How do you deal with a computer virus?

[4est_4est_Gump]

Software fix or Gallagher mallet?



Fear and Loathing at Commerce
How a simple computer bug was mistaken for an act of war.
Kevin D. Williamson, NRO
JULY 10, 2013

Somebody at the Department of Commerce opened the wrong e-mail attachment. After spending $2.7 million on a laughable campaign to physically destroy virtually every piece of information technology at the Economic Development Administration, the Commerce Department issued an audit reading, in effect, “Oops.” That report was hardly noticed among the competing evidence of Obama administration incompetence until it was highlighted by Peter Bright of Ars Technica. It’s worth paying attention to.

The trouble began in December 2011, when the Department of Homeland Security alerted Commerce that it had discovered a possible malware infection in the department, specifically within the network located within the Hoover Building. The EDA’s immediate reaction — based on absolutely nothing — was: cyberwar! According to the audit, the main concern among the EDA’s top brass was that the agency was under attack by a nation-state actor. There was no evidence to support that fear, and a good deal of evidence to the contrary, but the EDA basically went to whatever is the Commerce Department’s version of DEFCON 1.

Which is sort of funny, if you know anything about the organization. The EDA is on the short list for least important agency in the federal government. If you want an indicator of how picayune its activities are, check out its most recent press releases: “U.S. Economic Development Administration invests $4.1 million to support business growth and job creation in North Carolina,” “U.S. Economic Development Administration invests $1.4 million to help establish a trans-border industrial trades training center in Great Falls, Montana,” “U.S. Economic Development Administration invests $9.8 million to help rebuild critical highway link in Mankato, Minn.” You’ll notice a formula there: [U.S. Economic Development Administration] + [dollar amount in low millions] + [locality] = basically a giant machine for generating multimillion-dollar grants and press releases for politically favored business interests in important congressional districts. The second paragraph of virtually every EDA press release begins with the words “The Obama administration is committed to,” while the third paragraph is generally dedicated to whichever governor or member of Congress is being greased. EDA is a corporate-welfare machine of the most familiar Washington variety, one that, to his credit, Representative Mike Pompeo (R., Kan.) tried to defund — an effort that was frustrated in part by his fellow Republicans.

If the Chi-Coms wanted to hurt the U.S. economy, they wouldn’t attack EDA; they’d hire a lobbyist to increase its funding.

But self-importance is epidemic in Washington. Rather than acknowledge the fact that the malware was almost certainly the result of somebody’s clicking on a link to an infected funny-cat video on a department computer, EDA proceeded as though it were facing the tip of the spear in a cyberwar attack by a foreign power. First it cut its computers off from the rest of the network in an effort to keep the malware from spreading, a defensible decision if one that was overcautious in light of the evidence, which pointed to nothing more than a common infection. What happened next, though, demonstrated fascinating ineptitude: Rather than simply identifying the infected computers and fixing them, the agency set about physically destroying its IT hardware — not just computers, but keyboards, printers, digital cameras, and other equipment entirely unrelated to the problem.

This being the federal government, contractors made a killing: EDA spent a mere $4,300 on the process of physically destroying $170,500 worth of computers and equipment, but spent another $1.4 million on advice from contractors, and another $1 million on temporary computers to use while it was destroying the ones it already had.

The only thing that stopped EDA from destroying its entire IT infrastructure was that it ran out of money to fund the demolition.

....

 

[Wat_Tyler]

That's so sad for all of those poor gummint worker bees.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Do not take your new Government Motors vehicle to the Government Mechanic, he might smash your computers and put in Ford computers...

 

[Wat_Tyler]

One more reason to like my old Dodge. It runs on good old-fashioned values.


And magic.

 

[Byron In Exile]

DEFCON 1 is when you break out the floppy drive and boot NTFS4DOS.

Computer equivalent of brain surgery.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

One more reason to like my old Dodge. It runs on good old-fashioned values.


And magic.

One good solar flare could take out my truck...

Computer Salad Surgery

DEFCON 1 is when you break out the floppy drive and boot NTFS4DOS.

Computer equivalent of brain surgery.

I got rid of all my floppy drives.

