How do you let go of things from the past?

[Tryharder62]

I try to have a positive attitude but how do you let things go? There were some issues in my past and sometimes I can go a long time without thinking of them but then there are days like today that can't get past it. I've gone to counseling. I try to use all the techniques I learned but sometimes it still hurts so bad I can scream. I know I'm not the only one who has been hurt in the past. How do you deal with it when it comes back to bite you?

 

[neecygirl]

I use the tried and true methods of junk food, movies, friends, snuggle-cats, and tears.

Some days suck, and there's no telling when it's gonna come and make a bad day worse. But just do what you can to get through the moment, and things will get better. It's not one of those things that can fix itself overnight, but tomorrow may not be as bad, and the day after will be better than that. So I find little things to focus on. A good movie. A cat sleeping in my lap while I read. Hanging out with friends. Comfort food. And when it's really bad, just giving in and crying for awhile.

Sometimes blaring music and cleaning obsessively can make you feel like you accomplished something and has the benefit of wearing you out so you can sleep.

Do something small for yourself. Buy a book want, treat yourself to dinner, dye your hair. Whatever. Something just for you. You deserve good things and it's okay to provide them for yourself.

Do something for someone else. Volunteer, take a friend to dinner, dye their hair. Something to realize you can make a difference, even if it's something small. Make someone smile or laugh.

Also, I hope your day gets better.

 

[fgarvb1]

Fuck if I know.

But when you have had it broken off in you...I mean really been royally anally invaded (figuratively) by someone you loved and trusted like no other, it makes me a tad angry and resentful. Thirty three years and I still have a case of the Red ass.


In time I suppose one learns to accept it to keep their own sanity.

But you don't have to like it. Living well is the best revenge.

 

[NippleMuncher]

What are some of the techniques you've tried?

 

[MsQuote]

Get out and brush off your PYSCH 101 text book and review Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' Five Stages of Grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance). I went through a big, fat nuclear tsunami of a breakup 13 years ago. I went through a month of being stunned and numb before I ever got to the Five Stages of Grief, and even then I thought it took me about a year and a half until I thought I was over it. Looking back, it really took me longer, but the point is that I eventually let go.

You need to go through these emotions in order to heal. I don't mean to say to wallow in these negative emotions, but they're part of the healing process just like swelling, nerve pain, and incision pain are part of the healing process after surgery.

I don't know your circumstances. Everyone's are different. Every person has their own internal way of getting over break-ups. Plus life happens, life changes, and new people (not just romantic interests)and experiences will come into your life ... positive ones that have the power to erase the pain.

 

[fire_breeze]

I try to have a positive attitude but how do you let things go? There were some issues in my past and sometimes I can go a long time without thinking of them but then there are days like today that can't get past it. I've gone to counseling. I try to use all the techniques I learned but sometimes it still hurts so bad I can scream. I know I'm not the only one who has been hurt in the past. How do you deal with it when it comes back to bite you?

I'm sorry that you're hurting

What worked for me is asking the Fisher King question: can I forgive myself? Until I answered that question, until I was able to forgive myself, I could not let go of both my past and of my anger. It became a vicious catch-22. The more haunted by my past, the more I clung to it, the more angry I became. The more angry I was, the more I couldn't let go. So I learned to forgive myself for what had happened.

And let me make something clear: what I needed to let go of was no way my fault. I could not have stopped it any less than I can stop the rotation of the Earth. But I still had to forgive myself for being angry, for hurting, for being powerless. By forgiving myself, I stopped blaming myself. Forgiving myself is a positive, forward action, it's not a passive thing. By forgiving myself, I was able to take control of me; I no longer became a victim and it was easier for me let go of my anger and pain at them, and to let the past be in the past. By forgiving myself, I distance myself from what has happened and I found profound peace.

Does it come back and bite me in the ass? Yes. I let myself feel what I feel, and then I remind myself what I need to remind myself and then I do something that will occupy my mind.

This works for me. The 5 stages of grief doesn't make sense for me, neither does psych analysis. I'm smart and analytical enough. Visualisation doesn't make sense to me. It might work for you; it might not.

Best of luck

 

[Tryharder62]

What are some of the techniques you've tried?

Well I went to counseling. I was a part of a support group. I tried to lean on my faith. My situation wasn't a break up it was abuse but heck it was a long time ago but sometimes it feels like yesterday. Thanks for all the great advice everyone. I thought I had gotten to acceptance but sometimes I still get ticked off. Since it happened over a period of time I think it affects how I perceive life. love. sex. everything.

 

[LadyVer]

Sometimes it's a matter of taking things one day at a time or one hour at a time. Sometimes just having a fuck-it moment and deciding enough is enough and realizing some things can't be easily controlled but can be put aside or dropped for other things or just to keep one's sanity. Life is linear, but many times not rational and easy to move through. I had a fuck-it moment today after mourning the loss of an old friend. I was driving myself crazy. I finally decided there's nothing I can do but be sad and move on. I have too many other things that I need to focus on and I can't afford to go nuts over something I can't do anything about. But I do intend to visit her grave site soon to say a final goodhye.

 

[more_snow_plz]

I use the tried and true methods of junk food, movies, friends, snuggle-cats, and tears.

Some days suck, and there's no telling when it's gonna come and make a bad day worse. But just do what you can to get through the moment, and things will get better. It's not one of those things that can fix itself overnight, but tomorrow may not be as bad, and the day after will be better than that. So I find little things to focus on. A good movie. A cat sleeping in my lap while I read. Hanging out with friends. Comfort food. And when it's really bad, just giving in and crying for awhile.

