How do you cope?

G

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What do you do, how are you supposed to feel when the person you love more than life itself, just walks away?

No explanation, no reason.

After being together for so long? How are you supposed to react?You have no closure, no idea it was coming and they won't talk or explain?

Is it normal to feel so devastated? So fucking empty? So lost?

So many emotions-anger, pain, betrayal, hurt, such a feeling of total loss.
 
Yes. It is very normal to feel this way. I think most people would feel such things after a significant loss. I'm sorry you are experiencing this pain. It will heal in time.
 
Yep, perfectly reasonable.

I felt this way about one of my ex bf's, who just quit coming around the day of his birthday...

Until I found him with his new girl friend over at her apartment...

Grrr....


*Hugs* to you.
 
While it IS normal to feel this way, it doesn't take away from the gut wrenching pain. I thought I had lost someone I love very much, and I couldn't breathe. My stomach was in knots, I shook all over. I wanted to lay down and die. Thoughts of that person kept playing over and over in my mind, I cried nonstop. Fortunately, things are ok now, but I know what you are going through. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but the only thing you can do is go through it. Surround yourself with people who love you, and talk...Don't stop talking. You have to go through the grieving process, but don't let anyone tell you there is a time limit. Take the time you need. I'm sorry you are hurting. I wish I could help.
 
Normal

This is a normal feeling. I had it done to me. We were apart and have a son together. We wrote eachother everyday. Then one day I did not hear from her for 2 months. Comes to find out she abandoned my son for a guy she met and made her pregnant. To screw around is one thing but to abandon your child is another. It is 7 years since she has seen him
 
Thanks for your kind words. It's only been a couple of days so, it's hard.

I want to talk, but I can't...I keep thinking there's an explanation or that it's not true.

Goddamn I need a reason or explanation or something. This is so surreal.
 
That is the worst part, I think everyone deserves an explanation... closure.

Some people are too cowardly to face up to breaking it off. I'm not one to point fingers, I've never broken it off with someone, always the one left.

Just realize that it's probably not because of you, he/she is probably dealing with something on their own. This is something completely separate from you, that you may have no control of.

That above statement may not be true... But I would think it would help a great deal to think of it that way.

Just want you to know that you're not crazy or desperate, this is something that many people would feel in your place. I find it hard to say the words I want to, to get that across to you, but that is what I mean.
 
I am so sorry that you're in so much pain. While intellectually you understand your feelings are normal, this does not help ease your pain. No amount of hugs or words will take away your hurt, right now. It may just take time. I know that's not an answer. But each day will be 1/1000th better. Take this time to nuture yourself. Be kind to you. Get out as much as possible. It can be so easy to shut yourself off from the world. I've always allowed 2 days of hard, self-pitying, grief sessions. After those days, I force myself to get up and attempt minute by minute.
Good luck and take care.
 
It's tough and it hurts to your very soul. I've been there and understand. The one thing I've learned, and I know it's cliche, but time heals!

Hang in there the pain will fade.
 
Having recently gone through a similar experience, I can identify with the feelings you express, "Unregistered." Cruel as it is to have your beloved leave you for any reason, to have done so without a word of explanation is simply unconscionable--a craven and cowardly thing to have done to a person.

It has been over 3 months since it happened to me, and each day gets a little better, though I doubt that this will help you in the short run. I comforted myself with the thought that what goes around comes around (or ye shall reap what ye sow)--that some day they'll find themselves on the receiving end of such cruelty and cowardice. Not from me . . . but from someone.

Find someone to talk about this with--don't keep it bottled up inside, or you'll convince yourself that what you're feeling is not normal. It is normal, and you need people to let you tell your story so they can reassure you of that.

Best of luck to you,
~H~
 
Unregistered said:
Thanks for your kind words. It's only been a couple of days so, it's hard.

I want to talk, but I can't...I keep thinking there's an explanation or that it's not true.

Goddamn I need a reason or explanation or something. This is so surreal.

But, you are talking. You are talking with us. You have reached out for help, for answers, for someone to help you make sense of this incredible pain. Keep talking to us, we care. If you have anyone here that you really trust, then open up to them through pm or Im, and let them help you. *Putting an arm around you*
 
You guys are great. I have these little burst of tears, but nothing like the gutwrenching sobbing I need. I just can't. I wish I could but...

I took the day off work and am just sitting here lost. I just feel so damn alone and stupid for not knowing something was wrong.

I keep waiting him to come with an explanation..tell me it's not real.
 
Unregistered said:
Thanks for your kind words. It's only been a couple of days so, it's hard.

I want to talk, but I can't...I keep thinking there's an explanation or that it's not true.

Goddamn I need a reason or explanation or something. This is so surreal.
Nobody can determine or predict what your grieving process will be. Please feel free to sign up here and join us... talk when you want, ask what you choose to, reveal as little as suits you. Come anytime, the door's never locked.:rose:
 
Iam a member

I am already signed up, I felt embarassed posting under my user name though.

