How do you get her to

[jboxcar]

I've read several stories about men who get their wives to go out and have sex with someone else, come back home had have a wonderful time describing the the situation.

Well, it's harder than you think to get them to do it or I'm doing something wrong. I can't understand why she would not jump at the opportunity to go out with anyone she wants to do anything she wants to with her husband knowing and actually wanting her to do it. But, she thinks I'm crazy for wanting her to do it.........

Can someone please tell me what I'm doing wrong.

 

[devils_daughter]

My bf has offered me the same thing...what you men are forgetting is...we said we'd be LOYAL to you! I keep telling him, the reason I can't accept his offer is because I promised to commit to him emotionally and sexually...if she doesn't want to, then leave her alone and let her do things at her pace. Pushing your partner into your fantasies will only end in tears.

 

[jboxcar]

I understand

I understand that...... And am not pushing in any way. That is why I am asking for advise. I'm sure all or the others that have did and enjoyed it had the same commitment but realized this could be fun.

 

[Eilan]

Okay, this is advice and not validation, so I'm sure you won't like what I have to say, but here goes.

As someone who has had a handful of threesomes in the past (but will NEVER play alone), I'm going to say that first of all, swinging/threesomes/open relationships are NOT for everyone. Secondly, you can't get/make/force your wife to do something unless SHE wants to do it in the first place. Since it doesn't seem that she wants to do this, I'd suggest dropping the subject for now.

When you refer to stories, are you referring to fictionalized accounts or things that people have shared on the boards (which may or may not be true)? Because stories are often based in fantasy, and while the IDEA of your wife fucking some hot stud and then telling you about it might be something really great to whack off to, the REALITY might be quite different.

Some of the guys who post on here would be happy if their wives fucked THEM once in a while. Be happy with what you have.

 

[SweetErika]

Sure. You're trying to "get her to do" something she doesn't want to do.

Now why might she not want to do it? Well, fucking someone else commonly causes major problems, which could easily end the relationship. A lot of people think they want their partners to go outside of the relationship, but the reality is much different... things like guilt, jealousy and resentment can creep in easily. This kind of thing takes a ton of thought, effort, and communication. Even if you have an extremely solid relationship in the first place, there will likely be some issues and there's no guarantee those won't screw it up royally. In addition, for many people sex without an emotional connection/commitment is unappealing. Some also fear their partner is encouraging it because THEY want to go outside the relationship too, and I'm sure you can see where that could be a frightening thought.

Some people are monogamous, and won't be comfortable going outside the relationship even if there's no possibility of problems. Others choose to be monogamous because they think they should or commited to be, aren't comfortable changing that, and rightly fear doing otherwise could be destructive. I'm not either of those types, but even one encounter brought on a lot of fear, some guilt, and issues, and that was scary.

If she enjoys the thought, fantasize and read stories together. Validate her fears, and maintain it's an idea you'd support if it was something SHE ever wanted to do, but don't expect her to. Let her initiate conversations, and perhaps even ask if it would be alright to check in with how she feels in a period of time (6 months, a year, etc.).

 

[yoshimitsu]

I am not married, nor have I shared an open relationship so I don't have direct experience in how to but there are a couple things to keep in mind.
All people are different. Some people are naturally permiscuis (probably spelled wrong) some people are naturally manogamus (Spelling?) most people are conditioned one way or another. If you have a person who was brougt up in a very open enviroment may be more open to an open relationship. Also beople who have been abused or have other mental issues may be more likely to take this lifestyle as a sort of rebellion. Maybe some of both.
If a person is brought up with strict values there will be serious resistance to trying something that pushes those values. Unless they have decided to rebel from the values in which case they will tend to go to the other extreme. It is also common that if one of these people is pushed into doing one of these things and likes it they may not be able to controll it as well as someone more natural to it. For example someone who is brought up in a situation where their parents are super hard core about them not doing drugs it is possible they never will due to those mental barriers but if they do get into it they may have a hard time metering their intake.

