How do you get something out of your ass?

[JadedHeart]

I was listening to the radio the other night and some guy called in hoping for advice on how to get a wine cork out of his ass. The D.J. opened it up to the audience and took calls from people offering advice. Some of them were really funny, but no one came up with an idea that would actually work. (except of course to go to the emergancy room) So I thought that I would ask the question here to see if there were any better solutions.

 

[CW]

[No message]

 

[CRaZy]

Oh my God - i can't believe i am answering this but....when i was at uni one of my flatmates (do not ask!!!) got a glass stuck up there.....the doctor at the hospital inserted a piece of string till he touched the glass then plaster of parised it....when the plaster was dry he pulled on the string. Surprisingly my flatmate suffered no lasting effects except for being known as Glass Ass for the rest of his life.

 

[BlondGirl]

Working in the hospital, we see this probably about once every month or two. The thing is, if you are gonna shove ANYTHING up your ass, make damned good and sure it has a blunt end! think---> the traditional butt plug. NEVER ever let anyone put a vibe up your ass--i have a copy of an x-ray with a full thick 10 inch vobe up someone's ass--the way your ass works, it wants to close and will "suck up" things to close off (remember taking your baby's temp?--of course, rectal temp taking is not recomended by anyone with a brain anymore!)

Often, these folks end up in the o.r. having whatever it is "delivered".

LOL--once I had a guy come in complaining about his girlfriend sticking a screwdriver up his ass. X-rays were ordered, the tech managed to keep a straight face and did a front view and a side view of his lower abdomen--she freaked when nothing was there--assuming that the thing had punched through his intesting and was up near his stomach-she did another x-ray and-nope-nothing there--his girlfriend had tricked him and he had been digging at his butt for who knows how long--My guess is that she shoved something in and pulled it right back out. I wonder if they ever were friendly again. LOLOLOL

anyway--here is a great website to check out. And, yes, I do recognize some of the docs here. If you do somethign this stupid, your ass-play pix just might end up on this page.........

The Butt Page
http://www.well.com/user/cynsa/newbutt.html

Oh yeah, and if you are still under the delusion that you might be able to get something that is well lubed and slippery out of your tight ass, think again. Or better yet, try it with a vaginal toy--or even a diaphragm--those are no picnic to remove either. (Ever wonder why tampons have strings? If you think that would be hard to remove with out one, imagine removing that flashlight/trial sized shampoo bottle/ink pen/nail polish/mascara/etc Or, better yet, tomorrow, in the shower, take yoru shampoo bottle and coat the sides with it--now try to hold on to it and see if you thin you could actually pull it out of ANYTHING. Especially something squirming and potentially yelling.
Got the point?

(If I have saved even one of you from an embarassing E.R. visit and insurance claim, then my good dead for the day is DONE!)

 

[Sammyjo]

The A.M. radio station I listen to has an obsession with butts. They all claim it's an "exit only"...but they are continually talking about people sticking things up there. Funny...anyway...the best way is to just not stick anything up there...hard to do, I know...I relieve my anal frustrations by using a butt plug. I mean, at least I have something to grab onto to pull it out. However, I choose my partners carefully...and he will either be fucking my ass or he will find something to do it with...and hold the hell onto it!!! If I ever had to visit an ER for some stupid reason such as this, I'd never speak to him again...

 

[riff]

The Butt Page
http://www.well.com/user/cynsa/newbutt.html

My tonsils are throbbing I laughed so hard. Thanks... I e-mailed this to my parents and sisters!

 

[Guest]

Back to the original issue: When this happened to me, I used a corkscrew to retrieve it. By then, of course, the bouquet had taken on a distictly French aroma for a California chardonnay.

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

When I think I have heard it all.....

 

[Guest]

http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/s/cwm/eek5.gif A little different type of emergency room visit I knew of, but just as strange. If anyone remembers diaphragms use to have a flexable wire years ago to hold them in. I knew of someone who had the wire break during sex and the wire ... well... hooked through piercing her partners penis making it too painful for him to withdraw. They had to call the paramedics who carted them off to the hospital with him on top of her screaming. Wonder if she ever had any more dates after that one?