I guess I'm going through the 'I am a failure' phase.

True that.
 
I’m so glad you came forward with your thoughts…
I admire that.

As you feel intense pain now, and as it becomes a little less with each passing day…and as we watch you heal with each new post..

Your words will have helped another soul feeling like you are right this now...thinking they are alone in their grief.

Think of this…
If you could wipe it all away…you know you wouldn’t.

None of us would.

The joy we experience is worth every penny of pain that entails loving another so very deeply.

I wish you well..
 
I love the name you've chosen. I am enamored with the Arthurian Legends.

I believe many of us can empathize with you. The toughest thing is thinking you're alone, and you're not. There are good people here who will help you, hold your hand, talk to you... listen. Hug you.

I think that PM from unregistered is one you should definintely respond to. If it is who I think it is, you couldn't find a better, kinder person to reach out to you.

I've vented some of my own problems and pains of late and have found friends here who have been more than supportive.

Love is a mystery and one that has, especially of late, caused me a fair amount of ... of many things... re-examining myself, my life... trying to understand my feelings... trying to cope... to balance.

For all the pain - I wouldn't ever give up a moment of love or true heartfelt feeling for anything. As much as there is hurt - there is nothing that makes you more alive.

When we open ourselves up to love we do so fully and completely... and we are vulnerable. And hence why we can be so hurt when things go awry.

Whatever comes of this, don't harden yourself... don't close yourself up to future possibilites... to hope and to love.

I'm rambling.

I'm around if you want yet another person to talk to, or just listen.
 
Love walking away is like death... treat it as that.... cry, yell, scream.... allow yourself to morn......

Sending big hugs :)

:rose: :rose: :rose:
 
That's exactly what it feels like. Death. But it's me that feels dead inside. I wish I could let go. I feel like I'm almost having some sort of breakdown..but not a breakdown.

Everything is just like I said, so surreal right now. I need to snap out of it, but I can't.

I suppose I'm just so damned hurt that maybe I'm in self protect mode or something, but I feel like i'm on auto pilot.
 
Re: Iam a member

LadyGuinivere said:
I am already signed up, I felt embarassed posting under my user name though.

I guess I'm going through the 'I am a failure' phase.
Ah, something to argue with you about. No, no, not that you feel that way, that's fair, and I've been there myself. However, what you've described here is no basis for counting yourself a failure whatsoever.

Autopilot is made for just such days, LadyGuinivere, be glad it's installed... it shouldn't be left engaged indefinitely, but until you are done grieving be ready to push the button and use whatever you need to keep moving. Many of us have felt something similar, but none of us can know precisely what the death of this love feels like to you, because from out here we can't even know what it felt like when it was alive and thrilling.

Take your time - as you've seen we're not in any hurry to move on, and we'd be glad to have you hanging around. Buy you a beverage?
:rose:
 
LadyGuinivere said:
That's exactly what it feels like. Death. But it's me that feels dead inside. I wish I could let go. I feel like I'm almost having some sort of breakdown..but not a breakdown.

Everything is just like I said, so surreal right now. I need to snap out of it, but I can't.

I suppose I'm just so damned hurt that maybe I'm in self protect mode or something, but I feel like i'm on auto pilot.

Sorry to hear this LadyG!

A lot of us have gone through similar, frustrating and emotional events. The silence is deafening, and you are left with so many questions that you cannot figure out.

All the advice you have read so far is the best mixture of what to expect. You will be in "auto pilot", and unfortunately you will experience a LOT more different and varying degrees of pain (our bodies seem to numb up as it seems to only take "so much" pain at one time).

Keep posting. Keep talking. Your tears will come. You are NOT insane. All these feelings are natural, since it is so similar to dealing with a death of a loved one.:rose:

After going through a similar thing myself, time did indeed pass. Plus it left me open to discover someone who is now giving me the love that I had never received before. Knowing that things will get better still doesn't stop the pain, and for this I'm very sorry. Hang in there.:rose:
 
Unregistered said:
What do you do, how are you supposed to feel when the person you love more than life itself, just walks away?

No explanation, no reason.

After being together for so long? How are you supposed to react?You have no closure, no idea it was coming and they won't talk or explain?

Is it normal to feel so devastated? So fucking empty? So lost?

So many emotions-anger, pain, betrayal, hurt, such a feeling of total loss.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Totally normal to have all of the above feelings,They do indeed knock you for a loop both on an emotional level and physical level,The only thing that stops the pain is time......and then some morning you wake up and the pain is gone and you realize your not a failure you realize that your a good person with much to offer...I also realize no ammount of words will take the immediate pain away...You will be alright:)
 
LadyGuinivere said:
Everything is just like I said, so surreal right now. I need to snap out of it, but I can't.
It will take time...... how about find a new hobby to help take your mind off things. Go do something you have always wanted to but never quite got around to doing :)

:rose:
 
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