to see here...

(Hope you don't mind, but I'm getting rid of my comment. I didn't realise you were already immersed in BDSM - that being the case you're way ahead of me & I should be listening rather that commenting attm!)

All the best

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

All I can say is that it takes time.

At one point I thought it was imposible for me to get hot, or cum (which there are probably more than a few on here who won't believe that's even posible *giggles*). My ex hubby's idea of forplay was kiss kiss let's do it, then once he was finished, he was finished. It frusterated him that I wouldn't get off on him. I tried to explain to him that maybe he should explore my body a little more, play with my features, which he agreed to but wasn't willing to put in the time to do it. ( I think this might be when he started with the subliminal messages in my sleep. )

When I finally met some one who was willing to put a little time into the event, omg did the sparks fly. Now it takes minimal effort for me to be dripping down my legs and burning with heat. I just needed some one to jump start me.

Tell him you would like a night where the focas is all on you, and that you will do the same for him. Ask him to explore your body, and to really enjoy it, and then ask him what he would like you to do to him. Maybe that'll jump start your engin. If he's willing to put the time into finding out what it is that really gets you going, then I don't think it'll take long for him to learn what will make things magical every time.

I know the "kiss kiss lets do it" shit very well. Its kinda what i had for all those years we are together. Now he wanna change things and i am just not able to make myself get used to it. Its ironic cuz he wanna finaly see my needs fulfilled and i am the one who just do not respond.

I got no prob to get wet in no time with my Master, but with my man it takes me ages to get myself into the state of mind where i should be so i could really enjoy the act.

Yes i think i might tell him i want a night where we would focus on my body and give me time so i could get excited, but i am not sure how long he will be willing to play with me to find out what i really like? I am afraid he might end it in 5 mins sayin something like "this is boring, lets fuck". It would really hurt me if he did so. He never really was into foreplay and guess i need it, at least with him i need it.

I am more than willing to listen to what he would like me to do to him and then just do it, its in my nature i love to see him happy and satisfied well. But he was never so caring towards me, quess thats why i find it hard to open up for him now when he ask me for it. I am trying, but its hard + i am really afraid i will just get only dissapointed again.



~Kate

 

[the captians wench]

I know the "kiss kiss lets do it" shit very well. Its kinda what i had for all those years we are together. Now he wanna change things and i am just not able to make myself get used to it. Its ironic cuz he wanna finaly see my needs fulfilled and i am the one who just do not respond.

I got no prob to get wet in no time with my Master, but with my man it takes me ages to get myself into the state of mind where i should be so i could really enjoy the act.

Yes i think i might tell him i want a night where we would focus on my body and give me time so i could get excited, but i am not sure how long he will be willing to play with me to find out what i really like? I am afraid he might end it in 5 mins sayin something like "this is boring, lets fuck". It would really hurt me if he did so. He never really was into foreplay and guess i need it, at least with him i need it.

I am more than willing to listen to what he would like me to do to him and then just do it, its in my nature i love to see him happy and satisfied well. But he was never so caring towards me, quess thats why i find it hard to open up for him now when he ask me for it. I am trying, but its hard + i am really afraid i will just get only dissapointed again.



~Kate

short and sweet....you won't know unless you give it a try.

 

[Yana_Mistmoor]

Just adding - I think there is excellent insight and advice is all the above responses.

I also agree that fantasy is all important.

Sometimes - introducing the person you wish to orgasm with into your fantasy at the point you are about to climax (be that when you're making love to him, or just yourself), - can help bring things together over time, also, - i've found

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I've been married for over 20 yrs now. Our sex life has had it's ups and downs. I can tell you how I get through the "downs". FANTASY ! I know there are people that think it is horrible for a spouse to fantasize about someone else while having sex but I figure if I can find a way to make sex more enjoyable during the down times it makes it more enjoyable for him, too. I used to do it secretivily because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. A number of yrs ago we began to share our fantasies (I found out he isn't always thinking of me too ) We discovered we both really get off on this sharing.

I have never fantasized while having sex with my Dom but that is probably because I am living my usual fantasy at the time.

I do the same now and then when we have sex yes. Lately i just think its my Master's hands all over my body when me and my man have sex and i think i could cum like this cuz thoughts of my Master arouses me bigtime, but its hard to do so when once my man cum he's not intrested in anything anymore. He just roll over and went to sleep then. Wish i was faster with my orgasm, but i am not so guess i am fucked.

Ya know theres so many wayz how he could satisfy me......if he really wanted. I would be more than willing to wait until his cock get hard again so i could get mine too, but he dont want too. He could at least finger me or use my toys on me, but i cant tell him that.
1) i find it very embarasing to tell him i need him to make me cum
2) i think he should know by himself that i have the very same need as him to cum while we have sex



If i ever get my Mater's hands on my body i wouldnt have to fantasied at all either, i would just live it, same as you do



~Kate

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

short and sweet....you won't know unless you give it a try.

Now thats true, i wil, will deffo give it a try



~Kate

 

[northwoods_sub]

Its more like he think i am much more excited than i really am. He think i am ready to fuck, but i am not, i am usualy harldy wet when he think we are ready to fuck. Of course i can let him fuck me, but it does nothing to me then.

Maybe i do hold back with him i am not sure, but if so i dont do that for purpose. Its more like some kind of reaction i cant and dunno influence. I want too, but i dunno how.


Excuse me my crap english, but i am not really sure if i understand this question, explain please, thank you.



~Kate

Sorry the fault was mine, I forgot your Dom is your Master, just a different use of words.

Just a thought, are your orgasms controlled by your Master as in that you can only come when he says so? If this is the case it may help to imagine him telling you to come when your man is about to have his orgasm. That way you can come with him. I know for me, that even when I am masturbating I can not orgasm unless I imagine (fantasize) my Sir telling me to come NOW.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Sorry the fault was mine, I forgot your Dom is your Master, just a different use of words.

Just a thought, are your orgasms controlled by your Master as in that you can only come when he says so? If this is the case it may help to imagine him telling you to come when your man is about to have his orgasm. That way you can come with him. I know for me, that even when I am masturbating I can not orgasm unless I imagine (fantasize) my Sir telling me to come NOW.

Yes my orgasms are controled by my Master and i know he wants me to be able to cum with my man. He trying to help me with that alot for what i am thankful.

Cum on my Master's command is so easy, i know exactely what you mean *purrrrrrrrrr*

 

[northwoods_sub]

Yes my orgasms are controled by my Master and i know he wants me to be able to cum with my man. He trying to help me with that alot for what i am thankful.

Cum on my Master's command is so easy, i know exactely what you mean *purrrrrrrrrr*

See, what I do is just hear his voice in my head saying CUM NOW and I am a quivering pile of goo.
It might just work when you are with your man.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

See, what I do is just hear his voice in my head saying CUM NOW and I am a quivering pile of goo.
It might just work when you are with your man.

Those two words are so damn powerful from the right person
Will give it a try yes

 

[bustyblondebombshell]

I so don't want to, but as time goes on, I'm beginning to relate more and more to this thread

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I so don't want to, but as time goes on, I'm beginning to relate more and more to this thread

men can be selfish fucks! IMO