how do you find the right dom???

[applebug]

I would like some advice from anyone, i am new to this worl of D/s and i would like to know how do you find the right Dom? i have read all the books and done different searches but all i keep getting is dirty replies, i.e., "i can give you what you want you dity little slut!" this is not what i am into and i am at a complete loss.
hopeless in phoenix...help!

 

[HottieMama]

Try to interact with people in a no or less pressure situation..like this message board or others that are out there. For every 5 PMs you get..you might meet one person that is worth your time...Take the time to get to know them, which can be easy to do if you are comfortable talking about yourself, or less easy if you are shy or uncomfortable. Talk, talk and talk some more. You'll know when it feels right....

Ehh..just my 2 cents

 

[CutieMouse]

It's also can be rather entertaining to verbally destroy the rude ones... just sayin'.

 

[applebug]

thanks...both interesting comments! appreciate it....

 

[HottieMama]

It's also can be rather entertaining to verbally destroy the rude ones... just sayin'.

Ok..second time you have cracked me up in 5 minutes...You're absolutely right.



Applebug..It has also been my experience...that someone who PMs you and has no posts on the actual board is only looking to get in your pants and doesn't really give two shits about anything else.. Again, JMO.

 

[applebug]

tell meabout it! i just actually started talking with this new found dom and after only one week, he was like "i am being watch...i will talk with you later" and that was it! we had great conversation but how on earth????? it just doesnt make sense. if you arent interested in taking a convo any farther, cant you just say it?

 

[skittles_lm]

It's also can be rather entertaining to verbally destroy the rude ones... just sayin'.

Yup. This is the best! I wonder, do you think they have a network that warns the new Doms which subs bite back? lol
Seriously, just do not jump in. Get to know people for awhile. A good, long while. A real Dom will know that you need trust to make anything work. Trust does not come in minutes, or days. I know you will want to jump right in, but a man who will let you do that is not going to give you what you need. Kinky sex does not equal BDSM. Good luck sweets. Come say hi or ask questions whenever.

 

[applebug]

Thanks skittles...
its just so time consuming, makes ya wanna drink...lol

 

[skittles_lm]

Thanks skittles...
its just so time consuming, makes ya wanna drink...lol

I know babe, I know.

But trust me, it is worth the wait.

Unless you like being hurt by a bunch of idiots and being jaded when you find the right one...

 

[applebug]

What about the personals? I havent really gone there yet! any warnings?

 

[HottieMama]

What about the personals? I havent really gone there yet! any warnings?

I judge them this way...if someone is serious about finding someone they will take the time to write a well-thought out personal that gives a sense of who they are. Beware of the one-liners.

 

[Auraka6669]

Yup. This is the best! I wonder, do you think they have a network that warns the new Doms which subs bite back? lol
Seriously, just do not jump in. Get to know people for awhile. A good, long while. A real Dom will know that you need trust to make anything work. Trust does not come in minutes, or days. I know you will want to jump right in, but a man who will let you do that is not going to give you what you need. Kinky sex does not equal BDSM. Good luck sweets. Come say hi or ask questions whenever.

Oh I don't know about that trust thing.... it can come in minutes.

But seriously for all intents and purposes, relax. A good Dom will do more than just spank you. He'll also be able to make you laugh, think, and hold a... fuck, what are those things called again? Damn it, I had one last month I think.... Liquid Heroin? No that's not it.... shit. oh yeah!...

CONVERSATION.

 

[ammre]

my advice is just to be pickey now.
I mean if you're going to trust them with your shiz then you get the right to be like, uh nahhhh, kthx, bye.

 

[CutieMouse]

I don't mean to be cryptic or anything, it's just that I can not stand those who act as if a person's submission = instant mindless obedience and f*ck toy to the World.

Post to online communities (Lit's BDSM section/collarme.com/etc) so people get a feel for you. You could try online Personals ads, but from what I've read, utilizing the "delete" key will be commonplace. Getting active in the local community/going to munches is a low key way to put yourself "out there" in a safe(r) environment.

If you're looking to meet people face to face- use common sense. Have a safe call set up/meet in a public place/don't have sex on the first date.

