How do you meet people?

[_Jake]

Hey, new here -- a little background; I was raised ultra-conservative by a couple of massively crazy parents - enough of it rubbed off to make me a little shaky around sex - kind of a weird problem for a guy to have, but c'est la vie, right?
I'm told I'm good in bed when it happens, and have an active social life, but it's not often I find interesting attractive single women, or people in general - I think I just don't trust people, so even though I love being social, it's always kind of forced.
I've got a great life, don't get me wrong - just kinda lonely in the people department, even in crowds. Does that make sense?

Anyway, enough sob story, how do you go about meeting new people and "hitting it off" with them toward intimacy?

(physical or otherwise)

Guess I'm looking for a place to lose some of my inhibitions, can't think of a better one than a site devoted to sex lol...

Best,
--JK

 

[Christopher2012]

I swear that the OP is not my ALT....

...

...or is it?

 

[SexPlz]

lol. No idea, apparently I have the same problem.

 

[MsQuote]

Jake ... I've had the same kind of problem as you, especially since the first impression most people have of me is that I'm polite, proper and intelligent. I'm very lucky that the man in my life is pretty much the male version of me. The way we met was purely accidental, unintentional (neither of us were looking) and had nothing to do with sex. I guess it was just luck that things fell into place the way they did.

My advice is to pursue a woman whose friendship and personality you enjoy. You may not find her immediately, but when she comes around, I'm sure everything ... including sex ... will fall into place.

Good luck!

 

[bigbritish]

Wow, totally relate (if you are socially Ok)

Kinda what the last person said xcept she's got an innie

When I really think about it, i'm more particular than most people or i exercise my preferences more... it's part of being introverted i think

I just don't take courting women very seriously, I do find it natural to be comfortable in most situations, I think women take this the wrong way in most situations. I usually do better if we find a 'deeper' place to go, but I'd like to think it didn't have to be that way.

 

[Domesticity]

I tend to make friends easily and meet new people easily. Basically, I smile a lot and make eye contact so I tend to have a very approachable, open demeanor. To the average person it appears I have no problem meeting new people but in all actuality I do struggle with trust when meeting new friends. When I wasn't married and was still dating I found myself struggling to really click with people I wanted more than a fuck from.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you may not have any more of a problem than others have. I think you'd be surprised to hear how many others struggle with the same issues even if many people you observe appear not to.

Now, when you're getting physically intimate do you feel a wall up? If so, that could be something you'll have to work to breach when you meet the right person. I've had multiple partners and I've loved a handful but my walls never came down completely with anyone but my DH and one other lover. Aside from those two I always had a bit of a block there even though I had great sex with other partners. And I was raised by very sexually liberal parents.

What you described seems kind of typical, or at the very least, not abnormal

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

Jake - I have to be perfectly honest with people from various places around the world, and say something to you that not all of them will want to hear:

women are different and behave differently in different places around the world. In some places, you will think you are the most ugly disgusting creature on earth and in others, apparently god's gift to the women there!

I have travelled a very great deal and lived in a variety of places and the most astonishing thing to me was discovering what I just said above. The first place that really opened by mind was the Gold Coast in Queensland - that really laid the groundwork for me becoming relaxed and quietly confident - and notice I did say 'QUIETLY.' It's important. When you have A LOT of experience you will start to figure out that many many times, the 'attitudes' of stand-offish women are their own problems, and not your's.

The other place that is absolutely outstanding as far as personable, attractive, and intelligent women goes, is South Africa. I have found that the more isolated the culture is - either within its own strata or across national and multi-cultural boundaries - the more 'difficult' the women are to relate to. And conversely, the more cosmopolitan the society is, the easier to relate to the women there.

NEVER NEVER EVER make the mistake of suppressing erotic or sexual thoughts and feelings inside your head that you might be inspired to have, when you are in the vicinity of someone you find attractive... Meaning, don't block those thoughts in your mind.

That is the one cardinal sin that repressed upbringing visits onto people, especially onto males. Women can 1. tell immediately when you are attracted to them, and 2. know when you are lying and they don't like being lied to. Women seem to be able to 'read' your mind. And, those who are looking for a sexual encounter, intuit whether someone is interested in them or not.

Rule Number One: be interested.

Two: don't fake being interested; find someone you REALLY find yourself interested in.

Understanding Number One: that women, simply because they LOOK good, is not necessarily an indication THEY have any ability to communicate and relate. Frankly, it is much easier to carry on a discussion/relationship/interaction with someone who is ALSO CAPABLE of doing that themselves. And not all women in all places at all times, are. It is a fifty/fifty story - the problem could easily be just as much on their side as on yours.

Never put yourself down. Ever. A good man is a rarity, not a commodity, and a genuinely sexually good man is AN EXTREME RARITY.

Women find it all too easy to stick themselves in front of a camera and display what they have... ...because it is a LOT HARDER to put on display their minds, their personalities, themselves in action in a real situation where flaws are easy to expose.

Hollywood actresses without scripts are as dumb as eggs and some are as crazy as scrambled eggs.

Make leeway for the other person's faults and failings in reality/real life taking into account that real life is not a Playboy photo-shoot.

The Playboy cameraman does not get to take the girl home after the shoot. But you might. That's the difference between the myth in popular mass marketing and the mass consciousness of life, and reality.