Sometimes blaring music and cleaning obsessively can make you feel like you accomplished something and has the benefit of wearing you out so you can sleep.

Do something small for yourself. Buy a book want, treat yourself to dinner, dye your hair. Whatever. Something just for you. You deserve good things and it's okay to provide them for yourself.

Do something for someone else. Volunteer, take a friend to dinner, dye their hair. Something to realize you can make a difference, even if it's something small. Make someone smile or laugh.

Also, I hope your day gets better.

Very genuine answer. Nice of you to offer your help!

 

[BigBrainBetty]

I can't even tell you about how to get through it, but know from experience that once or if you do, that it feels like a huge weight off your chest. Whatever it is no longer has control over you.

 

[pfflyerhot]

Be nice to yourself. Feel it through. What's the worst that could happen? Figure it out... you shall. Make it work for you.

 

[amofiga]

I try to have a positive attitude but how do you let things go? There were some issues in my past and sometimes I can go a long time without thinking of them but then there are days like today that can't get past it. I've gone to counseling. I try to use all the techniques I learned but sometimes it still hurts so bad I can scream. I know I'm not the only one who has been hurt in the past. How do you deal with it when it comes back to bite you?

I suppose in many ways it depends on the type of hurt and how long it's been. It's easy to say that everybody has been hurt and that life is full of hurt, but when you are the one that's hurting, it's not easy.

There is an old cliche that time heals all wounds. To some extent that's true. Someone above mentioned Elizabeth Kubler-Ross who wrote about death and dying and grief. In many ways, any loss or hurt takes the same path and time as grieving someone's death. Time and tears and recognizing that you aren't alone.

If you've tried counseling and that hasn't helped, perhaps a different counselor with a different approach. It's important to not let yourself withdraw from life and try to force yourself back in the saddle in some way.

Good luck.

 

[Elaya]

I use something called Emotional Freedom Technique. It's truly amazing!! Look up vidoes on youtube with EFT Tapping on whatever your issue is.

That, and I use writting. The other thing is, don't hide from those emotions, let them come, sit with them, CRY!!! Acknowledge them, ask yourself, what was I meant to learn from this? Aka.. I used to really love this guy I "secret" dated. Then he called me up raving about this new woman he'd met and that he was just estatic about. THen they got married. THen they had kids. And it really hurt.. aka people date me.. then they break up and get married. Anyway.. so I wrote/talked my way through my anger, hurt and hate.. to find that.. well yes I liked him and he was kinda mean to me.. I knew he'd make a great father, and his kids, and he, did deserve a fantastic life/children/father. ect. Asking yourself questions and writting does WONDERS.. aka.. why am I upset? what did I learn from this? who would I be if I didn't learn this? How has this helped me? ? Definitly!!!!!!!!!! read Debbie Ford' the dark side of the light chasers. And maybe some Byron Katie. It hurts confronting all this stuff.. but if it's not going away.. it will stay burried untill you confront, accept, love and release it. And after you've had just a little experience with it.. it gets SO Much easier!!

I don't know what your situation is, so I'm not sure if you could adapt the following to help: with giving up fear/blocks/anger/ect


BLOCKS
I recognize that I am holding on to blocks about losing weight from my past. I thank them, and honor them for helping me feel safe in the past, but I recognize that I no longer need them anymore. I will be safe without them. I will be ok. I choose to release and permanently give up any and all emotional, mental and physical blocks to permanent weightless. . Right now I now release any and all limiting beliefs, that are holding me back from what I consciously desire. I am now free to be to have and own a fit, healthy, beautiful, sexy body. And I choose this and make it my reality.


Hope that helps.

 

[C2W]

---

I don't know about these fancy pants, psychological techniques but I do know this--
after all the crap was cleared anyway and all the whining and crying was done,
it was time to make a FIRM decision---, what was I going to do about what had happened!?
There is only one of two answers, either I'm going to kill him OR--
I'm going to live.

Obviously I chose life---, how about you?
What you gonna do?

 

[1Browneyedguy]

mmmmmmm

You can always fantasize that you're Dirty Harry... Corner that SOB who's done you wrong and say

"This is a 44. Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and it could blow your head clean off. Do you feel lucky? "






OR





follow the good advice of all the others

 

[glynndah]

When you find out the answer to this, could you please pass it on?

 

[GiggLeGasm]

Let me begin by saying that I'm sorry you're going through this. Any trauma can resurface and sometimes when it's further down the line, it's so unexpected that it's like being blindsided.

If the strategies you've tried in the past aren't working, it may be because you're attempting to heal the person you were a long time ago when those strategies were effective. If it's been a while since you spoke with someone professionally, it may be something worth visiting again. Maybe you're ready to enlist new techniques. Maybe things have happened in the interim that complicate the situation in ways you can't recognise on your own.

Regarding abuse, there are many educational programs that have been developed in the past decade. Maybe trying again with fresh eyes would help you.
Either way, blessings to you as you learn how to avoid being a victim of your own life.

 

[warrior queen]

I asked my Omi (Grandmother) this question before she died.
She'd gone through some of the worst experiences life could possibly throw at someone, including surviving the WWll death camps and losing most of her children.
Her answer?
"That was yesterday. I can't change yesterday. I can't predict tomorrow either. All I can do is be here now and be thankful that right now, nothing bad is happening."

She put it into perspective.