How do you handle it when you are shunned and treated like shit for being different?

[Starfish]

I take it very personally, and I cry about it, no matter how much I tell myself those people shouldn't matter. I always back away, because I am not a fighter in futile situations, anymore.

Does backing out make me weak? Does it make me a pussy?
I don't know, but I try to save my fight power for that which I see is worth fighting for.

See, some people feel you have to prove yourself to them, by taking a corporally administered mental 'beating', so they can have fun with it, and feel superior to you, and if you take it up the ass by them long enough, in good humor, based on their judgement alone, then you might be 'blessed' with finally becoming 'okay' in their book and then, oh goodie, you've "made it", no matter what your true self worth was from the get go.

This kind of frat like, iniciation crap I can do without, and I am sure that many others can also do without it. It is archaic and juvinile. It is not decent, or acceptable and I don't want any part of it, no matter where it occurs in life. I AM FUCKING SICK OF IT!

 

[alltherage]

Re: How do you handle it when you are shunned and treated like shit for being different?

I take it very personally, and I cry about it, no matter how much I tell myself those people shouldn't matter. I always back away, because I am not a fighter in futile situations, anymore.

Does backing out make me weak? Does it make me a pussy?
I don't know, but I try to save my fight power for that which I see is worth fighting for.

See, some people feel you have to prove yourself to them, by taking a corporally administered mental 'beating', so they can have fun with it, and feel superior to you, and if you take it up the ass by them long enough, in good humor, based on their judgement alone, then you might be 'blessed' with finally becoming 'okay' in their book and then, oh goodie, you've "made it", no matter what your true self worth was from the get go.

This kind of frat like, iniciation crap I can do without, and I am sure that many others can also do without it. It is archaic and juvinile. It is not decent, or acceptable and I don't want any part of it, no matter where it occurs in life. I AM FUCKING SICK OF IT!

The last overt time this happened I got a divorce. One of my teachers thinks that my attempt at finishing my advanced degree is pointless. He is sexist and feels that because I have two kids and am a single mom that I am wasting his time. I avoid him. I know that sounds cowardly but there is a political imperative in my actions. I hate it though and every night, once the kids are asleep, I break out my voodoo doll and set his cock on fire.

 

[bluespoke]

Get it all the time. A wheelchair can do that. I just ignore the braindead shits! Like you, I know I'm better than them.

 

[Jacqline]

I don't waste my time on people that feel the need to judge. My suggestion would be to surround yourself with people who are more like you and will honor you instead of try to tear you down.

 

[Wiggles]

Re: How do you handle it when you are shunned and treated like shit for being different?

I take it very personally, and I cry about it, no matter how much I tell myself those people shouldn't matter. I always back away, because I am not a fighter in futile situations, anymore.

-From what I've read below why would you want to fit in with people like this??

Does backing out make me weak? Does it make me a pussy?
I don't know, but I try to save my fight power for that which I see is worth fighting for.

-Hell no, it makes you a reasonable person. Save your energy.

See, some people feel you have to prove yourself to them, by taking a corporally administered mental 'beating', so they can have fun with it, and feel superior to you, and if you take it up the ass by them long enough, in good humor, based on their judgement alone, then you might be 'blessed' with finally becoming 'okay' in their book and then, oh goodie, you've "made it", no matter what your true self worth was from the get go.

- Run! Run fast! Don't take any verbal abuse. This sounds like a high school clique. I feel sorry for the people that finally made it *IN*.

This kind of frat like, iniciation crap I can do without, and I am sure that many others can also do without it. It is archaic and juvinile. It is not decent, or acceptable and I don't want any part of it, no matter where it occurs in life. I AM FUCKING SICK OF IT!
-You go sista! Just walk away!

What are we talking about again?

 

[Starfish]

Jacqline, you have a good point, but the real problem for me is, and to this day, I have met very few people who are even remotly like me, and to be honest, there is only one person that I know of that is like me, and he is totally unatainable for a friendship. I am really different. I like that, I don't want to be like everyone else, but it would just be nice if, when it came down to details (not general understanding, because I know that many do try), if someone would connect and really relate to me. I am tolerated and well liked here. I fit in, to a degree, well, enough to not be shunned. That is a good thing.

I know this happens to all people, in all walks of life. Everyone faces this. But how many people spend their whole lives detached from any kind of deep bonding with other people, just because there is no one else like them.

It all just sucks.