If your wife is resistant to this then I think it's best to leave it alone, at least for the most part. Also give up any hopes or expectations that it might happen. If you keep these hopes it is quite likely you will either eventually talk her into doing something she's not fully prepared for (most likely ruining your relationship), Or you will continually feel somewhat let down which will cause stress to your relationship and could ruin it as well.
Ask yourself why you want to share your wife and ask yourself if the real deal will be as good as the fantisy. I fantisize about doing things on a daily bassis that really turn me on but brought into real life may not be a turn on or could even cause me or others mental or phsyical harm.
Have you ever gotten jealous before? If so what caused it and how did you react to it. You may be suprised how it will effect you in real life. My GF was on a trip and watched some of our friends have sex and took pictuers. I was very suprised how that made me feel especially considering what a turn on it would be in my mind. I think one of the big things for me was that I wasn't there. If I had been I don't think it would have been a problem.

I have been thinking about maybe finding another couple or person for us to play with and she has shown interest as well however knowing how I reacted in the past I think my approach will be to (If we find people we like enough) hang out with them, get familiar, maybe lay around naked, give each other masages, maybe have sex in front of each other (I am fond of the idea of another couple for reasons like this, plus we will all be comitted rather than a third wheel. It could probably ave it's downsides as well though) without making too much contact. See how we feel about how things are going and play it by ear and feel. I think this would be a lot easier for me than finding some guy to bang my girl and pump her full of cum. Plus I would prefer having a good relationship already laid down before sex coming into the pic.

As far as getting her interest, ask her if she has any fantisies. If any come up about someone else like for example she has the hots for brad pit explore the thought a bit. Try role playing and see if she gets off on it, see if she shows any interest. If not leave it alone, if she does then take it slow and ask yourself if this is something you really want.

 

[LadyJeanne]

She may not want to have sex with a guy she doesn't love.

She might be concerned about STDs. Or pregnancy. Condoms slip, break.

She might be concerned about her husband's reaction to her actually having sex with another man.

She might be afraid she'll like having sex with another man. If she meets someone she really likes, likes enough to want to have sex with, she might want to meet him again and often. When does that become an affair? Or does he become a boyfriend? What if she falls in love with him? Where does that leave her marriage?

She might believe in monogamy as one of the keys to success in marriage.

She might wonder if her husband is only turned on when he's thinking about her with someone else.

 

[yoshimitsu]

damn You two finished before me.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

As a male I can honestly say that I have never understood this fantasy.

However, I do know someone who had this fantasy and she was reluctant for a number of reasons. They worked it out by him being there as an observer with full knowledge on the part of the other man. It was also up to the wife to pick the man she wanted. I understand that it took some months before she figured out who she would like for the adventure, but it came and went without a hitch.

Good luck.

 

[Cuckold's Dream]

I've read several stories about men who get their wives to go out and have sex with someone else, come back home had have a wonderful time describing the the situation.

Well, it's harder than you think to get them to do it or I'm doing something wrong. I can't understand why she would not jump at the opportunity to go out with anyone she wants to do anything she wants to with her husband knowing and actually wanting her to do it. But, she thinks I'm crazy for wanting her to do it.........

Can someone please tell me what I'm doing wrong.

This is interesting because I am the flipside to your coin. Hence my handle. I am a wife who loves a husband who has the same fantasy as you. And yes. I am willing and want to do it..for him and me....but that doesnt clearly apply to all wives. My concern is nailing all the risks so that it doesnt go wrong because I love my husband and our marriage.

Maybe my expeirience will help you. Had you ask me four years ago and I would have told you where to go. So what's changed?. First is my background. I have never slept around. While my friends were picking up men all over the place, I refused to. Without wishing to sound arrogant, it wasnt that I was short of offers. Irony is that men would hit on me first and end up with my friends.

But I've always wanted to know what it was like to be a slut. The idea really excited me. So my husband was able to play on that.

The trigger was an actual experience a year ago. We went to a dance and my husband was networking the room and had to leave me most of the night chatting with a really nice good looking guy. We had a good time flirting etc and it was obvious to my husband at least that yes we did like each other. That night afterwards my husband fucked my brains out pretending to be the other guy. It was great....So that was the catalyst. I got off on both the idea of being nailed by this other guy and exciting my husband at the same time. He got off on me being incredibly excited by it all.
The upshot is that in two weeks time this other guy is going to fuck me all night and I cant wait.