Some people don't like my opinion on this, but I believe how one presents onself, does influence the response one gets. Which is why my avatars are always of myself, but never overtly sexual in nature (the current heels shot is about as sexy as it gets around here LOL) why my profile states that I don't "cyber", and why I rarely share personal things online. I expect to be treated like a Lady; if I were to write a personals ad, it would reflect that. (Not that everyone would bother reading it before making the mistake of sending me an "on ur knees B*tch!" PM, but it can act as a filter of sorts.) My last real "asshat" PM was several months ago, and by the time I finished with him he sent a very sincere apology for wasting my time with such a rude and presumptious message.

 

[nowgirl]

Thanks skittles...
its just so time consuming, makes ya wanna drink...lol

.....hands you a beer....

it's no different than any other 'nilla relationship... you have to take time to get to know someone - even more so with this!!

take time to read through the threads here - ask questions - get to know people here... you might have someone respond to what you're posting here & want to get to know you better.

just be careful for the "care 2 chat? u r hot!" PMs!!!

 

[Etoile]

I recommend reading the Asshat Awards thread over in the Cafe. It's educational AND entertaining!

 

[Netzach]

I feel for you ladies, I don't know what I'd do if I were a hetero femsub. Probably take up drinking. People moan about the rarity of femdoms, but seriously, male doms who aren't dick-faces is at least as narrow a subset of the world.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I feel for you ladies, I don't know what I'd do if I were a hetero femsub. Probably take up drinking. People moan about the rarity of femdoms, but seriously, male doms who aren't dick-faces is at least as narrow a subset of the world.

To true Netzach....

And I'm in Columbia, SC... a long way from our OP in Phoenix!

Maybe we should introduce her to Betticus?

 

[skittles_lm]

To true Netzach....

And I'm in Columbia, SC... a long way from our OP in Phoenix!

Maybe we should introduce her to Betticus?

Oh, yeah, let's do that! That'll teach her real quick...

You are such a sadist, Sir. We all know this, but at times it needs reiterating.

Dear lord...intorduce her to Bett...

 

[ltnsfr007]

Need a ____________ to corner & surround the one above me

Good Moaning Skittles

 

[ahveel]

Hey Applebug! Same here. New also and I've been getting all sorts of PMs over at the other sites I've tried out. "We're a D/s couple and we'll be there for a week. Would love for you to join us for a threesome." or "I love asian girls, I'll be there from... Here's my contact." As if I'm that easy! *Sigh*

I don't even know why they bother to PM me when i specifically stated that i'm not looking for couples, group orgies, etc. nor am i interested to meet yet. I'm still trying to absorb everything i can and am certainly not yet ready to just meet anyone who PMs me for a quickie.

But based on my very limited experience and after a bunch of HNGs, I did start communicating with someone. I specifically stated at first that I'm not interested in meeting him but just want to learn from him and lo and behold! He agreed. We've been keeping in contact ever since. Him answering my questions and teaching me anything under the stars. I, of course, haven't given out any information about myself that would endanger me (just in case he turns out to be some psycho). That's it so far.

Oh and how i wish there were munches where i live! Being stuck in a city where everyone knows everybody is so not fun.

Catholic + conservative society + traditional chinese parents = frustrated girl

Thank god I'm about to leave and get away from these watchful eyes.

 

[Chicklet]

my advice is just to be pickey now.
I mean if you're going to trust them with your shiz then you get the right to be like, uh nahhhh, kthx, bye.

yeah, seriously don't be afraid of being picky. There are plenty of good doms out there for you to reject even what sounds like a great match if it doesn't work out well.

I just had to reject someone who I really get along with, have all the same interests, enjoy his company, but there's no spark! It sucks, but rejection is sometimes necessary! Don't settle for anything less than what you want!

 

[WriterDom]

But aren't 'Doms' who set off all kind of red flags from the beginning kind of doing you a favor? They only took three seconds of your life from you.

A little longer if you verbally destroy them I guess.

 

[skittles_lm]

But aren't 'Doms' who set off all kind of red flags from the beginning kind of doing you a favor? They only took three seconds of your life from you.

A little longer if you verbally destroy them I guess.

That is the best part, you know. Teaches them before they ruin a sweet little newbie, hopefully.

 

[liberatedslave]

As a message of hope applebug, I met my Sir here on Lit in the chatroom. I'd hesitate to recommend it as it's full of HNG (horny net geeks) who just want to cyber. I didn't have a personal ad here but I do know others who met their SOs that way. You will get loads of stupid "Kneel bitch!" pms to delete but you'll also get a handful of genuine guys desperately seeking miss right. The net allows you to veto the frogs without kissing them first so although time consuming it does have advantages. Good luck x