Another thing that is bothering me is that if we've all felt the pain of it, why do we turn around and do it to others? Does it seem like a good solution to not wanting to give tolerence, understanding, love to something that we don't like, understand or naturally love? In the end, it seems weaker to me then those who just walk away.

I don't understand why we do that to our fellow humans. I am guilty of it, to a degree, I am sure, but I stopped myself from ever becoming comfortable with it. I would always feel quilty, and for the most part, when ever I make fun of a friend that knows I am kidding, I still feel bad.

I have a pic of me, finger flipped up and everything, ready to post to the asshole who has been giving me no tolerence or understanding, and I don't know if it is right.

To me, it says.... 'this is who I am, and where I stand with you.' and I feel I need to say one last thing.

Then my heart says "Your opening yourself up to more crap... just let it go". I am glad I listen to my heart more then my head. It still sucks.


(Wiggles, you're right..... cliquishness is distructive to the worth of ones true self, and I've worked long and hard to be who I am, to let it get eaten up by some innane people, who have no sence of humor, or fun, unless it is all within their realm of thinking.)

 

[bluespoke]

Not posting the 'finger flip' is probably the right thing to do. As you say it doesn't open you up to any more crap.

However, if you do post it, you may find out you have more understanding friends than you ever realised.

And why shouldn't the miscreant feel the full force of your wrath and the wrath of all your friends.

 

[Black_Bird]

Jacqline, you have a good point, but the problem is, and to this day, I have met very few people who are even remotly like me, and to be honest, there is only one person that I know of that is like me, and he is totally unatainable for a friendship. I am really different. I like that, I don't want to be like everyone else, but it would just be nice if, when it came down to details (not general understanding, because I know that many do try), if someone would connect and really relate to me.

I know this happens to all people, in all walks of life. Everyone faces this. But how many people spend their whole lives detached from any kind of deep bonding with other people, just because there is no one else like them.

Hon, I spent most of my life with out any real friends because of this exact situation. Believe me, they are not worth your time. Wait and find someone who is cool enough to understand you.

There are only three people in my life right now that I feel truely understand me. Everybody else, I keep in the dark.

It all just sucks.

Another thing that is bothering me is that if we've all felt the pain of it, why do we turn around and do it to others? Does it seem like a good solution to not wanting to give tolerence, understanding, love to something that we don't like, understand or naturally love? In the end, it seems weaker to me then those who just walk away.

I don't understand why we do that to our fellow humans. I am guilty of it, to a degree, I am sure, but I stopped myself from ever becoming comfortable with it. I would always feel quilty, and for the most part, when ever I make fun of a friend that knows I am kidding, I still feel bad.

I have a pic of me, finger flipped up and everything, ready to post to the asshole who has been giving me no tolerence or understanding, and I don't know if it is right.

To me, it says.... 'this is who I am, and where I stand with you.' and I feel I need to say one last thing.

Then my heart says "Your opening yourself up to more crap... just let it go". I am glad I listen to my heart more then my head. It still sucks.

This person, who ever it is, isn't worth the effort. Just cut him off and let *him* go. If you have to prove yourself to them, then they are not your friend.

And for good measure... *Hugs*

 

[Jacqline]

Jacqline, you have a good point, but the problem is, and to this day, I have met very few people who are even remotly like me, and to be honest, there is only one person that I know of that is like me, and he is totally unatainable for a friendship. I am really different. I like that, I don't want to be like everyone else, but it would just be nice if, when it came down to details (not general understanding, because I know that many do try), if someone would connect and really relate to me.

I know this happens to all people, in all walks of life. Everyone faces this. But how many people spend their whole lives detached from any kind of deep bonding with other people, just because there is no one else like them.

It all just sucks.

Another thing that is bothering me is that if we've all felt the pain of it, why do we turn around and do it to others? Does it seem like a good solution to not wanting to give tolerence, understanding, love to something that we don't like, understand or naturally love? In the end, it seems weaker to me then those who just walk away.

Starfish:

People don't have to be like you in every way to connect with you. All you need is for them to honor you as a human being and you them.........that can be a basis.......I have friendships where we agree to disagree but that doesn't mean that we don't care about each other.

Another thing I have learned is that people can only hurt you if you give them the power to hurt you........step out of the place of being hurt and concentrate on the positive things you can do for yourself..................you are welcome to pm me with any questions you may have........I care...........

 

[koalabear]

Don't fit the mold......just be Starfish! and fark em if they can't take it!