Will they go retro like vinyl?

 

[Wat_Tyler]

 

[Byron In Exile]

I got rid of all my floppy drives.

Will they go retro like vinyl?

No. They're good for only one thing:

Booting a version of DOS that can read and write NTFS volumes.

 

[Wat_Tyler]

Only thing I got volumes of is NSFW.


I had one ol' computer I reformatted and reinstalled the OS on for four years, until everything finally took the Big Alien Shit.


Where's the magic in tuning your race car with a laptop, damn it? Druther tuna fish.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

You cannot scratch a floppy, this is true, but you can lay scratch with the classic MOPARerrrrrr...


Aaarrrrgggggghhhhhhh!

 

[Wat_Tyler]

I just had a thought. There are those who can, and they do. Then there are those who cannot, and they teach.


But what about the ones we see around here sometimes who can neither do nor teach?


I know: those who can neither do nor teach, post on Lit.


Okay, I'm either getting more coffee or going back to bed.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

[voice=Ralphie Wiggum] I post at Lit...


[/voice]

 

[Wat_Tyler]

*belches and breaks wind*


Yeah . . . what's your point?


There's posting at Lit, and then there's trying to raise it to an Art Form.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Or at least to the level of civil discourse...


We're getting a perfect description of what you allude to this morning in the Treyvon Martin thread.

:nods:

 

[Wat_Tyler]

That thread should be about 5 posts long. Point: the case went to trial. Point: no one here is on the jury or has fuck-all to say on the subject. Point: no one here knows what the jury now knows and will continue to learn until well after the fact. Point: if the state and the defendant trust the jury to make a decision, then we as citizens owe it the same trust. So, shut the motherfuck up, which brings me to, Point: no camera should ever be allowed in a courtroom for any reason, ever, until Allah blows up the earth for good and all.


Then, after the trial is over and the verdict announce, use the gasoline or ammo you stockpiled in the meantime as you see fit.


The fucking computer has gotten like the Idiot Box as far as "news" goes . . . which means it'll get turned off soon enough, too.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

*chuckle*

 

[Wat_Tyler]

How cars hike up their shirts to flash you their tits:

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

I like the black titties too!

 

[Wat_Tyler]

Bust an oil drip and they come pre-lubed.


The Steel Slut has a tranny fluid leak somewhere in the lines and it's being a bitch by not letting me find it. Next project: all new brakes and lines, from pedal to wheels. That'll run around $2K.


A guy told me last week he has a '74 Dart he wants to unload, and the pittance he gave for it a few years ago. I told him to figure out what he wants for it and to let me know. An A-body project would be lotsa fun, and about 600 pounds lighter without doing a thing.


If I already said it, ignore it. Or put me on iggy. Ask Laurel to banish me. Worst of all, sic Princess on me . . . .

 

[Wat_Tyler]

Odds are, you know who you are:

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Bust an oil drip and they come pre-lubed.


The Steel Slut has a tranny fluid leak somewhere in the lines and it's being a bitch by not letting me find it. Next project: all new brakes and lines, from pedal to wheels. That'll run around $2K.


A guy told me last week he has a '74 Dart he wants to unload, and the pittance he gave for it a few years ago. I told him to figure out what he wants for it and to let me know. An A-body project would be lotsa fun, and about 600 pounds lighter without doing a thing.


If I already said it, ignore it. Or put me on iggy. Ask Laurel to banish me. Worst of all, sic Princess on me . . . .

Who says I would even be able to remember it?

Half the time, I do not know what day of the week it is.

I know I have some meetings with corporate on Monday; hope I remember the suit...

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

 

[Wat_Tyler]

Who says I would even be able to remember it?

Half the time, I do not know what day of the week it is.

I know I have some meetings with corporate on Monday; hope I remember the suit...

Yeah, I have to speak Sunday, but they're getting the third string jacket and khakis. Think Tebow at strong safety. It's good enough for them.


I at least want to go see this Dart. I'm thinking . . . pro street.


Okay, off to the Stimulus. There may be an ammo purchase at the New Inflated Pricing in my near future.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

I bought ammo this week.





I am stimulating the REAL America...