Live in reality. Because reality lives in you. Real cunts, get fucked by real dicks, not Cibachrome 8 x 10 colour shots. And really, when it comes down to real life and real sex, you are better off talking to a woman who acknowledges she has a real cunt and prefers to talk to someone with a real dick who actually wants to use it. There are times and places where people can get to be cold and distant and really really 'clever' and inaccessible and priceless - and that is not what you are interested in right now. So stay away from those 'false' situations and even falser people who smile and act sarcastic and superior and know everything and don't like you and don't wish to talk to you - because afterall, they are far better off playing with themselves, and if you were a fly on the wall, you might even find they aren't even very good at playing with themselves either!!!

Trust breeds confidence, and strength flows from strength, and so on. It has nothing to do with dom or sub - you can be a strongly submissive person, for example, or a confidently submissive one too for that matter.

Women are EXACTLY like you. Try to place yourself in their position and then think about how YOU would like to be spoken to and so on. Assume though, that you are A SEXUAL woman, rather than some plastic myth out of a television morality propaganda piece.

Sex is about human power. Take ownership of it.

 

[bigbritish]

That is sage advice! ^^

 

[IrishFun69]

Jake ... I've had the same kind of problem as you, especially since the first impression most people have of me is that I'm polite, proper and intelligent. I'm very lucky that the man in my life is pretty much the male version of me. The way we met was purely accidental, unintentional (neither of us were looking) and had nothing to do with sex. I guess it was just luck that things fell into place the way they did.

My advice is to pursue a woman whose friendship and personality you enjoy. You may not find her immediately, but when she comes around, I'm sure everything ... including sex ... will fall into place.

Good luck!

Totally agree. The best GF I ever had I met through work, we realised we had a lot in common, same outlook, same sexdrive

In the end it was a perfect match. Pity it went wrong later, but let's not go into that.

 

[IrishFun69]

Jake - I have to be perfectly honest with people from various places around the world, and say something to you that not all of them will want to hear:

women are different and behave differently in different places around the world. In some places, you will think you are the most ugly disgusting creature on earth and in others, apparently god's gift to the women there!

I have travelled a very great deal and lived in a variety of places and the most astonishing thing to me was discovering what I just said above. The first place that really opened by mind was the Gold Coast in Queensland - that really laid the groundwork for me becoming relaxed and quietly confident - and notice I did say 'QUIETLY.' It's important. When you have A LOT of experience you will start to figure out that many many times, the 'attitudes' of stand-offish women are their own problems, and not your's.

The other place that is absolutely outstanding as far as personable, attractive, and intelligent women goes, is South Africa. I have found that the more isolated the culture is - either within its own strata or across national and multi-cultural boundaries - the more 'difficult' the women are to relate to. And conversely, the more cosmopolitan the society is, the easier to relate to the women there.

NEVER NEVER EVER make the mistake of suppressing erotic or sexual thoughts and feelings inside your head that you might be inspired to have, when you are in the vicinity of someone you find attractive... Meaning, don't block those thoughts in your mind.

That is the one cardinal sin that repressed upbringing visits onto people, especially onto males. Women can 1. tell immediately when you are attracted to them, and 2. know when you are lying and they don't like being lied to. Women seem to be able to 'read' your mind. And, those who are looking for a sexual encounter, intuit whether someone is interested in them or not.

Rule Number One: be interested.

Two: don't fake being interested; find someone you REALLY find yourself interested in.

Understanding Number One: that women, simply because they LOOK good, is not necessarily an indication THEY have any ability to communicate and relate. Frankly, it is much easier to carry on a discussion/relationship/interaction with someone who is ALSO CAPABLE of doing that themselves. And not all women in all places at all times, are. It is a fifty/fifty story - the problem could easily be just as much on their side as on yours.

Never put yourself down. Ever. A good man is a rarity, not a commodity, and a genuinely sexually good man is AN EXTREME RARITY.

Women find it all too easy to stick themselves in front of a camera and display what they have... ...because it is a LOT HARDER to put on display their minds, their personalities, themselves in action in a real situation where flaws are easy to expose.

Hollywood actresses without scripts are as dumb as eggs and some are as crazy as scrambled eggs.

Make leeway for the other person's faults and failings in reality/real life taking into account that real life is not a Playboy photo-shoot.

The Playboy cameraman does not get to take the girl home after the shoot. But you might. That's the difference between the myth in popular mass marketing and the mass consciousness of life, and reality.

Live in reality. Because reality lives in you. Real cunts, get fucked by real dicks, not Cibachrome 8 x 10 colour shots. And really, when it comes down to real life and real sex, you are better off talking to a woman who acknowledges she has a real cunt and prefers to talk to someone with a real dick who actually wants to use it. There are times and places where people can get to be cold and distant and really really 'clever' and inaccessible and priceless - and that is not what you are interested in right now. So stay away from those 'false' situations and even falser people who smile and act sarcastic and superior and know everything and don't like you and don't wish to talk to you - because afterall, they are far better off playing with themselves, and if you were a fly on the wall, you might even find they aren't even very good at playing with themselves either!!!

Trust breeds confidence, and strength flows from strength, and so on. It has nothing to do with dom or sub - you can be a strongly submissive person, for example, or a confidently submissive one too for that matter.

Women are EXACTLY like you. Try to place yourself in their position and then think about how YOU would like to be spoken to and so on. Assume though, that you are A SEXUAL woman, rather than some plastic myth out of a television morality propaganda piece.

Sex is about human power. Take ownership of it.

Bang on advice there.

 

[_Jake]

Thanks - makes a lot of sense.

 

[TJcurious]

There are a lot of us in the same boat....better make that a ship! I have taken myself out of the dating game many years ago. I'm a horrible dater......once I know somebody, I'm a great partner/friend.....but I can't do those first couple dates....complete disaster! To most people, I'm the "really nice guy".