 

[Starfish]

Actually, I don't have any friends at the place that I've been treated like shit at. I am not about to open the door to this place up to my Lit friends, because I fear some of you guys would pummel this fucktards ass with full force, and intensity, just because his little intro thingy to the board preaches about open mindedness, tolerence, acceptance of differences, and a bunch of other malarkie. His posts to me were totally contradictory of his supposed morality that is stated in his board decree, and I find it to be totally hypocritical, to say the least.

I am just walking away. I have nothing to gain or loose. It isn't a matter of my having been there for over a year or something. I just posted there like..... well.. 26 times, over two months, to be exact. Not once did I degrade, or flame anyone.

Maybe the freak is worried I'll take some of his flare away. Who knows? Oh well.

I'd still like to hear what others do when they get shunned.

 

[Demian]

Water Off a Duck's Back

But when it's corporate, I always get Fired...

I'm a Musician but not rich enough...oh, and Madonna iz my hero

 

[Starfish]

Jacq, so true. I will take your advice and move on.

Demain, though I still like to think of you as IS, The corporate thing sucks. It is so lame to have that sort of pettiness arise in a business situation. People should leave their bias at the door, when they fill the roll of their jobs. It is hard to do, but it is the only way that one can be fair to everyone.

When Alltherage pointed out that her educator was being that way, I just got more pissed. I would be taking it to the Dean. That person has no right to fuck with her life like that. What a pantload!

 

[Desert Amazon]

 

[Starfish]

Yes, DA said it! Have class..... I have class and I am not about to go and insult them to give them justification for their beliefs about me.


I was just really mad.

I am glad that this wasn't a matter on this BB. I feel that it has been a big occurance in the past here. Hell it happend to me by a few when I first came here, but it is good to see the maturity level here at lit has somewhat evened out. (where it needed to)

 

[Angel]

I'd still like to hear what others do when they get shunned.

I've never been shunned, Fishy. I don't know what to say to you. I've probably been guilty of shunning someone in the past too. So even more so, I don't know what to say.

All I can say to you is that you are a wonderful, beautiful person, and I consider myself lucky to be able to call you "Friend". Anybody who shuns you is missing out on the opportunity to have someone so incredibly kind and loving and beautiful in their life.

 

[Starfish]

Angel....

I shun thee.....


Okay, I take it back.

How did it feel for those split seconds?



Wiggles, Just so you know, we are talking about hardcore fucking action.

 

[Astro]

I have never fitted the social mold. I went to an all-boys public school (ie: homophobic) and wore an AIDS awareness ribben (a friend of mine has AIDS). This fucked the closed minded little fucks of, I didn't care.

As for a work situation, leave. It is your mental health that is at risk, working in a hostile environment hurts you. As for my advise, the people here at Lit may be special but there are people out there who will like you for who you are. I would stay cool and get another job - then you can ebomb and virus them back to the stone age - just be sure u dont get caught - we'd miss you.

 

[Angel]

Thanks, Fishy! I always wanted you to be my first shun

 

[Starfish]

Astro, you seem so cool an openminded. It's good to have more folks that could give a rats ass about the differences in people.

Angel, You be good now. I did as you asked, but no flaming.

 

[Jacqline]

You see, Starfish, people come out of the woodwork when they see that someone is hurting...........can't you feel the support here? Forget the few and enjoy the rest of us here............

 

[Starfish]

I see Jacqline, you're just trying to con me into coming here more.


I do know how many folks here love me, and I hope they know how much I care too. I feel that it is all fine now, but I still have concern for the losers, even if they don't deserve it.



Big hugs to you all.

 

[lickerish]

Fishie, love.. God broke the mold when he made you. It's true though, I have never met someone who is as strong willed, with your lovely points of view, and refreshing humor. You are a lovely person with whom I treasure... there are only a few people in this world that if they left me in body or spirit, I would have a huge void in my life.. and you are one of them.

Desert Amazon said it just right.. if someone cannot accept you for who or what you are, thats their loss. You are perfect just the way you are and you do not need to conform to anyone elses standards. My favorite mantra, is now my sigline.. think about it, if someone hurts you.. because they can't accept you or understand you.. then it's only because you let them. So don't let them. Right?

You can't please all of the people all of the time.. so do what pleases you honey.


Now, does my babygirl need a bootie/tatas fix?? Cuz you know I can fix that.. it's just one snapshot away

 

[Angel]

Astro, you seem so cool an openminded. It's good to have more folks that could give a rats ass about the differences in people.

Angel, You be good now. I did as you asked, but no flaming.

I looked and behaved

 

[Cotedebeaune]

For those who care......

about others' feelings