How this can help you? Try and find an opportunity where your wife is with somebody she likes or might like to flirt with. And then afterwards subtly mention him in the right context and demonstrate how much it excites you. Hopefully she'll like the results and you would have planted the seed of the idea in her head. Good Luck!

 

[M's girl]

Lady Jeanne hit the nail right on the head.... as usual.

So basically what you are asking us is "why isn't my fantasy her fantasy"...? Oh boy.... where to begin....

You know..... some people are in a relationship and only commit one on one. I think she should start to wonder if she wants to be with you if you don't want her exclusively for yourself.... think about that!

 

[Guest]

 

[devils_daughter]

You really do have to go careful here. My bf kept pushing and pushing me, and five months down the line, we still fight about it. He already had a girl picked out for a threesome and because I've had some bad experiences with men, it's difficult for me to trust them, so to let someone I love fuck someone else in front of me frightened me. In the end, he wouldn't leave me alone about it, and it's ended up that friends have to re-arrange their plans to make sure me and this girl don't meet, I don't want him anywhere near her (because she wanted to fuck him with or without me there) and I ended up in a full blown fist fight with her last time I saw her. You're walking a really fine line here between wanting a fantasy to come true and really fucking your wife's head up!

 

[yoshimitsu]

You really do have to go careful here. My bf kept pushing and pushing me, and five months down the line, we still fight about it. He already had a girl picked out for a threesome and because I've had some bad experiences with men, it's difficult for me to trust them, so to let someone I love fuck someone else in front of me frightened me. In the end, he wouldn't leave me alone about it, and it's ended up that friends have to re-arrange their plans to make sure me and this girl don't meet, I don't want him anywhere near her (because she wanted to fuck him with or without me there) and I ended up in a full blown fist fight with her last time I saw her. You're walking a really fine line here between wanting a fantasy to come true and really fucking your wife's head up!

Kick him in tha balls.
I don't know anything about the rest of your relationship but that sounds like a pretty asshole thing to do.


As confucious or some dude say
Pushing harder will only cause more resistance.

 

[Hooper_X]

Can someone please tell me what I'm doing wrong.

You're trying to get your woman to bang another man. Now, if you wanted her to make sweet sapphic love to another woman, that effort would have my unqualified support.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Well not sure what else I can add, but I can't help myself. You can't push your mate to do something they do not want to do. Communicating about your fantasies brings understanding, but does not mean they should be fulfilled at will. I htink it's good that you converyed this fantasy to her, but if it's not something she is intersted in, then you have a choice to make. Either put the fantasy on the never gonna happen shelf, or find anohter mate before you wind up ruining her life. If you can't be happy with who you are with, you should pack it up.

Now, This isn't to say that mates shouldn't compromise or be afraid to try new things. Being willing to explore your mate's fantasies is important to a healthy relationship. There is a line though, and there are just some things that a person can not bring themselves to do. This could be different for every person, but there are generally a few issues that are Hot Topics: Bondage, S&M, multiple partners, etc.

Issues like this aren't like trying to get your woman to try oral sex, or let you cum on her face. The worst that happens there is a little pain or they get grossed out. Driving your woman into another man's arms however, brings up a whole slew of emotional issues that can be really tough to deal with and can easily devestate her. Likewise, constant pushing on any subject can turn her frigid because she begins to think you don't find her attractive because she won't satisfy your every want and need.

It just comes down to simply what is more important, your relationship or your fantasy? Personally, like so many up here, I don't see the turn on. I knwo for a fact that if I pushed a bit and we found the right girl I could get my wife to let another woman into our bed with us, but I also know that should she ever request it, I couldn't reciprocate with another guy. As big a fantasy as it is to have two women, even if it were presented to me I could not do it, because I have a firm belief in monogamy. My wife and I have the same views here, but if we didn't we'd be faced with a tough choice. What is more important, our marriage or our fantasies.