How do you convince

[painful_rapture]

a person that bondage with a little pain on the side isn't abusive?
If this is an over asked question, please point me in the right direction. Or maybe there are just some people that will see it as abusive no matter how you explain it.
The audience would be an SO, not a casual conversation. If any more details are needed please let me know. I've had a heck of a time trying to find the words.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

a person that bondage with a little pain on the side isn't abusive?
If this is an over asked question, please point me in the right direction. Or maybe there are just some people that will see it as abusive no matter how you explain it.
The audience would be an SO, not a casual conversation. If any more details are needed please let me know. I've had a heck of a time trying to find the words.

It's kind of like eating habanero peppers (ghost chilis, jalapenos... pick your pepper!). Some people just like the burn. Simplistic, but is that an analogy that will work for you?

 

[painful_rapture]

It's kind of like eating habanero peppers (ghost chilis, jalapenos... pick your pepper!). Some people just like the burn. Simplistic, but is that an analogy that will work for you?

Yeah, I understand, I was just hoping this would be easier than it is
Thanks for replying.

 

[LWulf]

How do you convince (anybody) of (anything)?

In brief, you don't.

You can try to portray something as benign, you can present the facts as you know them, but if someone has a fixed opinion about something, then you have a better chance of sweeping the incoming tide back out.

IMHO.

 

[Parthenon]

Well as a person who abhors(or tends towards a violent reaction against abuse) and yet is someone who desires to dominate and do somewhat "bad" things to his woman I see it from another viewpoint. I've never and would never strike a woman violently, even when attacked with a baseball bat(violence against women is wrong as I was raised) but I could absolutely cane my woman's ass and ram it in there. A bit of a disconnect I know.

I think you'll either have to have a person that views it as not abuse/bad at all because it is for a sexual thing, or because you ask for it. I'm not the most experienced man in the world, but probably most responses wont be anything near it either. If it's a man who just enjoys the physical power over you I recommend caution, and some may reject you for your desires. But more power to you for knowing what you want.

Perhaps be more specific about the pain/bondage and lead him into it bit by bit. My appetites may not be the best gauge but if my GF a few years ago had just said "I want you to hurt me" I would have been turned off that. But some ties here and there, a spanking here and there, and that sort of thing can go a long way.

 

[Stella_Omega]

There is a book that might help-- it's called "When Someone You Love is Kinky" As one of the reviewers points out, no book can substitute for a real conversation, but it might provide you with points for that conversation.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Stella's suggestion is a good one...and don't discount the power of a well written kink story to light a spark if it exists. At the very least, it can provide a starting point for conversation and exploration. Wish you well.

Catalina

 

[KoPilot]

Maybe start by asking them what their definition of abuse is and why?

 

[bhndblueyes88]

You may not be able to. I'm not saying don't try, but don't beat a dead buffalo about it. You just come off looking like a crazy person (or a justifying Abuser/Stockholm Syndrome victim).

I would like to point out that no matter how it is viewed on a social, personal or otherwise anthropological level, many BDSM activities are--technically--considered abuse under the LAW, depending on your region. And that's a whooooole different discussion, but I just wanted to point that out.

 

[TwilightSparkle]

For me, the difference is consent.
Without it, you have abuse.
With it, you have a kinky good time

 

[userid_unknown]

How do you convince (anybody) of (anything)?

In brief, you don't.

You can try to portray something as benign, you can present the facts as you know them, but if someone has a fixed opinion about something, then you have a better chance of sweeping the incoming tide back out.

IMHO.

Applause

 

[connor6107]

a person that bondage with a little pain on the side isn't abusive?
If this is an over asked question, please point me in the right direction. Or maybe there are just some people that will see it as abusive no matter how you explain it.
The audience would be an SO, not a casual conversation. If any more details are needed please let me know. I've had a heck of a time trying to find the words.

Don't try to convince..... demonstrate slowly and lightly..... lead them towards where you want to be... and the discuss...

The response will be the key....

 

[lucyforever]

For me, the difference is consent.
Without it, you have abuse.
With it, you have a kinky good time

i agree, i think this is the only difference sometimes.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Don't try to convince..... demonstrate slowly and lightly..... lead them towards where you want to be... and the discuss...

The response will be the key....

because nothing says "reasonable discussion" like roping someone into what they view as "abuse". while actually abusing the hell out of the poor ellipsis. Seriously, internet, you gotta learn to use that bit of punctuation appropriately.